


Starstruck

by TeamAlphaQ



Series: Starstruck [2]
Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Did I Mention Angst?, F/M, I happen to be what some people call 'a tease', I will not mind, I'm actually getting better at this stuff so it's not horrible anymore, I'm just having fun, Listen there's a reason it's rated M, M/M, Written for my angel, You may proceed to tell me why I'm complete crap, band au, you be the judge - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-31
Updated: 2017-11-07
Packaged: 2018-12-09 11:43:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 40
Words: 112,378
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11668449
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TeamAlphaQ/pseuds/TeamAlphaQ
Summary: Yuuri's life isn't exactly glitz and glamour. Struggling through his third attempt at college and working the late shift to pay for it, he never expected someone like Victor to waltz through those automatic doors. And he definitely didn't expect the things that followed.Just a stupid AU I'm writing for EmmieCG. I adore her, she is my muse.Even my demons love her.





	1. The Obligatory Meeting

**Author's Note:**

  * For [the_animu_fangirl](https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_animu_fangirl/gifts).



> If you are here looking for a well written fanfic, be gone!  
> This was a: all written over emails.  
> B: Written in response to a series of five emojis and the ship Victuuri.  
> C: hasn't been edited because why not.  
> And D: Yeah, it's shit.
> 
> But my angel asked me to write it and so I shall. Likewise The_Animu_Fangirl asked me to post and and so I am.
> 
> The chapters are really short, enjoy anyway.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Yuuri meets a very strange stranger
> 
>  
> 
> _Hopeless - Halsey_

Sometimes, you can just tell something's about to change. It's in the air, that tingling that lodges at the back of your throat, has you listening even when you're not aware that you're hearing at all. It's the way the chills run down your back, leaving you stock still and staring because you've never felt this way before and you realize that this is heralding something bigger. It's how your body and brain disconnect and you suddenly feel weightless.

Of course, sometimes, you feel none of these things because change is like that. It can sneak up on you when you least expect it and leave you breathless.

That's certainly how that particular night in the late, September evening felt to a certain Ravenette standing behind a counter, struggling to keep his eyes open.

Tiredly, Yuuri let his head slowly fall towards the counter before he yanked it back up again.  _ Can't fall asleep must stay awake. That test wasn't even that hard, why am I so tired? _ There was a reason he'd taken the night shifts. He knew that but it didn't make it any less arduous at times.

_ 1:00 _ he thought wearily, blinking at the ancient analog clock ensconced on the wall.  _ Who even goes to Speedway at 1:00 am? _ Not enough people to keep him awake, that was for sure. It was boring and monotonous and above all  _ silent. _ Oppressively so, almost to the point where it was driving him crazy. He needed this job though, if he didn't keep it, he would be losing a whole lot more than just a little sleep.

Not that he wanted to think about his failing college attempt.  _ It's my fault the Motel started to fail in the first place, if I hadn't been so careless then this wouldn't have happened-  _ NO! He didn't belong in the past, he belonged here where the past couldn't hurt him. Even so, those few seconds of careless thought took a toll, bringing his shoulders down further. He was just so tired...

The bell over the door rang but Yuuri didn't even glance up.

Really, he was running himself into the ground. Maybe he wasn't meant to get through college after all. First, it had been his mother's health, then it had been problems with the family-run motel, and now it was money. Between the three, it was almost like Yuuri wasn't meant for higher education at all.

And yet here he was, middle of the night, working a crappy job just to pay for a crappy apartment and classes at the community college. It was a fool's errand but no one had ever accused Yuuri of being smart.  _ I'm going to make it, _ Yuuri thought determinedly, pushing away as many of the negative emotions clogging his brain as he could. _ Even if it kills me. _

Suddenly, a flowing, melodic voice invaded his thoughts. Though invaded was probably the wrong word, more like the words flowed over Yuuri, naturally soothing away some of the tension in his shoulders before he'd even had a chance to register that someone was speaking to him. "Oh, what is a lovely flower like you doing working at a sad, lonely place such as this?" The accent was softly Russian and the words surprised Yuuri so much that he shot upright abruptly.

Anything he'd thought to or wanted to say died in his throat along with every sensible cell in his body. The creature before him was stunning, no _gorgeous._ _Breathtaking._ He was slim, but not overly so, and dressed casually. Or at least, he would have been if his casual wasn't something that made the rest of the world's idea of casual pale in comparison. With silver hair that came down to his high cheekbones on the right while falling into his face in an elegant swoop of bangs on the left and big, turquoise eves that sparkled like nothing else Yuuri had ever seen, the stranger in that moment stole his breath away.

_ God, he's beautiful. Who is he? What is he? _

"Uhh, I-" Yuuri stammered, trying not to stare too long at the god-like form, classic shoulders and tantalizing expanse of flawless skin that peaked out over the low scoop of his neckline. _ Mind out of the gutter, mind out of the gutter! _ "I-I don't... Um-"  _ God, I sound so stupid! _

The strange yet entirely beautiful man frowned as if Yuuri's botched attempts at speech upset him in some way. "No No, I am most sorry, I frightened you, didn't I?" When Yuuri didn't answer, his frown twisted slightly and his eyes squeezed shut in repentance. "I did not mean to frighten you. Please, forget I said anything upsetting Love." Sighing sadly, the man wrung his hands, long elegant fingers strangling each other. "Really, do not trouble yourself on my account."

Managing to shake himself out of the trance he was in, Yuuri turned bright red and shook his head adamantly. "N-no! I just- You just surprised me," he hurried to explain, trying and failing to keep his tongue from getting tied in knots.  _ When was the last time someone embarrassed me like this? _ "M-most people don't ask..."  _ What? Why I'm here? If I'm comfortable with what they're saying? When was the last time someone actually gave a crap? _ "I mean..." he tried again, realizing he couldn't say any of those thoughts out loud. When nothing came to his tongue, Yuuri turned even redder. "Never mind."

Expression switching from penitent to perplexed and then pleasantly amused all in the matter of a second, the man laughed breezily, all earlier worry forgotten.  _ I bet nothing sticks to this man.  _ "Ah, but of course! I forget myself sometimes. Where are my manners?" Another chirp of mirth, another dancing look through side bangs that just dusted his left eye. "What is your name, Dove?"

_ What kind of a question is that? Don't I have my name on my shirt? _

Glancing down at his name tag, which he had apparently left at home, Yuuri opened his mouth helplessly in an attempt to answer.  _ Usually, the late shift means I don't have to deal with people like this. Who is he? _ His initial reaction to the stranger's looks was quickly shifting into an entirely different reaction to his personality. Unfortunately, both came out looking much the same so it hardly mattered.

_ I look like a fool. And this is the first person who'd actually bothered to ask my name in a long while... _

When Yuuri didn't bring forth an answer, the man chuckled ruefully as if he'd expected this and turned so he could lean his back against the small, cluttered checkout counter. "Well, they did say I'd have to work on my people skills while I was here. I'm afraid it isn't going quite as planned." Peaking back over his shoulder at the speechless Yuuri, the stranger winked, one sparkling eye closing in a flirtatious gesture that made Yuuri's brain sputter and die. "It's funny, when I'm not actually one-on-one with them, I'm wonderful with people."

Bewildered, Yuuri managed to stammer, "I- Um-"  _ Just be professional or something! _ "I-is there anything I can help you with sir?" The sir came out as a squeak because the man chose that exact moment to tilt his head backward and grin disarmingly at the poor Yuuri. Even lopsided like it was, that smile brightened the room, made Yuuri's whole body sing like he'd become a tuning fork.

"Nothing Chickadee," the man hummed, smiling simply. "Only that there is absolutely nothing in this place I would ever actually consider purchasing." Righting himself, he waved his hand. "Unless you were on sale of course." After that potentially mind shattering comment, he tilted his head and added, "And you shouldn't work here, it's not good enough for one so beautiful as you." Then he straightened, gave Yuuri one last devastating grin, and left.

Though he would have usually refrained from letting such words slip, Yuuri, under his breath, softly muttered something very indecent.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *in a singsong voice* it's shiiiiiittttt~
> 
> And yet, I hope you like it. 
> 
> Ta ta for now


	2. The Other Side of Things

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Viktor is met with the full force of Yuri's wrath
> 
> _Always Wanted You - ARYAY_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hah! So you're still here are you??
> 
> Allow me to change that! I SHALL CONVINCE YOU IT'S CRAP SOME TIME OR OTHER!!
> 
> The_animu_fangirl, I hope this pleases you.
> 
> Enjoy!

The moment ViKtor crept into his hotel room, he found himself being assaulted by bright lights and a very angry blond.

"Where the hell were you!?" the Russian man squawked, not even bothering to get off of Viktor, who was hardly able to stifle his bemused laughter. "We were looking for you everywhere you feather-brained  _idiot!"_  He smacked the side of Viktor's head to accent his point. "Why the hell did you decide that sneaking out in the middle of the goddamned night was a good idea?!"

"Calm down kitten," Viktor insisted, reaching out to catch the man's wrist in in his hand to prevent another smack. It would have seemed sincere, but he was unable to stop himself from chuckling joyfully. "I was merely socializing with the locals. We are going to be here a while after all, no?" Clearly unsatisfied with this answer, the blond stood up and walked away from Viktor in a huff.

"There's no one to talk to at 1:30 in the morning you idiot~" he snapped, glaring at the window as if to appear aloof, unaware that Viktor could clearly see his reflection in it. "Are you really that stupid to think that anyone would be out? And just because the tour bus broke down because _you_ were the one who chose which one to buy is no excuse!"

"Blaming it all on Viktor?" another boisterous voice interjected as the door connecting the two hotel rooms opened. "Come on Yuri, lay off of him. You're just annoyed because you don't want to be stuck in Portland Oregon. You'd be fine if we were stuck in New York."

"Fuck off JJ," Yuri groused, flushing in irritation. "Viktor is completely incompetent, you know it, Chris knows it, I know it. Hell, even  _he_  knows it! He was out 'getting to know people' at 1:00 in the morning. THAT ISN'T COMPETENT!" His chest heaved as he glared at Viktor. "He's a child!"

Christophe peeked his head around the door that joined their two rooms. "Don't drag me into this," the Swiss-man said, pouting as he leaned against JJ's arm tiredly. "And be nice to Viktor, Yuri. He is the leader, you can't just go off on him."

Spinning and pointing at Christophe, Yuri barked, "Yes I can!" Despite his fury, it was clear he was finally simmering down, his anger turning to objurgation. "He didn't even leave a note~"

Getting to his feet, Viktor smiled and danced his way around Yuri. "Aww, was my darling little Yurio worried about me?" Hugging the shorter Russian from behind so he could prop his chin on the blond head of Yuri, Viktor cooed, "It's okay kitten, I'm alright. See, no blood anywhere. I was just at the little gas-station shop around the corner."

JJ grinned. "The Speedway?" Looking at Yuri, he laughed. "Told you we should have looked there. Where else would Viktor have wandered off to?"

"What use do you have with a shithole like that," Yuri sniffed, struggling to escape Viktor's surprisingly strong hold. "You're going to cause a scene, are you  _trying_  to be stupid, idiot!?" He crossed his arm. "We don't need another PR disaster like last time."

"But there was only one person there and he didn't even recognize me," Viktor singsonged, rocking back and forth, almost sending Yuri into conniption fits of annoyance. Releasing the struggling blond, Viktor spun towards the window, from which he could see the Speedway in question. "It's all okay. Nothing is going to happen. Besides, JJ posted on twitter yesterday that we were stopped in Portland. He'll cause the paparazzi mob, not me."

"Yes well," Yuri struggled to find something else to complain about before giving up and just staring at Viktor, a glare stamped into his features.

"Well if that's all," Christophe announced, yawning widely. "I'd like to get some sleep. This isn't as pressing as Yuri made it sound." With a cheerful laugh that was caused by Yuri throwing a pillow in his general direction, Christophe vanished back into his room.

"Chris has a point," JJ admitted, still grinning from ear to ear. "Both of you should get some sleep. We still do have a show in a couple days that we need to prepare for. Probably more than one if they can't get everything sorted out." Shrugging as he walked back through the door, JJ added, "1:00 am escapades shouldn't become the norm Viktor."

Glaring between the now closed door and Viktor, Yuri muttered. "Fine, then if everyone's fine with this asshole wandering off every other minute, I guess then  _I'll_  just go back to sleep. Because  _apparently_  I'm the only one who thinks a leash would be a good investment." Turning off the lights abruptly, Yuri trounced back to his bed and flopped into it, clearly still annoyed.

Unsure if Yuri had been talking to him or just talking to himself, Viktor remained silent. His mind had wandered to other places entirely. Namely the adorable yet stunning man he'd met earlier that night.

Viktor had lived what many would consider the high-life for years, meeting all manner of glamorous people and perfect faces. While he knew that in the back of his mind, Viktor was convinced he'd never met someone quite as attractive as the man behind the counter of Speedway.

What with his short, messy raven hair and his big, earnest brown eyes, Viktor could see how most would only see a harried young man with nothing remarkable to his name but Viktor saw something else. He saw determination in those eyes, strength in the set of his shoulders and fearlessness in the language of his body. It wasn't immediately obvious, but it had been there, plain enough for someone who was looking for it.

Also, he'd been undeniably cute, especially with the way he seemed to completely lose his train of thought every few seconds. Viktor sighed at that. He tended to have that effect on people, even when he just wanted to have a conversation with someone.  _Well you probably could have made more of an attempt at acting normal..._

Slowly lowering himself until he was laid out along the window ledge, Viktor closed his eyes. Really, he shouldn't be complain. How many people would kill to have his life? How many more fell over themselves just to see him for a couple hours, just to be one out thousands who came to see him and his friends? Just because one man didn't seem like he really wanted to talk didn't equal the end of the world.

Of course, Viktor would have been lying if he said that the stranger didn't occupy many of his dreams that night...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merg. Honestly, why even?


	3. Outta My Mind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Yuuri reflects on his poor (and by poor I mean rich) taste in men.
> 
> _Outta Here - Papa Ya_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Must you torment me like this? Why can't you just let it die??
> 
> Eh, for some reason, others on other sites say this story isn't that bad. I'm confused.
> 
> Enjoy

"Yuuri~~" Whined a voice beside his ear. "Yuuuuuurrrrrrriiii! Why are you falling asleep." She poked him. "Wake up Yuuri," another poke. "Wake up."

"Hah, w-what?" Shaking himself to clear the fog from his brain, Yuuri blearily looked over at Yuuko, his classmate and gave her a pathetic tilt of his head. The bubbly woman bopped up and down in her chair until he touched her shoulder with his pencil and she finally stilled. "What's going on?"

"You're in the middle of your English 1011," Yuuko reminded him, still vibrating slightly. "Yuuri, come on, you've worked the late shift for  _forever_. Why are you falling asleep  _now?"_

Yuuko had been Yuuri's best friend throughout college, in all of his attempts at taking it. He'd met her during his first attempt and every time he'd tried to go back, she'd been there to help him through only to inevitably drop out when he did.  _"With the triplets, I just hardly have the time,"_  was her constant excuse, but Yuuri knew the only reason she wasn't just getting through it all in one go was because she wanted to be there for him.

It meant more than he could ever really say.

He'd grown very close to the perky brunette over the years, becoming a great friend of her's and her family's, even babysitting her three little girls, Axel, Loop, and Lutz on a number of occasions. Despite this, there were still things he wasn't going to tell her.

And the reason why he was falling asleep in his English class was definitely one of them. Besides, there really wasn't a good, normal way to say  _Oh yeah, I just met this super hot guy at 1:00 am while I was working and I can't get him out of my head and I think it's driving me crazy but who cares because I'll never see him again._  Yeah, that wasn't a very good conversation starter.

"Just didn't sleep well last night," he told her, which was true, just not completely so.  _I should have asked for his name. I should have told him_ my _name!_  With an audible groan that came out louder than he had meant it to, Yuuri sank down and put his head on his desk.

"Mr. Katsuki, is there something you'd like to share?" asked the sweet, round English teacher, looking mildly worried. That was one of the problems with going to a community college, the classes were just too small and the teachers were always too friendly.

"No, I'm fine ma'am, I just..." seizing on an idea, he waved vaguely towards the door. "Can I-" The moment she nodded, Yuuri jumped to his feet and grabbed Yuuko, pulling her along with him.  _Screw it, it's not like I'm going to be able to tell anyone else about it. My sister would never let me hear the end of it and it's not as if I have any other friends to talk to..._  Not strictly true, but true enough.

"Where are we going?" she asked, skipping till she was level with him. "Come on Yuuri, you've been acting so mysterious, what's going on?" Yuuri ignored her as he jabbed at the elevator button and waited. "Oh no, is it something bad?" Crushing him in a hug that almost made them both miss the elevator, the slender girl wailed, "It's okay, I'm here for you!"

"It's nothing bad," he insisted, patting her on the head awkwardly until she released him. Pulling her into the elevator, he was silent until they'd reached the library floor. After Yuuko insisted persistently on getting him coffee and then actually carried through on her threat, they finally settled down in two comfortable chairs in the back of the stacks to talk.

"Okay, so it's like this," Yuuri started, taking a sip of his coffee gratefully before taking a deep breath and saying, all at once, "I met this guy who I'll probably never see again but I'm hopelessly attracted to him and ergo, I couldn't sleep at all last night which is bad because I have no way to catch up on that sleep and it's not like I'm going to see him again so I think this is just another example of how I have terrible taste in men." Stopping, he took another draught of coffee before drawing his legs into his chest and leaning on his knees tiredly.

Of course, terrible taste in men was a bit of a misnomer. Yuuri had accepted that he was gay years ago, but had only ever had one previous relationship. It had been with a foreign exchange student who had been staying in the apartments right next to his family's motel. His name had been Phichit and like the man who Yuuri had met the night before, he had been far too attractive for someone like him.

Needless to say, it had ended with them deciding that ' _just being friends'_  was a better option.

"I liked Phichit!" Yuuko pouted, before her eyes widened and she exclaimed, "OH MY GOD! Did you get his name? How old was he? Are you sure you're never going to see him again? Details Yuuri, DETAILS!" A passing librarian motioned for them to be quiet. Mortified, Yuuri glanced at Yuuko plaintively.

"Sorry," she hissed, hardly looking embarrassed at all. "Come on Yuuri, it's been a year since you even  _looked_  at another guy. Excuse me for being excited." It was depressing because a: she had a point and b: it didn't matter anyways.

"Yeah, I'm sure," Yuuri muttered, drinking his coffee while staring straight ahead with a downtrodden expression that seemed to becoming typical of him. "I mean, he was so strange. I swear, he spent the first few minutes just flirting with me, then he told me that there was nothing he actually wanted to buy, then he left."

" _FLIRTED!?"_ Yuuko stage whispered/screamed. "Oh my god, Yuuri, come on, tell me you're at least a little excited about this. What did he look like?"

"Rich," Yuuri admitted, sinking further into the funk he'd found himself in. "Way too good for where he was. Way out of my league..." Yuuko smacked him. "What, he was, and it doesn't even make a difference. I just wanted to tell someone about it."

Deflating, Yuuko gave in. "Fine. But really," she bumped him with her shoulder and gave him a companionable smile. "You should lighten up Yuuri. With a schedule like yours, you are so going to crash and burn. You've got to live a little."

"I'll think about it," Yuuri said, before managing a chuckle at his own words.

"Hey, I'm going to need someone to watch the kids in a couple of days," Yuuko suggested brightly, grinning when Yuuri perked up. "Think you're up to the task?"

"As long as it's in the evening, I don't think I work that day," Yuuri said, smiling. "Thanks Yuuko. You're amazing."

"Don't mention it." Bopping to her feet, the woman announced, "NOW! Get your mind off of the hottie from Speedway and get back to English with you!" With a laugh, Yuuri followed her out of the library, feeling significantly better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Smile and wave The_animu_fangirl, smile and wave...
> 
> Also, bonus points to those who get the reference.


	4. Hope Is a Four Letter Word

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Victor finds himself (probably) in love.
> 
> _Easy - Hyyde_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Must I keep telling you this?? My story is crap!! I write better Durarara!! stuff. Go and read that. Those are sweeping masterpieces. This is just a drabble that has too many words.
> 
> And yet I say again, enjoy~

"Yurio~" Victor singsonged softly, sitting on the stand meant for luggage and rocking back and forth insistently. "Kitten, are you awake?" Glancing at the digital clock, which currently read 12:49, Victor was silent for a moment. "Yurio, I'm thinking about doing something you specifically told me not to do. Are you going to wake up and stop me?"

There was no response. The blond man simply kept sleeping, oblivious to Victor's subversive plots. Humming softly to himself, Victor added, "It's not my fault I can't sleep. Usually I'm tired after a hard day of travel or work but now I'm just so bored. I can not sleep Yurio. It's a tragedy."

Planting his feet on the floor decisively and getting up, Victor straightened his loose button up and sighed. "You know you shouldn't complain so much kitten, it's hardly that big a deal." Glancing towards the window, Victor murmured, "Besides, if he's not there, I'll be back before you know it. It's just down to the Speedway."

With those words, Victor crept towards the door and quickly slipped through it, being careful not to slam the heavy thing behind him. He knew somewhere deep within himself that he shouldn't be causing his friends such worry. It was selfish and a little shortsighted, considering they had a show the very next day but Victor wasn't feeling all that guilty.

He was undeniably curious about the beautiful man behind the counter he'd seen the night before. Usually, he wouldn't have had time to meet people, much less bother to get to know them, but they were going to be in Portland for a while. It had been decided that day that they would be spending as long as the needed where they were until they found a new bus and had it all set up. It wasn't as if they'd had a real plan at that point anyway. Now, well, they'd try to stay within a radius of a state or two.

Thoughts wandering towards the blushing, messy-haired youth, Victor frowned slightly. He had no idea if he'd even be able to see him tonight. Chances were, someone else would be working but considering how he wasn't exactly able to sleep anyway, Victor figured he might as well try. Where was the harm?

So it was with these thoughts spinning about loosely in his head that Victor waltzed out the doors of the hotel and casually made his way towards the glowing red logo hanging high over the rather neatly kept convenience store. It wasn't weird to be a little excited, he told himself, it was just taking an interest.

The moment he pushed open the doors, Victor felt something inside him do a happy little flip. Behind the counter was the same adorably tired face from the day before. "Hello," the man called, like it was second nature. "Welcome to...-" he stuttered to a halt as he stared at Victor, eyes wide. It wasn't the usual star-struck wide-eyed look though, it was just the genuinely surprised expression of someone who didn't expect what had just occurred.

"Good evening Love," Victor chirped, sashaying his way up to the counter, smiling easily, trying to coax a smile onto the face of the man. "Still working here I see? Ah, but of course, don't take me too seriously, as I said last night, I do not wish to alarm you."

Unexpectedly, the man bit his lip and said, quite clearly. "No, I'm sorry about last night. You just surprised me. I'm usually more coherent than that." And then, miracle of all miracles, he smiled. It was bashful and slight, but Victor felt his spirits soar nonetheless.  _Ah, now that's a look that belongs on his face._

Though he knew he shouldn't, Victor smiled mischievously and purred, "You should smile more Dove, you look gorgeous like that." As he expected, the man's face turned bright red and he instantly started trying to stammer out some sort of thank you that Victor waved away. "I'm merely stating fact, no? Though you look adorable like this too."

"It's Yuuri," the man said suddenly, almost like it was a knee-jerk reaction. Surprised, Victor tilted his head, to which Yuuri mumbled, "I-I mean... You asked yesterday and I just thought- um... S-sorry, nothing." He looked ashamed now, an expression that made Victor feel horribly guilty.

"No no Love, don't look like that," he murmured in an attempt to be soothing. "I did ask~"  _Though I hardly expected you to remember..._  "Yuuri you say? I have a friend by that name!" Grinning carelessly, Victor leaned against the counter for a moment before bopping up and sitting on a stretch of empty space. When Yuuri didn't protest, Victor leaned back against the lighter stand. "He's nothing like you though, he pretends to be a tiger but he's nothing more than a kitten."

Yuuri looked up tentatively and smiled slightly. "You know, I never caught your name either Sir. I mean, if you don't mind... I just..." Moving his mouth for a moment like he was trying to formulate words, Yuuri finally said, "I think it's strange just thinking of you as 'that guy I've now met twice in a row at 1:00 am'."

Laughing at how unexpectedly blunt Yuuri had been, Victor delightedly said, "My name is Victor, Flower. Just Victor, there's really no need for a Sir before it. I'm honored you think I'm worth having a name." Never mind that it was one of the most common questions he got asked, never mind that Yuuri was the first person in over three years he'd felt was worth giving said name to, Victor just smiled brightly at the youth because at that moment, he couldn't have felt more comfortable.

Yuuri flushed again before protesting, "What do you mean? Everyone's worth it. It's one of the few things I actually like about this job." Picking self-consciously at the front of his uniform, Yuuri continued, "I get to meet people and learn something about them in the process. Maybe not much, especially at this time of night, but a little. And sometimes I can make them smile, so it's good for them as well."

"Well you're certainly making me smile," Victor commented easily, loving how easy it was for him to fluster Yuuri.  _Is he like this with everyone, or is it just me._  Though he probably knew it was the former, Victor couldn't help but secretly hope it was the latter.  _So cute..._  "Much better than staring at a wall for several hours, no?"

Curiosity dragging him out of his state of embarrassment, Yuuri asked, "So do you live somewhere local? I can't imagine you'd want to drive far just to talk to someone like me."  _That is where you are wrong Dove, I would drive quite a long ways to talk to someone like you. If I could drive..._

"Ah, I'm simply staying in the hotel around the corner," Victor admitted, bowing his head with a smile. Noticing the way Yuuri's face fell slightly, probably not even consciously, Victor hurried to say, "But due to some unforeseen complications, I'll be staying there for quite some time." Winking, he said, "Don't think you'll get rid of me that easily Love."

Yuuri laughed slightly, though Victor could still see a note of disappointment deep in his eyes, along with something like resignation. "Well I know for a fact the Sheraton is a ridiculously expensive place to stay. If you ever need somewhere a little less so, my family runs a small motel. It's not as nice, but it's rather homey and comfortable, though..." he scratched the back of his neck and glanced at the ceiling.  _His eyes are almost mahogany..._  Victor thought absently. "I'm probably biased since I grew up there."

Indulgently, more than a little interested in such a place, Victor said, "I might actually consider that Love, seeing as my friend's and I are likely to be stuck where we are for a far amount of time." Tilting his head so his bangs fell out of his eyes, Victor softly said, "Thank you very much Yuuri." And then, because he couldn't resist it, he playfully ruffled the man's already messy hair.

Delighting in the little squeak that left Yuuri's mouth at the gesture, Victor slipped off the counter and onto his feet. "I must go now, no? Otherwise Yurio will throw another fit and wake everyone up again." Waving gracefully, Victor waltzed towards the door and brightly called, "I'll see you tomorrow night Yuuri, bye~"

"Bye Victor!" He loved the sound of his name on the boy's lips.

Victor waited till he was almost to the doors of the hotel before spinning happily and announcing for anyone to hear, "Ah, I think I've fallen in love with a brown-eyed beauty." Chuckling at his own ridiculousness, Victor quickly slipped back into the hotel lobby.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I'm almost done posting stupid amounts of shit. What do you think? Want me to continue? Think I should stop? Or do you want me to 'for the love of god' stop? Answers people, I need answers.
> 
> Anyways, ta-ta~


	5. Just Be Easy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Yuuri discovers that he is woefully behind the times.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Why the hell is anyone reading this. It's complete shit. I mean, thank you. You make me ridiculously and helplessly overjoyed but... why? I'm not that good at writing...
> 
> But enough of me. Enjoy this little chapter.

_Beautiful blue eyes, twinkling with laughter as he stared down at Yuuri with such unrestrained joy, it was contagious. Something Yuuri couldn't help but catch._

_Long, dexterous fingers in his hair, mussing it, more musical laughter at his reaction._

_"I'll see you tomorrow night Yuuri." The way he made the name sound like something special instead of just a term of identification. It didn't matter that they were perfect strangers, it was like he'd known the man his whole life._

_"Bye~" The perfect wave, like he'd spent his entire life floating above everyone else..._

Someone snapped their fingers under his nose and Yuuri's train of thought escaped him. "God," Mari, his sister, complained loudly, rolling her eyes as she turned back to face away from him. "What do I have to do to get your attention? Seriously, it's like you're on another planet."

"Sorry," Yuuri said quickly, scratching the back of his neck sheepishly. "I've just been a bit out of it lately."  _Lately as in ever since I met Victor..._  It wasn't his fault, really it wasn't. It was just... Victor. With all his flighty airs and ridiculous demeanor and easy smile... Yuuri was quickly finding himself unable to think of anything or anyone else. It hadn't even been two days since he'd first met the man and already he was obsessed.

 _Unhealthy, unhealthy. He's too good for me, I don't even know him, he's not even staying! STUPID!_  "Oh my god, seriously, this is what the late shift does to you." Grabbing his chin so he'd be forced to look her straight in the eye, his sister snapped, "You need to stop. In fact, I'm going to make you stop. Right now, put it on your calendar for two weeks from now. I've got two seats for the History Makers' concert. You're coming with me."

"S-sorry," Yuuri stuttered, now feeling even more confused. "What did you say? Who?" His mind was already wandering back towards Victor. He'd managed to give the man his name the night before, managed to get a name in return. He could still picture the soft look on Victor's face when he'd said  _I'm honored you think I'm worth having a name._  Almost like he'd given Yuuri something precious.

_Stop thinking about it! Stop overanalyzing it, you're going to go crazy._

"You know," Mari was saying, waving her hands expressively. "The History Makers! Only the current most popular foreign band  _ever."_  She rolled her eyes again and stared at him, a deadpan look on her face. "Come on, their hit song Eros & Agape has been on the radio for the past six months. You  _have_  to have heard them."

Biting his lip, Yuuri sheepishly admitted, "No, I've been too busy to really care about what's on the radio. There's a popular band coming to Portland?"

"OH MY GOD!" Slamming a flat palm against the table she sat on, Mari glared at him. "You really don't know them? They're actually playing tonight but they're going to be stuck in Portland for a while so they're doing another show two weeks from now. It's going to be crazy. They've got a whole bunch of stuff planned for their West Coast leg of their tour."

"Back up," Yuuri said, already helplessly lost and unsure why his sister was so excited. "Who even are they?"

Sighing shortly, Mari said, in a much slower voice, "The History Makers are a foreign band made up of two Russians, one Swissman and a Canadian. They've been preforming together for the past six years and they are  _huge._  Also, they're all super hot."

It was Yuuri's turn to roll his eyes at that one. His idea of super hot and his sister's idea of super hot were usually two different things. "I'm sure they are. What are their names?"

She groaned, as if him not knowing this information was killing her inside. "On gituar is JJ, which stands for Jean-Jacques, he's Canadian. Base is one of the Russians, Yuri, spelled with only one U, unlike your name." She listed them out on her fingers, her eyes trained at the ceiling dreamily. "On drums is Christophe, the Swissman. And the lead singer is none other than the mysterious Russian, Mr. Nikiforov."

Yuuri, who really didn't care but figured he'd humor his sister anyway, asked, "Why the last name?"

"Because he's never given anyone his first name!" Mari squealed, grinning. "It's said he's even gotten his birth certificate changed so no one but those closest to him know. He's so amazing~" she sighed and her eyes glazed over.

Thinking of his own Russian, Yuuri bit his lip, wondering once more if he should tell his sister about Victor.  _Probably not, at least, not yet. Besides, he's probably only going to be there for a week tops._ "And this has to do with me why...?"

With something between a sigh, eye-roll and groan, Mari informed him, "Because idiot, you're coming with me to see them in concert. You have no choice, I've officially decided you need a break from all that hard work."

Unwilling to fight her, Yuuri said, "Yeah okay, whatever." Laughing at her offended look, Yuuri freed his math textbook from underneath his sister and shooed her away. "Now go away, I've got work to do."

"You're boring," she quipped.

"And you're annoying," he returned, sticking his tongue out at her.

"Whatever." Waving, she walked away. "Later lil' brother."

Sighing, Yuuri tried to apply himself to his math and failed. The only thoughts in his head were of Victor and the man's promise to visit again.  _Maybe I should just let myself enjoy it. It's not like I'm falling in love. I just think he's attractive._  Pushing down unpleasant memories, Yuuri just dwelt on Victor and his beautiful, musical voice.

He'd do math later...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Band AU~! Been done before. Been done better. Screw it, mama needs some cliche in her life.
> 
> The_Animu_Fangirl, you inspire me to get off my ass and do things. Thank you.
> 
> Laters~


	6. Bright Lights, I Can't Really See Right

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which the band plays for the crowd, but Victor sings for Yuuri
> 
> _Dreams - Adventure Club_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I mean, far be it from me to tell you which stories to read and which stories not to read.
> 
> Enjoy~

For some reason, Victor had always loved it. The thudding in his ears, the screams from the crowd outside, the hot, sweaty yet dusty smell that coated everything. It was a strange sort of adoration, but he loved it all the same. Those moments before a show were always the best. Sure he loved preforming, the thrill that ran through him as he threw his heart into every note and listened as his fans sang along but this,  _this_  was what Victor lived for.

He was dressed in the usual outfit. Loose, flowing buttoned up shirt, tight white skinny jeans. Hair stylishly fashioned and sprayed with enough hairspray to mummify a small child. Really, he looked good. He  _knew_ that. Yet he still fussed, wondering as he always did whether he was truly worthy of all the adoration being hurled at him from behind the curtain.

Turning his attention back to the list of songs they were going to be singing that night, Victor ran through another few of his vocal exercises. Just to get warmed up, nothing too fancy. As he did this, his mind wandered. Probably a bad time for it to be doing so but... he couldn't help it.

 _Yuuri..._  Perfect. Flawless even. Adorable in every way, yet with strength that showed in even his most basic words. Victor knew that fantasizing about someone he'd only met a few nights ago was absolutely ridiculous. That being said, he wasn't above imagining the bashful boy blushing for entirely different reasons...

"Nikiforov," JJ called from behind him. "You're spacing. Come on, we should run those first few lines of the opening song again. We need to really make it pop." It was a rule that the moment they weren't alone, the band had to refer to Victor by his last name. It was something they did with relative ease, never, as far as Victor could remember, slipping up even after all this time.

Besides, Yuri loved to yell at him using his last name. That probably helped.

Thinking of an entirely different Yuuri, Victor nodded. "But of course. It was a little weak in practice." Looking back to Christophe, who was still running through his own warm ups, checking to make sure the various chords were in place and generally just prepping, Victor checked off that particular mental box. Turning to face Yuri, he found that the blond was already glaring at him.

"You wouldn't have to run it through if you hadn't been so out of it yesterday," the man complained, eyes burning through his own artfully done hair that hung over one of his eyes. "You need to focus, this is our first show over in America, we can't afford to screw it up."

And he was right, but Victor wasn't worried. He very rarely managed to get worked up enough about anything to be considered anything but mildly perturbed. Important show or not, he still remembered their first bout of stupid, out-of-the-garage performances and that's what he saw when he looked out over the crowd. An outlet to pour himself into. Not a frightening mob to placate.

"I'm injured to think you would believe I'd treat this as anything but serious!" Victor crooned/called over the din of the people waiting for the show to begin. "Yurio, my kitten, you wound me greatly."

"He's got a point, yes?" Christophe said lazily, leaning out over his set and giving Victor a knowing look. "The last two days have been nothing but distraction for you. Want to share what's on your mind?" JJ looked at Victor expectantly as well, a smirk on his face.

With a graceful eye-roll, Victor waved it away. "It's nothing, of course. Let us not make mountains of molehills right before a concert, no?" Thinking of Yuuri again, a frown tugged at his bottom lip. "Though I would be glad to know how long this is intended to run. I have already forgotten the schedule." It was something he usually did and typically wouldn't care about but he had promised he'd visit Yuuri and the last thing Victor wanted was to stand him up.  _Goodness, already treating this like a date~ Ah, I'm losing it..._

Yuri raised an eyebrow. "Why do you want to know? What does it matter? That's not focusing! That's the exact opposite of what you need to be doing!" There was a burst of feedback as he shoved the aux chord into the port on his instrument. Victor winced at the unpleasant sound.

JJ on the other hand, grinned, a mocking raise to his eyebrows. "Oooh, Nikiforov you sly dog, you didn't tell us you had  _plans_  tonight. And we've only been here for three days. You move fast." Laughing heartily, he teased, "Well, travel always is stressful, I'm sure none of us can be too annoyed if you want to go and h- Ow!" Christophe's smack to the back of his head cut off JJ's words.

"Not everyone is as  _active_  as you," Christophe chided, though he too had that same smirk high on his lips. "Some of the people in this band have a little class." Glancing down at his watch, he gracefully informed Victor, "We'll probably be back to the hotel by 2:00 am. You know how it is. Just because it's supposed to be over at twelve doesn't mean it will be."

"Of course, of course. And it's nothing really," Victor insisted, though in his mind, Yuuri was a far cry from just nothing.  _I should put the breaks on. He doesn't even know who I am really. I shouldn't do anything stupid._  Of course, he knew a certain blond that would assert that he was stupid all the time anyway but that wasn't exactly the point now was it? "Don't worry about the time, you're right, I should focus."

"Are you at least going to tell us who she is?" JJ pressed, still grinning.

Christophe flicked the side of his head. "Very blunt Mr. Pillar of Heterosexuality. Ignore him, he's an asshole. But really," he pouted, even as he walked back towards his drums. "Not telling us? How unkind."

Summoning up a smile at the antics of his band mates, Victor brushed absently at his styled hair and ran his fingers over the microphone affixed to his cheek. "There's nothing to tell."  _Yet. No, wait, stop that, don't think like that._  "I don't see any need to kiss and tell."  _Hmm, I wonder if he'd stop me if I tried to... Focus!_

"Now he's being a dopey shit, nice." Yuri clapped sarcastically before beginning his last minute tune up. "Leave the subject of who Nikiforov is fucking for the tabloids. We've got a show to run."

"As much as my Kitten's words kill me inside," Victor pouted dramatically, "He has a point gentlemen. Let's not mess this one up, no?" Making sure he could reach the switch for his microphone, Victor chirped, "We were going to run through the opening? Eros and Agape, correct?"

JJ grinned. "You've got it. Besides," he winked conspiratorially. "We were promised pyrotechnics. I like those." All of them making sure that the sound wasn't already running, Christophe and Yuri both started the opening chords of the song with gusto, JJ joined and then at the peak of the music, Victor opened his mouth and let the swelling music draw the words out of him.

**_Our lives, too short for these shallow hearts_ **

_**All we ask is for something that lasts forever** _

_**So look into me with those bright eyes** _

_**I think I may have found my ever after** _

And though he knew he was standing on a quickly erected platform, down who's stairs there was a stage and beyond that stage a thousand screaming people, all Victor could see was the face of Yuuri with that perfect smile and those soulful brown eyes. For once, Victor wasn't singing to something imaginary, he almost felt like he was singing to...  _I'm crazy, I'm such a hopeless romantic._

"Dude!" JJ crowed, laughing as he stared at Victor with excitement in his eyes. "That sounded a million times better than you've ever done before. Whatever you were doing, do it again!" Victor's mouth went dry as Yuuri's laugh and accompanying blush flashed through his mind.

"But aren't I always perfect JJ?" he asked instead, trying to play off the blood pounding in his ears as nothing. "Come now, you make it sound like I'm not always at the top of my game." Turning from his teasing of the Canadian man, Victor winked at Yuri. "Now do you think I'm distracted."

Yuri opened his mouth to answer back when a stage tech ran up a back staircase and announced, "Sound's on. Don't say anything unless you want the world to hear it. So far though, you sound great!" Giving the woman a thumbs up, Victor grinned to the rest of his friends.

The look was universal. They all nodded, each displaying various levels of excitement. Nodding to the tech, Victor faced forward.

A moment later, the curtain rose and he was blinded by sparkling stage lights and deafened by the cheering of the crowd. Despite the necessary hearing protection they were all wearing, the noise drowned out the thoughts of a certain man for a few seconds.

"Hello Portland," Victor called, the speakers carrying his voice over the mob and just barely covering it. There was a swell of screams after his words as lights flashed and he waved. His heart thudded to the sound of thousands of hands clapping for the four of them. "I hope you're all doing well tonight!"

More screams. Looking first to JJ then to Yuri and finally back to Christophe, Victor yelled, "Who's ready to make history?"

Christophe's sticks hit the drums just as Yuri struck the first chord and the people roared.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If anyone (and by anyone I expect no one) is wondering, the song is a original adaptation of the actual Latin lyrics of the song Love: Agape. So while I did pull it out of my ass, I also didn't. Be nice (or don't) I'm not a musician.
> 
> So somehow you have all decided that this story isn't that bad which is terrifying because that makes me wonder if all of my other stories are on the same level of not that good and if my love for the Durarara!! fandom has just blinded me.
> 
> As always the_animu_fangirl, you ask, I deliver. Why, well... FOR THE GLORY OF SATAN OF COURSE! Jk, Jk...
> 
> Because these things take literally like 15 minutes to spit out, I might write more later. If I have time. GOD I'M JUST RAMBLING SOMEONE SHOOT ME!
> 
> Seeya~


	7. All That Glory

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Yuuri somehow manages to make the same new bad choices

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What am I doing, I don't know. I have work to do. I have a life to live. I HAVE SHIT TO DO!!! WHY AM I UP AT ELEVEN WRITING THIS???
> 
> I still haven't even gotten a single comment and I'm still writing it.
> 
> Thank you to Rosesandbunnies for being the first person to admit you actually like this story. You're so very very kind and I adore you. 
> 
> Otherwise, enjoy~

 

Okay, so maybe he  _had_ gotten a little too obsessed.  _It's not as if it was anything, I work, he could be spending that time sleeping. It wasn't a date, I'm just desperate..._ Glancing once more at the clock in the wall which currently read 2:21, Yuuri's head thunked against the counter.  _No,_  he told himself firmly.  _I don't actually care. It's just some random stranger who I happen to think is very very_ very _attractive..._  A stranger by the name of Victor. 

 

Victor, just Victor. With his silver hair and his fluid way of moving that left Yuuri feeling clumsy by comparison. Victor, who dressed like he'd stepped out of another class of society yet conducted himself like he was no better than anyone else. Victor, who's lilting voice sounded less like speech and more like music...

 

_Yep, I'm obsessed._  With a groan, Yuuri tilted his head to the side and blew out a breath. He'd been watching the clock and counting the seconds till 1:00 am already, excited, though trying not to admit it even to himself, for Victor's promised arrival. Once 1:15 had rolled around, Yuuri had started trying to convince himself that Victor was just late. By 1:45, he was feeling desperate. 

 

Now he'd pretty much given up.  _I scared him off. That or he found someone more interesting._  Not that  _that_  would be very hard. Yuuri just wasn't interesting. With him what you saw was what you got and someone like Victor who seemed cloaked in mysteries had better things to do and better people to do them with than Yuuri. He should forget about the man entirely. It had been stupid to even hope that he'd be able to keep Victor's attention past a few minutes.

 

Over the radio that he had left turned on tonight unlike most nights, the lyrics to a song Yuuri didn't know filtered in through his mind.

**_I will give, I will believe, I will wait for you_ **

**_I won't stop, I won't run, cause I need you_ **

**_Oh you know that I need you_ **

 

Whoever was singing was good... Yuuri found some of his stress just sort of melting away as he listened. He didn't even know the words and yet they drew some of the horrible tension out of his shoulders. He even managed a smile, one that crept over his lips slowly and reluctantly.

**_Can't you see that you're the only one baby_ **

**_When it's you I won't hide, I won't won't hide_ **

**_So when we're dancing on starlight baby_ **

**_Don't ever leave my side, don't leave my side_ **

Then, from whatever daze the music was putting him in, another voice chimed in, even more gorgeous than the one on the radio. " _Because even when I'm falling, you're there with me. You're mercy, you're perfection you're my gravity. So take a chance on me darling, never run away. You're beauty, you're everything, You're my Eros and my Agape."_

Head coming up off the counter so fast he almost gave himself whiplash, Yuuri stared at the glowing face of Victor who laughed delightedly. "Victor, you're here," Yuuri blurted out before turning bright red and stammering, "I-I didn't... I thought that... Well, since you usually come at one- I never... Um, hi."

 

Brain only starting to catch up with him, Yuuri had to struggle to keep his mouth from falling open in awe. Victor, who already looked far more attractive than any man should, looked hot enough to make Yuuri's collar feel too tight. With a light blue shirt that had a few too many buttons undone for his mind to handle and white jeans that were...  _tight_  in all the right places, Victor was the picture of glamour. Hell, he looked like a rock-star with the amount of hairspray and shimmer covering him.

 

On anyone else, it would have looked tacky, overblown. On Victor, well, Yuuri was having trouble swallowing.

 

"And here I was worried you wouldn't wait for  _me,"_  Victor said, sauntering up to the counter before leaning on it and staring Yuuri dead in the face daringly. This close, Yuuri could smell him, a heady, heavy aroma that was all masculine and definitely Victor. "Were you that eager for me to show up Yuuri?"

 

"You're an amazing singer," Yuuri said suddenly, entirely bypassing Victor's question. "Your voice, it's..."  _Beautiful? Heavenly? Intoxicating? Erot-_ "Amazing."

 

"Just amazing?" Victor teased, finally moving back out of Yuuri's personal space, an easy grin on his face. "I jest. I've been called a great many things but not with an expression such as your own." That only made Yuuri's face redder which in turn only seemed to make Victor more happy. He seemed almost high off of adrenaline, going seventy in a twenty mile per hour zone. So full of life that it spilled out over the edges, managing to affect even Yuuri.

 

"So why are you all dressed up?" Yuuri finally managed to ask, his voice almost sounding normal instead of breathless. "Did you go somewhere special or do you just normally dress up like this?"

 

"Ah, something like that," Victor answered cryptically, eyes trailing over Yuuri's face with that same easy attention that the boy was getting used to. "Perhaps I just dressed up to see you Love." Flustered by how easily the man seemed to be able to go from normal to flirty and back again, Yuuri couldn't find the words to answer.

 

Finally taking pity on him, Victor's eyes softened and he casually asked, "Do you much like that song?" It took Yuuri a moment to understand what was being asked but when Victor gestured behind himself at the radio in the wall, his eyes widened.

 

"Oh!" he exclaimed, before easily recalling Victor's easily spectacular voice singing it and blushing again. "Um, I'd never really heard it before. I don't even know what it's called." Hurrying to move the conversation away from himself, Yuuri said, "But you must like it, considering how well you can sing it."

 

"You could say that," Victor agreed, a smile twitching at the corners of his lips. "So my Dove, have you been having a good day?"

 

And from there, Yuuri found himself becoming quickly lost to the conversation. Victor was liquid, every word, every syllable perfect and lilting, delicate and cheerful. A few minutes of talking found Victor back up on the counter in front of the unused register, another few and he was practically behind the counter with Yuuri. His body language was easy and as the conversation progressed, Yuuri found himself relaxing. Falling into a pattern that felt as natural as breathing.

 

"So where are you from?" Yuuri asked from where he sat, having long since pulled up a chair so he could more comfortably talk to Victor. "I mean, your accent isn't from around here, is it?"

 

With a playfully sheepish smile, Victor said, "I'm sure it's obvious. Russia, Love. It means I think you're all silly when you say you're cold but it also means that I can not drive." He laughed as though it were an inside joke. "The people here don't take as kindly to being run over."

 

Sorting at the way Victor put it, Yuuri shook his head. "Unfortunately, I think we're a little bit more picky about that kind of thing over here." Leaning forward and looking up at Victor with shining eyes, Yuuri asked, "What I want to know is why someone like you is staying at a hotel in Portland Oregon in the first place."

 

"Sometimes life throws things at you that are unpredictable," Victor answered with an easy shrug, again deflecting the question. "But then, perhaps it was fate Yuuri. Maybe you and I were destined to meet." His eyes twinkled and Yuuri couldn't tell if the man was pretending or if he was being serious. All he knew was that he almost wanted to believe it.  _It's been to long since life threw me something genuinely good._

"Well I'm glad you're here," Yuuri said without thinking. Realizing what he'd just said and how easily Victor could take that to mean... Well, whatever he wanted really, the man quickly added, "Because you're making a usually boring job a whole lot more interesting. Even if it is only for a few days."

 

"More than a few," Victor hummed, lowering his lashes. "Try a few weeks. I'm well and truly grounded here Yuuri. It would be a tragedy, but then, you're here so I can hardly complain now can I?" Again with the easy charm but at this point, Victor was becoming used to it, though he couldn't keep himself from flushing slightly at the words.

 

"Actually, I thought I should mention, I'm off work tomorrow and the next day," Yuuri admitted, feigning an easy shrug. "Just so you don't show up here expecting to see me."

 

"That's perfect!" Victor said suddenly, which wasn't the response Yuuri had been expecting. "I have somewhere to be tomorrow night anyway and I won't be back until very very late. The night after that however..." Victor trailed off thoughtfully. "You say you don't have work, yes?"

 

Nonplussed, Yuuri nodded. "I mean, yeah. I can't work every night. It would kill me."

 

"So you're free?"

 

"That is the general idea..." Yuuri couldn't even begin to guess where Victor was going with this so he just sat back and let it go where it wanted.

 

Leaping down off the counter so he was actually standing in front of Yuuri, Victor extended a hand and asked with a teasing smile on his face, "Then will you give me the pleasure of your company that night for dinner?"

 

Stunned, it took Yuuri a moment to process what had just been asked, but once he did he jumped up and backed away. "I- I couldn't." He insisted, mind scrambling.  _Did he just ask me out on a date?? I can't go out with someone like him, he's too... Everything for me. What's going on?_  "I mean, I wouldn't want to... I mean, you know, It's not as if-"

 

Face falling along with his hand, Victor asked, "So you do not wish to go to dinner with me?"

 

Resolve crumbling, Yuuri insisted, "No no, I just, you're too.... I'm not exactly the kind of person you should be asking out."

 

"You are not interested?"

 

_No, do I have to spell it out for you?_  "I am!" Yuuri hurried to say. "I just..."

 

"Then I fail to see the problem," Victor said, tilting his head in that way that he did that made Yuuri's heart melt.

 

_Come on, just have some fun for once in your life. "_ You're right." Bowing his head to hide his red face, Yuuri mumbled, "I'd be honored to go on a date with you."

 

"No no," Victor insisted, leaning over the counter and quickly scribbling something on the back of a leftover receipt. "The pleasure is all mine." Handing Yuuri the piece of paper, Victor slid back over the counter and said sadly, "Unfortunately, I must leave for now. I am quite tired."

 

Looking down at the number in his hands, Yuuri glanced up at Victor and a warm smile broke out over his face. "Have a good night Victor. I'll see you in two days." And though he knew it was stupid and that what he was doing was absolutely reckless, Yuuri couldn't help but feel excitement blossom in his chest as the automatic door slid shut.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, it's done!! Another chapter. God, I think I love this story. I think it's actually going somewhere, what do you think darlings? Going somewhere or just my usual crap?
> 
> Also, official first verse of the song plus chorus. All laid out for you to see it.
> 
> _Our lives, too short for these shallow hearts_
> 
>  
> 
> _All we ask is for something that lasts forever_
> 
>  
> 
> _So look into me with those bright eyes_
> 
>  
> 
> _I think I may have found my ever after_
> 
>  
> 
> _I will give, I will believe, I will wait for you_
> 
>  
> 
> _I won't stop, I won't run, cause I need you_
> 
>  
> 
> _Oh you know that I need you_
> 
>  
> 
> _Can't you see that you're the only one baby_
> 
>  
> 
> _When it's you I won't hide, I won't won't hide_
> 
>  
> 
> _So when we're dancing on starlight baby_
> 
>  
> 
> _Don't ever leave my side, don't leave my side_
> 
>  
> 
> _Because even when I'm falling, you're there with me._
> 
>  
> 
> _You're mercy_
> 
>  
> 
> _You're perfection_
> 
>  
> 
> _You're my gravity_
> 
>  
> 
> _So take a chance on me darling, never run away_
> 
>  
> 
> _You're beauty_
> 
>  
> 
> _You're everything_
> 
>  
> 
> _You're my Eros and my Agape_


	8. Trouble

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Victor acts altogether too much like a teenager for his own good

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here I am again, back from the dead to give you more of my wonderfully awful stuff. Thank you to Dances with Moogles for taking the time to tell me that Chris is Swedish , not french. You see, this is the kind of practical knowledge I need in my life!
> 
> Whatever, I'm probably being salty because I'm used to knowing my fandom back to front.
> 
> Enjoy~
> 
> (additional note)  
> I'm dyslexic, he's Swiss.  
> *bangs head against the table*

"I can't believe they let us have our own car, I feel like a teenager all over again," JJ exclaimed from the front seat, sticking his head out the window like an over-excited dog. "THIS IS SO MUCH BETTER THAN A BUS!" he yelled delightedly over the sound of the highway. "WHOOH!"

Indulgently, Christophe rolled his eyes. "We have an entourage with us, it's still not the same thing." It had been decided that the Swissman would be the driver, seeing as he was the most responsible out of the four of them. Looking at the guitar player and sighing as he noticed the lack of a seat belt, Christophe looked away from the road so he could hall JJ back into the car. "Come on now, let's not be stupid JJ."

"WATCH WHERE YOU'RE GOING ASSHOLE!!" Yuri squawked from where he sat in the seat behind Christophe. "YOU'RE GOING TO GET US ALL KILLED!!"

Christophe turned back towards the road with a laugh. "At least we're not getting driven around by you. Are you even legal yet or do you get to drive whenever you want in Russia?" Leaning forward to avoid being swatted with the road map they'd picked up at the last rest stop while trying to hide from anyone who might recognize them (eg everyone), the Swissman teased, "Can you even see from back there? Maybe we should have gotten you a booster seat?"

"I'm not short!"

Trying to stifle his laughter, JJ rolled up the window and said, "Come on Chris, lay off of him. Not all Russians can be giants after all." Yuri threw the map at his head with a shout of frustration.

"What do you think Victor," Christophe asked, hardly able to breath through the laughter. "Think we ought to try and find a life-sized model of him or should we just settle with the miniature."

From the back of the van, where he was stretched out across the bench seats, Victor looked up from his phone. "Lay off of our little Kitten," he said, smiling despite himself. "Someday he shall grow into a big strong mountain lion and then he'll be the one laughing." He giggled as Yuri huffed loudly and attempted to pout in a corner while still sitting in the middle of the car.

"Go back to being boring Victor," Yuri bit out, glaring at the Russian from behind his fringe of blond hair. "No one likes you." Lifting his phone quickly, Victor managed to snap a picture of Yuri's pout. Instantly outraged, the man snapped, "You better not be posting that anywhere Victor, I swear to Christ-"

"It's only Instagram Yurio," Victor crooned, fingers flying over the screen as he typed out the caption, _I guess my Kitten just doesn't much like cars. At least we're not throwing him in the pool again._ "There won't be that many people who see it." Even as he spoke the picture got several hundred likes.

"Only eighty million," JJ agreed, snorting.

"I like you better when you don't talk," Yuri muttered, purposefully turning away from Victor before quickly pulling out his own phone to look at the damage. "Ugh, I look hideous. Delete it! And you have a picture from pool yesterday?! UGH, I DETEST YOU!!" Victor grinned at the man's complaints and just hummed happily under his breath.

Tilting the mirror so he could glance at Victor, Christophe laughed. "You've been glued to your phone all day Victor. What, not excited about seeing America up close and personal? Too boring for you?" Peaking up over the edge of his phone, Victor raised an eyebrow in return. "Come on," Christophe cajoled. "What's so important that you can't put it aside for a moment and enjoy the scenery."

"We've only been in the car for one hour," Victor murmured in amusement. "And it's not as if any of you have managed to come up with a stimulating conversation topic." Glancing back down at his phone, Victor couldn't help but once again exit his texting app before reopening it. Still nothing. _Did I move too fast for him?_ "But by all means, attempt to garner my attention."

"What about that show last night, huh?" JJ asked, grinning from ear to ear. "Dude, we were on fire! I don't think we've ever sounded so good before." 

"I'm sure it won't last," Christophe warned, his eye roll visible in the mirror. "Two shows in as many days is rather ambitious Victor." It was a fair point, one that had been brought up multiple times, but it had largely gone ignored. Besides, it wasn't like they hadn't done it before.

"And you think we can't manage it?" Victor purred, grinning as he let his head fall to the seat. "Come now Chris, we won't have another show for the next week. It will be fun tonight and then it will be boring enough that you'll be begging for another show."

"At least the Sheraton is letting us use the bottom level of the parking garage to practice," JJ pointed out. "Though I'm going to get tired of that hotel room, especially if I have to spend any more time with this one." He jabbed his finger at Christophe with a grin that made it clear he was joking.

"Don't be ridiculous," Christophe pouted, making a face at JJ. "You love me."

Ruffling the Swissman's short hair, JJ laughed joyfully and said mischievously, "Keep dreaming Chris, keep dreaming?"

"LooK OUT YOU'RE GOING TO HIT THAT CAR STOP DISTRACTING HIM WHILE HE'S FUCKING DRIVING!!"

Attention flagging, Victor glanced back down at his phone and brought up the text app again. Of course he was being ridiculous, it wasn't as if he'd told Yuuri to text him or anything. Giving someone a number didn't mean much, they didn't have to use it. _Maybe I judged his interest wrong..._

Victor kept turning the conversation he'd had with the man the night previously over and over in his head. He'd been so high off of adrenaline, still caught up in the thrill of a good show, he hadn't exactly been thinking clearly. But it had just been so perfect, the look in Yuuri's eyes like he was hanging off of every word Victor said and Victor's own spiraling attraction as he picked up on every detail of Yuuri's face.

He could still feel the man's breath against his face in those moments right after he'd walked in. Victor had come so close to just saying to hell with it and kissing Yuuri but he'd managed to hold back. It would have been awkward after all, with the other man in such a different frame of mind.

The entire show Victor had thought of nothing but Yuuri. Every song he'd sung had been sung like he was singing it to the boy, every word he'd poured more than just his soul into. He'd poured all of those strange feelings that he kept getting in his gut every time he saw those redwood eyes flash through his mind, all of the things he didn't understand and all the things he sorely hoped he did.

And it was stupid, but he knew that he'd sung better than ever before.

Refreshing the app again, Victor sighed. Maybe he should take a break, after all, it wasn't as if he could will Yuuri to text him. Grabbing for one of the pillows JJ had stolen from the hotel, the silver-haired man curled up on the bench seat and tucked the phone under the feathery mound resolutely. "I'm going to take a nap~" he called, already feeling drowsiness overtaking him. _I did not get enough sleep last night. Yuuri, Love, you'll be the death of me._ "Try not to get us all killed perhaps?"

Christophe laughed and JJ said something in protest but Victor was already drifting off, falling asleep to thoughts of bright lights and of Yuuri's eyes staring into his.

_So much for not acting obsessed..._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter will have the triplets because *A* I LOVED THEM
> 
> sorry sorry, as you were.


	9. Wander With Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Yuuri is at the mercy of three devious six-year-olds

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My darlings you have been so gracious to me, so kind to me as I attempt to write YoI fanfiction. I can't be grateful enough. THEREFORE I'M GOING TO BURDEN YOU WITH MORE OF IT, MWAHAHAHAHA!
> 
> As usual, my angel, thank you for reading this and thank you to the_animu_fangirl for continuing to inspire me to not be quite so lazy.
> 
> Enjoy~

Yuuri was currently having problems, and none of them had anything to do with the three little girls hanging off of him.

"Come on Yuuri," whined Loop, dangling from his forearm which Yuuri was dutifully holding out so she didn't touch the ground.

"Let's do something," rejoined Axel, her pigtails flopping as she hung upside down over Yuuri's other arm.

"Please~" encouraged Lutz, rocking back and forth from her seat on Yuuri's shoulders.

Yuuri just kept walking down the upscale yet fashionably downscale neighborhood of Portland. Swinging Loop around with practiced ease to avoid a skater, the man muttered, "We just left the park though." Even though it came out as a tired sigh, he didn't mind. He loved hanging out with Yuuko's three little six-year-old girls. "What else do you want to do?"

"We were  _gonna_  watch a movie," Axel insisted, reaching for her toes and managing to catch onto them. "But then we were gonna get ice cream but then there was the park..."

"Now we're bored," Loop finished for her sister, trying to stretch her foot down so it scraped the pavement. Yuuri just held her up a little higher. It might have been tiring for most people but truth be told, he was rather used to this kind of exercise. Yuuko and the triplets seemed to agree that him being around was one of the best things  _ever._

"Hey Yuuri, who's V?" Lutz asked suddenly and it was only then that Yuuri realized that Axel had stolen his phone and handed it up to her sister. "Is it your boyfriend?"

"Hey!" Yuuri protested, going red in the face as he realized what they were talking about. "Give that back, I never said you could mess around with my phone!" The three girls were notoriously good at getting into things that weren't theirs and apparently, his password protected phone was no different.

"Yuuri doesn't have a boyfriend!" Loop protested, wrapping her short legs around Yuuri's arm so she could cling to it like a monkey. "He broke up with his boyfriend two years ago, Mommy said!"

"So why haven't you texted V?" Axel asked as Lutz lowered the phone for her to see it. Yuuri attempted to grab for it only to fail. Loop giggled as his movements swung her around. Tapping her sister's forehead to silence her giggling, Axel reproachfully questioned, "Are you being stupid Yuuri?"

"He's probably being stupid," Lutz agreed, tapping away at his phone.

"Stop being stupid Yuuri," Loop told him, hanging upside down like her sister so she could cross her arms.

"So who is he?" Axel asked, clambering from Yuuri's arm to his waist. It was amazing how good the girls were at treating him like a jungle-gym, even though he wasn't uncommonly tall or anything.

"It's none of your business," Yuuri insisted, using his now free arm to reach back blindly for the phone. Giggling, Lutz passed it to Loop so he couldn't get to it. They were almost back to the girls' house, if he could make it there, then he'd be able to get it back from them.

"Tell us!" Axel insisted, snatching the phone from her sister's grasp before she could drop it.

"No!" Yuuri said, grabbing for his phone again.

Accepting the phone back from Axel, Lutz put on a superior air and said, "Look! I'm going to text V for you Yuuri."

"Unless you tell us," Loop added, a grin coming over her upside down face.

At the sound of the digital keys being pressed, Yuuri's eyes widened and he started to panic. "Wait, no don't do that! I'll tell you!"

"Too late!" Leaning forward over his head, Lutz held the phone out in front of the four of them, or at least held it out as far as her short arms could reach, and snapped a picture. Yuuri only got a glimps of the horrible picture before it had been sent to V.

Who, obviously, was Victor.

Who Yuuri had been too terrified to actually text all day.

"There, we solved all your problems," Axel informed Yuuri knowledgeably, finally dropping down to the ground so she could race around him before walking backwards in front of him, a grin on her face. "You needn't thank us, we're just doing the Lord's work."

"Besides if we hadn't you'd have never texted him," Loop agreed, grabbing onto Yuuri's arm so she could then swing right-side up and drop down from there.

"We're doing you a favor," Lutz told him, nodding in solidarity as she slipped his phone back into Yuuri's pocket before joining her sisters. Tilting her head, she asked, puzzled, "Why do you look like you swallowed a frog?"

Well that would probably have something to do with the fact that Yuuri was currently staring at the three girls, a look of abject terror in his eyes as he opened and closed his mouth repeatedly in an attempt at speech. "Why did you do that?" he finally managed in a strangled whisper.

Stopping outside of their door, Loop said, "Because you weren't doing it. Who is V, Yuuri?"

"He's-" Yuuri started to answer before stopping himself and yelping, 'It doesn't matter! I didn't want you to text him!"

Lutz shrugged as she caught the house key Axel had filched from Yuuri's pocket and stood on tiptoes to reach the deadbolt and unlock the door. "You looked like you needed some help Yuuri, you always get nervous when you like a guy."

"N-no I don't!" Yuuri protested, resisting the irrational urge to just delete Victor's contact altogether so he didn't have to deal with Victor's reaction to the stupid picture of him the triplets had taken. "And I never said I-"

"Why would you have his number in your phone unless you liked him?" Axel asked, putting her little hands on her hips much like her mother did.  _God, sometimes I forget these are even six-year-olds..._

"I was going to talk to him later!" Yuuri exclaimed, feeling ganged up on as the triplets herded him into their house. This, of course, wasn't strictly true. Yuuri had  _wanted_  to text him later but so far every time he'd looked at his phone and Victor's number, he'd lost his ability to do anything. He'd probably written out a dozen drafts before inevitably deleting them in a fit of nerves. What were you even supposed to say to someone like that who you probably wouldn't know for long and who had asked you out after only knowing you for a few days?

The longer Yuuri thought about it, the more worried he got. It wasn't that he didn't want to go out with Victor, he just knew all too well that things like this didn't turn out too good. Besides, he would be leaving soon, Victor probably thought of Yuuri as convenient entertainment or something.

_And now he thinks I'm weird because they sent him the worst possible picture of me... Great, thanks guys._

"No you weren't," Axel said candidly, closing the door behind him and following her sisters towards the couch. "You were going to stare at your phone and never say a thing."

"Then that's my problem!" Yuuri told her, watching in a mildly pathetic way Loop rolled her eyes and Lutz scoffed.

"Are you going to tell us who he is at least?" Lutz asked, reaching her feet out and attempting to grab the remote with her toes only to knock the device to the floor.

With a defeated sigh, Yuuri walked forward and grabbed the remote for her. "V's just a guy I met at my work." Which was about as non specific as it was possible to be.

"Ooh!" Loop exclaimed, grabbing the remote out of Yuuri's hand and turning on the TV. "So that's who Mommy was talking about! She said you'd met a cute guy at Speedway. So you got his number."

"And then we texted him for you," Lutz continued, snatching the remote out of her sister's hands so she could change the channel.

"And now he has to respond," Axel finished with a grin, her little pigtails bouncing.

Just as she said that, Yuuri felt his pocket buzz. Eyes widening, the boy grabbed for his phone, his heart leaping into his throat. _He's never going to want to speak to me again, I've ruined ever chance I ever had. Wait, why did I even think I_ had _a chance to begin with?_

Opening the messaging app, Yuuri quickly read over the message Lutz had sent to accompany the picture.  _[Heyo, these are the three demons who have stolen Yuuri and his phone!]_  The picture above showed the triplet's grinning faces and Yuuri's surprised one.

"Let us see what he said back!" The triplets chorused as Yuuri scrolled down nervously.

Yuuri's already fluttering heart skipped a few beats because instead of whatever message he'd been expecting, he found a picture. It was of Victor, his face half hidden in a pillow and his hair everywhere. It looked like he was in the backseat of a car, though Yuuri couldn't be sure. On his face there was half of a teasing, if sleepy smile.  _He's adorable..._

_[Make sure you return my Dove to me in one piece, we're going on a date tomorrow night after all]_

Yuuri turned bright red.

Axel snatched the phone out of his hand and as one, the eyes of the triplets widened.

"Is that-"

"No it can't-"

"There's no way-"

"What!?" Yuuri asked, grabbing for his phone only to have them dance out of his reach. "What is it?"

Looking at each other, the three girls shared conspiratorial nods before leaping at Victor in unison. "HE'S SO CUTE!" Unable to hold up under such rough treatment, Yuuri tumbled backwards into the sofa with the three girls on top of him. While Axel and Loop pinned Yuuri to the couch, Lutz grabbed for the phone and snapped another picture.

"V, this is a hostage negotiation," she said as she typed, much to Yuuri's embarrassment. "If you want him back, tell us about how you met."

Yuuri had a feeling this was going to be a very  _very_ long night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Methinks the triplets know more than they're letting on... XD What do you think, should they tell Yuuri who he's about to go out to dinner with or should they keep quiet and let him find out on his own?
> 
> If anyone is worried about the lack of updates on other stories, I've got the next chapter of The Users and The Used almost done and a chapter of A Little At A Time already finished. Those should be up within the next few days.
> 
> To everyone else, seeya!


	10. Wait, Don't Just Yet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which reality sucks but Yuuri makes it better
> 
> _A Little Longer - KIDDO_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: What is my problem you ask? Well, quite a lot really. I'm suffering from god level writers block on literally everything, including this story and I've been _swamped_ by unwanted work. But what can you do. I will persevere. I will bring you more stuff.
> 
> I WILL CONTINUE TO ANNOY YOU!
> 
> Enjoy~

Victor woke up to the feeling of the van stopping at a gas station and his phone vibrating under his hand. Blinking tiredly, he took a moment trying to orient himself to the world and his position in relation to it. This task was harder than it looked, considering he was tangled up in his own clothing and squashed into the backseat of a car that smelled like too many cheap cleaning products and air fresheners. 

 

His first thought was  _I had to have slept longer than that. We should be there already._  His second thought was the persistent vibrating under his hand. Coming awake just a little more, Victor pulled at his phone and swiped at it, trying to put in the pass code while at the same time stifling a yawn.

 

_Who ever could be texting me...?_  Opening the messenger app, Victor struggled to clear his eyes of sleep enough to see the number. It was an unknown number which only confused his tired mind more. Puzzled, Victor tapped on the new message, only for his eyes to widen and his face to flush.

 

Because it was a picture of Yuuri, a flustered and adorable look on his face, surrounded by three little girls, all of whom had practically diabolical looks on their faces. It was... well it wasn't what he'd been expecting, that was for sure. But at the same time he felt a knot of tension release from within him. He'd been worried Yuuri wouldn't text him back at all...

 

Underneath the picture was a message that made Victor chuckle drowsily.  _[Heyo, these are the three demons who have stolen Yuuri and his phone!]_

Without really thinking, Victor extended the phone a bit past the seat and snapped a picture of himself, not really caring that he looked rather stupid as he was. Under it he wrote  _[make sure you return him in one piece, we're going on a date tomorrow night after all]_  He had no reason not to play along after all. They seemed rather innocent... With a grin, he sent it.

 

"Looks like sleeping beauty finally decided to join us," Christophe commented, sliding back into the car, startling Victor into dropping the phone where it slid to the front of the car. Before he could scramble to get it back, the Swissman was already picking it up and examining the picture on the screen. "Oooh, who is  _this_  beauty?"

 

Frowning slightly at Christophe's words, Victor puffed out his cheeks. "His name is Yuuri and he's..." He was about to say  _not important_  but he stopped, realizing how untrue those words really were. The next words that popped into Victor's mind were  _not yours_  but he deemed those not only ridiculous, but uncharitable as well.  _Who knew Yuuri could tie my tongue in knots so effectively._

 

"None of my business?" Christophe supplied, a playful smile on his lips. "I take it this is the same person who's been keeping you so distracted as of late?" Victor pouted and the Swissman laughed. "Don't look at me like that. Unlike our own Yuri and JJ, I occasionally take the time to pay attention to what's going on around me."

 

"Chris," Victor sing-songed, defaulting on his usual carefree attitude in an attempt to uncomplicate the situation. "How could you? I'm wounded that you'd accuse me so. Distracted? Perish the thought."

 

Christophe opened his mouth to respond but at that moment, the phone in his hand made a bubbly sound as a new message came in. Whatever surprised delight sprung up on the outset was suddenly shadowed by a curious look in his bright green eyes. "V? Why would they be calling you V?"

 

Suddenly guarded, Victor pushed himself upright and shuffled across the van towards Christophe. Before the drummer could protest, Victor snatched his phone away from him and retreated back to his own third of the vehicle. "Where are Yurio and JJ?" he asked in a vain attempt to change the subject. "They have been gone for a while, no?"

 

The Swissman's attention didn't waver. "Did you tell him your name?" Victor tried to focus on the phone screen, ignoring Christophe. "Victor, you've only known him for what, three days? What is going on?" The picture was of Yuuri, his arms pinned down by two of the three girls. Hair mussed and mouth opened in protestation, the look was definitely a good one on Yuuri. Unfortunately, Victor couldn't quite tune out the sound of Christophe's voice.

 

"He has no idea who I am," Victor insisted, though the words sounded weak, even to his own ears. He was quickly discovering just how little he actually wanted to talk about this."Don't worry about it Chris."

 

_[V this is a hostage negotiation, if you want him back, tell us about how you met]_  Well that explained a lot... Victor wanted to smile at the antics of the three girls who were tormenting Yuuri but he couldn't quite manage it in the face of Christophe's scrutiny.

 

"Are you telling me," Christophe clarified, brows furrowing. "That you haven't told him about... the band? Who you really are? And yet you're willing to tell him your first name which you  _never_  tell anyone. I'm just asking you to explain this situation to me Victor."

 

Victor looked up at Christophe and the Swissman leaned back as if hit with something. "Oh my-" Stopping, the drummer shook his head. "Victor..."

 

"He treats me like I'm not  _me,"_  Victor said stubbornly, ignoring how stupid the words sounded when spoken aloud. "I'm not Mr. Nikiforov to him, I'm just... Me. Victor. If I told him who I was he would run away or he would start treating me like a god. I get tired of that Chris, is it so wrong to just want someone to treat me normally for once?"

 

"But why him?" Christophe pressed like he already knew the answer. "I've seen you with a fair number of men and women hanging off your arm and not a one of them has ever been  _good enough_  to know your real name. You make  _who you are_  the most important thing to tell people. You don't just neglect to tell people that you're  _that_  person. So why him Victor?" Christophe leaned back and gave him an even look. "Why is Yuuri different?"

 

Unable to come up with an answer, Victor stared at the phone and mindlessly typed out an answer for the three girls with Yuuri.  _[I met him behind the counter of Speedway and he just stole my heart~]_  It was those mindless words more than anything that made him stop and glance back up at Christophe.

 

"He just is," Victor said softly, wondering if maybe he'd just stumbled upon the answer and unable to believe that he had. "So please don't ruin it. I'll tell him eventually but we're going to leave in a few weeks, right?" He couldn't help but feel bitter as he said it. "Perhaps I'll never tell him at all."

 

Christophe didn't answer, he just settled back into the driver's seat. Somehow, it was almost worse than him making fun of Victor because at least then the Russian man would have been able to begin convincing himself that the flutter in his chest was nothing at all. Like this, all he was left with were the butterflies, and the realization that one way or another, he was going to leave soon and then it wouldn't matter at all.

 

_Just let me be happy for a little while yet..._

His phone chimed and he distracted himself with it.  _[Awww, so cute! Yuuri won't tell us your name tho, do you have a name V?]_

With a snort, he answered,  _[Only the names that my Dove is willing to give me.]_  But he wasn't feeling very playful. He felt almost sick.  _Why did you have to bring that up Chris? Why did you have to point out just how crazy Yuuri is driving me?_  He just wanted to forget that it was a problem at all.

Like the traitor that it was, his mind whispered to him that really, all he wanted was to see Yuuri.

_I'm being so incredibly, unbelievably, overwhelmingly stupid. Why am I letting myself get so caught up in this perfect stranger? Why am I letting him in?_

His phone buzzed again.  _[Sorry about that, they're angels one moment and the next they're devils. I'm not telling them anything more about you just to annoy them.]_  Underneath was another picture, this one of Yuuri. He looked winded and his hair was going everywhere, but he had a smile on his face and a blush high on his cheeks. Though Victor couldn't explain it, he felt some of the rolling of his stomach just...  _settle._

Face softening, Victor managed a teasing grin and snapped a picture for Yuuri.  _[Well Love, I can hardly blame them for wanting to tackle and pin you down. Goodness knows I'd do the same thing if I were there]_  Feeling immeasurably better, Victor settled back into his seat, finally managing to push Christophe's words to the back of his mind. He'd worry later, for now...

 

"Look who  _finally_ woke up." Yuri snapped, throwing the van door open and hopping inside. "I thought you were just going to sleep for  _forever."_

"He suggested we throw you out of the car because you were dead weight," Christophe confirmed, nodding wisely. "The vote would have passed, but he got distracted when I drifted into the wrong lane."

 

"Trying to kill us all?" Victor shook his head in mock disappointment. "This is exactly why I shouldn't have gone to sleep."

 

JJ, who jerked open the door before sliding into the seat beside Christophe, turned and flashed Victor a grin. "Has Sleeping Beauty finally gotten her beauty sleep?"

 

"That's what I said! We're  _so in sync."_  Christophe exclaimed semi-sarcastically with a grin, leaning over the median and tilting his head teasingly. "And yet, JJ, you still claim to not like me. You are clearly just lying to yourself."

 

JJ guffawed and flicked the Swissman's forehead. "I must just be able to read minds. For instance," he turned to look at Yuri and pushed his fingers to his temples as if in thought. "You're thinking about Ota-"

 

"TAKE THAT BACK FUCKER, I AM NOT!" Yuri screeched, forgetting his seat-belt and attempting to lunge at JJ which only resulted in his being jolted back and the guitar player leaning out of his reach with a smirk.

 

"Hey, looks like I was right Chris," he boasted, grinning. "I'm so amazing, I'm actually magical."

 

"But you'll never guess what I'm thinking now," Christophe teased, wiggling his eyebrows in JJ's direction as he started the van and put it into reverse.

 

Feigning a look of horror, JJ recoiled and said, "OH MAN! Get your mind out of the gutter! Chris, you dog."

 

"Only for you," the Swissman teased, taking his eyes off what was behind them so he could wink saucily at JJ.

 

"GODDAMNIT YOU'RE GOING TO HIT THAT PILLAR LOOK WHERE YOU'RE GOING!!" Yuri bellowed, clutching at his armrests as though he was going to rip them off.

 

Victor laughed brightly and, as his phone buzzed once again, he decided that maybe things weren't going to be so bad. Even if he did have to leave in a few weeks and whatever was going on between himself and Yuuri evaporated into the wind, he'd survive. After all, with friends like these, how could one ever really be lonely?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yup!
> 
> You know angst and I, we're just best friends. Like totally best buds. It's an unhealthy and abusive relationship. 
> 
> Help me.
> 
> But I jest. Someday or other I'll get off my lazy ass and update my other stories. Until then, ta-ta I suppose. 
> 
> Later~


	11. Mess With My Head

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Yuuri has multiple heart attacks but somehow manages to survive just a little longer

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First and foremost, Victor will be known as Viktor from here on out. I changed the name cause I felt like it. I'm working on going back and fixing all the previous chapters. BUT WHATEVER! THIS IS AN ADORABLE CHAPTER SHUT UP I TRIED MY BEST I KNOW I SUCK AT THIS!
> 
> Oh and if anyone wants to suggest good Yuri/Otabek stories for me for... research purposes, that would be nice. No pressure. I love every one of you.
> 
> Especially you my angel.
> 
> Enjoy~!

Yuuri was  _nervous_.And that was an understatement.

He had been  _nervous_  for the past hour. Severely so. He had been merely anxious for the entirety of that day. Only slightly jumpy the day before.

Why?

Well, to answer that question you'd have to get a look at Yuuri's phone, something which he was currently trying very  _very_ hard not to look at while at the same time vociferously keeping his sister from looking at it. Why she was over at his apartment at this precise moment was beyond him. Yuuri felt a little past asking useless questions like that.

"What is going on?" his sister demanded, grabbing for his phone again. "Yuuri Katsuki, you've been acting like a madman all day what the hell is wrong with your head?"

 _Oh boy, where do you want me to start?_  "It's none of your business, I'm absolutely fine," Yuuri insisted, standing on the chair in an attempt to hold the device out of her reach. It buzzed again in his hand and he almost dropped it from the sheer onslaught of nerves that hit him.  _Oh boy, I am not okay._

"Who the hell keeps texting you?" Mari demanded, leaping up and making a pass at the device clutched in Yuuri's unfortunately sweaty grasp. Planting her hands on her hips, Mari questioned, "Do I know them? I don't know them do I?"

"Stop it, leave me alone. I never even let you in!" Yuuri protested, squeezing his eyes shut tight even though ever ounce of him wanted to look at the new message.  _It's Viktor, it's probably Viktor. He's going to be here in less than twenty minutes, I'm not okay. Hah, what even is okay?_

You see, the reason Yuuri was currently dying prematurely from multiple heart attacks, was because today was the night that he went on a date with Viktor, the gorgeous and mysterious man that had walked into his life not five days previous. It was unbelievable and wonderful and terrible all at the same time.

And God, he was so not ready for this.

"I picked the lock Yuuri, don't be stupid," his sister commented easily, waving her hand dismissively as if this fact was obvious. "Now hand me the phone or tell me who's texting you!"

"NO!" Yuuri yelped, even as the phone went off again.  _God, he probably thinks I hate him. He hates me now. Why am I not responding again? Oh yeah, because my sister is here. Also I'll start obsessing again. Dammit!_ "It's not even important, don't make such a big deal about it."

"Is it a boy?" she demanded, before her eyes widened at the panicked look on Yuuri's face. "It's a boy! I KNEW IT! You're talking to a boy." Redoubling her efforts to get her hands on the phone, Mari fired off a quick volley of questions. "What's his name? Where is he from? How did you meet? Is he from your college? I hate your college, everyone there smells like blue cheese. Except for Yuuko, she's pretty chill."

"Would you leave me alone?" he begged, dancing out of her reach and almost falling off of the chair he was perched on. "It doesn't even matter who I'm talking to! It's my phone and my business. Why are you even here?" A valid question, one he should have asked a long time ago.

"I was just coming to make sure you'd remembered to put the concert on your calendar," Mari said, calming down at once. "I know you always forget things like that and I didn't want you to miss this one. It's going to be amazing."

Suddenly recalling Viktor's rendition of the song from the radio, a song which he'd confirmed to be the song  _Eros and Agape_  later, Yuuri vaguely said, "Oh yeah, I listened to some of their music I guess..."  _And I met someone who can sing their stuff better._  "It's pretty okay."

"I know, right!" his sister effused, all thoughts of Yuuri's phone fleeing her mind. Walking towards his calendar, Mari continued, "Personally, my favorite song by them is  _Forget to Forget_  but that's just me. Which one did you like best?"

Wandering after her, Yuuri absently muttered, "The one from the radio. It's actually pretty catchy."

Sighing as though he'd effectively killed her soul, Mari whined, "You  _suck._  It's not even catchy, it's beautiful sure but it's also one of their more classic rock songs. I prefer the harder stuff." Grinning, she gestured grandly. "They've literally got  _everything_  Yuuri, I'm sure you're going to like more than just that one song."

"I'm sure," he agreed, if only to placate her. Glancing down at his phone at last, Yuuri read over the texts he'd been sent.  _[I'm beside myself with excitement Yuuri Love, how do you do it to me?] [Wait, are we dressing casual? I've already forgotten. I dressed casual.]_

_And your version of casual is so typical..._

"There, now it's on your calendar!" his sister announced, grinning at her handiwork. "Now you have no excuse to miss it. I will  _murder_  you if you forget."

"That's nice," Yuuri said absently, looking up at his sister. "Look, I hate to be rude, but I need you to leave." It was rather blunt, but he was nervous and he wasn't exactly sure he wanted to mix Viktor and the rest of his life. After all, what had happened the last time he'd done similar... No, best to keep everything separate.

Besides, it wasn't as if it was going to go anywhere.

"What, why?" Mari whined, never mind the fact that she had broken into his apartment in the first place. "Are you hiding something from me?" she asked suspiciously. "You're hiding something, what are you hiding?"

"NOThing," Yuuri half yelled, half hissed. "Come on, Mari, there's a reason I moved out. Unlike you, I like to have my own space."

"You  _had_  your own space," Mari insisted, instantly picking the age old argument right back up again. "You didn't even have to pay for it."

Herding her out of the room, Yuuri muttered, "Yeah well, I needed space from that space. After-"  _No, don't go there again. It doesn't matter, it's over, forget it._  "Everything that happened there.  _Especially_ after everything that happened. But can we  _please_  not have have this argument again right at this moment?"

Allowing herself to be pushed out the door, Mari stared after her brother in sadness. "We miss you, you know? Mom and Dad, everyone. We want you back. Honestly Yuuri, it was a year ago, how were you to have known? No one blames you for what happened. It was all an-"

Yuuri grabbed one of Mari's hands and used it to cover her mouth. "I mean it," he said, mouth drawing into a tight frown. "I'm not going to talk about this. Bye Mari." And with that, he shut the door in her face.

After a few moments, he could hear his sister's footsteps retreat down the stairs. Taking a deep breath, Yuuri sank against the door with a pained look on his face, despite his best efforts to keep it at bay.

No, it didn't matter. He wasn't going to think about it tonight. Right now, he was going to think about the date that he was going on in less than ten minutes and he was going to think about Viktor, even though that particular topic made him unbelievably nervous.

Glancing at the mirror he had hanging up in his hallway, Yuuri looked at himself one more time. He'd styled his hair so it mostly sat out of his face, with just a few strands hanging down to either side. He'd tried to go with casual clothes. Light shirt, brown leather jacket and light blue jeans that definitely showed off whatever good features he had.  _Not that I want Viktor to stare at my ass!_  But if he happened to, at least it looked nice...

 _Stupid! It's just dinner, right? That's all we agreed on. Did I agree to something else? Do I want something else? Why am I thinking about this, I'm getting too far ahead of myself. He's probably just being nice. AUGH!_  Giving up, Yuuri abandoned the mirror for the rest of his tiny apartment.

Desperately wanting to pace but determined not to, Yuuri forced himself to tidy up, just in case Viktor, for whatever reason, came in. Not that he would.  _Hell, someone as rich as he seems to be, he'll probably send a fricken footman up to knock on my door._  It was uncharitable, especially because he had something more factual to base his assumptions off of, but he was nervous.

And nerves made him think really stupid things.

Pushing the chairs back into place after his little spat with his sister, Yuuri sighed. He was being stupid. Really he should just suck it up and respond to Viktor before-

There was a knock at his door.

Instantly scrambling, Yuuri found himself racing around his apartment, grabbing for his wallet, his front door keys, and his glasses, just in case his contacts fell out.  _Crap crap crap, just answer the door!_  Racing towards it, Yuuri flung open the door and almost crashed into the man on the other side of it.

He looked devastating, dressed in an open flannel shirt with a dark grey tee shirt that brought out the blue in his eyes and a pair of comfortable looking jeans that still managed to show just how long his legs were, Viktor made Yuuri feel like he was wearing rags compared to him. Smiling down at him, Viktor's eyes lit up and instantly a flush made its way across Yuuri's face. It only deepened when the Russian man unexpectedly reached forward and brushed long delicate fingers across Yuuri's cheek, almost as if he was marveling at the sight before him.

"Yuuri," he breathed, almost as if he were saying the name for the first time. Almost as if it meant something new. Unable to look away, helpless under even such a small touch from Viktor, Yuuri simply stared up into turquoise eyes like he was in a trance.  _His hands are so soft..._

But then Viktor seemed to remember himself and he dropped his hand. "You look beautiful Flower. Those jeans are making me think some very impure thoughts, I hope you aren't doing that on purpose~" When Yuuri only blushed and tried to stammer out some sort of answer, Viktor laughed melodically and touched Yuuri's arm. "So, are you ready to go Love?"

Nodding, Yuuri managed, "Yes, absolutely Viktor."

Purring like a cat that had gotten the cream, the Russian man put a more confidant arm around Yuuri's waist and like that, the boy was lost.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter should be longer and more satisfying. I know I know, it's shit! But come on, you're enjoying it anyway, right? *wheedles annoyingly* It's adorable, admit it. And come on, you all want Viktor to kiss him~
> 
> That gave me an idea!
> 
> Laters~


	12. Tell Me That You Want Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Viktor reflects on the fact that Yuuri looks _really_ good in those jeans

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OHMYGODPEOPLEARESTILLREADINGTHISWHAT 
> 
> So people keep asking (and by keep asking I mean like two I think...) what happened to Yuuri. Though I much like keeping you in the dark, the answers are (partially) all there in chapter 3. In case you actually want to get an idea of _why_ Yuuri keeps second guessing himself and what exactly happened.
> 
> BUT WHATEVER I'VE GOT FLUFF FOR YOU! *Throws MrWspf's pompoms at you*  
> ENJOY IT OR WHATEVER I"M OFF MY MEDS WHOOH!

Viktor couldn't remember the last time he'd been this excited.

He'd spent a good portion of his life only ever stuck in the spotlight but here, in the back of a taxi that was pulling up in front of an apartment that looked just like all the other apartments around it, Viktor couldn't settle his nerves. It honestly didn't help that Yuuri still had yet to respond to his last two texts. And maybe that was a little unfair but Viktor had already gotten used to Yuuri responding within seconds of his texts. This wasn't  _helping._ _  
_

"This is the place, sir?" The older gentleman who was his driver opened the divider to look back at Viktor, who shook himself and offered what would usually be considered a dazzling smile. Of course it looked mildly strangled due to the fact he had absolutely no idea what was waiting for him but he did his best. People skills, after all, was something he still needed to work on.

Usually, dates meant nothing. Just a variety of beautiful people to pass the time with and nothing more. There were no nerves, no bouncing leg or wringing hands, there was only easy smiles and cultivated laughs. Viktor didn't go on dates so much as he went on stage. Every time he took someone out, it was a stage and he was  _good_  on stage. Performance art at it's most basic level.

But this felt fundamentally different.  _You're acting like an idiot again Viktor, you_ promised _yourself you weren't going to act like this anymore._  Except this was special and he couldn't help himself. It was  _Yuuri_  and somehow that made all the difference.

"You're acting like this is your first date," the cabbie informed him, raising an eyebrow at the nervous glance Viktor spared him.

"Ah well, you know," he tried to wave his hand dismissively but the little laugh that escaped him betrayed his inner state of just-too-much-energy-for-this. "Some people are more important, some things are more important."

The man smiled like this had been the answer he was looking for. "He's a good kid, I'll give you that much. Don't be so nervous, trust me, he's probably twice as terrified as you. Maybe more so."

That made Viktor tilt his head in confusion. He'd never told the cabbie anything about his date, much less who he was bringing.  _And Portland ins't exactly a small town..._  "You know the person who lives here?" Viktor ventured, instantly curious.  _Family friend? Something else?_ _  
_

Averting his eyes, the cabbie said, "Ah well, you get in the business long enough you learn the regulars. Yuuri's been around for a while." It was a vague answer, but Viktor decided it was best to let it rest for now. The gentleman didn't know who he was and he was hoping to keep it that way just for convenience sake. If he started asking too many questions, chances were he'd be asked questions in return. It was all about give and take after all.

"Well, you're probably right in saying he's nervous," Viktor at last settled on, grabbing the handle and starting to open the car door. "He's such a shy thing when he chooses to be." Then, with as much grace as he could manage, Viktor leapt out of the car and sauntered towards Yuuri's door, ruining the act by checking his texts one more time to make sure he'd gotten the address right.  _Screw it, I could spend all night worrying, or I could enjoy myself and help Yuuri enjoy himself in the process. Which is it going to be?_ _  
_

Blowing out a breath, Viktor let his face slip into its naturally easy smile before lifting his hand and rapping on the door lightly.

Instantly, a cacophonous scrambling could be heard from within the house as Yuuri, presumably, destroyed half his house in the process of getting to the door. Suddenly the door burst open and a blur of a person nearly crashed into Viktor before quickly righting themselves and looking up at him.

Viktor's heart froze.

He'd always thought Yuuri was beautiful, always known as much even in his stupid Speedway uniform and with bags under his eyes. That much, Viktor felt, was obvious. In grainy photographs too, but they also didn't truly do anyone justice. But here, in the flesh, standing before Viktor in a tight leather jacket and well fitted skinny jeans that just screamed  _undress me,_  the Russian man quickly found the blood vacating his brain and moving to other places entirely.

But it was the look on Yuuri's face that truly took Viktor's breath away. Hair slicked back, eyes wide, cheeks flushed and lips parted in a soft  _oh,_  it was all Viktor could do not to say  _to hell with it_  and just ditch the whole dinner idea all together. Because just shoving the boy back into his house and kissing him till his knees gave out seemed like an entirely viable option at that particular moment.

 _I saw him two days ago._  But hell if it didn't feel like it had been forever.

 _Yuuri._  He didn't even realize he'd said it aloud until the boy's face heated up another few degrees and it was only after this that Viktor realized he was running his fingers over that perfect face. Remembering where he was and what he was doing, Viktor removed his hand quickly from Yuuri's face and prayed to god he wasn't blushing.

Needing to cover up his own embarrassing actions, Viktor quickly effused, "You look beautiful flower!" Then, because he really had never been able to stop his mouth and the talking diverted attention from his previous slip-up, the man continued teasingly, "Those jeans are making me think some very impure thoughts, I hope you aren't doing that on purpose."  _Not that I would particularly mind if you were._ _  
_

When Yuuri only blushed and tried to stammer something out in retort to Viktor's playful comments, the Russian laughed and brushed the man's arm lightly. As he'd hoped, Yuuri shut his mouth and just watched him. "Are you ready to go Love?"

Breathlessly, Yuuri managed to say, "Yes. Absolutely Viktor."  _That name on your lips sounds so perfect._ For just a second, the man allowed himself to imagine Yuuri saying it in another, more sinful, tone.

Humming with a wicked sort of delight, Viktor casually pushed the boundaries that he still weren't sure existed by slipping an arm around Yuuri's waist and pulling him out the door. "Then let's be on our way, no?" Pulling the door shut behind them, Yuuri, quickly locked the door before allowing Viktor to pull him towards the taxi. "I hope you don't mind," Viktor said breezily, easily hiding the blossom of nerves that pushed itself up. "I still don't know how to drive so I figured this was the next best thing."

"Don't worry about it," Yuuri said, laughing at the pinched look Viktor could help but give. "I didn't learn how to drive till I was twenty and even now I don't have a car." Ducking in through the car door that Viktor held open for him, Yuuri disappeared into the taxi and the Russian man quickly followed. 

“So where are we going?” Yuuri asked the moment the cabbie had pulled away from the curb. He hadn’t put on his seat-belt so he was sort of hovering halfway towards the middle of the taxi, almost like he wanted to sit closer to Viktor, yet still like he was unsure if he really meant it. It was cute, the way he dithered, and it make Viktor smile before he decided to relieve Yuuri of the problem entirely by just sliding over and bumping his shoulder against the smaller man.

“Oh you know,” he said vaguely, wanting to be purposefully mysterious. “Somewhere. Honestly, I know very little about your city so you’ll have to forgive me Dove when I don’t know where a good place to eat is.” Shrugging easily, Viktor announced, “I picked somewhere that seemed nice enough.”

The look on Yuuri’s face somehow managed to convey every bit of his skepticism when it came to Viktor’s idea of a nice place. Somehow in the course of their hours of texting back and forth, Viktor had managed to let it slip that he was a rich man with terrible taste in food. And though Yuuri seemed suspicious that that would make itself known tonight, Viktor wasn’t worried.

Okay, wait, scratch that.

Viktor felt like he was on the edge of his seat. He wanted to say any number of things to Yuuri but every time he turned to look at the man, he could feel himself losing his train of thought, just like that. it wasn't even that he was staring, though he absolutely was, it was just something about watching Yuuri  _exist_  in the same space as him took Viktor's breath away while at the same time putting every single one of his senses on edge.  
  
Infuriating? Oh totally. Could Viktor stop? Not really. Didn't much care to either...  _Oh boy, I'm hopeless..._ _  
_

"So how did that thing you had go?" Yuuri asked brightly, startling Viktor out of his largely self-satisfying train of thought. 

"You mean the parts of it I wasn't texting you through?" Viktor asked playfully, raising his eyebrows and fixing Yuuri with a quasi-stern look as though he meant it. When the boy instantly went red and started trying to mumble out some form of apology, Viktor leaned in close again and nudged him. "I'm playing with you Chickadee. Though my friends were unimpressed I can tell you that. They say I need to learn how to be more normal."

Yuuri's laugh was sweet and easy, natural in a way that Viktor wished he could bottle up and keep forever. "You should have been talking to them! I just like talking to you." Lowering his lashes and looking up through them at Viktor earnestly, Yuuri insisted, "I'm not that important. I'm just some guy you met at Speedway, don't ignore people for me."

"I'll do what I wish," Viktor informed Yuuri, struggling not to let the frown that tugged at the corner of his lips show. There were those words again, similar to the ones that Yuuri had texted him any number of times in the past twenty-four hours.  _I'm just some guy._  Yes,  _technically_  it was true, but Viktor could very easily admit to himself that he had  _never_  seen Yuuri as anything short of extraordinary.  He was  _different_  and though Viktor hated to be troubled over something so small, he sort of hoped Yuuri saw him as something different as well.

"I'm sure you will," Yuuri agreed, another laugh tumbling out of him. It was amazing how brightly his eyes shone when his hair wasn't in his face shadowing them. Actually, everything about him looked perfect...  _  
_

_You're doing it again..._ _  
_

"I still can't believe I'm even going on a date with you at all," Yuuri admitted, scratching the back of his neck awkwardly at his own words. "I mean, it's been ages since I bothered to get up and actually do something fun, much less something like  _this..."_  He looked genuinely pleased, if still a little nervous, which was all Viktor needed.

Teasingly, Viktor rolled his eyes. "Don't be ridiculous Love, I'm sure you have boys eating out of your hand." Tilting his head, the Russian raised an eyebrow and murmured, "I can't possibly be the first person to see you behind that counter and be swept away."

"You're the only one," Yuuri said frankly, voice unexpectedly flat. "As I've said, it's been a while since I've  _out."_  Viktor's brows furrowed at the notes of bitterness in Yuuri's voice but respectfully, he let it lie. This was supposed to be fun, not serious, right? That's what he'd been telling himself at any rate, just to keep himself sane.  

No one needed to bare their soul.

 _Chris is just being his usual overreacting self when he says that be giving my first name to Yuuri means something._  That made his stomach turn unpleasantly because he was horrible at lying to himself and he didn't want to try when it came to this.

"Sorry," Yuuri mumbled suddenly, his eyes growing sad. "I'm ruining things." An awkward laugh and a guilty expression. "Ignore me, I've just got a pretty crappy social life."  
  
Hating the look on his face, Viktor gave up trying to think and just let his usual natural charm take over. "No Love, you're fine," he insisted, his voice flowing almost like song. "I've got a rather stunted social presence in some ways as well. Besides," Catching Yuuri's chin in his fingers, marveling on how beautiful he looked when he surrendered to his touch like this. "If you were more social, you'd probably be taken and then I would have never had the pleasure of taking you out tonight."

For once, Yuuri didn't blush furiously and try to stammer out some sort of response, he just breathed out softly.  _"Viktor...?"_  A little nervous, a little excited, a little breathless, so open and yet wrapped in mysteries that Viktor could only hope to unravel. Even the way he said Viktor's name sent chills down the Russian's spine.

Because Christophe was ultimately right. When you keep something so close to your chest and so secret, those who know are inherently special.  _Yuuri_  was special.

And they were so close...

"We're here Sir," the cabbie announced. Just like that, whatever spell had been over the two of them was broken and Yuuri leapt back to his side of the car, his face immediately reverting to that now familiar flush of embarrassment. As the partition slid back, the older gentleman looked between the two of them and took the time to flash Yuuri a kind smile. "You two have fun now."

Forcing himself to take a deep, grounding breath, Viktor chirped, "Of course, how could I not with someone so wonderful by my side?" Yuuri looked down in embarrassment but that was okay. At least Viktor knew how to hand this.

And the rest, well, he'd pick it up as he went along.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When you find the perfect restaurant for your fictional characters to visit and you're just like XD It's called the Q Bar. It's PERFECT!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!~ It was named after me, I am satisfied.
> 
> SHAMELESS POINTLESS FLUFF IS SHAMELESSLY POINTLESS!!! I can't help myself my darlings, you know me. I'm pathetic when it comes to making people smile before inevitably crushing their hearts.
> 
> But I jest, I jest.
> 
> Or am I...?
> 
> The_Animu_Fangirl, you continue to be the reason I post this story here at all. I'M JUST UP TO MY FUCKING EYEBALLS IN SHITTY FANFICTION BUT I'M POSTING IT NOW SO YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO BEG ME TO STOP AHHAHAHAHAHAHA~!!!


	13. Can't Hold Back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Yuuri remembers what joy feels like

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh boy people, this chapter is a doozy. I think I’ve made you wait long enough. So here it is. I know I know, it’s a day late but screw it, I think it’s worth the wait.
> 
> If anyone’s wondering, The Q is a real restaurant in Portland. If I have any readers who live there, you should check it out, just to say you did ;p
> 
> Also, if anyone’s interested in some fun shenanigans, I posted a fake Yelp review for the restaurant. If you want to read it, it should be under the pseudonym Que Darling.  
> Let’s just say that if that became the most popular Yelp review for this restaurant, I wouldn’t even be mad.
> 
> That aside, Enjoy!

As Viktor beckoned Yuuri out of the taxi, the boy complied in a daze.

 _He almost kissed me. I almost kissed_ him. _I haven't known him for a full week and I almost kissed him._  It was strange, because part of him felt distinctly like he should be panicking but the reality was entirely different.

His entire body was tingling, like he'd been given a shot of Novocaine. As if that wasn't enough, there was an odd glowing quality to the world, like he'd opened his eyes for the first time after an age of sleep. And there, at the center of it all was Viktor, slipping his fingers through Yuuri's and pulling him forward towards the admittedly familiar restaurant.

And just like that, the world snapped back into place as a ball of nerves that had nothing to do with the beautiful man in front of him hit Yuuri like a train.  _Wait, here?_  His fear was irrational, he told himself, fighting to keep his calm demeanor. Heck, it wasn't even fear, just a ton of memories he didn't want to have to face.  _And that was him and this is Viktor. The situation is different, I'm fine._

"You look apprehensive Love?" Viktor said easily, falling in step beside Yuuri and studying him intently. "Is there something wrong?"

 _Nothing you can change._  "No," Yuuri insisted, pushing a smile onto his face. "Everything is fine, it's just..." He bit his lip uncertainly and stared up at the elegant script that proclaimed the name of the restaurant. "Nothing. It's nothing." And then, to make his point, he started moving again, this time pulling Viktor along behind him.

As soon as they opened the door a woman smiled at them and quickly stepped forward. "Welcome to the Q, it's a pleasure to see you today." 

The small restaurant was undeniably classy and the tones of the dark wood and ensconced lighting made the space intimate. With a row of tables down one side and a sturdy polished bar down the other, it used every inch of space without making the restaurant feel crowded. It was, as Yuuri was already well aware, a perfect place for dinner.  _Just picked someplace random, yeah right._ Really though, he couldn't be mad. Yuuri liked the idea that Viktor had spent time thinking this through.  

On top of the beautiful ascetic was the delicious smell of seasonal food that filled Yuuri and made his mouth water.  _What a shame I don't make enough to come here on my own._  But maybe that was for the best. He didn't need anyone leveling any sort of accusation at him that he was stuck in the past. 

While Yuuri was distracted, Viktor instantly took over, putting forth a dazzling smile that blinded everyone in its vicinity. "Ah, but the pleasure is all mine. I believe I have a reservation...?" Eyes brightening, the woman beckoned them forward. 

Following the soft tug on his hand, Yuuri let himself be led through the various patrons over to the small booth-like seats on the far wall. Sliding onto the pale bench, Yuuri just let Viktor take control of the situation. As the waitress handed them each menus before giving the usual speech, Yuuri's eyes started to wander. 

 _It's been a year, get_ over _it. They aren't even bad memories. What do they always say? Don't be sad that it's over, be happy that it happened?_  But every time he thought back on it, all he saw was the fallout.

"Yuuri~" Viktor's lilting call drew the man out of his daze and back into the present. The Russian man was watching him, a quiet look on his face. "Is everything alright Love? I wanted this to be a surprise but perhaps it would have been better for me to ask you first. If it isn't to your taste-"

"No, it's fine!" Yuuri insisted a bit too loudly. He couldn't help it. After being on edge all day, this wasn't exactly helping.  _Come on, get over yourself!_  "It's perfect actually. It's been a while since I've been here."

Viktor raised his eyebrows. "You've been here before then?"

Vaguely, Yuuri waved a hand. "Yeah, I guess." He tried for a laugh and was relieved that it didn't sound to tinny. "But you know, times change. I'm just a broke college student now." Somehow, just saying the words, even though they were a poor representation of the truth, made Yuuri feel better. 

Searching his eyes for a moment, Viktor looked down and a smile crept up over his face. "Consider it a gift then," he hummed as he looked up through his bangs at Yuuri with that same teasing look the boy was coming to love. "Just enjoy yourself Yuuri; it would make me very happy if you did."

And there it was again, Viktor's apparent desire to make him happy that Yuuri didn't understand, but sorely wished he did.  _I'd forgotten what it felt like to be looked at like that._  Even though it seemed stupid when he considered their situation, how fleeting whatever this was would ultimately end up being, Yuuri drew in a breath and forced himself out of the funk he'd slipped into.

 _Enjoy yourself, you're allowed to._  

Reaching out timidly, Yuuri's fingers briefly brushed the back of Viktor's hand. Letting the smile that seemed to always be on hand when it came to the man claim his face, Yuuri said, "Thank you Viktor, I know I don't exactly make the happiest dinner partner, but... This is amazing."

"I don't know where you get that perception of yourself Flower," Viktor commented, catching Yuuri's hand and interlocking the tips of his fingers with his own. "I'm simply captivated." 

Unsure how he was supposed to respond to that, Yuuri turned bright red and hid his face behind the menu, even though he knew a good portion of it by heart. Though usually the thought would have left a bitter taste in his mouth, Yuuri found that with Viktor's fingers still laced with his own and with his newfound determination, it was simply a fact and nothing more. He knew the menu; it didn't need to have some sort of emotional weight to it if he didn't want it to.

Hell, wasn't that indicative of his whole life? Just self-imposed barriers that only really hurt him at this point.

_Funny that it's taken me so long to realize I don't have to keep boxing myself in._

"Since you've been here before," Viktor began, his tone back to its usual light dance. "Do you have anything you'd suggest?"

And like that, the conversation lightened and began to flow. As they ordered their food and chatted amiably, Yuuri found himself enthralled. Viktor was undeniably mysterious in more ways than one. His friends were  _interesting people but really nothing too out of the ordinary,_  his job was  _just a way to pay the bills, I only happen to be more fortunate than most,_  and his last name was  _really irrelevant Yuuri Love; people put too much stock in names._  And yet those vague answers made Yuuri want to know more. After all, with someone like Viktor, he highly doubted it would be as boring as the man was making it out to be.

As the meal progressed, Yuuri could feel himself loosening up, talking more freely and smiling a bit more. Viktor knew how to make him laugh, which seemed stupid but he loved it all the same. Even though the man was every bit a part of the class of people above Yuuri, he didn’t entirely act like it. Something about the way that Viktor’s detached attitude slipped every now and then made Yuuri wonder all the more about his background and where he’d come from. _I shouldn’t get too deep._

But it was hardly deep, right? Just some light talk over dinner.

“You know Yuuri,” Viktor commented, waving his fork teasingly in Yuuri’s direction, “It’s not often I come across someone like you. I find it hard to believe that you’ve spent all your life simply flying under the radar.” It was a strange way to say it but Yuuri was growing used to Viktor’s odd way of complimenting him. When it wasn’t flirtatious, it was oddly blunt, like the man couldn’t help but speak his mind. “People like you go places.”

Yuuri shrugged and took a bite of his pork chop. “I guess that’s just how my life played out. Between one thing and another, I haven’t even been able to make it through college.” He honestly didn’t care much, he liked his life, or at least he’d convinced himself he did. “It’s not that bad, I’m actually pretty content. Honestly, I’m not that special.”

A frown of concentration pulled at Viktor’s lips. “Love, I’ve been to a great many places and I’ve met many people. There’s something that sets you apart.” Tilting his head, the Russian man said, “So many people, they are… Stagnant. You’re full of life Yuuri, it makes you different.” He said it with such conviction, Yuuri almost believed him.

But he couldn’t quite make it. He wasn’t full of anything, he was barely holding on. Yuuri had no delusions of how at the bottom he really was. Every month was a struggle to scrape by and between work and classes; he was running himself into the ground. To be called special or full of life in anyway, especially when he felt so tired inside, was almost laughable.

Except Viktor’s intense stare made Yuuri catch his breath and he didn’t protest because there was something in him that _wanted_ to be everything that this man said he was.

With a twitch of a grin full of mischief, Viktor ran his foot playfully along the side of Yuuri’s leg, causing him to go bright red and squeak in surprise. “And you’re also adorable, so I can hardly see how you would lose.” It was so like Viktor to bury his own meaningful statements in light nothings that Yuuri laughed, even though his body was tingling just from that small point of contact.

Glancing up at the easy grace and glory of Viktor, Yuuri managed, “Thanks,” and then, even though it embarrassed him further, “You- you’re not too bad yourself.”

Blue eyes going wide in surprise, a smile broke out over Viktor’s face and he purred with delight. “My my, this little Dove is just full of surprises, isn’t he?”

“And you’re not?” Yuuri countered, his blushing attitude falling away for a grin.

Viktor chuckled and leaned forward, a knowing expression on his face. “Ah but that is just my personality, isn’t it?” Yuuri liked how close Viktor was, even though it seemed to leave him hyper aware of everything. “I’ve been told I defy classification,” Viktor murmured, voice dipping and flowing between them. “It has a nice ring to it, no?”

Yuuri would have answered, but it was at that moment that the waitress returned. Leaning back smoothly, Viktor instantly slipped into easy dialogue with the woman, allowing Yuuri to catch his breath. _God, I feel like that’s all I ever do around this man._ It was exhilarating and, though he wasn’t usually one to exaggerate, Yuuri wanted to say that it was unlike anything he’d ever experienced before. That rush that came with just being in Viktor’s presence, it was addicting. 

And he wasn’t sure where this relationship was leading but he liked it.

When Viktor asked for the check, Yuuri wisely avoided looking at it. It was a habit remembered from going out with Phichit. What had he always said? _Don’t look at it Yuuri, it’ll only stress you out._ This was true enough, so he just let Viktor pay while he sipped at his drink and stared out at downtown Portland’s nightlife. It was a comfortably familiar sight though he felt like he didn’t see it enough.

 _Mari’s right, I_ need _to get out more._ Looking at Viktor, Yuuri thought that if every evening off was like this, he’d probably be a whole lot happier.

“Ready to go Love?” Viktor asked, proffering a hand and bowing slightly with a little playful smile. Noticing the way that Viktor drew the eyes of those around them, almost like they too were awed by his god-like aura, Yuuri felt a swell of something within him, as if being the object for the envy of the restaurant was a good thing.

Laughing at how over the top Viktor was acting, Yuuri took his hand and rose to his feet. “Only if you are.”

“Well you know me Love,” Viktor said, offering Yuuri a wink and a smile. “I could stay up all night.” As he pulled Yuuri out of The Q, the man casually asked, “I assume you’ll be working tomorrow night…?”

Rolling his eyes and following Viktor towards the cab that was already pulled up to the curb and waiting for them, Yuuri confirmed, “Yep. But honestly,” His cheeks dusted pink as he stopped beside the taxi and stared at the ground. “You don’t have to keep visiting me.”

As he opened the car door for Yuuri, Viktor frowned and tilted his head, letting his bangs shift into his eyes. “Was I bothering you?” As if the idea genuinely troubled him, Viktor insisted, “I meant to do no such thing, I hope you understand. You should have told me if I was-“

“No!” Yuuri yelped, waving his hands vigorously. I really liked it. I mean, I spend most of my shifts waiting for you to walk through the door, I just- Don’t you need sleep?”

Meanwhile, Viktor was just watching him with an odd sort of smile on his lips. “Sometimes Yuuri,” he murmured softly, his gaze almost adoring. “The words you say are perfect.” Putting his head down, he let out a soft flutter of laughter. “Seeing you is worth every bit of lost sleep, believe me Flower.”

“Oh,” was the only response Yuuri could muster.

“Are you two going to stand there all night or are you going to get in?” the cabbie inside grumbled loudly. Grinning at Yuuri sheepishly, Viktor ushered him into the cab before once again following him.

The ride back to Yuuri’s apartment was silent, but comfortable. This being his day off, Yuuri was already growing tired. Rather than fight it, he just drifted, content in this sleepy silence that existed between him and Viktor. There was no need for talking, the perfect stillness was enough. Just the occasional brush of Viktor’s shoulder against his and the small looks full of joy and adoration.

 _When was the last time I felt this… good?_ Comfortable. Happy. Excited to be around another person. _Attracted to another person. Not terrified to feel things._

It had been a while, he knew that.

So content was he, Yuuri was actually disappointed to see his apartment. As the pulled up to the curb, Yuuri forced himself awake and blinked at Viktor, who smiled at him and brushed his fingers lightly over Yuuri’s cheek. “Come on Love, I don’t think you’re allowed to fall asleep in here.”

Cheeks dusting pink in the dark, Yuuri gave a small smile and muttered, “Probably not.”

While the Taxi idled, Viktor opened the car door for Yuuri and walked with him to his front door. While Yuuri patted the pockets of his leather jacket for his front door key, Viktor hummed softly, a familiar tune that Yuuri almost remembered the words to. Finally finding the elusive key, the boy swiftly unlocked his front door before turning to face Viktor.

“Thank you,” he said, an earnest look on his face. “This was really fun Viktor. I-” _Wish I could feel this happy all the time._ “I’m glad I had the opportunity to spend the evening with you.”

Viktor just watched him, an odd look in his eyes. In the silence, Yuuri couldn’t help but take in how breathtakingly attractive Viktor looked. Standing there with such liquid grace and simple beauty, he hardly looked real. And yet his presence felt like a magnet, pulling the boy forward towards him.

 _I should leave,_ Yuuri thought distantly, but he was unable to pull himself away. There was nothing on earth that would have been able to make him leave. And the way Viktor stared at him, like he couldn’t even breathe, left Yuuri feeling high on adrenaline.

Very slowly, almost as if he were afraid to destroy the moment by moving too fast, Viktor shifted closer. As one of his fine-boned hands lifted towards Yuuri’s face before gently stroking through his hair, all the breath left him in a rush. Then those fingers wove themselves into the back of his hair and he was being pulled forward

He couldn’t have resisted if he wanted to.

 _“Krasiaya,”_ the words ghosted from Viktor’s mouth before he brought them together in a soft kiss that made the rest of the world fade away in a blur of colors. Yuuri’s mind went blank and his eyes slid closed as the feeling of Viktor’s soft lips and a sweet smell that was wholly singular to the man dominated his senses. There was no thinking, he couldn’t have come up with a cogent word if he’d tired.

Then Viktor pulled back and it was over, leaving Yuuri feeling like the ground was simultaneously spinning and falling out from under him. Offering up a small and knowing smile that was sweeter than it was teasing, Viktor softly said, “I had a wonderful evening as well Yuuri, I hope we can do this again some time.”

And then he was gone, walking back towards the cab with all the elegance and grace Yuuri wished he had but never would. Unable to do more than stare after him, Yuuri let an indecent word fall from his lips as the taxi containing Viktor pulled away.

 _What,_ he wondered distantly, trying to remember which way was up. _Am I getting myself into?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BOY OH BOY
> 
> YUS FIRST KISS ACCOMPLISHED!!! The chapter was a little (and by a little I mean a lot) long, but you win some, you lose some. This was definitely worth it, wouldn’t you say? 
> 
> If you’re interested, here’s the link for the Yelp review: https://www.yelp.com/biz/q-restaurant-and-bar-portland 
> 
> On a related note, do you want to see Viktor’s side of that last part? Come you, you know you do…
> 
> On an unrelated note, I’m thinking about starting another short form Viktuuri story. It would be another AU, but like this one, I can promise it will be original. Interested, or do you think I should just stick to this one for now?
> 
> Anywho, later darlings~


	14. Let Me Touch Your Fire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Viktor is forced to use self control (but he really doesn't want to)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So on one hand, it's rather short. On the other hand, I have a fever of 102. WHEEeeeeee. It's all a fucking fever dream so who cares?
> 
> More importantly, remember me mentioning that yelp review I posted? Well, the owner of the Q restaurant responded to me. THEY SAID THEY WANTED TO READ THIS STORY LIKE HOLY FUCK I'M SCARED NOW. How am I supposed to break it to them that of all the authors that could have possibly chosen to talk about their restaurant, it was a shitty author like me?
> 
> But no matter. LET US READ STORY!
> 
> Enjoy!

Viktor was in a daze.

_Yuuri Love, what are you doing to me._  It was a question he'd been asking himself far too much. Sitting in the back of the taxi that was taking Yuuri back to his apartment, Viktor wondered if perhaps he'd imagined the whole thing. After all, how could anything feel quite so perfect unless it was a dream?

Currently, Yuuri was almost falling asleep against him. His big, russet eyes blinked heavily, reflecting the Portland nightlife that streamed past them. Everything about the man was loose, happy, contented. Viktor could feel it and it was infectious, the calming nature of Yuuri unknotting his own tense muscles.  _Everything about him is beautiful and perfect. I want to know every part of him._

As Yuuri's eyes drifted closed, sleeping probably without even realizing he was doing so, the cabbie softly muttered, "Don't hurt him, whoever you are." The words were gruff, but well meaning.

Too caught up in Yuuri to ask all the questions that instantly sprung to mind, Viktor managed to pull himself out of his drifting state to say, "I won't."

"Yeah," the man muttered, sounding unimpressed as he pulled up to the curb outside of Yuuri's apartment. "You rich asses are all the same." Which implied quite a lot but Viktor was too busy noticing Yuuri blinking awake to follow up on his comment. The look in Yuuri's eyes made him feel warm inside, like a flame had consumed and replaced his insides. Again, it was like he was being drawn to the man, an irresistible pull that he was powerless against.

_Control yourself._  So Viktor satisfied himself with a light smile and the brush of his fingers over Yuuri's soft cheek. "Come on Love," he murmured, his voice soft and gentle. "I don't think you're allowed to fall asleep here." Not that he particularly minded. Any amount of cryptic questions asked by the driver was worth the time he got to spend with Yuuri.

Abashed, Yuuri muttered, "Probably not."  _I don't deserve something so perfect..._

With an indulgent chuckle, Viktor opened the taxi door and waited for the tired boy inside to slid out and find his feet. Walking with Yuuri to his door, Viktor let his mind wander, though it didn't exactly go far. All he could think about was Yuuri. Without really meaning to, Viktor started humming  _Eros & Agape, _a song that he'd managed to connect irrevocably to Yuuri.  _To think I'd write something like that and then stumble across the very person who matches it's words so perfectly, entirely by accident._

The click of the lock on Yuuri's door brought Viktor back into the present.

"Thank you," the man said, expression open, trusting even. Like Yuuri was offering something to Viktor. What, he didn't know, but he wanted it, whatever it was. "This was really fun Viktor. I-" He stuttered to a halt and like always he turned red, embarrassed.  _What's going on in your head Flower?_  "I'm glad I had the opportunity to spend the evening with you."

_It was an honor to enjoy your company._  That's what Viktor wanted to say, but he was quickly finding he couldn't speak. His mouth was dry, Yuuri's presence had left him frozen in awe. The boy looked so beautiful, his tight clothing and slightly rumpled hair accented so starkly by the trusting and innocent look in his eyes.  _I want him,_  Viktor realized, unable to pull himself away.  _I want Yuuri._

He hardly thought at all as he moved, slowly, as if in a trance. Closer to the bright light that was Yuuri, closer to the thing that made him feel high yet unquestionably grounded.  _I want to touch him._  But something in him knew better so he settled his hand in the boy's hair, rumpling his neat hair as he dragged his fingers through it.

_Is this what loosing it feels like?_ He wondered, cupping the back of Yuuri's neck in his palm.  _If it is, I'm content to go crazy._ Gently, he tugged Yuuri closer.

_"Beautiful,"_  he murmured, nothing but a breath that brushed over Yuuri's lips so carefully.  _I want him,_  Viktor thought.  _But I don't want to scare him._  So instead, he just sought out Yuuri's mouth for a delicate kiss, one that left his mind blank. Yuuri just sort of melted into him, willing in the best way. Viktor found himself wanting more, wanting everything. The feeling of Yuuri against him and the way everything around them faded away was too good, it was going to drive him crazy.

Too soon, Viktor reluctantly pulled away. Yuuri's eyes were sparkling and his pupils were blown wide, leaving the man to seriously question his decision to stop.  _Control yourself._ "I had a wonderful evening as well Yuuri," Viktor managed, smiling as he spoke. Just a little knowing, but more genuine than anything. After all, when was the last time he'd felt like this? "I hope we can do this again some time."

And though all he really wanted to do was shove Yuuri through the boy's door and show him just how wonderful this evening could get, Viktor turned around decisively and sashayed back towards the cab, hands in his pockets. Sliding into the cab, Viktor shut the door before glancing back at Yuuri. The taxi started to pull away, but not before he caught the starstruck look on the boy's face.

Surprisingly, the cabbie didn't comment. He just drove Viktor back to his hotel in silence.

All the while, Viktor could hardly breath.  _I just kissed him. I just kissed him. I just-_  He shook his head. No, he couldn't freak out about it. Yuuri had clearly enjoyed it, probably wouldn't have stopped him if he went further.  _I'm getting too deep into this._  But when it came to Yuuri, what was too deep?

This, probably. But he wanted nothing more than to fall deeper so he ignored that thought and just focused on the lights slipping past them.  _Besides, I'll see him tomorrow night, I don't need to freak out about it._

As the cab slowed to a stop before the hotel, Viktor tipped the man generously before waving farewell. He had been rather patient after all, despite his disparaging remarks. It was only after he watched him drive away that Viktor realized he should have asked the man more questions about it.

Shrugging it off decisively, Viktor slipped into the lobby and hurried for his room. Honestly, he wasn't even surprised when he got tackled the moment he walked through the door.

"Oh yes, go out and have fun Chris says," Yuri complained loudly, rolling his eyes and disrupting the curtain on blond hair than hung on one side of his face. "Forget about Viktor they say. He's probably off being an asshole and just abanDONING US!" The angry Russian smacked Viktor's head before getting off of him and flouncing away. "Last time I  _ever_  listen to Chris. Where the hell were you?"

Viktor held out his hands placatingly. "Yurio, calm down, no? You look like you're going to start breathing fire Kitten." Getting to his feet, Viktor drifted about the room, looking in the mirror before he started slipping out of what he'd worn to dinner and into something more comfortable.

"Will it take breathing fire for you to take me seriously?" Yuri huffed, his crystal blue eyes boring holes in the back of Viktor's head. "You'd probably manage to turn it into a joke regardless so why would I even bother. But that's not what we were talking about!" Pointing at Viktor, who held his hands up in mock surrender, Yuri demanded, "Where were you all of tonight?"

"Out," Viktor answered noncommittally, thinking of Yuuri and flushing happily, a reaction he quickly hid from the willowy Russian. "You know how it is, no?"

Catching on to what Viktor was attempting to hint at, Yuri scowled. "Bullshit, don't think you can get off with such a piss poor excuse Viktor. I know you," he sniffed, sticking his nose in the air. "You don't do things like that."

"Ah, you've seen right through me," Viktor said easily, floating into the bathroom. "I mess with you my Kitten, how foolish of me, of course you'd notice."

_This was really fun Viktor._  With those soft lips and small blush that only made him look more attractive, appealing.

"Stop trying to avoid this!" Yuri squawked, his generally disgruntled nature making Viktor chuckle softly. "You went somewhere, probably with someone, and you aren't telling me! I mean, I understand not telling Chris because he's just going to start giving you the  _look,_  and I get not telling JJ because he's an idiot anyway but you can't just keep it from all of us!"

Waltzing back out of the bathroom, Viktor cheekily informed Yuri, "Actually Yurio, I can. Besides, why are you interested in my private life at all. I stay out of yours, even when the other's don't."

Yuri pouted and looked away, turning red. "Yes but I  _told_ everyone about Beka. Which wasn't what I wanted to do, let me tell you. But I did it anyway because it's something you all should know about." Swinging his head back around to glare at Viktor, Yuri snapped, "And what does he have to do with anything, huh?"

"You were the one who brought him up," Viktor hummed with a smile, mind already drifting off towards his evening once more. "I was just trying to make a point." As though his bones had liquefied, Viktor tiredly fell backwards onto his bed before curling up and facing the Russian man across from him.

"Regardless," Yuri snapped, irritated. "Won't you just tell me who it was?"

Letting his eyes drift closed, Viktor murmured, "Imagine the most perfect thing ever Yurio, a person that transcends this plane of existence. A snowy dove kept in a cage." Rolling over so he could stare at his ceiling, Viktor smiled dopily, like a teenager thinking about his first crush. "He's got a smile that lights up a room and a heart that's too big for his body. He's perfect Kitten, absolutely perfect."

Yuri huffed out a breath. "Sound's like you love him."

Breath stopping for a second, Viktor finally managed a shallow laugh. "I've known him for a few days Yurio, how could I possibly be in love already?" It was a ridiculous thought, though Viktor realized that it had been this that Christophe had been hinting at. "Besides, he doesn't even know who I am."

It made it worse when Yuri's tone took a pitying turn. "Oh, you have it bad."

"What makes you say that," Viktor mumbled in complaint, hardly able to keep himself awake enough to be irritated.

"Because I've been in your shoes," Yuri told him frankly, the words echoing in Viktor's mind as though he was hearing them from underwater. "Sorry Viktor, you're fucked."

_Well,_  Viktor thought distantly as he drifted off, still laying on top of his duvet cover.  _If it's Yuuri, I guess I can hardly complain._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yup. More to come soon. Just as soon as I get my butt out of bed...


	15. Missing Your Life

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Yuuri is surrounded and doesn't handle it too well
> 
>  
> 
> _Come Hang Out - AJR_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... I mean, I know it's a tad bit early, but can we just say that I felt like it and move on?
> 
> Also, I've been thinking, since this is a Band AU and since I've already got a playlist going, do you think it's okay for me to... I dunno, recommend a song to go with each chapter? I think I will. And I think I'll go back and add them for the other chapters as well...
> 
> Enjoy!

"Literally Yuuri, is your head somewhere else today? Did I tell you to put the towels away in the cabinet? Did I tell you to put them away?"

"Hey! Mari, lay off of him! He's doing the best that he can. You know how hard Yuuri wor-"

"Yuuko, look at him, he's practically been in la la land all day!"

"Yuuri's daydreaming-"

"And it's frustrating Auntie Mari-"

"Because he keeps messing up!"

With a sigh, Yuuri put the towels into the single cleaning cart the small motel possessed before leaning on it's handlebar in abject exhaustion. At least it would have been pure exhaustion, if it wasn't so damn happy.  _I'm acting like the god's own fool._  Who cared? Who even cared? All Yuuri wanted to do was spin around in circles and giggle joyfully.  _Shouldn't I be thinking about this more logically?_  Maybe, but he'd bypassed logical a long time ago.

Now he was just giddy or something. Possibly it was just sleep deprivation...?

"Yuuri, focus!" Mari snapped her fingers under Yuuri's nose, much to the collective amusement of the triplets, who were all bouncing about. "It's like you didn't sleep last night. Where is your head right now?"

 _Not here. This is your job anyway. I've got homework to do..._  "Sorry sis," he apologized instead, turning back towards the piles of laundry that Mari and Yuuko had been folding together while Axel, Lutz, and Loop made pillow forts with the unused pillows. Somehow he'd been looped into coming here to spend time with his sister and best friend. He wasn't complaining per-say, but he would rather not have to do chores.

"Yuuri never answered the question," Lutz stage whispered to Loop and Axel conspiratorially, peaking her head out of the chimney of the pillow fort so she could squint at Yuuri.

"Yeah, why  _are_  you so sleepy?" Yuuko asked, tilting her head, a confuddled look on the pretty brunette's face. "I thought last night was your off night. Don't you usually catch up on sleep on that day?"

"Well yeah but..." Yuuri trailed off, choosing to hide his nervously flushed face behind a stack of fluffy hand towels. His traitorous thoughts instantly took him back to the night before. The feeling of Viktor's hand in his hair, the sweet smell of him surrounding the boy, the soft press of his lips against Yuuri's...  _Crap, think about something else!_  Nope, it was useless. In seconds he'd been reduced back to the giddy mess he'd been all last night.  _He kissed me. I liked him kissing me. I want to kiss him again._

"He's hiding something," Axel agreed, nodding resolutely, her head peaking out from the little hatch they'd created with a torn pillow case. From inside the fort, her other sisters giggled.

Mari planted her hands on her hips. "Okay Yuuri, spill it. You were  _clearly_  hiding something last night. I let it slide then but not anymore! You are telling us right now."

"It was nothing!" Yuuri yelped, shaken from his own thoughts abruptly. "It was just... Nothing." Oh, Viktor was far from  _nothing_  but Yuuri did  _not_  want to talk about it. Especially since it was likely that any conversation would devolve into him blushing furiously and hiding in his old room. Besides, it was just a short thing, why bother telling them if they'd only get excited and then subsequently be let down when Viktor left.

Pretending like it was his sister and Yuuko that would be disappointed made it easier for him to pretend that he wouldn't be.

"Nothing he says?" Loop muttered, somewhere deep within the pillow fort. "That would be only mildly suspicious but!" She stuck her hand through a crack and waved something very familiar about. "His phone says different."

"Hey!" Dumping the pillowcases back onto the table, Yuuri lurched forward. "Give that back! How did you even get your hands on that?" Axel snickered at those words like she knew something the rest of them didn't. "What are you doing?"

"OOH!" Mari exclaimed, bouncing on her heels. "Tell us what it says!"

"Maybe you three should give Yuuri his phone back," Yuuko started like a good mother, before looking at the blush blooming across Yuuri's cheeks and caving, saying, "Oh what the heck, tell us!"

"That stuff is private!" Yuuri tried to insist, tripping over an old sheet that had been left on the floor before miraculously regaining his balance. "You can't just look through it. Stop it guys!"

"I hope you had a great time last night Yuuri," Lutz read aloud, causing both Mari and Yuuko to swivel sharply to face Yuuri, eyes wide. "I really did enjoy our d _ate! YUURI WENT ON A DATE LAST NIGHT WITH V!"_  From inside the pillows, all three girls squealed loudly.

"Oh my god, who's V?" Yuuko demanded, her face glowing with joy and excitement. "Oh my god oh my god oh my god! Yuuri why didn't you tell me about him!?"

"I KNEW IT!" Mari screeched at the same time. "I freaking  _knew_  you were going on a date. You had your hair all done and everything! You only ever do something like that when you're going out somewhere. You always used to do it in that exact same way whenever Phichit took you out somewhere~ Oh my GOD!"

"It's not that big a deal!" Yuuri insisted, backing away from the two women nervously. "It was just a little something. It didn't mean anything, you guys can calm down."

"This V fellow called it a date," Mari pointed out, an eyebrow raised even as she reached out to grab Yuuri before he could bolt. "That's pretty damn specific if you ask me. I mean, there's not many ways that could be misinterpreted."

"Wait, is this the same guy you met at Speedway?" Yuuko asked, bouncing around Yuuri and closing the door so he couldn't leave the laundry room. "Oh my god, are you telling me that tall, dark and way out of your league asked you out  _just like I thought he would?_  I totally called it!"

"You did not!" Yuuri protested, feeling horribly ganged up on. "It was just something casual. We just went out for dinner and stuff. And he's not dark, he's just a little mysterious." Realizing that he was running his mouth, Yuuri shook his head. "ARGH, WHY AM I EVEN TALKING TO YOU TWO!?"

"Did he kiss you?" Axel asked, staring at Yuuri intently.

"Come on, tell us he at least did that," Loop intoned, popping out of the fort so she could cross her arms.

"You don't just take someone to dinner and then  _not_  kiss them," Lutz confirmed. "Especially when it's someone like you."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Yuuri blustered, throwing his arms in the air while choosing to purposefully ignore the first part of the question. "I never ask for anything."

"Yuuri, did you see those jeans you were wearing last night?" his sister asked, crossing her arms as well. "They were asking for a whole lot more than just a kiss. Do you even remember how to dress casually?"

"Well he doesn't exactly dress casually either!" Yuuri protested, huffing. "I was just trying to not look like a slob compared to him."

"Yuuri you never look like a slob," Yuuko protested, crushing him in a side hug that pushed all the breath from his lungs. "Why would this V have gone out with you if you were?"

"I don't know," Yuuri muttered. "He's not exactly normal." Needing to do something with his hands, the boy struggled out of Yuuko's grasp and quickly resumed his task of putting away the clean laundry.

"At least tell us where he took you for dinner," Yuuko insisted, her eyes wide and pleading. "I mean, you said he was rich, it must have been somewhere nice."

Rolling her eyes, Mari perched herself on top of the table and sighed. "You might as well. I want the details Yuuri. Details. You aren't getting out of this one." Which was true so Yuuri figured he might as well make the best of it.

"He took me to The Q actually," Yuuri admitted, with that kind of tone that said he'd be scratching the back of his neck awkwardly if he wasn't holding a stack of freshly laundered sheets.

Mari's face instantly soured. "Oh. My. God." It was a very different tone than before. "That- that-" She shot a glance behind her at the triplets before forcing out, "Horrible person." Somehow, she made it sound like the most scathing insult in the world. "How  _dare_  he?"

"Oh Yuuri," Yuuko whimpered, taking on a very different tone than Mari. "I'm so sorry. That must have been horrible. You should have told him about-"

"It didn't matter," Yuuri insisted, frustrated with their reactions. "I had a good time."

"You don't have to lie to us Yuuri," Mari told him stoutly, glaring at a spot above his head. "I know you've been avoiding that place and I don't blame you. I can't believe he'd just drag you back to there!"

"Cause ooh boy..." Lutz muttered.

"That's just-" Axel started.

 _"Cold"_  Loop finished.

"Stop pitying me!" Yuuri snapped, throwing the folded sheets into the air in annoyance. "It's  _over._ I'm over it. I'm over  _him._  If someone wants to take me to The Q then they can. If they want to take me to any of the other restaurants Phichit took me to, that's fine too! I. Don't. Care." He knew he was being unfair but he was tired of this, the walls he'd put himself behind and the cage everyone else had shoved him into.

"No, Yuuri, we didn't mean it like that," Yuuko insisted, but she still had that pitying expression on her face. "It's just, that must have been really hard for you. To be back there, after everything that happened."

"A lot of things happened a lot of places," Yuuri stubbornly pushed out, stomping over towards the pillow fort and snatching his phone out of Lutz's sheepish grip.

"Yeah," Mari muttered. "And you avoid all those places. Yuuri, you literally spend all your time in your crappy apartment if you're not at work or at college. Don't try to make this seem like it was unimportant."

"Stop trying to make it something it wasn't!" Walking towards the door, Yuuri turned and gave the room full of girls one last hurt look. "Look... Yes alright, it was hard, but this was different and I enjoyed myself. It's just a building. Can't you guys let it be just a building too?" When they didn't answer, Yuuri sighed and pushed open the door, exiting quickly.

 _Well that was horrible._  But if he was being honest with himself, Yuuri had expected nothing less. Hell, it's how he'd felt last night when he'd first seen where they were. In the end though, he  _had_ enjoyed himself. Viktor had been perfect and everything else had gone as smoothly as possible. Heck, he hadn't been able to sleep the night before because all he'd been able to think about was Viktor and those breathless moments on his front steps. That was what Yuuir wanted  _every_  night to be like.

Pulling out his phone, Yuuri glanced down at the message Viktor had sent him. A small, reluctant smile creeping up over his lips, Yuuri ducked his head before quickly typing out,  _[It was the best Viktor, I couldn't have asked for better.]_

And then, because he couldn't help himself,  _[I can't wait to see you tonight.]_  Even though he found himself beset by butterflies the moment he sent it, Yuuri smiled.  _I'm tired of living in a box, I want to be happy. If I keep hiding, I'll never make that wish a reality._

So what if Viktor was leaving? So what if he pulled Yuuri out of his comfort zone if only because he didn't know where the previously drawn lines were? Yuuri loved being around the man and if this could be his first step towards a better life, then why not take it?

His phone buzzed.  _[I can't wait either, Dove.]_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to my Angel for reading, you're a wonderful human being.
> 
> If anyone was wondering, I'm feeling better. My fever broke at least so I'm no longer delirious. It's nice being able to think.
> 
> Anywho, laters darlings~


	16. He Said That She Said

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Viktor discovers the joys of being famous and it sucks
> 
>  
> 
> _Drama - AJR_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, this one got really long. But I promise, it was necessary so next chapter we can enjoy some perfectly adorable Yuuri/Viktor action. So grin and bear it for me. You're all darlings for reading this terrible stuff.
> 
> The song was written by a friend of mine. She's got a Youtube channel somewhere... Alayna Heart probably. She's awesome, check her out.
> 
> Other than that, Enjoy!

"Again!" Viktor insisted, wiping the sweat from his hairline with the back of his hand.

"Motivated much?" JJ asked, eyebrow raised. Even as he mocked Viktor, his fingers danced over his guitar, tightening the strings. "What's gotten into you?"

"He couldn't sleep," Yuri groused, fiddling with their stereo in annoyance. "And now he's taking it out on us."

"Dude, he's the only one," JJ exclaimed, grinning from ear to ear. "I slept like a baby and I know Chris did. I haven't had that much fun in  _ages."_  He struck a chord on his instrument and grinned at the powerful sound that echoed through the parking garage.

Christophe raised his eyebrows and leaned over his drum set. "But of course you did, I was the one who planned it after all." Pouting, he turned towards Yuri. "I'm disappointing you didn't stay. Not that I'm complaining that much." He glanced over at JJ, who coughed and looked up at the ceiling pointedly. "After all, I did get rather tipsy."

Viktor couldn't help but smile at the antics of his friends. Both Christophe and JJ had clearly had some fun last night and Yuri probably had as well, even if he didn't want to admit it.  _Good, I'm glad my vanishing on them didn't dampen their fun that much._  Not that he would have traded the night before for the world. His mind was still filled with Yuuri, his eyes, his laugh, his mouth...  _Oh Yuuri..._

"So," Christophe's tone was one of light teasing. "Are we going to run this song again or not? You  _are_ focused today after all." He raised his eyebrows and Viktor rolled his eyes, knowing exactly what the Swissman was hinting at. It was made more irritating because he was absolutely right. He was always more focused after being around Yuuri and now that he couldn't get the man out of his mind, everything just seemed to be going better.

"I am quite focused, aren't I?" Viktor said, grinning instead of being petty and being annoyed at Christophe. "It's simply wonderful. So let's not waste it."

"So  _Scars?"_  Yuri clarified, tossing his head so his hair fell back into place. "Because if I have to play  _Forget to Forget_  one more time, I'm going to stab you."

Viktor placed a hand on his heart in horror. "Yurio, I'm injured, really I am. My sweet little kitten hates me. It hurts deep down." Waving his hand dismissively, Victor tilted his chin up and faced forward, as if the empty garage was full of people.

As JJ hit the first chords, Viktor opened his mouth.

**_Travel far travel quick_ **

**_Save enough for him_ **

**_All his words make you sick_ **

**_Now you run from him_ **

**_You say no more (no more)_ **

**_But he doesn't ever let you leave_ **

As he sang, voice rough and throaty, Viktor remembered the look of fear in Yuuri's eyes as they'd walked up to the restaurant. Like something bad had happened to him.  _You rich asses are all the same._  Like someone else had hurt Yuuri who was like Viktor in some way.

_Who hurt you Love? Why are you locked within yourself?_

_**He said** _

_**Don't worry girl** _

_**There isn't anything I want from you** _

Viktor's mouth moved on its own and yet he knew his pitch and tone was perfect.  _Why do I feel like I'm always singing for Yuuri?_ Viktorcouldn't help but wonder if the boy would like his singing. He flushed with happiness as he remembered Yuuri's face when he heard Viktor sing.

_I have to tell him eventually but perhaps he won't mind that much._

**_Tell me all your worries_ **

_**He can't hurt you** _

_**You're sore from his hits** _

_**I won't let you stay like this** _

_**Stay with me,** _

_**We'll**_   _ **make them see**_

_**That you're still human** _

_**Those scars on your wrists** _

_**They prepared you for this.** _

He could still feel that sweet willingness Yuuri had shown him in those few stolen seconds.  _I want more._ Was that selfish of him, Viktor could hardly make himself care. All he wanted was to see that perfect smile on Yuuri's lips, not that tired line that so often decorated his mouth.  _You deserve nothing less than the best. I want to be that for you._ He didn't even know why, he'd only known Yuuri for a few days after all, but already, he found himself entirely obsessed.

_You mean so much and yet I can't even begin to understand._

_**You're paranoid, you must have heard** _

_**That they had enough of it** _

_**You run away from their words** _

_**They drag you back into it** _

_**Now you're scared, now you're hurt** _

_**Why can't you just let me in?** _

_**But the world alone** _

_**Can't begin** _

_**To hear your silent screams** _

And as the words flowed, the familiarly heart-wrenching song manifesting itself in those powerful chords and each pounding beat, Viktor found even his thoughts of Yuuri being lost to the music. All that was left was that feeling of contentment, of belonging that he'd managed to find leaning against a dirty counter of Speedway. It had been hardly a week and yet he never wanted to leave. If only so he could spend every moment with Yuuri, Viktor wanted to stay in Portland.  _I must have lost my mind._  As long as Yuuri was still there, Viktor couldn't bring himself to care. This was as close to perfect as he'd ever found.

As the music ended and the last words of the song echoed over the parking garage, JJ let out a loud whoop of joy. "YES! THAT WAS PERFECT!"

Bowing his head, Viktor softly admitted, "It was amazing, I must agree." His cheeks were flushed with pleasure and his eyes were alight with joy. Because he knew why his music was so much better.  _It's because cause I'm starting to understand what I've been writing about, isn't it?_

The idea was equal parts terrifying and wondrous.

"Can we take a break now?" Yuri muttered, throwing his patented bitch-face in Viktor's direction. "It's lunch and you are  _not_  going to make us work all day on this."

"The kitten has a point," Christophe admitted, grinning lazily. "We're making progress by leaps and bounds Viktor, I think we could stand to get something to eat. But then," he shrugged and leaned backwards, arching his spine and letting out a sigh as he stared at the ceiling. "You're the boss here."

With an indulgent smile, Viktor chuckled. "Far be it from me to starve my friends. I'm not  _cruel_  after all. We've done enough work for today, no? I wouldn't want any of you burning out now." The last part was meant to be mocking and it was taken as such.

"Fuck no!" Yuri barked, glaring at Viktor. "I could do this all day, I'm just not going to because that's not normal and some of us aren't batshit crazy." When Christophe laughed and Viktor only smirked, the blond Russian threw his hands in the air and gave up.

"Then I suppose it's decided," Christophe said, a smile on his face. "We're breaking for lunch."

"So where are you thinking?" JJ asked as he helped Christophe load their equipment back into the only vehicle in the entire parking level. "I mean, we went to that bar last night but..."

"There's a cafe nearby," Christophe suggested, sticking out his bottom lip as he attempted to recall the name. "I'm pretty sure it's called Pip's. They've got doughnuts and from what I hear, some excellent Chai tea which I for one would love to try."

"Anywhere that isn't this musky shithole would be wonderful," Yuri groused, carefully putting away his Base before adopting an inpatient stance. As it always seemed want to do, his hair flopped into his eyes, which ruined the otherwise imposing expression on his face.

Chuckling and neatening Yuri's hair, much to the shorter boy's ire, Viktor said, "Come now Yurio, not everywhere can be like our studio back in Russia. We're fortunate to be able to practice somewhere at all."

"It is lucky," Christophe agreed, ruffling Yuri's hair just to irritate the man further. "Especially seeing as our schedule has been quite a bit more spotty than we originally expected it to be."

JJ shrugged. "You know Isabella's doing the best she can." Isabella had been their manager for years, since the beginning. Whatever she said in terms of scheduling was law for the for of them. That being said, Viktor couldn't help but wish she'd planned out more shows for them.  _No, be honest, you're glad you have all this free time. It means you can spend more time with Yuuri._

Yuri scoffed. "Sometimes I think she's losing interest in this. I mean, for our other tours, we've had things planned weeks in advance." He had a point, but Viktor only laughed as they started leaving the parking garage.

"We did throw her quite a curve ball, no?" Viktor reasoned, dancing about happily as they started climbing the stairs. "She's handing it beautifully. And come on Kitten, enjoy yourself! You're in America! Isn't this what you've always wanted?"

Yuri turned red and muttered something mutinous under his breath, much to the collective amusement of the other band members.

As the for of them left the hotel and started walking towards the cafe Christophe had mentioned, Viktor couldn't help but stare at the Speedway as they passed it.  _I wonder how Yuuri will act now that he's had some time to think about the night before?_  They hadn't exactly talked about their little moment before Viktor had left.  _I hope he doesn't regret it..._

Disliking the bubble of nerves that rose up in the pit of his stomach, Viktor pulled out his phone and sent a quick text to Yuuri.  _[I hope you had a great time last night Yuuri.]_  Staring at the message as if willing Yuuri to respond, Viktor made a dissatisfied sound in the back of his throat, he tacked on,  _[I really did enjoy our date]_

"Put that thing away!" JJ complained, swatting at the device in Viktor's hand away in annoyance. "Shouldn't you be, I don't know, enjoying the rest of the world?"

Slipping the phone back into his pocket, Viktor pouted. "Chris is doing in and you haven't said a word to him."

"That's because I'm special," Christophe called from the front of the pack. He seemed to be entirely engrossed in his phone, completely ignoring the gasps from some of the people around them as they recognized  _who_  was walking down the street. Viktor would have been worried, but he knew there was private security surrounding them loosely so he just stared at JJ with a hurt look.

"He's got the directions," JJ pointed out, as though this was any sort of defense.

"So I'm not special?" The Swissman looked up at JJ with teasing hurt in his emerald eyes. "My heart, it's been broken."

"Oh shut up," JJ muttered, bumping Christophe's shoulder with a grin.

"Both of you are idiots," Yuri announced, right on cue.

Viktor sighed. "So hurtful Yurio, you really need to cheer up. What do we have to do to put you in a better mood?" It was a silly question because all of them knew that there was only one thing that actually put Yuri in some semblance of a good mood and that thing was all the way in New York City.

Yuri's only response was to flip Viktor off. JJ cackled at that and Christophe only murmured in amusement.

Once they finally reached Pip's Original Doughnuts, the four of them pushed into the bustling cafe. Viktor instantly felt himself relax as the sweet aroma of the little shop flowed over them. It was a cute little place, charming and bright, a sort of look into the life of an everyday Portlandian. Even Yuri managed a grudging smile as he caught sight of the startling array of doughnuts out on display.

JJ grinned at the sight. "You always chose the best places Chris."

"Of course I do," Christophe said, lowering his lashes and looking at JJ through them. "Did you ever doubt me?"

After they'd ordered and settled into seats, Viktor brought out his phone again. Yuuri still hadn't responded, which made his gut tighten.  _Why am I getting so worked up? How does he control my emotions with just a wave of his hand?_  It was almost ridiculous, but... Viktor couldn't convince himself it was.  _It's Yuuri,_  he thought, as though this was reason enough.  _Why wouldn't I hang off of his every word?_

It was at that moment that Christophe almost spit out a mouthful of his chai tea. "Oh mother of- Well isn't this just dandy? You know Nikiforov, I hate to side with Yuri on this but if you keep doing stupid things like this, eventually Isabella's going to give up on us."

Quickly switching off his phone, Viktor looked at Christophe in puzzlement. "What are you talking about Chris? You say things like that so abruptly but you don't explain them, it isn't good."

"Oh boy," JJ said, a little bit  _too_  much excitement in his tone. "What's Viktor done this time?"

Tapping away at his own phone, Yuri groaned under his breath. "You fucking idiot. You featherbrained, nonsensical, stupid idiot! Did you even  _think_ about what you were doing before you went and did?"

Tilting his head in hurt confusion, Viktor said, "Really, I have no notion of what you are talking about. Are either of you going to explain?"

Christophe glanced up at JJ before looking at Viktor with a silent sigh. "Isabella just sent us all an article that was published today. Would you like to hear the title?"

Leaning over Christophe's shoulder, JJ read it aloud before Viktor could stop him. " _Famous singer Nikiforov and his secret love affair._ Wait, what?" Looking at Viktor in confusion, JJ sat back down in his chair. "You're seeing someone? Who? When?"

"No wait, I want to read what stupidity the shithead managed to get himself into," Yuri announced, scrolling through the article. "Reliable first hand witnesses say they saw Nikiforov in a local restaurant called The Q with an unknown man. It was clear just from a glance they were more than friends."

"But who could this mysterious man be?" Christophe continued, watching Viktor, even as he recited the next sentence of the article. "Though no pictures were taken of the two, witnesses say the boy was uncommonly attractive."

"A 'wide eyed blushing youth'." Yuri followed up with disdain. "Clearly starstruck by the great Mr. Nikiforov." He glared at Viktor once more. "Fucking really?" He snapped his phone back onto the table. "Right out in public like you  _aren't_  a celebrity?"

"And you never even told us!" JJ had stolen Christophe's phone so he could read the rest of the article. "Come on Nikiforov, that's just low man. You've got to tell us about these things."

Viktor waved his hand absently. "I would have told you all eventually."

"Bullshit."

"You wouldn't have," Christophe pointed out, a doleful look in his big eyes. "But I suppose that's okay because I already knew about it."

"As did I," Yuri muttered, a scowl decorating his face. "And I had to force it out of him."

"Are you telling me that I was the only one who didn't know?" JJ exclaimed.

"Look," Christophe said, cutting the man off, ignoring his question. "What's important is that this creates all kinds of PR problems. You have to be more discreet about this or you have to just be completely open. Otherwise we're going to end up with more of a disaster than this article is causing on its own."

Yuri muttered something under his breath that sounded like  _Not that the idiot won't find another way to make trouble_  before taking another bite of his doughnut. "Now this is going to be the only thing people ask about. Great. We needed this. I hope whoever that guy is can handle some crazy journalists.

Viktor's gut clenched at the idea of the paparazzi mobbing Yuuri. The man didn't deserve that kind of negative attention. He was such a quiet thing after all, he'd probably never done anything before now to attract media attention. If this got blown out of proportion...  _He'll find out, won't he? I don't want him to find out who I am like that._

"So," JJ said conversationally, apparently over his little grievance about not being in on the secret from the beginning. "Seeing as we all know now, why don't you tell us about this mystery boy."

Realizing he was cornered, Viktor sighed and stared at his coffee. "His name is Yuuri and I met him the night we got here. I've been seeing him regularly ever since." Yuri looked up at the sound of the boy's name, causing Viktor to smile. "It's spelled differently than your name Kitten. Quite the coincidence though, yes?"

Yuri huffed. "He sounds ridiculous."

"So perfect for Nikiforov," JJ joked. "Is he  _starstruck_  like the article said?"

Glancing out the window, Viktor muttered, "He doesn't know who I am. I'm just  _me_  to him. I'm not Mr. Nikiforov."

Christophe sighed. "I told him he was being stupid by not telling the man but far be it from me to tell you how to go about this."

"That's pretty shitty," Yuri informed Viktor sourly, sipping at his own tea. "You can't just  _not_  tell someone something this big. It's basically like lying."

"I mean," JJ shrugged helplessly. "I'd tell him."

"But it's none of your business so I'd be very grateful if you dropped it," Viktor said, effectively ending the conversation. He had no problem talking about Yuuri, heck, he could probably do it for hours. That being said, he had no time for his friends telling him just how stupid his choices were. "We're just having some fun. I like him, he likes me, nothing more." But  _oh_  it was so much more. "I'll try and remember to tell you next time I go on a date with him."

JJ held up his hands. "Whatever man, I literally know nothing about this. You have fun, you're allowed to."

Even though his eyes were sending a very clear message, Christophe simply shrugged. "Don't get defensive, we're just being your friends. I'm sure Yuuri is a wonderful person."

"He's probably dopey and annoying," Yuri informed them. "But if you're happy Nikiforov, then it's whatever. Just don't make a mess of everything. At least any more than you already have."

And like that, the three people sitting with Viktor dropped the subject, quickly switching to their next show and which songs they'd be playing from their repertoire. Viktor glanced down at his coffee and doughnuts, no longer feeling very hungry. They were right of course, he did need to tell Yuuri.  _Just let me put it off a little longer..._

It wouldn't hurt anything.

As if on cue, his phone buzzed. Whipping it out, Viktor felt a wash of joy crash over him at the words on the screen.  _[It was the best Viktor, I couldn't have asked for better]_  Like a charm, all the tension just vanished from the Russian man's body, Yuuri's words calming the rolling in his stomach.  _So he had a good time. Does that mean he was okay with the kiss?_

Before he could think of a response, Yuuri sent another text.  _[I can't wait to see you tonight.]_  Flushing with happiness, Viktor felt something warm grow in his chest. Who cared what the tabloids said, Yuuri was perfect and Viktor wanted to keep him that way.

_Forever, if I can._

With a little chuckle, Viktor answered back.  _[I can't wait ether Dove.]_  And he couldn't. Even as Yuri complained that he was making a stupid face, Viktor just grinned more widely. Because with his Flower involved, how could anything really get him down?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So fluffy you can't even handle it. Expect something a bit more... adorable next chapter.
> 
> And by adorable, do you think Yuuri has the nerve to be a little forward with Viktor?
> 
> Whatever, next chapter tomorrow. All that jazz. Love you all
> 
> Laters~


	17. I Can Tell You Mean It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Yuuri makes himself very clear
> 
> _Heaven In Hiding - Halsey_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this on no sleep, enjoy the fruits of my labor. If it makes no sense, that's because it doesn't. I can't write at 11:00 like I used to.
> 
> Enjoy!

Yuuri was pacing.

It wasn't something he usually did at 12:56 at night but then, usually he wasn't so damn stressed. Okay, maybe that was being unfair, it wasn't actually stress, more like nerves really. And what was he even nervous about? Viktor? Hell no! Viktor was a soft happy puppy, Yuuri was nervous about the  _circumstances._  The  _situation_  if you will.

Neatening up a line of chip bags as he went, Yuuri resisted the urge to bite his lip.  _I mean, everything is clearly alright but we haven't even talked about it..._  What was he stressing about?

The kiss. Or more accurately, the thing that happened when neither of them were thinking straight. Deep down Yuuri knew worrying about something like this was stupid, but it didn't feel stupid, it felt necessary. Shouldn't someone have brought it up by now? Though he had initially dreaded that horribly awkward conversation about what had happened, at this point, Yuuri just wanted to know what he should expect.

 _Does he even want to kiss me anymore?_  Yuuri shook his head as if to physically dislodge the thought from his brain. No, stupid! He shouldn't care! It didn't matter, right?

Oh but it did. And now he was stuck worrying about it. Glancing up at the double doors, Yuuri sighed and made his way back to the counter. Either way, he was glad that he was going to get to see Viktor tonight. However it panned out, any moment spent in the presence of that god-like man was a good one.  _Well that doesn't sound pathetic or obsessed at all..._

With a tired push up, Yuuri planted himself on the counter before slouching over.  _It's like a constant back and forth with him. I can't seem to find any sort of happy medium with my emotions._  Usually, Yuuri found that people eventually settled in his mind, leaving him with a set emotional response that was expected and  _normal._  Viktor didn't do that, Viktor always threw him for a loop.

 _Like last night..._  He hadn't been expecting that. It had just... happened, hadn't it? Yuuri's cheeks flamed as he recalled each piece with clear and powerful detail. Viktor's fingers in his hair, so gentle, just like they always were when he touched him. The boy couldn't help but wonder what that touch would be like with a bit more force behind it, more need. There was a strange tugging in Yuuri's chest as the ghost of Viktor's lips touched his.  _I want more than just a quick kiss. I want more._

Frustrated with himself and also with Viktor for avoiding the subject so entirely, Yuuri blew out a breath.  _Just don't think about it._  Thinking about it only sent chills down his spine and left him short of breath.  _I'm hopeless._

Then the bell above the door rang and Yuuri slipped off the counter in surprise. There he was, hair blown back from his face, tight jeans clinging to him in all the right placesand a smile on his face. In all his glory, Viktor stepped through the doors and instantly his turquoise eyes spiraled with delight. "Yuuri~" he purred, waltzing towards the boy.

Well aware that he was blushing but not really caring, Yuuri breathlessly answered, "Viktor, hey." Oh it sounded so inadequate but it hardly mattered. Viktor was there and the look on his face made Yuuri wish that the man would just pin him to the counter and kiss him senseless.  _Oh boy, I'm crazy. I've lost it._

Stopping a few feet in front of Yuuri as if held back by an invisible wall, Viktor stared at him, his eyes hungry and yet reserved, as if he were actively exercising his self control.  _Does that mean he wants me too? Or am I reading this situation wrong..._  "How has your day been Love?"

It was such an innocuous question, Yuuri was taken aback by it. "I- It's been great."  _We need to set things straight, right?_ So he tried his best to steer the conversation in that direction. "I didn't sleep much last night. You know, I just... I couldn't stop thinking about everything."  _Come on, you know what I'm trying to say. Don't make me say it out loud._

But Viktor merely laughed. "Admittedly I did not sleep much either, but that is because my internal clock has become  _very_  off." He winked playfully, that easy charm he seemed to exude only agitating Yuuri's blood more. Yuuri loved it, but he didn't want the lazy smiles and fluid movements, he wanted more of what Viktor had offered him the night before and this was only skirting the issue.  _I'm an addict._

"I wish it had lasted longer," Yuuri said, straying farther into uncertain waters.  _Maybe he's ignoring what I'm trying to say because he_ didn't  _enjoy it._ Which was so many levels of a stupid worry but Yuuri couldn't help it, not when Viktor was so close and  _nothing_ was happening. Even though his entire body felt like it was humming, on an edge that Viktor's presence had placed him on.

Viktor drew a little closer, a step, no more. It wasn't much, but it was progress. The air seemed to be getting gradually harder to breath and yet Viktor acted fine, like he was unaffected by the entire situation. "We could do it again sometime Flower, it would make me very pleased to be able to treat you to something nice like that again."  _No that's not what I meant, are you being purposefully obtuse?_

"Th-that would be wonderful," Yuuri admitted, unable to keep the stutter out of his tone.  _Actually I want a whole lot more. So give it to me, please. I don't remember how to ask for something like this._  "There are a lot of great places I'm sure you'd enjoy that are in Portland. O-or maybe we could do something else. Unless you already had something in mind."  _Stop running your mouth!_

Viktor's lips parted slightly as he watched Yuuri, a now familiar dazed look in his eyes. Like he was lost in thought and unaware of his own self. "With you Love, anything would be wonderful." He was so close, Yuuri knew the space between them would be so easy to close if only Viktor would just  _do something._  But maybe, he was waiting for Yuuri to say something. And if that was the case, then this would go on as long as Yuuri let it.

Finally fed up with the whole skirting of the issue, Yuuri clenched his jaw and took a deep breath, summoning his courage. "Ah, Viktor, a-about last night..." The tremor in his voice made him feel like an idiot. As if it had become a magnet, the ground drew the boy's eyes.

Instantly, Viktor's demeanor changed, like he was a flower under the hot sun. Practically wilting before Yuuri, the Russian man made a soft sound. "Yuuri," he said, his voice full of regret. "You know I never meant to do it."

Yuuri's stomach dropped.  _He does regret it,_  the boy realized.  _He doesn't actually see me like that, I was just deluding myself._  It crushed him and he hated that it had meant so much.

"If I had known it would make you upset or uncomfortable I would never have done anything," Viktor continued, guiltily. He kept wringing his hands nervously as he spoke, as though terrified of what Yuuri was going to say. "I was caught up in the moment and I wasn't thinking and you looked so  _beautiful..."_

Suddenly, Yuuri realized what Viktor was actually saying.  _He doesn't regret it, he's afraid I do._ Mind lightening, Yuuri's breath left him in a rush.  _Oh Viktor, we're both fools._

Looking up at Viktor, Yuuri couldn't even begin to stop himself. He didn't even say a word. All he did was reach forward, fist a hand in the front of Viktor's shirt and pull him forward decisively. Before Viktor could manage to say another word of apology, Yuuri crashed their mouths together in a kiss that effectively shut the Russian man up.

For a second, Yuuri moved his mouth over the stunned lips of Viktor. They were even softer than he'd remembered, even more intoxicating. Viktor tasted like sweets and coffee. Taking advantage of the man's still parted lips, Yuuri tentatively swiped his tongue over Viktor's mouth.

That broke the spell over Viktor.

Abruptly, Yuuri found himself being all but slammed against the counter at his back as Viktor came to life and dominated the kiss. Yuuri's head spun as Viktor's tongue invaded his mouth and left him breathless. One of the man's hands was buried in Yuuri's hair, the other had the boy's free hand pinned to the counter. Viktor's body covered his own as the taller man sucked roughly on his tongue and entirely overloaded his senses.

Fire raced through his blood, Yuuri's knees felt watery. All he could do was cling to Viktor and let himself be wrecked by that marvelous mouth against his own. He could feel a distantly remembered blaze of need scorch through him, leaving his mind in shambles.  _Oh god, I want him. I_  need  _this. I want Viktor right now._

Then they broke apart. Both of them were panting, unable to formulate so much as a coherent thought. Viktor stared at Yuuri, mouth still parted and cheeks dark. His lips were shiny with saliva and he swiped his tongue over them before swallowing hard. Yuuri could even begin to move, he just trembled against Viktor and attempted to keep himself from falling to the ground.

"Oh," Viktor murmured softly, his voice slightly unsteady. "I see." He didn't give Yuuri time to respond, he just leaned back in.

This kiss was softer, slower. A gentle press instead of voracity from before. Yuuri's fingers loosened in Viktor's shirt as the man moved his hands till he had one arm looped around Yuuri's waist and the other at his neck. Everything lay suspended as Viktor stole his breath so sweetly, so passionately, that Yuuri couldn't tell where the ground ended and he began. All he knew was that  _this_  was exactly what he wanted.

He wanted Viktor, and hell if the man wasn't giving him everything.

Then the bell above the door run and like a switch had been flipped Yuuri scrambled to put distance between himself and Viktor. From the door, the older woman who had walked in waved good-naturedly, no doubt fully aware of what had been happening a moment before. "Don't mind me," she insisted, smiling. "I'll be out in a moment."

"No, it's fine," Yuuri insisted, turning even redder than he already was, if that was at all possible. If Viktor was any indication, he probably looked like a mess. Running his fingers through his hair, which was wild after Viktor's treatment of it, Yuuri cleared his throat and looked up at Viktor. The man was still standing there, seemingly dazed. Then he blinked and spun on his heals.

"It was nothing Madam," Viktor insisted liltingly, bowing to the woman. "I was monopolizing his time unfairly. I am, in fact, the intruder here." Yuuri just watched him, wondering how he was already back to normal.  _He_  still couldn't breath right, his lips were swollen and his knees felt weak. Needing to do something to prove that he still could function as a human being, Yuuri hurried to get behind the counter. Obediently, Viktor hopped up onto the closed counter beside Yuuri and was silent.

"I'm just coming in to get coffee," the woman insisted, giving them both a conspiratorial wink. Tottering up towards Yuuri's register, she smiled knowingly. "It's always such a breath of fresh air to see young love."

"I-I um... Th-thank you," Yuuri stammered, unsure how to handle her comment.  _Young love? But this isn't love, right? This is just temporary insanity._ In order to distract himself, Yuuri rang up the woman's drink and smiled back weakly. "I m-mean I guess young love is nice..."

"Especially when it's one so adorable as Yuuri," Viktor agreed, talking over Yuuri's pathetic attempts coherency. Not in a rude way, no, it was almost like he knew the man was struggling and genuinely wanted to spare him the embarrassment. "I suppose we're just luckier than most."

 _Wait, he's agreeing with her?_  Yuuri thought in alarm.  _What?_

"Too true," she agreed, handing Yuuri a five and waiting for her change. "You hold onto that, it's a rare thing." Then she left, coffee in hand, a happy tune escaping from under her breath. Yuuri just sort of stared after her, still a little dazed.

The moment she left, he turned to Viktor and asked, "What was that supposed to mean?" It came out as more of a squeak than he would have liked it to.

Running his fingers through Yuuri's hair to flatten it more, Viktor softly said, "Never you mind Love." As if the woman had never interrupted at all, Viktor's eyes spiraled and he gently pulled Yuuri closer. Tilting the boy's chin up, Viktor leaned down and rested his forehead against Yuuri's. "You're so beautiful," he murmured in praise. "So perfect, what did I ever do to deserve you?"

"You didn't have to  _do_ anything," Yuuri breathed. "You just existed." And he realized with a jolt that it was true. There was no obligation here, there was nothing forcing him to do anything, it was just purely what Yuuri wanted and that felt wonderful. For once in his life, he was able to have something good that he wanted and he didn't have to feel bad about it. Because it was Viktor and he was physical proof that Yuuri didn't have to hide anymore.

 _What am I even doing?_  It didn't matter. Yuuri no longer cared.

Viktor's eyes softened and this close, Yuuri could see the emotions melting in his gaze, the joy, the tender assurance, the breath of something neither of them understood. It was as beautiful as the man himself. "When you say things like that Love," he admitted, voice dipping low. "It makes my heart flutter. How do you do it to me Yuuri, I don't think I'll ever know."

Yuuri let out a breathless chuckle. "If it makes you feel any better, I don't understand it either." He liked the way Viktor's eyes memorized him, liked this closeness even though it was setting him ablaze.  _How long has it been? Hardly a week?_

As Viktor's breath ghosted over Yuuri's lips once more, the bell over the door rang. Both of them turned to find a teenager staring at them, a look on his face that was caught between disgust and fascination. When they didn't move, he finally edged his way into one of the isles.

"It looks like we're just destined to get interrupted," Viktor lamented, sitting up straight before letting his hand fall from Yuuri's cheek. "Such is fate." With a sigh, he turned around and stared at the old clock ensconced in the wall. For a moment they were both silent, Yuuri using the time to ground himself and Viktor merely humming something under his breath, then Viktor spoke again.

"That's what I wanted to do last night you know," he commented, tone light, yet somehow serious. "I didn't exactly get the chance but believe me Flower, I was thinking about it. You are  _very_  hard to resist."

Yuuri flushed at the compliment. "Well, now you've gotten to," he mumbled, swiping at the screen of his register.

"I hope you'll let me again," Viktor said, voice coaxing.

Yuuri turned a bit redder and managed to push out, "You can do that whenever you'd like."

"Was that an invitation Yuuri Love," Viktor purred, lowering his lashes and observing the boy through them teasingly. "Because you should be careful what you offer, I will take you seriously."

 _I hope you do._  Instead, Yuuri laughed and said, "Take it as you like I suppose." Finally able to breathe normally again, Yuuri pushed at Viktor lightly. "Now get off the counter, I've got a rush right now."

Laughing at what Yuuri was able to mockingly call a 'rush', Viktor hopped off the counter. "Very well Yuuri darling. I should be getting to sleep anyway." Waving his fingers, Viktor sadly said, "Which means I shall have to take my leave." Like the flighty thing he was, Viktor waltzed towards the door, grinning as he went. "Farewell Yuuri, I hope to see you tomorrow my dove." Before Yuuri could so much as answer back, the automatic door closed behind the Russian man and he was gone.

 _Oh Viktor..._  Still feeling relatively high on what had just happened and still unable to process most of it, Yuuri leaned against the counter in a daze.  _So this is what it feels like to be happy. Funny, I'd forgotten._ And all because of a perfect stranger who had dropped into his life without warning.

"Who was that?" Glancing down at the teenager, who Yuuri now realized was vaguely familiar seeing as he came in pretty frequently, he took a moment to process what was being asked. "Cause it looked like he wanted to eat your or something."

Unable to stop himself from looking to where Viktor had just vanished, Yuuri murmured, "He's a god I think, though he doesn't always act like it." When the teen only scoffed, Yuuri gave him a knowing smile. "You'll probably get it someday."  _Maybe someday I'll be able to understand what Viktor does to me as well..._

"Yeah," the kid said, paying for his coke. "That's what adults always say." With that, he walked out of the Speedway, leaving the joint empty once more. It was only then that Yuuri allowed himself a giddy little laugh of joy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And then Author said, let there be deliciousness! And there was and everyone was happy, the end. Anyway, wanna guess how this is going to end? Let me give you a hint, it's going to be very wonderful, and then it's going to get very angsty.
> 
> No I don't hate you, why do you ask?
> 
> Laters~ ;p


	18. Now I Want It All

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Viktor has a... dream

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When I rate stories M, I fucking mean it.
> 
> Enjoy.
> 
> _Shadows - Breathe Carolina_

_"V-Viktor~" the boy moaned, writhing under Viktor's fingers, reacting so perfectly to each heated touch. "Please- I_ need~" _Whatever he'd been about to say was cut off by Viktor, who attacked Yuuri's lips once more, stealing his breath. The Russian could feel the boy winding his fingers in his hair and holding on for dear life and it made a groan rumble up from his chest._

_"Tell me what you want Love," Viktor murmured darkly into Yuuri's ear, pressing the boy into the bed with his own body. His hands were everywhere, wanting to feel every part of the beautiful creature that had been rendered powerless beneath him. "What do you want Yuuri?"_

_"I- I want-" Yuuri attempted to whimper, breath coming in short, hard gasps. Each sound was like fire to Viktor, sending want coursing through his veins. Moving his lips over Yuuri's collar, the man worked at driving him crazy, leaving him unable to do more than groan Viktor's name like a prayer._

_With a warm chuckle, Viktor moved his lips to Yuuri's chest, watching the boy's face through heavy-lidded eyes. As his tongue flicked over the rosy bud of Yuuri's nipple, the boy arched his back and let out a shout. "Oh_ god! _Viktor, please, I need you." Those words sent fire shooting to Viktor's lower body, arousal heating the air that much further._

Anything for you Love. _Teasing the already needy skin, Viktor drew yet more moans from Yuuri as he rolled the swollen bud between his teeth before switching to the other. Every sound the boy made sent the blood in Vitkor's body south and drove him absolutely crazy._

_"Do you want me Yuuri?" Viktor asked, already knowing the answer but wanting to hear it nonetheless. "Do you want me to make you mine?" The boy couldn't even draw breath, he was so overcome with pleasure. His pupils were blown wide, his cheeks were red and a line of saliva dripped from his mouth. It was the most spectacular sight and Viktor knew he'd never forget it._

_"Yes Viktor," Yuuri panted, hands reaching up and looping themselves around the Russian's neck. "Yes, I want you right now. Please, Viktor I-" Viktor didn't let him finish, he simply claimed Yuuri's lips before snapping his hips against the boy's. Instantly both of them let out loud groans. The friction felt glorious against his hardening erection and he could tell that Yuuri was in heaven as well._

_Setting a steady rhythm, Viktor rolled his hips against Yuuri, pressing him into the bed, while his hands roamed. Finding the boy's ass, Viktor squeezed hard, drawing yet more delicious moans from Yuuri. Each one was so sweet, so erotic, Viktor could hardly believe it. He was drowning in the man beneath him, loosing himself to firey desire and overwhelming pleasure. It was almost more than he could handle._

_"You're so beautiful for me," Viktor whispered, lips moving over Yuuri's heated and flushed skin. "So perfect my Flower. I can't get enough of you, you're driving me crazy." His touches became more desperate, wanting, needing more. His boxers chafed at his swollen erection and the layers of fabric between him and his beloved Yuuri were infuriatingly teasing._

_As if in answer to his thoughts, Yuuri cried out, "More, V-Viktor, I_ n-need _more~" His unfocused mahogany eyes locked on Viktor's blue ones and he drew Viktor in for a desperate kiss, one that conveyed every bit of the aching need that was driving them both forward. Viktor just let himself drown in the sensations, the constant grind of his hardness against Yuuri's, the way Yuuri's tongue tangled with his so wantonly, the feeling of his own heart thumping faster than seemed healthy._

_"Of course Love," Viktor managed, his voice husky and rough. Reaching between them, he pulled off his own boxers before finding the hem of Yuuri's and teasing it, chuckling darkly at the hungry moan it produced._ You're exquisite Yuuri, I don't deserve someone so perfect. _With his thumb, Viktor traced Yuuri's erection through his boxers, a messy smirk on his lips._

_Unexpectedly, Yuuri dug his nails into Viktor's back and growled against his mouth,_  "Stop teasing!" _Viktor shivered at the commanding note in the boy's tone, one he hadn't heard before. "I want you right now Viktor, I want to feel your skin against mine so just~ Ah! Oh god~" His words were cut short as Viktor stripped the boy of his boxers and ground down on him hard, skin sliding against skin. Yuuri's eyes practically rolled back in his head in ecstasy as Viktor let out a feral groan and bucked against him, giving him everything that he wanted._

_Viktor could feel his end approaching all too quickly, Yuuri's cries only loosening his grasp on his control. Every thrust against the man drew sinful groans from shiny swollen lips. Pulling Yuuri closer Viktor devoured those dirty sounds, unable to stop his own throaty moans from tangling with Yuuri's. Reaching between them, Viktor wrapped a hand around both of their leaking erections, his long dexterous fingers drawing a shout from Yuuri's lips._

_"Are you close?" Viktor asked, tone dipping roughly, unable to control his pitch. With his thumb he traced the slit of Yuuri's erection before pressing down. The boy jerked in his hand, almost sobbing with pleasure. Just that image alone almost pushed Viktor over the edge himself._

"God, _yes," Yuuri desperately moaned, his sweat soaked skin shining in the dim light, every inch of him flushed and hot. He writhed against Viktor, unable to do much more than tremble violently against the taller male._ So so gorgeous.  _With a breathless groan, Yuuri whimpered,_  "Please-"

_Catching Yuuri's lips in one more passionate kiss, Viktor rumbled against his mouth,_ "Then come~"

With a start, Viktor's eyes flew open. His face was buried in his pillow, his sheets were twisted around his body and his body was covered in a thin sheen of sweat. Groaning softly, Viktor lifted his head and suddenly found himself painfully aware of the throbbing erection between his legs. His shifting caused it to rub against his mattress and he had to stifle a strangled moan.

_Well this is unfortunate..._  Viktor thought weakly, turning his head to the side till he caught sight of the other person in the room, a soundly sleeping Yuri. Taking a moment to thank his lucky stars that his friend was a sound sleeper, Viktor took a shuddering breath.

The dream he'd just had was still running through his head, each detail seemingly ingrained in his mind.  _Yuuri, what have you done to me?_ He hadn't had a wet dream like that in... years? Viktor generally had pretty good control over himself but when it came to Yuuri, apparently all of that just flew out the window. After that passionate interlude against the counter of Speedway, Viktor had found himself pretty worked up. That had evidently sparked the dream he'd just had.

_All this rationalization isn't solving my immediate problem._  His immediate problem being the persistent hard on that he was still sporting. With a soft sigh, Viktor resigned himself to a cold shower.  _One that will likely be the first of many..._  Forcing himself to edge out of bed, quietly so he didn't chance disturbing his roommate, Viktor crept towards the bathroom, biting his lip to stifle any sounds that might have escaped otherwise.

Stripping out of his sweaty clothes, Viktor glanced down at himself. His cock stood proudly at attention, swollen and flushed with arousal.  _This is what Yuuri does to me._ He probably should have felt ashamed, but honestly, Viktor was surprised it had taken this long. The boy was undeniably attractive and after last night, Viktor realized just how deep his own want went.

Huffing, Viktor stepped into the shower. The spray of freezing cold water made him shiver violently as it trickled through his hair and down his back, soaking him. Unbidden, the memory of last night flared up in his head, the way Yuuri had felt underneath him as he pinned the boy to the counter and kissed him hard. Groaning, Viktor thumped his head against the tile facade. This was doing nothing to help him get rid of his problem. If anything, he was making it worse.

Shutting his eyes, Viktor tentatively reached down. Just the brush of his thin fingers against the head of his erection forced him to bring his other arm up to stifle a moan. Firmly grasping his swollen member, Viktor dragged his hand up in one long stroke that sent fire racing through him. Almost at once the image of Yuuri spread out beneath him begging for release flared up in his mind and a growl escaped him.  _I want that._ But right now, all he had were his own hands so he'd have to make do.

Aided by the slickness of the cold drizzle still pouring down over him, Viktor pumped his hand steadily, quickly building momentum. Thoughts of the dream spun in his head, the sound of Yuuri crying out his name so desperately, the picture of him with his eyes blown wide with pleasure as Viktor thrust against him. It coupled with his own ministrations left Viktor gasping softly against his arm and bucking up into his own palm.

Dragging his thumb through the precum that was beading at his slit, Viktor sped up his strokes, pressing at the prominent vein that ran along his shaft and letting his mind run wild. He could almost see Yuuri, on the edge of release, gasping out Viktor's name like it was a holy word.  _Oh god, Yuuri~_  He could feel his end approaching quickly and he chased it, desperate to find release.

"Yu _uri~!"_  Crying out the man's name, the sound muffled against his arm, Viktor finally came, splattering himself and the wall of the shower with white. Breathing heavily, he spent a moment just shuddering against the cold tile, waiting for his heartbeat to return to normal as he watched the water wash away the evidence of his deed.  _Yuuri Love, forgive me._  That thought was enough to drag a dry chuckle from Viktor's chest.

Finally coming to enough to move, Viktor pawed at the shower knob, finally cutting off the icy spray.  _I suppose there's no way to pretend that didn't happen._  Not that Viktor could deny it anyway. He definitely was attracted to Yuuri and that all sort of was wrapped up in that statement. Would he like to do something like that in real life?

_Oh would I ever..._

Shaking his head, Viktor wrapped himself in a towel before stepping back into his dim room. Dressing quickly into something... clean, Viktor padded over to the large window and reclined on the windowsill. From his vantage point, he could see for miles, count the lights of Portland as the stretched over the city. But he didn't look at that magnificent view, all he did was glance down at the Speedway. Part of him knew that Yuuri got off at two and therefore probably wasn't even there, but the rest of him couldn't help himself.

_Is he dreaming of me right now?_  Viktor wondered, knowing it was a conceited thing to think and not really caring.  _Or is he unable to sleep again because of me?_ Viktor wanted to know. Hell, if it was about Yuuri, he wanted to know everything. It was ridiculous almost, the level of his obsession. It almost rivaled his attraction, and that was quite impressive.

But it made sense. Here he was, utterly enamored with the man and he hardly knew a thing about him.  _Ah, but it's insanity no? I suppose this is just a side effect._ He wanted to know everything about Yuuri, all his quirks and all the things that made him laugh. He wanted to know why he was so timid and where that haunted look in his eyes came from. Viktor felt like no matter how much he learned, he'd always want more.

_I suppose I'm just addicted to you, my Flower._  Letting out another low laugh, Viktor let his head hang, his still damp bangs falling into his eyes. Here he was wanting to know Yuuri when he wouldn't even tell the man who he really was.  _A singer isn't all I am,_ Viktor wanted to argue but he knew that was being dishonest. If there was one thing the article his friends had read to him earlier had told him, it was that if Viktor continued along his current trajectory, Yuuri would eventually be put under the spotlight.

That made Viktor's brow crease in worry. On one hand, he didn't want Yuuri to get hurt, but on the other, he didn't want to just let the man go. At this point, he doubted he could.  _And yet telling him would mean how he sees me will change._  Heart twisting, Viktor sighed and wished he could return to a few minutes ago where he'd been so happy and content. The whole problem just gave him a headache.

Getting to his feet, Viktor decidedly huddled up under the covers of his bed and tried to shove the whole problem away. Instead, he focused on Yuuri, on his perfect smile and the happiness the boy made him feel. Unbidden, a memory of the kindly lady who had interrupted them popped into his mind.  _Young love._  That's what she'd said, right? At the time Viktor had just agreed with her, finding that this was the best way to make her happy. But now that he thought back to it, he couldn't help but ponder the statement.

Love. The word kept cropping up everywhere. Anywhere Yuuri was concerned anyway. Viktor kept disregarding it purposefully, laughing at the thought that he could be falling in love with someone that quickly. Love was something that took months or even years to germinate, grow then bloom. This was probably something else, right? A quick flame, one destined to go out.

But something about that dismissive description of his relationship with Yuuri made Viktor's stomach turn uncomfortably.  _This isn't something that's just going to die away, is it?_  Though he was honestly no real expert, Viktor had a feeling that what he held for Yuuri was a little bit more than just sexual attraction.  _Which makes this all so much more complicated..._

Rolling over, Viktor blew out a breath.  _Ever since meeting Yuuri, I've been happier. My music has been better and I keep opening up to him in ways I wouldn't even dream of with anyone else. It has to be something._  Curling up tightly, Viktor made a soft sound of disquiet as he realized that no matter what he felt for Yuuri, he'd be leaving him in three weeks regardless.  _A month seems so long until you look at it like this._

All that he could really do, Viktor decided, was make the most of the time he did have. If he was lucky, he'd leave with some beautiful memories and hopefully, give Yuuri some as well. In the end, that was the best he could hope for and probably a lot more than he deserved. Eyes sliding closed, Viktor forced his breathing to slow and willed for sleep to claim him.

Unfortunately, unlike before, his dreams only brought unease with them.  _Yuuri, what have you done to me?_

Now if only he could actually regret it...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, this chapter was disappointingly short. No I don't regret it. Yes, you're starting to see why this story is going to be angsty as shit. No, I will not apologize.
> 
> Listen people, I know my smut writing skills are shit but if you're still here after 18 chapters... Well, you know how I feel about my writing. Cute though this story might be, it's not exactly getting an A for quality.
> 
> So yeah, rip my smut writing abilities apart, tear my shitty characterizations to pieces. Literally, I will not care. I will only endeavor to get better.
> 
> Have a wonderful day~


	19. Together We Fall

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Yuuri discovers the benefits of dark corners and being avoided like the plague
> 
> _Run On Love (Callaway & Rosta Remix) - Tove Lo_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah, last chapter happened. Don't worry, there will be real smut, not just dream smut. We're getting there. I promise. I mean, sure it's going to be like another twenty or more chapters away but screw it, you guys love this shit, right? Right?
> 
> Guys?
> 
> ...
> 
> Oh well, enjoy anyhow!

"Yuuri come on, the class is almost over, don't fall asleep now."

_Stupid stupid, I'm getting way too deep into this._

"Yuuuuuurrrrrrriiii~ Wake up, come on, you were doing so well."

_He shouldn't be keeping me up like this. I shouldn't be overreacting like this._

"Does this have something to do with V?"

_It was just a kiss! A very hot, very exciting kiss, something I would very much like a repeat of..._

"It probably has something to do with V. The last time you couldn't sleep it was because of him." Yuuko prodded him in the side. "How is he by the way?"

"Hah?" Shaking himself from his daze, Yuuri nearly dislodged his notebook from his lap as he snapped around to face Yuuko. "What, I'm afraid I didn't..." He trailed off pathetically as he stared at his friend helplessly.

With a sigh, Yuuko repeated. "How is your mysterious V?"

Yuuri turned back to his notes. "I mean I don't know. I haven't seen him since last night and he hasn't exactly texted since then..." Which was true, but oddly enough, Yuuri wasn't worried about it. He knew where he stood with Viktor.  _That_  had been made abundantly clear last night. If he didn't text for a few hours  _-literally only a few hours, why the heck does he stay up so late for me?-_  Yuuri would live. Besides, he had college classes and it wasn't like they texted nonstop.

_Why am I even thinking about this? I guess I really am tired..._

"You saw him last night?!" Yuuko squeaked in excitement, shaking Yuuri by his arm, stars in her eyes. "Oh my god, Yuuri, why didn't you tell me?"

Looking blearily at Yuuko, Yuuri said in a confused mumble, "Why would I bother? He always shows up at my work around one. It's not that big a deal."

"That's a huge deal!" she exclaimed. "Yuuri, he's totally head over heels for you, can't you tell?"

Falling deeper into his gloomily tired state, Yuuri muttered, "No, he's not Yuuko. He's only going to be here for a week or so more as far as I know. He's not in love, that's not what this is at all."

Pouting, Yuuko crossed her arms. "That doesn't actually change the fact that he is  _so_  in love with you and you are completely smitten in return." Poking Yuuri between his eyebrows, which were furrowed at her crazy statements, Yuuko wisely said, "I know these things Yuuri. You can only pretend that it's not true for so long."

"Why does everyone keep telling me I'm in love with him?" Yuuri asked, exasperation breaking through his moodiness. "We're just... Friends. With short-term benefits. We're not even friends! Literally all he does is flirt with me and then vanish." Yuuri hadn't realized it was frustrating him this much until he said it.  _It's this whole stupid thing about love. I was perfectly content with what I had with Viktor until people started dragging_ love _into it._  "So for the love of all that is holy stop saying... that... it's-" he trailed off at the look on Yuuko's face.

 _"Yuuuuuurrriiii~"_  she said, drawing out his name as she nearly swooned. "Yuuri, oh my god, you're adorable. You're so clueless." Settling down, she stared at him intently. "He does want to be your friend Yuuri, that's why he's just flirting. He's trying to get to know you." Putting her hands on her hips, Yuuko said, "And cut him some slack, you're a lot more quiet about yourself than you used to be."

Settling down, Yuuri sighed and put his head on his desk. "But he doesn't just flirt with me Yuuko. He's kissed me. Twice."  _And I kissed him once..._ But even as he said it, Yuuri had to admit that she had a point. Viktor had been trying to get to know him, at least as much as Yuuri would allow. It was just... Love. That made everything hard. That brought up too many memories that he didn't want to deal with  _ever._

_Love never turns out well if it's me._

_God, Mari is right, I am terrified of my past aren't I?_

"He did?!" Yuuko spent a few seconds having what appeared to be a very happy seizure. "And you let him!? Yuuri, this is huge for you!" She wiped away an imaginary tear. "And here I thought you'd never get another boyfriend."

"Hey!" Yuuri exclaimed, resenting the insinuation that his chances finding someone after Phichit were next to nothing. Then he realized what she'd just said and he yelped, "Hey! Wh-what are you even- I'm not- Viktor and I aren't- Would you stop!" Meanwhile, Yuuko cackled, displaying the mischievous streak she didn't often show. "You can't just say things like that!"

"Yes I can," she told him, winking playfully. "Come on Yuuri, lighten up. Whatever's going on between you and Mr. V clearly makes you happy when you aren't over-analyzing  _everything_  so just... be happy about it. Stop thinking so hard." Punching playfully on the arm, she smiled easily. "And for the love of god, start telling me stuff! You used to always tell me about this kind of thing."

"That's before you got so annoying," Yuuri grumbled, though he didn't mean a word of it.

Evilly, Yuuko leaned in and crooned, "You know you love me."

Scoffing, Yuuri looked up at the single clock in the room and said, "Wow, look at the time, we're going to leave soon!" When Yuuko's face fell into a disappointing frown, Yuuri softened. "Of course I adore you. Where would I be without you after all?"

Brightening, Yuuko said, "Exactly! So you better be prepared to spill later in the library."

"Mhm," Yuuri said, giving her a playfully skeptical look. "We'll see about that." As the class was dismissed, Yuuri quickly gathered his things together and left the classroom, feeling significantly better.  _She's right though, I need to calm down and just let whatever happens happen. If something big comes up, I'll deal with it then._

Which definitely sounded a lot better than the alternative.

Swinging by his room his math class took place in, a class he had in two and a half hours, after lunch, Yuuri dropped off his books in the back of the room as he usually did before hurrying off towards the canteen. As he made his way across campus, he pulled out his phone, wondering if perhaps Viktor had texted him after all and he'd just missed it.  _Nothing._

Of course he got it, Viktor came to Portland for a reason. Even if he'd gotten stuck here through circumstances Yuuri didn't quite understand, he still probably had things to do. He wasn't some deadbeat twenty-something just trying to finally make it through college like Yuuri... Sighing, Yuuri slipped his phone into his pocket before turning his attention to what he was doing. Getting to the cafeteria, then heading to the library, where hopefully he could get some work done.

And he would have succeeded too if an arm hadn't chosen that exact moment to hook around his waist and haul him into a darker and considerably more empty alcove. He made a loud noise of surprise as the world spun for a moment before he was pressed up against something sturdy. Feeling the old stucco and cinder of the college's walls at his back, Yuuri attempted to get his bearings and push the stranger away so he could get some air and figure out what the hell was going on. He stopped struggling however when a fine-boned finger pressed against his lips and a familiarly melodic voice whispered, "Shh Yuuri Love, don't hurt yourself."

"Viktor?" Finally calming down enough to take in the man's appearance, Yuuri was momentarily shocked into silence. The usually elegantly dressed man was covered in the most ridiculous mishmash of clothing Yuuri had ever seen. The loose shirt had been replaced with a purple short sleeve turtleneck and white denim jacket, the tight jeans were now cargo pants and as if this wasn't enough, he was wearing the most knotted and haggard looking knit scarf Yuuri had ever seen.

From behind the comically large sunglasses he'd donned, Viktor tilted his head forward so he could look over the frames and wink at Yuuri. "Of course Dove, were you expecting someone else?" Yuuri spent a moment simply staring at the man, any attempt at words being rendered pointless by the sheer unbelievably of the situation. In the end, all he could do was laugh.

Clutching at his stomach, wiping away tears of mirth, Yuuri managed, "What the heck are you wearing?" It was a viable question, in his opinion.

Instead of looking put out, Viktor simply wiggled his eyebrows. The bangs that usually covered his face had been pinned back with what looked like several sparkling bobby-pins. It gave Yuuri an unobstructed view of Viktor's slow transition from amused, to drawing realization, to eventual resignation to the way his life had gone. "I have some very interesting friends," he finally managed. "Luckily, I am quite creative when stealing things from their bags."

Laughter finally abating, Yuuri relaxed against the wall and pushed out, "Well, you're not wrong." When that earned him an eye roll, Yuuri smiled a bit. "So... Is there any reason for you invading my college without warning?" And then, as he realized the more pressing matter, he asked, "How did you even find me?"

Viktor pulled a piece of paper out of his pocket. "It's quite curious, I got an email yesterday that I only noticed today. It was from you though I have an odd feeling you didn't send it to me." Waving the paper, which looked like a printed copy of a schedule, annotated with what looked like Yuuri's messy scrawl, Viktor smirked. "Those triplets manage to get their hands on your phone quite a lot, no?"

Eyes widening, Yuuri let out a groan and ran a hand over his face. "Those three are going to be the death of me! I swear, they only had my phone for twenty minutes. Maybe thirty! They're only six for goodness sake."  _I've got to remember to keep them away from my phone from now on._  "Did they honestly send you my college schedule?"

Viktor shrugged lazily. "Why don't you tell me Love?" Then, leaning closer, he pressed his forehead against Yuuri's and gave him what could only be described as an alluring smile. "Though really Yuuri, I don't know why you're complaining. I'm very thankful for their help." Yuuri found himself instantly captured in Viktor's aura as his breathy laugh skittered over Yuuri's neck.

"Well when you put it like that," Yuuri said breathlessly, staring into Viktor's shaded eyes, unable to even begin to tear himself away. "It doesn't sound so bad."

Chuckling darkly, Viktor leaned in. Yuuri's heart was in his throat as Viktor's lip met his in a slow, sensual kiss that sent any rational thought scattering. Making a whimpering sound against Viktor's lips, Yuuri clung to the arm Viktor wrapped around his back and tried not to melt to the ground. _This is fine..._

Pulling back, Viktor started pressing hard kisses to the corner of Yuuri's mouth before moving on to Yuuri's jaw. A soft moan escaping his now free mouth, Yuuri tilted his head back to give Viktor better access to his skin. "God  _Viktor,"_  Yuuri groaned, unable to keep quiet. "Your mouth-" Whatever he'd been about to say was muffled by a hand over his mouth.

"You sound beautiful Love," Viktor murmured, lips moving over his throat. "But let's not draw attention to ourselves." Lucky I guess that most people still avoid me. Nodding under Viktor's hand, Yuuri was rewarded by warm lips replacing the delicate palm. Wanting more than Viktor's gentle kisses, Yuuri wove his fingers into the man's hair and dragged him even closer, pressing his tongue into the man's mouth. Viktor responded in kind, deepening the kiss and taking it over, leaving Yuuri once again powerless to him.

 _What were we doing again?_  Yuuri wondered distantly as he all but melted against Viktor. The man's hands were at his hips now and Yuuri liked the way Viktor drew their hips together, pressing against him as he devoured his mouth. The whole thing made his head spin in the most glorious way possible. In was like drowning, but so much sweeter.

When the finally broke apart, Yuuri was panting heavily and Vitkor was staring at him like he wanted more, but they'd gotten at least a few weird looks which was making Yuuri feel awkward.  _God, you'd think they'd be over it by now._  Funny what sudden infamy did to a person... Letting out a short laugh, Viktor dragged his fingers through Yuuri's now tangled hair in an attempt to smooth it out.

"Forgive me Love," he said, stepping back a little to give Yuuri some breathing room. "I could not help myself, you were simply too much to resist." The boy mourned the loss of that closeness before mentally slapping himself.  _Get a grip._

 _Yes, like_ getting a grip _after something like that is at all possible._

Swallowing hard, Yuuri managed. "No. That was..."  _Mind-blowing? Hot? Arousing?_ "Great." And then, because the words just pushed themselves from his mouth, "Do it again sometime." Realizing what he'd just said, Yuuri turned bright red.

Chuckling, Viktor ran a thumb over Yuuri's cheek, an adoring look on his face. "Believe me Yuuri, I intend to, but right now~" Hooking an arm around Yuuri's waist and pulling him away from the wall, Viktor mischievously said, "Will you have lunch with me?" Even with those stupid glasses on, Yuuri could see the way his eyes softened at the words, filling with a genuine sort of kindness that seemed so hard to find in the world.

"B-but I promised to eat with Yuuko!" he squeaked, even though he knew his friend would literally throw him out of the library if she knew he'd passed up a chance like this for her. "And I have class in a couple of hours." Even as he protested, his mind filled with images of his last date with Viktor.  _This would be worth being late..._  No! He couldn't think like that! That was wrong, that was-

 _"Yuuri~"_  Viktor hummed, a plaintive note in his musical voice. "Do you trust me Flower?" Stopping in the middle of the empty archway, Viktor put his hands on Yuuri's shoulders before dragging his fingers over the boy's arms till he grabbed his smaller hands. "Give me a chance Love, I promise I will not disappoint you." Much to Yuuri's consternation and embarrassment, Viktor lifted his hands up and kissed them both. "Please."

Looking into Viktor's big turquoise eyes, Yuuri realized that he  _couldn't_  say no. Not to Viktor, not when he wanted to say yes this much. "Of course," he breathed, marveling at the fact that a god like Viktor would ever bother to stoop to his level, much less do so in such an obvious manner  _You could probably have anyone. And yet, if only for a time..._

_You chose me._

Nodding more fervently now, Yuuri said, a little louder, "Yes. Yes I will. I'd love to Viktor." The way that Viktor's eyes lit up like a summer's day made everything else worth it. Wanting to see more of that joy, Yuuri admitted, "Actually, I'd go anywhere if it was with you."  _Embarrassing, but true..._

Very slowly, a wide grin broke out over Viktor's face, one that was so full of happiness that it overflowed and got all over Yuuri as well. "You're too good for me Yuuri," he effused, practically pulling Yuuri into another embrace. "Don't worry Love, you won't regret this."

"I'm sure I won't," Yuuri agreed wryly, letting Viktor pull him across his campus. And it was true, because whatever came next, Yuuri knew that it would be perfect.

With Viktor, how could he go wrong?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah, another date. I've got some ideas. Some are better than others. I honestly don't know, I'm just having some serious fun with this shit. I mean, they're both such amazing characters to play with, I can bend them every which way, they are my puppets, I control them AHHAHAHAHAHA!
> 
> Sorry, i'm done, I'm okay. Don't send me back to the scary place with the hug jackets. I'm on pills now...
> 
> Heh, that got real awful fast.
> 
> WHO'S READY FOR SOME ANGST?


	20. Pull You Close

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Viktor realizes the difference between attraction and Yuuri
> 
> _Without You - Oh Wonder_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Literally, this thing kept going and going. I had to split it into two chapters T.T Which means no angst this chapter and far too much angst the next. Oh well. YOU'LL LIVE THE NEXT TWO CHAPTERS ARE GOING TO BE EYE OPENING AND YOU'RE GOING TO THINK YOU UNDERSTAND BUT I PROMISE YOU, YOU WON'T.
> 
> Thanks to _ViktorNikiforovKearsley_ for making sure this got posted at all. XD Seriously, if anyone hasn't read her story, Stand By Me, then READ IT FOR THE LOVE OF GOD. As a writer who is writing a band AU, I can confirm that it is better than mine
> 
> So without further adieu, enjoy~

Vicktor was mildly nervous. Only mildly. Really.

Okay, maybe more than a little. He was currently hiding behind a wall while wearing the most awful outfit ever. His shirt, a rediciously purple affair, he had filtched from Christophe. The cargo pants were a pair of JJ's and the white jacket was one of Yuri's as well as the scarf, a relic from their days in Russia. from The ridiculously large sunglasses were a pair of his own.

Did that make him feel any less ridiculous? No.

Fidgeting, Viktor pulled out a piece of paper. Printed on it was Yuuri's schedule, underneath it, the message  _use wisely._  Smiling despite himself, Viktor slipped it back into his pocket. He was fine. Yuuri would probably come out of the building behind him and, if Viktor's three partners in crime were to be believed, would then head for the library. He was directly in the boy's path of direction.

Still, this was a risky maneuver. He'd decided early that morning, upon discovering the email those triplets had sent him, that he was going to surprise Yuuri. The outfit he was wearing was Viktor's best attempt at a disguise. He certainly wouldn't have been able to recognize himself, covered in an assortment of his friend's clothing, but then... Who knew what people were capable of.

Nevertheless, he was resolved. He'd picked a place out for lunch, there was a taxi waiting outside the community college and his friends had sworn not to bother him. Viktor would be fine!

From where he stood, Viktor watched as a wave of people started streaming out of their classes as the clock hit 11:30. No one gave him a second glance, not even in response to the sheer ridiculousness of his clothing. He was relieved. Though he knew he needed to tell Yuuri the truth, he didn't want it to be like this, with them getting mobbed by people.

_He should be out by now..._ Checking his phone, just in case Yuuri had decided to text him, Viktor bit his lip in minor frustration, mostly just with himself. _I want to text him._  God, he'd wanted to text the boy that morning. Hell, he'd wanted to go to his house and get the fire that had been lit in his chest out of his system. But he couldn't do things like that so he'd wisely refrained from texting and saying anything he'd regret.

_I'm just going to have a good time with him. Nothing else. I can't push things just because I had a little oops last night._  Not that he was complaining... No, he'd quite enjoyed it, to be perfectly honest.

Glancing up, Viktor studied the people walking past him.  _Where is he..._ Mouth turning down at the corners, Viktor huffed, sticking out his bottom lip in a pout.  _This had better work._

Then he saw him. Yuuri looked tired, as he seemed to always be, and he had a purposeful expression on his face. Mouth tilting up, Viktor slipped out just enough from his hiding place that he could reach Yuuri. Deftly and with a barely suppressed chuckle, Viktor wrapped an arm around the shorter boy's waist and yanked him off his original trajectory and into the alcove he'd been hiding in.

"Wha!?" Yuuri yelled out in surprise as his back hit the wall. Pushing out blindly, he attempted to shove Viktor away but the man had been prepared for that and stood his ground, trying to calm the boy down. Managing to press a finger to Yuuri's undeniably soft lips, Viktor at last calmed him down.

"Shh," he said softly, just loud enough to be heard over the ordinary chatter of a college campus. "Yuuri Love, don't hurt yourself."

"Viktor?" Yuuri managed, at last looking at him. There was a wondering look in his eyes that forced Viktor to inhale quickly. For a brief fraction of a moment, he almost lunged forward and pinned the boy to the wall, but the next second, he was over it.  _The way he looks at me, like I'm a god and yet still painfully human is so perfect, I'll never get enough of it._

Letting his normal playful smirk take over, Viktor leaned his head forward and winked over the the tops of his sunglasses. The boy went a shade of pink darker, probably without his own knowledge.  _He reacts so honestly to me._ "Of course Dove," Viktor teased, grinning. "Were you expecting someone else?"

For a moment, Yuuri just stared at him. Then he burst out laughing. It was a gut laugh, one that left him bent over with an arm wrapped around his waist. Viktor felt his heart flutter at that single action.  _He's so cute._  Though Viktor didn't know why Yuuri was laughing, the mere fact he was made the man feel like he'd done something right.  _Got me tied around your finger, don't you Chickadee?_

By the time he'd stopped his mirth, Yuuri was almost crying from laughter. Gasping for air, Yuuri pushed out, "What are you wearing?"

Smiling for a second, not really having registered what he'd asked, Viktor opened his mouth to answer before understanding Yuuri's question. Thinking once again about how ridiculous he looked, Viktor nearly sighed as he was forced to come to terms with the fact that though they played in a band together, none of his friends had the same taste in clothing. "I have some very interesting friends," he said at last, which was the truth. "Luckily, I am quite creative when stealing things from their bags."

Taking a deep breath, Yuuri's back hit the wall behind him as any remaining tension leached out of him. "Well," he said, smirking. "You're not wrong." Noting the mockery in Yuuri's usually sincere voice, Viktor rolled his eyes.

_He's got so many sides to him, I love it._

Then again, he probably just loved everything about Yuuri.

"So..." Yuuri trailed off meaningfully. "Is there any reason for you invading my college without warning?" Eyes widening as if only just then realizing something, Yuuri tilted his head and asked with no small amount of alarm, "How did you even find me?"

Feeling very satisfied with himself, Viktor retrieved the wrinkled schedule and wiggled it about. "It's quite curious," he commented, withholding his laughter. "I got an email Yesterday that I only noticed today. It was from you, though I have a feeling you didn't send it to me." Playfully, he leaned in and murmured, "Those triplets managed to get their hands on your phone quite a lot, no?"

With a groan that conveyed quite a lot of exasperation, Yuuri slapped a palm over his face before dragging it down. "Those three~" he exclaimed, eyes widening. "Are going to be the death of me, I swear. They only had my phone for twenty minutes,  _maybe_  thirty." The way the situation ruffled Yuuri's feathers made Viktor purr under his breath.  _Does he know that everything he does simply drives me crazy?_  "They're only six for goodness sake! Did they honestly send you my college schedule?"

Shrugging fluidly, Viktor carelessly asked, "Why don't you tell me Love." Then, because he couldn't resist the simple allure of the boy before him, Viktor leaned forward until his forehead rested against Yuuri's. That single point of contact sent sparks through him.  _I'm lost to you Yuuri, you have no idea._  "Though really," he murmured, eyes roaming Yuuri's face, drinking him in. "I don't know why your complaining, I'm very thankful for their help."

Just as he always seemed to do when they got close like this, Yuuri opened up, his eyes widening and his breath coming in shorter bursts. At the flush that spread over Yuuri's cheeks, Viktor laughed lightly. This close, he felt the shudder that traveled through Yuuri at the sensation.

"Well when you put it like that it doesn't sound so bad," Yuuri breathed, staring up at Viktor with that captivated and trusting stare that left Viktor wanting to do everything to protect that beautiful light.  _Do you have any idea what I want to do to you?_

He'd for the most part managed to press last night's dream to the back of his mind where it wouldn't cause problems, but like this, Viktor couldn't help himself. With a trickle of dark mirth, he slipped a gentle arm around the boy before closing the distance between them with a gentle kiss.

Forcing himself to go slow instead of simply ravaging Yuuri then and there, Viktor took his time in drawing Yuuri out, simply slanting his mouth over the boy's and tasting that wonderful savory flavor Viktor was coming to associate with him. Entreating entrance to Yuuri's mouth with a gentle swipe of his tongue, Viktor thoroughly explored Yuuri, delighting in the helpless whimpers his actions produced.

Wanting more, Viktor pulled back a fraction of an inch so he could see what he'd done. Yuuri's lips were shiny and his eyes were glazed as he clutched at Viktor like he'd fall if he didn't. Leaning back in, Viktor's mouth moved over Yuuri's skin with more force, first at the corner of those perfect lips, savoring the way it made the boy exhale sharply. Then he moved, tracing that perfect jawline before focusing his attention on the spot right below Yuuri's ear.

Moan sending vibrations through Viktor's lips, Yuuri let his head fall back, allowing Viktor more perfect skin to defile with his touch.  _Like this, I could break him, no?_

_"God_  Viktor, your mouth-" Yuuri's exclamation was music to Viktor's ears but it also drew the eyes of those around them. Irritated for the first time that they weren't alone, Viktor slipped a hand over Yuuri's mouth to hold those arousing noises back.

_Those sounds are mine to hear alone._ Shocked by the possessive feeling that shot through him, Viktor covered it with a murmured, "You sound  _beautiful_  Love, but let's not draw attention to ourselves." His lips grazed Yuuri's Adam's apple as it bobbed sharply at his words. Feeling Yuuri nod, Viktor pulled his hand back and covered Yuuri's mouth once more.  _He's driving me crazy, does he know he's driving me insane?_

Then Yuuri's fingers found their way into Viktor's hair and the man found himself pulled into a whole new level of intoxication. Yuuri's tongue was suddenly sliding against his, forcing Viktor to respond with kind. Tangling his own tongue with the boy's, Viktor tilted Yuuri back further so he could deepen the kiss. Like he couldn't help himself, Yuuri's body melded against Viktor's so innocently desperate in its movements.

_I want him, I want to find somewhere and pin him to the nearest surface. I want to make him wholly mine._ Hungered by the need pulsing through his blood, Viktor drove himself into Yuuri, pressing against him. Finding the boy's hips, Viktor pulled them both together. Even just that felt glorious and it was all he could do to not do anything more. It was like Yuuri was offering himself to Viktor, entirely willing and ready for anything the Russian wanted to give him.  _He's so perfect._

It was only after he heard the low wolf-whistle from a passing student that Viktor realized how much this was starting to affect him. Though it took all the willpower he had, Viktor pulled himself away. For a moment all he could do was hold back and not attack those swollen and tantalizing lips again, but then he could feel his common sense returning and he managed to reign himself in.  _I can't just do that, it's not normal..._

Against him, Yuuri panted, much more overwhelmed by the interlude than Viktor. Noticing the mess he'd made of Yuuri's hair, Viktor let out a laugh before attempting to neaten it in some way. Dragging his fingers through it, Viktor wondered if Yuuri would have let him continue before realizing that was the wrong thing to be thinking at that moment.

"Forgive me Love," he muttered, forcing himself to put some distance between him and Yuuri. "I could not help myself, you were simply too much to resist." Images of Yuuri in a very different position flashed through Viktor's mind and he blinked twice to dismiss them.  _Get your mind out of the gutter, this is_ Yuuri, _act like you aren't entirely horrible._ Why it being Yuuri made a difference was something Viktor was forced to add to the growing list of things that mattered when it was the boy.

Yuuri swallowed hard. "No!" he insisted, voice coming out rough. "That was... Great." The way he said it made it sound like he'd wanted to call it a number of other things.  _Erotic, sexy, and intoxicating are more accurate descriptions..._  "Do it again sometime," Yuuri added before his eyes widened and he turned bright red as if embarrassed with his own words.

Laughing at the man's predictable response, Viktor allowed himself a small thing in brushing his fingers over Yuuri's heated cheek.  _Why is my heart beating like I've run a mile?_  "Believe me Yuuri," he promised, tone sincere. "I intend to. But right now-" Looping an arm around Yuuri's waist so he could easily pull him away from the wall and the temptation to simply kiss him again, Viktor continued, "Will you have lunch with me?"

Yuuri's eyes widened. "B-but I promised to eat with Yuuko! And I have class in a couple hours.." His protests seemed to die as Viktor's brow crinkled, a plaintive look on his features.  _Well he is in college, I suppose I can't just expect him to drop everything for me._

But that didn't stop him from trying. "Yuuri," Viktor said, the name coming off as almost musical. "Do you trust me Flower?" Pausing, Viktor trailed his fingers over Yuuri's arms before finally grabbing his hands. The soft palms fit so perfectly in Viktor's fingers, it was like they were made for each other.  _What a silly thought..._ "Give me a chance Love," he begged, eyes big and earnest. "I promise I will not disappoint you."

Then, just because he knew what it would do to the boy, Viktor pressed a soft kiss to the knuckles of both of Yuuri's hands. "Please?"

Yuuri's breath caught in his throat in the sweetest of ways. "Of course," he breathed, almost like he couldn't help himself.  _Are we both destined to be driven together like this?_  Viktor just decided to drown in Yuuri's perfect eyes and spiraling expression.  _What makes you look at me like this Yuuri? What am I to you?_

What did he want to be?

But then Yuuri was nodding, certain and insistent. "Yes, yes, I will." Elation sparking in his gut, Viktor let out a breath. Offering him a small smile, Yuuri said, "I'd love to Viktor. Actually," He glanced at the ground awkwardly. "I'd go anywhere if it was with you." And it was in those simple words that Viktor found himself getting lost. Because really, they were all he'd wanted to hear.

Gradually, Viktor felt his lips pull and stretch into a stupidly wide grin. He couldn't even begin to stop himself, the feeling in his gut was too strong. Those butterflies, as he had decided to describe them, were fluttering about like mad, making him feel like he was about to take flight. "You're too good for me Yuuri," Viktor sang, deftly using his grip the boy's wrists to pull him into a quick embrace. "Don't worry Love, you won't regret this."

"I'm sure I won't," Yuuri assured him, his voice muffled by Viktor's shoulder.  _You won't, I promise you that._  Remembering that they were standing in the flow of traffic, Viktor quickly laced their fingers together before tugging Yuuri along behind him.

"So where are we going?" Yuuri asked, hurrying to keep up. His eyes were glimmering with a spark of adventure that Viktor was entirely delighted to find there. "Since you seem to have this all planned out." Once they were level, Yuuri matched his steps with Viktor's and relaxed, seemingly content to walk beside him.

Viktor chuckled. "I'm flattered you think I know much more than you Flower. I planned this quite early this morning." Pulling out his phone, he added, "I had an interesting night. There was quite a bit of sleeping but I didn't get much rest." Turning to glace at Yuuri, Viktor gave him a look that was potentially quite a lot of things. "You are very distracting."

Puffing out his cheeks, Yuuri looked at the ground, beet red. Whether what he was thinking about was correct or not, Viktor found the reaction highly amusing. "You're pretty distracting yourself," Yuuri mumbled, almost like he was using it as a shield against Viktor's compliments.

Grinning, Viktor looked at the sky. Well that was one question answered. Apparently, he hadn't been the only one unable to get last night out of his head. Though... Somehow Viktor had a feeling that Yuuri's night had looked very different than his.

"So where are we going?" Yuuri asked, a teasing smile on his face. "Or are you not going to tell me again?" There was such a lightness in the boy, it made Viktor feel like he was floating. It was as if the rest of the world had ceased to matter, all there was left was Yuuri and that beautiful smile.

"We're going somewhere," Viktor offered, deliberately sounding mysterious. His dancing eyes ruined the effect somewhat but Yuuri's face only softened into a smile. "It'll be fun though," he hurried to say, struggling to calm his heart. "This city is so interesting, is every city over here like this?"

Yuuri laughed. "I wouldn't know, I've never left." Scratching the back of his neck, Yuuri stared out absently. "It's home, and I don't have anything to base it on. And I'm glad your first city could be here." His cheeks dusted pink. "I mean, it sucks that you're being held up but I'm glad I got to meet you."

"I'm glad as well," Viktor said earnestly, a warmth spreading through him from his chest to the tips of his fingers. "It would not have been nearly as interesting if I had left at once as I originally planned." Wandering out of the campus in the same direction as they'd come, Viktor noticed something odd. It was subtle, hardly noticeable unless you were watching carefully, but after a while, Viktor noticed it.

"So what were you doing here originally?" Yuuri asked, looking about brightly as they walked, his face positively glowing. Everyone he passed, Yuuri had a smile for them. Such a simple thing, but there was something off.  _There it is again_. "I mean, you said it had something to do with work, right?" It wasn't Yuuri, no, it was the people around them.

"Yes," Viktor confirmed distractedly. "You know how it is though. Sometimes you're where you need to be and the rest of the world isn't." A strange cold sensation settled in his gut. He wasn't sure if he was imagining things or not but at this point, Viktor was pretty damn sure.

_Why are they all avoiding making eye-contact with him? What's going on?_

"It's funny," Yuuri commented breezily, hardly seeming to care that those around him were actively avoiding looking at him.  _Why would they do that?_ "There have actually been a lot of new people in town recently. Probably because there's a popular band in town."

That changed Viktor's direction of attention completely. Blood freezing, Viktor forced his tone to stay light. "Really?"

"Yeah," Yuuri shrugged. "The History Makers I think. I don't really know much, only what my sister's told me. She's a fan." Going thoughtful, as if trying to dig up the details, Yuuri said, "They're here in Portland for a while and they've already had a show. I only really know one of their songs." Glancing up at Viktor, Yuuri asked, "Do you listen to them? You did seem to know that one song pretty well."

Waving a hand, Viktor dismissed Yuuri's question. "My friends and I went to see their concert." Even as the lie slipped of his tongue, Viktor felt his insides crumble a little. He hated lying to Yuuri but he couldn't very well tell him that  _he_  was the lead singer of the very band they were talking about.

"That sounds fun," Yuuri said, mahogany eyes full of light.

"It was," Viktor said vaguely, remembering the way he'd played that night, the only though on his mind Yuuri.  _If only you knew..._

As they reached the taxi that was waiting for them, Viktor and Yuuri settled into a comfortable conversation that didn't stray so far into things the Russian didn't want to talk about. The ride was a little long but it passed in what felt like the blink of an eye. As long as Viktor wasn't actively trying to make Yuuri lose his train of thought, the boy was an engaging person, all quiet charm and lively eyes. Viktor found himself hanging off of his every word.

In his life, Viktor had talked to all manner of people. Everyone from important businessmen to wide eyed fans to beautiful men and women to pretty much anyone who would talk to him. Though he often came across as overwhelming, often times the other party was trying to get something out of the conversations. Whether it was a business deal or a moment of fame or simply a moment where they could impress the famous  _Mr. Nikiforov,_  it never felt real.

With Yuuri, Viktor felt like the boy was talking to him. Levelly, without the need for tricks or deft words. Yuuri just was himself. He accepted Viktor's eccentricities and more than that, he seemed to enjoy them. Though he avoided most meaningful subjects, Yuuri told Viktor stories. About other people, about things that had happened when he was young, about his sister and his best friend. In return, Viktor found himself talking about his own childhood, the only safe part of his story that had nothing to do with his music career.

He kept waiting for something to slip and for the truth to come out but Yuuri never asked, he didn't tug at the inconsistencies in Viktor's story and he never questioned whether the man was telling the truth. He just laughed at what he found funny and commented on what he found interesting.  _I feel as comfortable around him as I do around my friends, perhaps more so._  Because here, he didn't have to live up to whatever expectations people had from a lead singer, he just got to be Viktor.

_I like it. I like Yuuri._

It wasn't just attraction, Viktor couldn't deny anymore that it was something deeper. What, he still didn't know but he wanted to. He wanted to know why Yuuri made his heart beat faster and why there was a pain in his gut when the man wasn't around.

If it was the only thing he accomplished in his time in Portland, Viktor decided it would have been worth it.

"Hey Viktor," Yuuri muttered, leaning against Viktor's shoulder as if he'd done it for years. "Thanks for this. This week has been the most fun I've had in years."

Smiling slightly, Viktor ran a hand through Yuuri's soft hair and was rewarded by a soft sigh of delight. "Of course Love, anything for you."

_And the crazy part is, that isn't even an exaggeration..._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Literally, the next chapter is not only going to be pathetically short compared to this one, it's going to be as depressing as fuck. Especially because you won't have any idea what's going on until the chapter after that and that one doesn't come out until Monday at least. I don't know if you guys can make it. My shit writing ends in shit cliffhangers that make for shitty things to wake up to.
> 
> IT'S SHIT
> 
> See you next time!


	21. Retribution

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Yuuri is confronted with a past he'd rather not remember
> 
>  
> 
> _Judgement Day - Stealth_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I kept thinking, 'No Q, stop. You're hurting them, you're making everything so painful. Don't do this. We can talk about this.' But then it was like well... I mean I could be nice but why be nice when I could kill them with angst this chapter and make them feel better the next. You know, with fluff and such.
> 
> ENJOY
> 
> Additional note  
> A grave error was made but it's been fixed. Thanks to ViktorNikiforovKearsley, I can pretend like I belong in this fandom, even though I don't!

From the moment the taxi started to turn into the more residential part of the journey, Yuuri started getting unsettled. Not nervous persay, just more sick to his stomach. _Viktor must be the most unlucky person ever..._ Yuuri thought as true dread came over him, stealing the warmth from his body and the color from his face.  _Of all the places he could have taken me for lunch, it just had to be here._

Shrinking down in his seat as the familiar Taiwanese restaurant came into view, Yuuri fought to keep his throat from closing up.  _It's like he wants me to face my past._  But no, Viktor, a foreigner, had no idea of Yuuri's past or his habit of sort of running away from it and bottling up what he couldn't escape.  _Come on, what happened to just letting the past be the past?!_

Of course, he already knew that answer...  _Maybe none of them remember, he has been gone for a year._  But in Yuuri's experience, people never just forgot.

He could still hear Phichit's pleasant voice, talking happily as they walked this very street.  _The food isn't the best or anything but they're my friends and letting me eat free there is like their way of making me feel just a little more welcome around here._

"Yuuri, you look unwell," Viktor said frankly, studying the boy with no small amount of alarm. "Are you okay?" Before he could answer, Viktor suddenly loomed over him and gripped him by the shoulders, his bright eyes flickering with worry. "Your skin is clammy, perhaps you should go ho-"

"No!" Yuuri hurried to say, pushing the tainted memories back into the tiny box he usually kept them locked inside. "No I'm fine." Forcing himself to meet Viktor's eyes, Yuuri extricated himself from the man's grasp. "I just had a headrush, I'll be fine." He could only pray it was the truth.

Looking uncertain, Viktor gave Yuuri room. "Are you sure?" His usually light voice took on an odd note. "If you're feeling poorly, I would rather you rest than push yourself for my sake"  _It's just this place, just the people inside._

"Stop," Yuuri insisted. "I'll be fine. I want to be here with you." Color returning to his face in the form of a slight blush, Yuuri stammered, "A-and it doesn't even matter, I'm just a little pale, going back to my apartment isn't going to help."  _If I'm going to face this, I'd rather face it with Viktor than alone._

As the taxi slowed to a stop in front of the horribly familiar restaurant, Yuuri swallowed back the desire to beg th driver to take them somewhere else.  _I'm fine, I'm fine!_  Letting Viktor lead him out of the car, Yuuri trailed behind the man, struggling not to drag his feet. Even so, the ground naturally drew his gaze, his shoulders hunched and he felt himself trying to make himself small.  _I don't want to be here, I really don't want to be here._

But Viktor's fingers squeezed his and Yuuri could feel the strength that just seemed to exist within the Russian just from that contact. He didn't want to let this godly creature down, didn't want to disappoint him like this. So he pushed his head up and summoned his resolve. I'll be fine, I'm with Viktor and it's been a year. I'm okay.

Pok Pok was a charming restaurant, it's small, compact yet uncluttered interior giving it a warm aura. Yuuri remembered when he used to love it here, love sitting at the corner table with Phichit while they laughed over the stupidest things. Now, the entire thing felt dark. All the same smells, all the same sounds, but everything just felt... backwards. Wrong. Hostile.

The girl who took them to an empty table didn't seem to recognize Yuuri.  _Yeah, watch that change today... Like the rest of the employees will let her forget._  But surely they'd hired more people since the last time he'd been here. Maybe he wouldn't have to face them. Any of them. As Viktor opened the menu, he glanced at Yuuri and his face fell.

"There's something wrong, isn't there?" he asked levelly. When Yuuri opened his mouth to protest, the man shook his head. "No excuses Yuuri, I won't pry, I don't want to make you uncomfortable. But I can tell that something is wrong by the look in your eyes. You look guilty." His strange way of occasionally being horribly blunt hit Yuuri hard and he shrunk in his chair before quickly hiding behind the menu.

"It's nothing Viktor, really," he insisted, trying to keep his tone light while being horribly aware of how strangled his voice sounded. "I just- It's nothing." Sticking out his bottom lip, Yuuri looked up at Viktor. "I want to have a good time." Viktor's shoulders rose and fell minutely with understanding, as if without even really knowing, he understood what Yuuri was going through.

"I can't imagine why we wouldn't Love," Viktor said liltingly, tilting his head and threatening the grip of the bobby pins holding his bangs back. "For me, any time spent around you is wonderful." Yuuri smiled slightly but that sick feeling was still there, that dread. He didn't want to be here, he wanted to run. Before someone saw him, before someone-

"Hi! Welcome to Pok Pok, I'll be your waitress today!" At the sound of  _that_  particular chipper voice, Yuuri felt his stomach lurch.  _Oh god, no, not her._  "Can I start you off with..." Slowly, as the girl trailed off, Yuuri forced himself to look up.

Standing there with her long black curls, thick eyeliner, and a look that could kill, the waitress regarded Yuuri like he was the absolute scum of the earth. Viktor glanced between the two of them in confusion, as if he was struggling to comprehend what was going on. Yuuri just tried his best to melt into his chair so he didn't have to withstand that glare. "Katsuki," she all but snarled.

"H-hey Aletse," Yuuri mumbled, wishing he could run away from this. Aletse, Phichit's closest friend from when he'd lived here, just sneered at him, hardly seeming to care what Viktor thought or what anyone else thought, for that matter.

Lips twisting up into a vindictive and nasty smile, no doubt taking pleasure in Yuuri's fear and discomfort, Aletse spat, "A lot of nerve you've got, coming back here after the shit you pulled." Jerking backwards as if physically struck, Yuuri just put his head down as guilt and regret crawled their way up his back.

"You know I never meant-" he attempted weakly but she just scoffed loudly, cutting him off.

"Oh sure, you didn't mean to. Yeah, like anyone believes that bullshit." Baring her teeth, Aletse growled, "I'd say we all hate you for what happened, but really, you're not worth the energy." And yet she certainly  _seemed_  like she hated him.

"Miss, please," Viktor said, his gentle entreaty edged with something a little harder, like he was angered by Aletse's actions. "I'm afraid I'm a bit out of the loop. Why are you so angry at Yuuri?" Though it wasn't a direct order to  _back off,_  Yuuri heard the unspoken message in the way his musical tone went hard.

Sparing only a glance for Viktor, Aletse turned back to Yuuri, a look of disgust on her face. "Is he your next victim? You just couldn't be satisfied with destroying one person's life, you're going to do it to someone else now, is that it?" Yuuri could only shake his head mutely as his face went, if possible, even whiter. Taking a step back, Aletse muttered, "People like you are the scum of the earth."

"Perhaps I've missed something," Viktor said, a bit more icily. "But if I recall correctly, we have done nothing but walk in here and sit down." When she glared at him, he offered a smile, but unlike the ones he had for Yuuri, there wasn't a hint of joy in it. "Far be it from me to request something beyond your abilities, but if we could simply dine hear in peace, I would be most grateful."

With one last derisive snort, Aletse turned on her heels. "I'll be back with your water," she bit out before striding away. The moment she was out of range, Yuuri curled in on himself and wrapped his arms tightly over his chest.  _You knew this would happen, they were his best friends._  But by the same token, Yuuri wished he could just tell her  _you're wrong, you don't know what really happened._

Then again, it  _was_  his fault that Phichit had left...

"Yuuri, Love, please talk to me," Viktor said, his voice breaking through the sickly cloud around Yuuri's head. "Who is she? What was she talking about? Why was she so spiteful?" His tone was so gentle, so caring that it prompted Yuuri to look up, however unhappily. Viktor's eyes shone with sympathy and concern, even as his questions gave lie to his confusion.

"Her name is Aletse," Yuuri mumbled, remembering how much he'd loved talking to the girl before everything had gone to shit. "It doesn't matter what she's talking about, I don't want to get into it." It was a pathetic attempt at cutting the conversation off before it had a chance to go anywhere but Yuuri tried anyway.  _Why can't I just leave the past where it belongs? Why is life just a constant dredging up of bad memories?_

"She made it sound like you did something to her," Viktor pointed out. "That doesn't sound like nothing. What happened Flower?" Why did he have to sound so understanding, so non-judgmental when Yuuri deserved to be shouted at.  _She's right, I have no right to come back here after everything. Why on earth did I think this was a good idea?_ Probably because he kept clinging to the useless notion that it wasn't his fault...

If the world believed he was wrong, what did it matter if he knew the truth?

"Nothing happened," Yuuri said, voice small and full of the pain that was eating him up from the inside out. "Look can we please not talk about it?" Glancing down at his knees, Yuuri found himself adding, "I know I deserve their anger so can I not rehash it. It's in the past, I don't want to think about it."

For a moment it seemed like Viktor was weighing his options, then he at last said, "Do you want to leave?" It was simple, honest. Kinder than Yuuri probably deserved. "If it's so hostile here, perhaps we can-"

"No, I'm fine," Yuuri muttered, hating himself even as he sat up straight and faced Viktor. "It's been a year, I have to get over this sometime or other."

"Get over what Dove?" Viktor pressed, his yearning to know the truth tangible. Yuuri almost spoke, but all he could do in the end was shake his head, unwilling to air his dirty laundry now. With a sigh, Viktor insisted, "I can't help you if you-"

"I don't need help," Yuuri told him, wishing that he could just leave without feeling like he was caving to all the internal pain and external resentment in those memories. "We'll just ignore her, I'll be fine. I've already apologized." That particular memory flooded him with that same helpless feeling he'd grown accustomed to over those three months. "I can't do anything else."

Before Viktor could say anything more, Aletse returned. The glasses of water clunked on the table as she set them down carelessly before glaring at Yuuri. She didn't say anything but she didn't have to. The pure condemnation in her gaze said it all. Forcing himself to ignore it, Yuuri stammered out his order and tried to will Viktor into not sounding quite so irritable as he gave Aletse his.

As she left again, Viktor's eyes were instantly back on Yuuri. "You might not want help, but I want to give it." He said it so earnestly, Yuuri wanted to just accept that it was true.  _It's only temporary, remember? Besides, you know how well you handle real relationships._  "You're clearly miserable Love, I don't want to cause you such grief."

"It's not you," Yuuri insisted, hating that he was putting that stricken look on Viktor's face. "Viktor, I just don't want to drag you into it. It's messy and it's old and it doesn't matter, okay?" But it did matter and Yuuri knew that he was kidding himself if he thought that it didn't.  _Why am I even trying with Viktor, it's all just going to happen all over again._ No, he knew that wasn't true. Viktor was different,  _this_ was different.

And he so desperately wanted to just  _be around_  Viktor. After feeling joy for the first time in a year, Yuuri didn't want it to be dragged away from him so soon.  _Just let me be happy, even if I know I can never keep it._

"It matters to me Love," Viktor insisted but Yuuri wasn't listening anymore, he just shook his head mutely and tried to tune out the memories threatening to trickle back into his conscious. All of them coated in the realization that he hadn't been allowed to keep that happiness then and wouldn't be able to keep it now either.  _All I'm destined for is pain, aren't I?_

Looking around, trying to find anything that didn't make him feel worse, Yuuri's stomach flopped with fear as he saw Aletse up by the bar, talking with Logan, another one of Phichit's old friends. Both of them looked pissed, and both kept glancing over at Yuuri. Catching his eyes, Logan bared his teeth in a silent snarl.  _It's my fault their friend left, I deserve this._

He could still remember that day, Aletse in his face screaming at him.  _It's your fault this shit is happening, it's your fault he's miserable. Why couldn't you have just left him the hell alone you bastard? Do you like ruining people's lives? Is that it?_

Just as easily he could recall how he'd backed away, pleading with her to calm down, looking to the rest of the gathered people for assistance.  _No, Aletse, please, I never meant any of it. You don't understand what's going on, it wasn't my fault!_

 _Like hell it wasn't!_  she'd spat, sorrow battling the anger in his eyes.  _Phichit loved you and look at all the pain you've caused him. And you have the_ nerve _to show up here and say you're sorry? To us?_  Everyone around them had rumbled in agreement, all of those people that had used to count Yuuri as a friend, now turned against him. _Why don't you say sorry to Phichit asshole._

 _I loved him too,_ Yuuri had choked, tears spilling over his cheeks.  _Aletse, this isn't my fault. We- We're both sad, okay? I just thought that maybe you'd understand or-_

She'd simply turned away from him, fury in her body language.  _I don't ever want to see your face again. You didn't love him, you were just in it for the money. Don't think you can come crying to us just because your plan messed up. Because news flash, no one's going to have any sympathy for you after this._

 _I never-_  he'd stammered, only crying harder.  _I wasn't-_

_You're pathetic. Get out._

"Yuuri-" Viktor said softly, his voice breaking through the oppressive memories that made Yuuri feel like throwing up all over again. "Yuuri, Love..."  _He's too good for me, I'm dirty, I'm going to ruin him too._ Eyes full of pain felt for Yuuri, Viktor murmured, "You're- Love you're crying." Reaching across the small table for Yuuri, Viktor looked nothing short of heartbroken when Yuuri flinched away.

His chest ached and his eyes burned but Yuuri just muttered, "I'm fine."  _I want to run away. Why am I still here?_  "It doesn't matter."  _I'm only hurting myself, I'm only sullying Viktor. He doesn't deserve to be associated with someone like me._  Mopping at his tears, Yuuri whispered, "I don't need your pity."

"You need to stop being so self-destructive," Viktor snapped suddenly, an irritable look on his face. "Whatever happened Yuuri, it's not worth it. You can't keep obsessing over it if it's only going to hurt you."  _I want to believe him but I can't. I_ can't. "Look at me Love, you can't keep saying you're fine if you clearly are not."

Looking up at him blearily, Yuuri muttered, "But I've been fine Viktor, I've been perfectly fine for a year." Staunching the slow drip of his tears, the boy continued, "And we're s-supposed to be having fun, right? I'm so tired of being miserable Viktor, I'm sick of it."  _But I deserve it, I deserve it all. Stop dumping your problems on him, stop dragging Viktor into something he shouldn't ever have to care about._

"Come on Yuuri," Viktor said, more firmly than before. "Let's leave. I'm tired to seeing you like this, it hurts me Flower." Insistently, he reached for Yuuri's hand, a look of resolve on his face. "You don't have to tell me, but we're not staying here if it makes you cry. Let's go."

"Yeah," said the cold voice of Aletse from behind Yuuri. "You should just go." Turning to face her, Yuuri's stomach did another roll as he noticed Logan there as well. Some of the patrons around them were starting to notice and Yuuri hated how they started whispering, most shooting him disapproving or even dirty looks.

"Look, I'm sorry," Yuuri said, pressing his side into the table so he could get as far away from them as possible. "Aletse, please, can't we just-"

"No," Logan growled. "No we can't. He was our friend Yuuri and now he's back on the other side of the world, just because of you and the way you spread your legs for anyone you think you can get something from." The words cut because Yuuri knew they weren't true and yet he also knew that he'd never get anyone else to see that.

"Yuuri, let's go," Viktor told him, and Yuuri would have to have been stupid to not hear the icy anger in his voice. "We have no need to stay somewhere like this."

"Listen to your new play toy," Aletse snarled, getting closer to Yuuri. "I don't fucking care what you do, but you can do it somewhere other than in here. Phichit never saw how awful you are inside but you can't hide it from me. I know."  _No, you don't._ But Yuuri's stomach rolled and his head spun as he tried to vanish under her vengeful eyes.

Entire body shaking, Yuuri pleaded, "Can't you think about this rationally? You know how sorry I am for what happened but it wasn't my f-"

"Yes it fucking was!" Getting in his face, Aletse hissed, "You were the reason that his name was dragged through the dirt and he was disgraced. You're the reason his family had to bring him back to Thailand. You're the reason that the rest of us lost a friend. He wasn't anything but a game for you Katsuki, don't try and pretend otherwise."

Leaning over her shoulder, Logan spat, "Get out, you pathetic piece of shit."

Unable to take it anymore, Yuuri got up and bolted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, I never said I was kind. I'm sorry.
> 
> No wait...
> 
> Nope, I'm not. Oops.
> 
> *laughs distantly*


	22. But I Want To Stay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Viktor realizes that sometimes all he can do is listen
> 
> _Self-Destructive - Mothica_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now we start to get some answers. Answers to stuff YOU PRETTY MUCH ALREADY KNEW I'M HARDLY GIVING AWAY ANYTHING AHHAHAHA!~
> 
> No, but seriously, it's gonna be angsty fluff for a while. Lots of sentences left unsaid and lots of yearning. On both sides. But there will also be some very satisfying stuff in the coming chapters (if you know what I mean) and eventually, we'll hit the real angst, get over it, and then go on with some smooth sailing. BUT UNTIL THEN!
> 
> Prepare yourselves my darlings~
> 
> Enjoy!

Viktor was livid and more than a little distressed. Both for obvious reasons.

He'd thought he was just going to take Yuuri out to eat but in the past twenty minutes he'd watched the boy have a panic attack, break down into tears, get verbally abused by the waitress and finally flee the scene in terror and you know what? Viktor had about had it. For the first time in years, he desperately wished these people knew who he was so they'd feel some semblance of remorse.

Standing up sharply, hardly caring when it drew yet more attention to their small catastrophe, Viktor glared at the two people before him. The girl, Aletse he was nearly certain, sneered at him. "You'll thank me later," was all she said, her voice so disgustingly confident that it made his stomach turn.

"No, I don't think I will," he said coldly, his eyes hard. Viktor knew better than to act out in public but these people made him want to hurt something. How  _dare_  they treat Yuuri that way when he was so clearly terrified and upset. How  _dare_  they act so smug and self righteous like they'd done the right thing. How dare they! "That was simply disgusting."

Aletse simply shrugged but the man next to her leered at Viktor. "And Katsuki is so holy. Don't fucking believe a word he says." As much as Viktor would normally have wanted to ask, this entire conversation revolted him too much to do so.  _I need to find Yuuri, they're unimportant._

Summoning up every bit of the aloof and intimidating presence he usually denied to go without, Viktor took a step forward and glared down at the pair of them. "You may feel justified," he said, no hint of emotion in his voice. "But whatever you think Yuuri has done to you, this reaction is many times more deplorable. You're nothing but children." And then he turned away, hardly able to contain the swelling desire to simply seek revenge.

As he reached the door, he heard Aletse call after him, "Just do a fucking google search, you have no idea who he is." Ignoring her words entirely, Viktor stormed out of the restaurant. As soon as his feet hit the sidewalk he was tossing his head about, anger taking a backseat to worry.  _Where did he go? Is he alright?_

No, that was a stupid question, of course he wasn't. Viktor cursed himself as he tried to spot Yuuri's face in the people walking about.  _This is all my fault, he didn't deserve to be put through that. Why do I keep screwing up Yuuri? What am I supposed to do?_

Then, through the people, he spotted a familiar head of messy brown hair and a momentary spark of relief washed through him. Jogging quickly to catch up, Viktor called, "Yuuri!" and was dismayed when the boy didn't even pause. He just kept walking, like he hadn't even heard Viktor. The only sign he'd heard at all was the way he flinched violently before curling himself inward even more.

Frustrated, more with himself than with Yuuri's reaction, Viktor ran the last few meters and almost crashed into him. Putting a hand on his shoulder, Viktor started to speak when Yuuri threw him off and turned away, trying to move faster. With a slight growl Viktor forcefully grabbed Yuuri's shoulder and spun him around so he could look the boy in the eyes.

What he found made his heart ache. Yuuri wasn't crying anymore but he looked like he wanted to. His back was hunched with guilt and there was a horrible self-depreciating cloud in his eyes that simply  _hurt._  It was like he believed he deserved what he'd just gotten, even while it tore him apart from the inside out.  _What are you hiding Yuuri, why were they saying those things to you?_

"Leave me alone," Yuuri mumbled, though he made no attempt to remove Viktor's hand.

"No," Viktor told him, his voice hard even while his eyes softened. "What happened back there Yuuri?" Part of him didn't want to ask but the rest of him knew he had to know the truth.

"I don't want to talk about it right now," Yuuri pleaded, his eyes so broken that it almost brought Viktor to tears as well. "Please Viktor, I just want to go home."

Not stopping Yuuri from turning and staring to walk away, Viktor followed him, confused as well as frustrated. "Yuuri, this isn't the way to your apartment."

"I'm not going to my apartment!" Yuuri's voice was uncontrolled, unmodulated. All of his emotions were so raw and  _there._  The pain, the regret, the guilt, the anger, the wounds so deep Viktor couldn't even begin to touch them, it was vividly painted onto Yuuri like a horrible masterpiece. "Just go away Viktor, you don't need to deal with this."

Unwilling to just let the distraught boy walk away like that, Viktor played back the words that had been snarled at Yuuri in the restaurant and plucked a name from it.  _Phichit._  "Who is Phichit, Yuuri?" Viktor asked softly, the fight leaving his sails.

Pausing in his tracks, Yuuri took a deep breath. "He was..." Biting his lip, the man looked at his feet. Jerking his head up and staring at the street as if unable to meet Viktor's eyes, Yuuri asked, "Why do you care?"

_Why?_  Viktor couldn't answer at once, the question took him by surprise. But Yuuri had a point. He'd been just acting but he didn't know  _why._  Or rather, he did, but he hadn't put words to it yet. As easily as a song, the answer slipped from Viktor's mouth. "Because I care about you."

Eyes flicking to Viktor's face, Yuuri stared at him as if trying to pick out the lie in his eyes but it wasn't there. Viktor meant every word. He wasn't sure when it had happened, when things at changed but he was starting to think they never had. From the moment he had met Yuuri, he'd known the man was different. And those feelings had only intensified. Now he was staring into the maw of a beast, another person's past, problems and pain and Viktor wasn't scared. Because it was  _Yuuri_ and that made a difference.

He didn't need to rationalize it, he didn't need to come up with a million different excuses. Viktor just knew it was true.

Drawing in a sharp breath, Yuuri's bottom lip trembled for a moment before he tentatively reached for Viktor. "I'm sorry," he murmured, voice thick. "I lost my head."

Instead of taking Yuuri's hand immediately, Viktor instead extended his arm and brushed Yuuri's cheek with the tips of his fingers. So sweetly, Yuuri leaned into his hand and Viktor could see the tension leave his shoulders.  _I should have stepped in, I should have done something..._  "Just give me a chance to understand," Viktor murmured, drawing closer and leaning his forehead against the top of Yuuri's head. Just don't shut me out when I'm on the brink of understanding what you make me feel.

"Yeah," Yuuri said softly, his nose brushing Viktor's shoulder. Pulling back, the man caught Viktor's hand and tugged him along, walking down the sidewalk slowly. He was still suffering, still in pain, but Viktor could tell that his words had affected the boy. Shining under that pain was that strength the man had seen in Yuuri when they'd first met.  _I get it now, after being treated like that, you have to be strong to keep going._

A year did he say? Viktor was surprised the man was still standing at all.

The walk wasn't long, all of it was spent in silence. Yuuri 's silence was a downtrodden one, Viktor's was more sympathetic than anything. He wasn't even sure what he would have said anyway, all he could think was how fragile this whole thing was and wonder why he was willing to jump into something so deep without a second thought.

Part of him wanted to speculate on what had just taken place. There was enough information that he could have probably put the scene together without Yuuri telling him a thing, but Viktor wanted to hear it from Yuuri.  _Why do I have a feeling none of those people bothered to listen to him before judging him?_

That was the trouble with people. After being a public figure for so long, Viktor knew how quick people were to judge without any proof. He could remember only too well the mess that had resulted when Yuri had come out as gay. That had been his first realization that while his fans might adore him, they were just as eager for the next piece of gossip as anyone.

On a much smaller scale, Aletse and her friend had done the same thing to Yuuri. Judged first and never bothered to ask questions later.

Following Yuuri as he lead them down one street and up another, Viktor's curiosity was peeked when he saw a small motel peak its way around the corner. It was tucked between an apartment building and a restaurant and it fit there, blending with the rest of Portland perfectly. Remembering what Yuuri had said about his family owning a motel, Viktor's eyes widened.  _This is home for him, isn't it?_

To think that Yuuri would take Viktor, a perfect stranger for all intents and purposes, to somewhere that personal, even if it was technically a motel for anyone who wanted to stay at it, touched him. He didn't say a word as Yuuri tugged him onto the premises, didn't protest when he led him towards the back and up to the second level rooms. He just followed, silent.  _I asked, and if this is what it takes for him to tell me, then I'll gladly do it._

It was only once Yuuri punched in the code to the single room at the end of the row that Viktor even spoke at all. "Are you feeling any better Love?" It was a tentative question, as was the way he hovered at the doorway of the room. he didn't know where the line was, so Viktor just hung back, waiting.

"Yeah," muttered Yuuri, his voice a little hoarse but otherwise steady. The interior felt dusty, like it had been undisturbed for a while but the way Yuuri wandered over the room made it clear he knew it by heart. It didn't look like a child's room as Viktor had expected but he couldn't put his finger on what it made him think of. "I'm sorry I dragged you all the way out here."

"No, I wanted to come. You didn't force me." Viktor's voice was even and he watched Yuuri's body loosen, as if just his words alone were soothing some of the nervous energy that surrounded him. He wanted to ask, to press the matter of why they were here in the first place but he didn't, instead he just held his tongue and waited.

"I haven't been here in a long time," Yuuri admitted with a small laugh. "It's been-"

"A year?" Viktor guessed, before he could stop himself. Yuuri froze at his question before looking down at the floor.

"Hah," he muttered, tone bitter. "A year is a long time."

Slowly stepping through the door, Viktor leaned against the wall and took off the stupid sunglasses he was still wearing. "It depends on what you're comparing it to Love. A year can be but the blink of an eye it hurts enough."

"I guess you're right." Reaching for a frame propped on the small shelf nailed to the wall, Yuuri muttered, "I'm still running from it, but I guess I can't run forever." Viktor waited, quiet and patient. Glancing up at Viktor, the boy smiled, though all there was in his eyes was more pain. "I keep telling myself I'm over it and I am, but it's not through with me."

"You were together, Phichit and you?" Viktor asked, combing the bobby pins out of his hair just to do something with his hands. He knew he was being stupid, but there was almost a spark of resentment against this man he'd never even met.  _Nonsense, you have no right to be that way._  But he'd hurt Yuuri, and Viktor found that he didn't really need a reason past that.

"Yeah," Yuuri said, laughing bitterly. "Or maybe I just thought we were." Leaning against the wall, Yuuri slipped to the floor and sat there, curled in on himself. "We said we loved each other, but did we? I don't know." Letting the picture frame thump against the carpeted floor, Yuuri said, "I knew him for two years and we were together for a year and a half of that."

"But now you're here," Viktor said, the  _so something clearly went wrong,_ going unsaid.

"He was an exchange student." Viktor was honestly starting to wonder if Yuuri remembered how to smile without it being a look full of suppressed pain. "I was stuck back at home because my mom was sick. I'd dropped out of college to take care of her and he was living next door. It just... worked, you know?"

Dropping his chin to his knees, Yuuri muttered. "I kept telling myself that we were in love but after a year and a half, I probably should have known better. Then it all fell apart and it hurt." Yuuri's face screwed up as he was no doubt assaulted by memories. "Oh god Viktor, it was all so messed up. And I know I was stupid for thinking it would work and I know that it's my fault he left the states and moved back to Thailand and yet I still have the nerve to feel bad for myself."

Heart breaking for the boy, Viktor liltingly said, "No, Love, it wasn't your fault."

"I was stupid."

"And he was cruel," Viktor responded. "Look at me Yuuri, you are not responsible."

"He wasn't cruel though," Yuuri protested, and Viktor didn't like hearing him stick up for Phichit. Quelling the surge of ugly emotions that rose up, Viktor shook his head. "Viktor you don't get it, he was wonderful. It was just the  _situation._  The situation was screwed up, he couldn't do anything about it either."

"You know that's not true," Viktor said, even though he didn't exactly have much to go on. But he'd listened to enough to know that there was a seed of doubt in Yuuri's heart and that was enough for him. If it allowed the boy to forgive himself, he'd use it. "Yuuri, love isn't something that someone can just forget and leave behind."

"How do you know?" Yuuri asked, almost begged really. Like he wanted to believe Viktor but didn't know how.

With a small laugh, Viktor admitted, "I don't. I've never been in love before. But I've seen it. I've seen how people act when they truly want to give their all for a person." His face fell. "What happened to you, you can't keep telling yourself that it's your fault just because Phichit said he loved you. It doesn't mean a thing if he didn't act like it Love."

Bottom lip wobbling, Yuuri whispered, "Why are you here Viktor? Why do you say you care? Why do you act like I matter?"

"Because you do," Viktor said simply, no platitudes or verbal flourishes. "Because it hurts me to see you hurt. Because I want to see you smile. It's what I wanted from the very moment I met you Love and I still want it."

"Aren't you going to leave eventually?" Yuuri said, and in those words, Viktor could see the bitterness.  _Just like Phichit, I too will leave._  He couldn't even refute the words because in the end they were true. He would leave. But he didn't want to and he didn't want to let Yuuri go.  _I don't even know how I feel._  Except he did, sort of.

He knew the warmth in his chest when Yuuri was around.

And he knew the craving he felt when he wasn't.

That had to count for something, right?

"You let me worry about that Love," Viktor said softly. "Just trust me."  _Because I'm not like him._ He didn't say it, didn't dare, but he thought it all the same.  _I'm not going to hurt you, I'm not going to break your heart._  He could have said anything, he wanted to say so much. He wanted to promise to make Yuuri happy, he wanted to say he'd make it better, he wanted to just ask the man to smile, but none of it sounded right so Viktor simply said, "Please."

Face crumpling, Yuuri nodded silently as tears began to slip down his face. Unlike the restaurant where Yuuri had shunned contact, this time when Viktor moved forward, the boy let him. Gently helping Yuuri to his feet, Viktor wrapped his arms around him in a gentle yet firm embrace. With one arm around his waist and the other keeping Yuuri's head pressed firmly against his collar bone, Viktor did nothing but whisper a string of comforting words in Russian as the boy shook in his hold.

Slowly backing up till his legs hit the bed, Viktor slowly lowered them both down till he was all but cradling Yuuri in his arms. The sobs that shook the boy were silent, but they rocked him to the core.  _All this pain he's kept inside for a year and he's willing to give it to me._  Viktor desperately wished that he could simply reach into Yuuri's past and wipe the last few years away but he couldn't so instead he just was there for him.

In the end, it was all he could ever do.  _And god knows I'd do anything for Yuuri._

"I don't love him," Yuuri finally said, his sobs turning to shuddering breaths. "I haven't for a long time. I don't even miss him." His fingers curled in Viktor's coat and his nose brushed against the man's chin. "But for all the crying I did after he left, I never really let myself mourn."

Viktor didn't know what to say in response to that, so he just kept silent, knowing that when allowed, Yuuri would always end up pouring his heart out. But he did tighten his arms around the soft, slender form and didn't complain as Yuuri's remaining tears soaked through his shirt.

"I don't really want to just forget Viktor," Yuuri admitted, and his hands tightened at that. "I want to let go. I'll never really forget him but it shouldn't matter. I'm tired of fearing myself and all the bad memories I have, I just want them to stay what they're supposed to be. Memories. Not emotional baggage."

He chuckled bitterly. "It sounds so stupid, but I don't want to tarnish you with my problems."

"You never could Love," Viktor murmured, pulling back enough that he could blot at Yuuri's face with the edge of his stupid scarf that he still had on. "I'm not as perfect as you make me out to be and if this is what you call tarnishing, then I'll gladly let you do so. As long as I can have you around."

And it was so stupid because they both knew that this couldn't possibly last but it no longer mattered. Softly, as Yuuri finally managed a true smile, Viktor's fingers twitched under the boy's chin as he lifted it up ever so slightly. Perhaps it was wrong to kiss him when he was so emotionally fragile, but Yuuri's body loosened under him, and Viktor could feel his heart slowing down.

It didn't last long, but it was  _enough._  Viktor had never been one to see the subtle distinctions in this kind of thing, he usually thought of anything physical as purely gratifying and nothing else but here, this was different. It was comfort and it was assurance and it was security. Trust, at it's most basic level.  _I never want to betray that trust, I want to be someone he can rely on._

"Will I see you tonight?" Yuuri asked, voice small.

"Always Yuuri." Viktor assured him, a smile of his own creeping its way onto his face.

_Always..._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Like a parasite, I feed off of your tears of joy/sadness/ohmygodthefeels. They are my life blood.
> 
> If anyone's wondering, no, those two dipwads from this chapter and the last don't show up again. They were simply some very angry background noise. Just assume they got either shot/strangled/crippled by flying chair/hit with a car/ or otherwise incapacitated in some horrific way.
> 
> Next chapter is...! *Waits for a response but only gets static* It's okay, it's okay. I forgive you for not getting it right.
> 
> Next chapter is tomorrow. Lots of fluff in store. Also, in case anyone was hoping it would happen OTAYURI WILL BE MAKING AN APPEARANCE CAUSE SCREW YOU THIS IS MY HOUSE YOU WILL PLAY TEA PARTY WITH ME AND YOU WILL LIKE IT!


	23. Ease My Pain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Yuuri is confronted with that four letter word once again
> 
> _Black Magic - Jaymes Young_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is short but it's kind of the end of this particular emotional arc. From here, there will be more fluff and much more excitement. Or something. Honestly, I don't have a clue. I'm making this up as I go along.
> 
> If anyone is at all interested, I've got a background of this story in the works. Of course, it would focus on Yuri and Otabek as opposed to Viktor and Yuuri but it would still be interesting I think.
> 
> Basically I'm trying to get you to read backstory by bribing you with Otayuri.
> 
> But enough about me babbling on, enjoy!

Yuuri was still in his room later that day when his sister found him.

He was alone at this point. Eventually he'd convinced Viktor to leave. There was a lot for him to process and he'd needed time alone. It had taken some convincing, the man clearly didn't want to abandon him after everything but finally, he'd left.

Yuuri hadn't bothered going back to his afternoon classes. After what had happened, he wasn't in any place to do so. He managed to text Yuuko, begging her to get his the stuff he'd left in his math class, but past that he hardly moved at all.

Instead he'd just sat there and really  _thought._

He'd never really talked to anyone about Phichit like this. People  _knew_  what happened but they didn't  _know._  Yuuri had just kept it all inside. His doubts, his scars, all of that pain and yet Viktor had only really had to ask and it had come pouring out. Maybe not everything, but a lot. Enough perhaps.

He wondered, distantly, if perhaps he was only hurting himself. Viktor was going to leave as well, right? But when it came to Viktor, Yuuri's feelings were so tangled and confused that he doubted he'd be able to ever really look at it with a level head.

Yuuri wasn't the sort to let people in, he wasn't the sort to accept pity or even comfort. But then there was Viktor and he hadn't been able to say no. The man had simply wandered into his life and was persistently and stubbornly telling Yuuri over and over again that he was staying there.

Even all of the emotional baggage he'd been carrying hadn't been enough to scare him away.  _He says he cares about me. He means it._  Which was crazy because they'd only know each other for a week. Though comparing Viktor to Phichit made him feel shallow somehow, Yuuri couldn't help it. It had taken ages for he or Phichit to ever even ask themselves if they were possibly more than just friends.

And yet with Viktor, there had never been another option.

Phichit, for at least as long as they were together, had been safe. Always comfortable. There hadn't been any risk involved, there had never been anything too nerve-wracking. Yuuri liked being able to put how he felt into a box of emotions that didn't change.

But with Viktor, he didn't  _know_  how he felt and it left him nervous, excited and  _happy._

_He makes my heart beat so fast and yet with just a kiss, he calms me._

That was something new and it scared Yuuri. But it was Viktor and so maybe that was okay...

"Yuuri?" At the sound of his sister's voice, Yuuri jolted from his thoughts and looked over at door. Mari stood there, watching him with something like worry and just a bit of fear, as if expecting him to fall apart. "Oh my god, Yuuri, what are you doing here?"

When Yuuri didn't answer, Mari stepped into his room, glancing around as if trying to see if something was horribly wrong. "Yuuko texted me and asked me to check if you were okay, you never showed up for lunch or your afternoon classes. She seemed worried."

"Sorry," Yuuri mumbled. His eyes fell on the sunglasses in the corner of the room and like a phantom he could feel Viktor's arms around him.

Noticing the picture frame on the floor, the one that held a picture of him and Phichit, Mari's eyes widened before flicking up to Yuuri's. "Are you okay?" she asked, hurrying over to him. "Please, talk to me, what's going on?"

Looking up at her, Yuuri couldn't help but smile. "Nothing is going on, Mari, I'm okay." Because strangely enough, he was. A weight had been lifted off his shoulders and it was like being able to see color after viewing the world in black and white.

"Yuuri..." Mari gave him a hurt look. She probably felt shut out but Yuuri didn't understand this change enough to explain it to himself, much less to someone else. "Yuuri you have work in an hour," she finally said, reminding him that even though he had been allowed to remain stuck in time for a few regenerative hours, the rest of the world had continued to march on. "At least let me drive you back to your apartment so you can get ready."

Nodding, Yuuri followed his sister out of the room, grabbing Viktor's forgotten sunglasses as he went.

As Mari wove through the traffic of downtown Portland, she kept glancing over at Yuuri with that same worried look in here eyes. Yuuri saw it, but chose not to react, instead staring out the window of the moving car and watching as the mild weather faded into a light drizzle. The cloudy skies were calming, and they made Yuuri smile.  _Heh, everything seems to be making me smile..._

"You were in there thinking about Phichit, weren't you?" Mari asked suddenly, as if she couldn't keep the question in any longer. Instead of flinching, Yuuri simply took a deep breath and faced forward. "I mean," his sister hurried to say. "You left cause you didn't want to think about him and then I find you there so there must have been a reason."

"You're right," Yuuri told her, no betraying emotions in his voice. His tone was simply light, content.  _It's because Viktor took away so much of that pain._  It was still there, but he wasn't afraid of it and that made all the difference.

Mari took her eyes off the road for a moment so she could stare slack-jawed at Yuuri. "Did you cry?" she asked, not bothering to sugarcoat it. He wasn't sure why it was the first thing that popped into her head when he hadn't cried over his broken relationship in ages but then again, he probably had that air about him that suggested tears.

"Yeah," Yuuri confirmed, glancing back out the window.

"Oh Yuuri-" she started, pity edging itself back into her tone.

"It felt good," he said frankly, looking over at her and watching her levelly. "I've been bottling it up for a year, I had to let it out some time."

"But you were all on your own," Mari murmured, sounding horribly guilty. "I knew it was going to happen at some point but I didn't want you to be alone for it."

"I wasn't." He wasn't precisely sure why, but he didn't really mind telling his sister that Viktor had been there. The man was such an integral part of why Yuuri wasn't currently emotionally incapacitated that be was worth mentioning, even to his sister. Even though he usually would be nervous to do something like that. "Viktor was with me."

His sister looked at him questioningly for a fraction of a second before understanding dawned on her. "Viktor... Oh! You mean V. That guy you're seeing." Then her eyes widened. "Wait, you what?"

Yuuri shrugged. "I told him what happened."

"All of it?" Mari asked, skeptically.

"Enough of it," Yuuri countered.

Shaking her head in wonder, Mari muttered, "I have to meet Viktor someday. Seriously Yuuri, this is huge." Letting out a disbelieving laugh, she continued, "I've been trying to get you to really talk about Phichit for a  _year_  and this Viktor gets you to talk about it after a week of getting to know you."

"He's different," Yuuri told her honestly, thinking of Viktor's soft lips and even softer words.

"He must be," Mari told him, a serious look on her face. "Because I've never seen you act quite like this." She was silent for another moment, then she smiled slightly. "I like it. The change looks good on you."

"I think so," Yuuri agreed. Smiling in what was probably a dreamy way, he said, "You have no idea how perfect he is Mari, he's kind, and smart and gorgeous." Snorting at his own words, Yuuri added, "But do you know the best part? He treats me like I'm a human." That sounded depressing, even to his own ears. "Do you know how long it's been since someone that wasn't you or Yuuko treated me like I wasn't somehow dirty? It's been a year, a  _year."_  He shrugged. "I'm sick of it."

"Anyone would be," Mari muttered, a rueful expression on her face. Abruptly, she glanced over at Yuuri and her eyebrows furrowed. "You're not okay though, I know when you're upset and you still are."

Giving her a look, Yuuri said, "I probably will be for a while, but I'm better now."  _And I've got Viktor, however stupid that sounds._

As she pulled up to the curb across from his apartment, Mari watched in silence as Yuuri opened the door and slipped out. Her mouth was open, as if she wanted to say something, but it wasn't until he was about to close the door that she stopped him.

"Yuuri, it sounds like you're in love with Viktor."

Looking back at his sister in confusion, Yuuri blinked. "I-I- I'm not- Mari, he's leaving soon, I- It's stupid. I'm not in love."

"You do realize that literally none of that changes anything," Mari pointed out. "I know you Yuuri, I'm your sister, I would hope I do, and I know for a fact that you've  _never_  acted like this before. Not even when it was Phichit." It was almost like an appeal to reason, the way she said it. "So tell me, are you in love with him?"

Wondering why the question made his heart thump rapidly in his chest, Yuuri shook his head, biting his lip as he did so. "No Mari, I'm pretty sure I would know if I were in love with him."

With a soft snort, Mari shook her head. "We'll talk more later. You've got to get ready for work. You need to be there in forty minutes." Reaching over, she tugged the door that Yuuri was still holding open closed before mouthing  _see you_  through the window and pulling out into the street.

Still running her question over and over in his head, Yuuri slowly walked towards his apartment.

Yuuko had said the same thing earlier that day. Granted she'd done so in a more bombastic way that his sister but the effect was the same. Yuuri was left to question himself and it wasn't a particularly comfortable concept.

Viktor was... Well, Viktor was perfect. Yuuri knew that, knew that despite everything the Russian said to the contrary that he was too good for someone like Yuuri. Yet Mari had a point, he  _hadn't_ felt like this before. Every time he thought about it, it terrified him. He thought he knew what love felt like but at this point, he wasn't even sure.

Pushing all thoughts of love from his mind, Yuuri opened his door and slipped inside.

He ended up making it to work early, the thought of getting something productive done making him feel a little better. His shift started at seven, but he helped out until it was time for him to clock in. It was strange, usually he started work tired but today, he felt rested in a way he hadn't for a while.

 _It's because Viktor is just that stubborn. Heh, never thought I'd see a day when I was glad someone wouldn't leave me alone._  Because Viktor was different, and in the end, no matter how confusing the other stuff was, Yuuri knew that this much was absolutely true.

As the hours of his shift slipped by and his remaining coworkers vanished one by one, Yuuri found himself watching the clock. This was a different kind of anticipation than it had been for the rest of the week, this was a subdued sort of excitement. The knowledge that around one, Viktor  _would_ open that door and everything else would cease to really matter for a few blessed moments.

So focused on this point was he that Viktor took him by surprise when he walked through the door at twelve, looking very much like he was waiting for a mob to come after him. Brightening the moment his eyes landed on Yuuri, Viktor's face softened and he waltzed up to the counter with all the grace and presence he'd had that first night Yuuri had met him.

"Yuuri Love," Viktor lilted, his bangs falling in his face as he tilted his head to the side. "You look better." Typically blunt, a compliment hidden under the memory of that afternoon.

But Yuuri didn't worry about that, he just smiled and laughed. "Yeah, I'm feeling a lot better." Pursing his lips together for a moment, Yuuri added, "Thanks, by the way. I- I really needed that. If you had ditched me after I had my meltdown, I wouldn't be where I am now."

Viktor sighed, as if the very insinuation that he'd leave Yuuri alone made him sad. "Dove, you know I'd never do such a thing to you. You're too perfect for me to treat in such a flippant manner." Hand brushing Yuuri's cheek as it so often tended to do, Viktor hummed, "I'm glad you let me listen Yuuri."

Leaning into that warm touch on instinct, Yuuri smiled, his eyes shining. For a moment, they stood there, both thinking similar things but neither saying a word before Yuuri drew back and Viktor hopped onto his usual perch on the counter. It was so comfortable, Yuuri realized that this, as much as everything else, would be missed when Viktor left.  _He makes this not so horrible._

"So you're here early," Yuuri commented, leaning against the counter Viktor sat on. "Usually I have to wait for another hour to see you. What's going on?" When Viktor gave him a odd look, Yuuri hurried to say, "N-not that I'm complaining! I like you here." His cheeks flamed red, which made Viktor laugh in delight.

"There's quite a scene over there," Viktor told him, eyes fixed on the middle distance with an interesting sort of intensity. "The History Makers are staying in the hotel and some of their fans are... very persistent."

Furrowing his brows, Yuuri hissed through his teeth. "Ack, sounds hard. Are they very loud?"

"The band?" Viktor gave him a playful look. "That I wouldn't know. But the fans, yes. Very loud. Even my friends are finding it hard to sleep and they usually sleep through anything."

Laughing, Yuuri said, "Well the offer still stands if you want to migrate to the motel instead. You'd probably get more sleep that way. Though," he muttered, tilting his head. "I'm sure there are thousands of people who would be jealous of you, getting to stay in the same hotel as famous singers."

"Would you?" Viktor asked curiously, almost as if he couldn't help himself.

Confused at why he'd want to know, Yuuri thought about it for a moment before shrugging easily and leaning backwards over the counter so he could look up at Viktor's face. "I don't think so. I'm not really one to hang off of someone just to get a taste of fame."  _Besides, I've had my fill._

Viktor's crystalline eyes swirled. "You're a very interesting person Yuuri, I hope you know that." Then, as if he couldn't resist, the man leaned down and pressed a kiss to Yuuri's lips, one the boy returned eagerly, just willing to let himself enjoy the press of Viktor's mouth and the sweet flavor he left in his wake.

Letting Viktor pull him upright slowly, Yuuri sighed into the man's mouth as Viktor's fingers threaded through his hair and drew him closer. This, this was something he could lose himself in, this was something he wanted to lose himself in. Just the feeling of Viktor's tongue lazily sliding against his and the swirling fire in his gut that left his entire body tingling.

Breaking apart, Viktor rumbled warmly in approval before darting in again and stealing one more kiss from Yuuri that he was eager to give. "You're so beautiful Yuuri," he praised, eyes half lidded as he stared at the boy. "So perfect, really, no matter what you say it's I that do not deserve you."

Chuckling at the familiarly overblown flattery, Yuuri said, "I'm sure Viktor, that's absolutely how this is." His words prompted Viktor to look down at the counter, an odd smile twitching at the corners of his lips.

"I mean it when I say you look better," Viktor told the boy softly, surprising Yuuri with the sudden change in topic. "When I met you I saw strength, I can see it all the more clearly now."

Turning red, Yuuri mumbled, "I've never had someone say that to me before. I- I don't know what- I mean..." Biting his lip, he muttered, "I'm not strong Viktor, I thought today would have shown you that."

"Anyone else would crumble under the pressure you were under and yet..." Viktor extended his hands. "Here you are Love. That's more than most people can say."

Watching Viktor in silence, Yuuri could only bow his head.  _He says it like it's a fact, so maybe it wouldn't be so bad if I believed him._  So caught up in thought was he, Yuuri wasn't expecting the finger that hooked under his chin and pulled his head up. Instantly caught by Viktor's intense eyes, Yuuri found himself left breathless.

"You're stronger than the rest of the world Yuuri," Viktor repeated, his words almost musical. "So hold your head up and smile Love. The rest of them can hardly begin to compare."

And perhaps it was stupid, but in that moment, Yuuri wanted to make what Viktor said true.  _I'm tired of living like I'm nothing but the dirt on the bottoms of everyone else's shoes, I want to be happy._

With Viktor, maybe that wouldn't be so impossible.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yep, another chapter. I KNOW IT'S A DAY LATE SUE ME I HAD A SHIT TON OF WORK. And I picked up another shift tonight so I'll to my best but I will be dead tired to don't murder me if I don't get everything out on time.
> 
> If anyone's actually interested in that Otayuri story, just let me know. It would be a shorter, long form story. That means longer chapters but fewer of them. I'd probably take about a few weeks to write it and during that time, updates here would be every other day or something but it would probably be worth it.
> 
> Just think about.


	24. Your Heart Is Sore

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Viktor decides that he's probably going crazy
> 
>  
> 
> _Chasing Hearts - Breathe Carolina_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's very short and pathetic but it's leading to some stuff. Trust me, the next chapter is going to be sooooo worth it. And the chapter after that~ *wiggles eyebrows* I mean, if you know what I mean...
> 
> Anywho, to anyone who doesn't know, the first chapter of the Otayuri story is out. It's called _Watch me, Want me, Make me stay_ and I would be most delighted if you deigned to read it. It's certain to be... something.
> 
> Yup, definitely just something.
> 
> Did I mention it's rated M?
> 
> Whatever, Enjoy this for now.

"-and you know how happy it would make him," Viktor was saying, looking out from his window at the milling crowd below.  _If only JJ could refrain from telling the world where we are staying for once... How ultimately troublesome. Isabella is not going to be happy with us._

 _"I can imagine,"_  confirmed the dark voice of Otabek from over the phone's speakers.  _"I would just prefer it be a surprise."_  Viktor rolled his eyes at the ceiling, enjoying how utterly serious the man sounded about this. Then again, the only time he showed anything other than complete flat calm was when Yuri was around.

"A surprise will be easy," Viktor assured Otabek, waving his hand and glancing behind himself just to make sure Yuri was still out of the room. "Besides, if I told him, Yurio would probably stab me for ruining something you were planning, just out of principle."

 _"Los Angeles, right?"_ Otabek mused.  _"In three days, if I'm not mistaken."_  He said it as if he didn't already know the schedule by heart.  _They're both adorable..._  Viktor thought, stifling a chuckle.

"Yes of course!" Viktor agreed, walking away from the window so he could wander over to the mirror hanging on the wall. "I'll make sure you can meet him back stage before the show. Our little Yurio would be most happy to see you, I'm sure~"  _More than happy..._

Otabek cleared his throat.  _"Are you sure I wouldn't just be a distraction. Perhaps I should meet him after the show..."_

"Perish the thought!" Viktor announced, clapping a hand over his heart even though the man couldn't see him. "Yurio plays twice as well when he knows you're watching."

 _"I always watch, you send me digital copies of your shows,"_  Otabek muttered, sounding unimpressed with Viktor's antics.  _Like Yurio, like boyfriend._

"Ah yes," Vitkor agreed twirling his finger in the air absently. "You're right, I do. So he must play five times better when you're actually around than when he just knows you're watching on a screen."

 _"He's been playing at top form these last few shows,"_ Otabek commented absently, probably not even realizing it.  _"His mind is very focused, it shows."_ After a moment of contemplative thought, Otabek added,  _"You're also singing better."_

Mind flickering to his own Yuuri, Viktor grinned happily. "You are quite right, I have been." He didn't treat it as a compliment because he knew it really wasn't. Otabek didn't throw around useless platitudes, he simply stated what he felt was fact and left it there. This was simply him making an observation.

 _"Will Yura be able to spend any time in New York?"_  Otabek asked, making Viktor grin.  _Of course he would ask, they are so obliviously obvious... "I understand your plans have been rather up in the air recently."_

With an amused laugh, Viktor indulgently admitted, "Ah yes, we were planning on ending our tour in New York actually. I'm sure there will be time~" They were doing it specifically for Yuri's benefit, though Viktor had purposefully not mentioned it to the hot-tempered blond. He would rather it not be taken the wrong way, perhaps as an attempt to meddle in his personal life.

Otabek gave a grunt of appreciation.  _"It has been a year since we were able to spend a decent amount of time together. Thank you Viktor."_  That was Otabek for you, concise, straightforward, unwilling to complicate the simple unnecessarily. It made sense that Yuri would be drawn to him. They complimented each other well.

With a smile, Viktor lightly commented, "You really love our little Yurio, don't you?" It was a comment he wouldn't have been able to make to Yuri, but Otabek wasn't as easily ruffled. He took most everything in stride.

 _"Yes, yes I do,"_  Otabek said, not bothering to beat around the bush, actually chuckling at his own words.  _"He is... Certainly something."_

Viktor was silent for a moment as he stared at the door, wondering if perhaps he should just end the conversation, but despite his better judgement, the question he wanted to ask came to his lips. "How did you know you were in love?" The moment he had said it, Viktor silently cursed himself. It was such a stupid thing to ask. He wasn't even quite sure why he wanted to know, he just knew that he needed to in some strange way.

Otabek however, didn't question him, he simply hummed under his breath. _"I didn't. I had no idea. It wasn't some happy feeling. I only realized I was in love with him when it hurt."_  Letting out a short breath, the man added,  _"It forced me to see how much it meant to me."_

Suddenly feeling self-conscious, Viktor defaulted to his usual airy self and effused, "Ah, the two of your are a couple that will last the ages, I simply cannot handle it, the sweetness is too much!" Pushing the question he'd just asked to the back of his mind, Viktor laughed. When Otabek scoffed, Viktor settled down and said, "Well I must be going. Farewell~" Without waiting, Viktor hung up.

Backing up till he flopped backwards over his bed, Viktor sighed. His mind, inevitably, traveled to Yuuri as it so often seemed to do. In the end, he seemed to be the only thing Viktor could think about.  _be honest with yourself, that's why you asked Otabek of all people about love._  Which was stupid because it wasn't love, it was just... Something else. He cared about the man, that was it.

Goodness knew Yuuri needed it. He'd been so broken, but Viktor hoped that last night had gone towards fixing all the fractures in Yuuri's heart. All of the things the boy had told him stood out in clear and perfect detail, the stuff that had been verbal, and the things he'd picked up between the lines. Viktor knew it all by heart and it made his chest ache.  _The things he's had to go through..._

But then he thought of last night, Yuuri's bright russet eyes and the absolute trust he'd displayed as he just let Viktor see right through the walls to the pain he'd hidden for years.  _Why would he be willing to give such a thing to me? Why does he trust me so much after such a short time?_  It confused him because he knew that he, in turn, would do anything to protect the boy.  _We hardly know each other._

A lie, really. He knew quite a bit about Yuuri and always seemed to be learning more. Viktor found himself falling deeper and deeper into something he couldn't begin to understand and he didn't know what to do because he should really be panicking or something but he  _wasn't._  He was enjoying every minute of the uncertainty and he knew for a fact that this wasn't going to change.

More than that though, Viktor wanted this to last beyond when he left Portland. It had been a thought that really hit home the night before but by now, it had taken root. He didn't want to have to let the boy go.  _Of course, that implies our relationship is of a certain nature..._ As of yet, he still didn't know what Yuuri was to him. They kissed, didn't they? They talked about deep emotional problems, right? Didn't that sort of mean they were  _something?_

Honestly, Viktor didn't know. He couldn't even begin to sort out his emotions on the subject. There were too many things he could chance misreading and he didn't want to ever do anything that might chance hurting Yuuri.

But maybe not knowing was okay, maybe he could just keep going down the path he was comfortable with.

_Because it's Yuuri, right and he's never demanded a thing from me.._

With another sigh, Viktor rolled over onto his face and blew out a breath into the duvet cover. He really needed to stop obsessing and think about something else. Anything else would be good.  _I have to wait until tonight to see him..._ Viktor almost whined aloud.  _Ugh, it's gotten bad. I'm hopeless._  He would go to the boy's college, but he didn't want to distract him.

All in all, he was quite possibly going stir crazy.

"-and if  _someone_  hadn't fucking decided to post where we were all over twitter then maybe we'd be able to fucking do something instead of just sit around all day!" Yuri's voice brought Viktor out of his daze. Turning over so he could see the irritated boy, Viktor watched as Christophe and JJ followed him.

"Hey, it was an accident," JJ said, holding up his hands defensively. "And I didn't honestly thing that a crowd like that would show up. I mean, they've got to go home at some point, right?"

Rolling his eyes, Christophe looked at the sky. "JJ, how long have we been doing this?"

"Years," he answered promptly.

"So maybe-" Christophe started.

"YOU'D THINK BEFORE YOU FUCKING ACTED!" Yuri snapped, throwing himself down on his bed and crossing his arms, looking pissed at the world. Glaring over at Viktor, Yuri snapped, "You! You should be doing something about this!"

"What am I supposed to do Yurio?" Viktor muttered, sighing and watching Christophe as he settled into the armchair in the corner. "They are the fans, they are persistent. We can not make them go away. I suggest getting used to it."

"We should change hotels," Yuri muttered. "Hell, anywhere would be preferable!" Viktor considered bringing up Yuuri's family motel but decided against it last minute.  _If we need to, we will. I'd rather not intrude and I would definitely not want to do something like that until he knows who I am._

"I have to admit, it is getting out of hand," JJ agreed. "They tried to flood the parking garage where we've been practicing. I feel pretty bad about it." The ashamed look on his face made Viktor chuckle.

"Perhaps I should talk to them~" Viktor suggested. "I do love to talk to our fans, it is most interesting." It was true, he never had more fun than when he simply got the chance to talk to those people that were obsessed with him and his friends. It was incredibly humbling, and very rewarding. Unfortunately, he knew as well as any of them that among the normal people, there were those who just wanted to write something that would cause the band trouble

"Isabella said not to stir anything else up," Christophe reminded him, sticking out his bottom lip as if he too found this rule ridiculous. "Do you have any idea how many tabloid reporters are down there? Viktor, you'd only cause more of a problem."

"No doubt..." Trailing off, Viktor stared at the floor for a moment before groaning loudly. "I'm going crazy stuck in here, Chris, I will die. My brains will leak out my ears. I must do something."  _I want to see Yuuri. It's almost sad, I'm a mess when he isn't nearby._

"So let's do something," JJ said, looking at Viktor and shrugging. "Come on, it's three in the afternoon. We've been stuck inside all day and it doesn't look like it's going to get any better. I say we say screw it and blow this place anyway." He grinned. "Let the fallout deal with itself."

From where he sat, Christophe cocked his head to the side, a mischievous smile appearing on his face. "Oh JJ, you are so terrible. It's only three, that would be obscene." A full on grin taking over his lips, he announced, "But I like it."

Catching on, Yuri backed up. "Oh no, I am not doing this shit. I'm out!" Throwing his hands in the air, the blond man snapped, "Do you know how many times I've had to help cart your drunk ass bodies out of a random bar. Enough that I can no longer count them on one hand. That's too many times!"

"Your arguments do nothing to help you!" JJ announced, grinning from ear to ear. "You're coming Yurio and your'e going to have fun. Because that's something you can do, remember?" Turning to the other Russian, who was only just now understanding, JJ said, "You too Viktor, you've been so busy hanging around this other Yuuri that you've completely forgotten our tradition." He wiggled his eyebrows. "Getting totally shit-faced at a local bar just because we can."

Getting to his feet, Christophe waltzed towards the door connecting the two rooms. "What do you say Viktor? It would get you out of the hotel and if you were drunk, at least you won't be able to remember why you were bored in the first place." He had a fair point, and honestly, Viktor was tired of wondering how Yuuri was doing and if he was okay, getting drunk was just so much simpler.

Rolling his eyes, Viktor said aloud, "I'll go, but only if Yurio comes too. I refuse to go without him. You can not hold us to such a double standard." When Yuri glared at him, Viktor bit his lip and winked teasingly, loving how ruffled Yuri could get when he was annoyed.

"Oh we're not going to leave him!" JJ said joyfully. "I'll  _carry_  him if I have to." When Yuri squawked in protest, JJ guffawed. "We're all going to have fun. We need to, we've been working too hard and you've been hung up on Yuuri."

"I'm not hung up on him," Viktor protested, pouting.

"God, someone just shoot me now," Yuri moaned, slapping a hand to his face before dragging it down. "Fine, I'll fucking go to the bar but let it be said that it's a stupid idea and I hate all of you."

"Duely noted!" called Christophe from the other room.

Turning to Viktor, JJ grinned. "So, are you going to show us how to get out of here, since you're so good at it." Viktor rolled his eyes at the insinuation, which only made JJ laugh harder. "Dude, I'm not even mad, it takes skill to get away from the fangirls."

"I am a man of many talents," Viktor joked, rising to his feet so he could dance about the room, quickly throwing on a coat and grabbing for his phone. "Never fear, I can get us out of here unnoticed if one of you can tell me where we're going~"

True to his word, ten minuets later the four of them were walking down the streets of Portland, entirely free of the paparazzi. Yuri was walking in front of all of them, his arms crossed in annoyance at being forced to accompany the rest of them. Christophe and JJ were playfully pushing each other back and forth while they talked about something and Viktor tailed behind them, simply happy to follow along behind them.

"-but in all seriousness," JJ was saying, catching his breath after laughing too hard over something Christophe had said. "Isabella's going to get tired of us eventually. I'm not sure what we'd do without a manager."

"We'd never get shit done because the rest of you are so incompetent," Yuri quipped, not even bothering to turn around. "But we all know that she would never just drop us, she's been with us for years."

"Admit it," Christophe said, hanging off of JJ's shoulder. "If she got a better offer, she'd probably leave. It's the smart thing to do and you know her, she's nothing if not smart." Viktor wrinkled his nose at the thought. He was used to their manager, he didn't particularly want to deal with a new one.

"Then perhaps we should stop angering her so much," Viktor suggested lightly, shrugging as though this wasn't the obvious solution. "Then perhaps she'd stick around."

"With you around, who would want to?" Yuri quipped. Pulling his leopard print jacket tighter around his body, the boy muttered, "I hope you chose some place warm Chris, I am sick to death of rain every day."

"Portland is a lovely place," Viktor protested, furrowing his brows. "It has a certain charm Yurio, not every place can have the excitement of New York city."

Glaring at him with all the power of someone who wasn't currently bright red, Yuri muttered, "You only like it because that idiot lives here."

"Your point?" Viktor asked, chortling as Yuri threw his hands in the air and scoffed loudly, apparently giving up. "Really though, we'll be getting out of this place soon enough. We have three shows back to back in a few days. It'll be quite hectic, but I'm sure that won't really matter."

"Not to us," JJ said, his chest swelling with confidence. "It'll be epic!"

"Or something," Christophe agreed, elbowing the man in the side with a smirk. "Or perhaps you'll play terribly, who knows?"

"Hey!~"

Letting the conversation fade into the background, Viktor's mind drifted to Yuuri.  _I'll still be able to see him tonight, just, after Chris is satisfied that I've relaxed enough._  It would all be fine, and he'd only drink a little bit. And they were going to have dinner as well, right? That would go a long way to soaking up some of the alcohol...

"Here we are!" Looking up at the nondescript facade, Viktor glanced at Christophe who shrugged. "I heard they had a good selection. Come on Viktor, live a little, you can go back to being silent and thoughtful later." Before he could protest, Viktor found himself being pulled into the bar.

_Ah well, it'll be fun, and they're right, I haven't gotten out enough..._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't have much to say. I wrote this while entirely zoned out. I don't remember any of it but I do know that it's boring. So yeah, if you made it, congratulations. You are a good person. Or something. I mean I wouldn't want to assume...


	25. You've Got Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Yuri traumatizes Yuuri by talking about things he really should have seen coming
> 
> _Speechless - Candyland_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look, it's short, I don't care. I'm falling asleep and I couldn't write a decent kiss scene while falling asleep. To make up for it, the next chapter will be out tomorrow.
> 
> And it will be good. Ish. Pinky swear
> 
> Listen, just enjoy...

As Yuuri thanked the last costumer in line and watched them walk out of the Speedway, he sighed tiredly. He'd never actually seen this many people come by in one day.  _Must be because of the band that's staying in the hotel._  With a sigh, he leaned against the counter and watched the clock absently. The number of teenage girls who had walked through those doors since he'd clocked in had been simply astounding. 

 

As the clock ticked it's way past eleven, Yuuri sighed. It was still too early to be this tired.  _And Viktor's going to show up eventually, right?_ Not for at least another hour, sure, but he'd grown used to the man's presence. The comfortable feeling, the peace, the reassurance.

 

Oh yeah, and the kissing, but really, Yuuri was pretty sure that came second to the rest.

 

Like, eighty percent sure.

 

But honestly, he felt so much better. It was almost miraculous. He wasn't hiding anymore, he wasn't simply existing, those feelings of strength and confidence that Viktor brought seemed to be lasting longer, sticking around. He didn't walk with a slouch. Yuuri was allowed to stand proud because Viktor was right, he wasn't responsible. It was  _okay,_ even though it hadn't been in a long time.

 

And every time he thought about Viktor, it made him smile. Wasn't that a good thing? It had to be. It certainly felt like a good thing. Sure it made him a little bit giddy but Viktor wasn't about to hurt him, the man was a creature of sunshine and joy. Too innocent to do something evil.

 

Of course, he was going to leave... That, as it always did, brought Yuuri back down to earth. He couldn't let himself get so caught up in Viktor, no matter how mesmerizing the man was. It was fun, he could let himself have a little bit of leeway, but he couldn't let himself forget the simple fact that at some point, Viktor would vanish, leaving him to go back to normal. Yuuri kept trying to tell himself that this wasn't a bad thing, but he wasn't that good at lying to himself.

 

The very thought of Viktor leaving made him feel sick to his stomach. He liked having the man around, the smiles, the flirtations words, the occasional seriousness, the way he watched Yuuri like he meant something, it all made Yuuri's head spin. He wanted that, he wanted to keep it. There was nothing that Yuuri wanted more than to be able to know that no matter what, someone would still care. Care enough to knock down whatever walls he tried to build up and cared enough to stick around when he tried to push them away.

 

His sister and Yuuko did their best, but eventually, both of them gave up. They didn't push him past where he was comfortable, they just let him exist under a rock. Viktor had taken Yuuri's comfort zone and thrown it out the window with a laugh. It was freeing and terrifying and honestly, Yuri loved it. He liked Viktor, he liked him a lot. And though his initial attraction to the man had been purely physical, it had developed into so much more.

 

_I've only known him for a week, get ahold of yourself Yuuri!_  

 

Heh, it felt like it had been another lifetime. So much had happened and so much had changed, Yuuri didn't feel like the same person anymore. The setting hadn't changed, but the plot line had. Viktor had done that, all with those devastating smiles and that musical voice. He kept knocking down those walls and pushing Yuuri to face a world that hadn't really lost all its color. Viktor was perfect, and though Yuuri worried he'd tarnish the man, he couldn't make himself care enough about that to let him go.

 

_Maybe my sister's right, it's like we're in love..._

And no doubt he would have continued along that train of thought for a while if someone hadn't slammed an open palm against the counter, making Yuuri start and spin quickly on his heels. "God," the man before him exclaimed, his voice  _so-done-with-Yuuri's-bullshit._ "You two are  _exactly_  alike, it's disgusting."

 

"I- I'm sorry, what?" Looking down,  _because he had too,_ Yuri stared into the eyes of possibly the most angry person he had ever seen. The boy's eyes, or at least the one that was visible, was a light, sage green and the other was hidden behind a curtain of blond hair. His features were precise, Yuuri would have even gone so far as to say refined, but the look he was giving the man was nothing short of contemptuous.

 

Letting out a short breath, the irascible blond muttered, "Oh look, and they're both just as fucking stupid as well. This just keeps getting better and better. Is this honestly what he's expecting us to deal with?" Searching Yuuri's face with narrowed eyes, the man crossed his arms and turned so he could lean his back against the counter. "Just so you know, I already don't like you."

 

Feeling more than a little confused, Yuuri regarded the man's back nervously. He had no idea who the man was or what he wanted, but... Well he'd been dealing with Viktor for a week so he was pretty sure he could handle one angry blond. "I'm a little confused who you're talking about," Yuuri admitted, tilting his head and trying for a polite smile, even though the man couldn't see it. "Would you mind giving some context..."

 

"Viktor!" the man exclaimed, waving his hands exasperatedly as he turned back around to glare at Yuuri. "I'm talking about Viktor, who the fuck else could I be talking about you idiot?" He might have looked intimidating, but his height, coupled with the cheetah print jacket he was wearing made it hard to be afraid of him. "You know, out of all the people he's been around, you'd think that he would have been able to find one with looks and with brains, but apparently, he just can't."

 

_Oooh, this must be one of Viktor's friends!_  Confusion clearing up, Yuuri ignored most of the blond man's words in favor of thinking back to the beginning of last week. Going out on a limb, he guessed, "You're Yurio, right?" The words made the man nearly spit with fury.

 

"That's a nickname and Viktor is a piece of shit for coming up with it!" he barked. "My name is Yuri! And what has that bastard said about me anyway?" 

 

"Nothing," Yuuri reassured Yuri, starting to chuckle despite himself. "Only that you a Kitten pretending to be a tiger." When the blond growled under his breath, Yuuri couldn't take it anymore, he broke into a full bellied laugh. "I think-" he gasped, only finding it funnier when Yuri squawked in protest. "I think he was right."

 

"It would be the only time," Yuri snapped, his green eyes alight with annoyance. "He's a fucking idiot and you should remember that, mostly because he tries to make you forget. Just watch, he can't function in normal society, he's like a child."

 

Chuckling under his breath, unable to really think much of Yuri past the fact that he was adorable when he was upset, Yuuri said, "I think you're underestimating him, he seems perfectly grown up to me." When Yuri only huffed in annoyance, Yuuri waved the matter away. "So," he said casually, smiling slightly when he noticed the fact the man was wearing thick soled boots to make himself appear taller. "What did you want to come here for?"

 

Yuri sniffed. "I just wanted to meet Viktor's new boyfriend."

 

Waving his hands, eyes widening, Yuuri quickly stammered, "N-no, I- We're not actually-"

 

"Oh shut the fuck up, yes you are," Yuri snapped, glaring at him. "Do you have any  _idea_  how much time that idiot spends thinking or talking about you? How much sleep he's lost because of you? Trust me pig," The nickname came out of nowhere, but Yuuri didn't bother to fight it seeing as the matter at hand was more pressing. "You two are as good as dating."

 

"I-" Yuuri started, struggling to process the information that had been thrown at him. "I don't think it works like that." He honestly wasn't even sure what to say.  _He talks about me? And loses sleep? What's going on, I didn't think he liked me that much._

 

"God, you two are so  _clueless!"_  Yuri groaned loudly, rolling his eyes. "Don't get me wrong, I think you're worthless and totally not good enough for him but..." he crossed his arms over his chest and huffed, the breath disrupting his hair. "He's in love with you, so I guess I'm just going to have to put up with you."

 

Laughing uncomfortably, Yuuri attempted to say, "You know Yurio, I think you're overreacting a little. I know that you're all leaving soon, we aren't in love, okay?" He didn't like thinking about love. It scared him, even if it was Viktor.  _Love hurts, I'm not going to do that to myself. He's leaving._

"You honestly think that makes a difference?" Yuri asked, sounding unimpressed. "Look pig, you're a fucking idiot. Love doesn't work like that, I would know. You, you clearly don't know shit about love. You're also completely blind if you don't think that Viktor loves you because he  _clearly_  does."

 

Holding up his hands in surrender, Yuuri nodded slowly. "O-okay..."

 

With a sound of annoyance, Yuri slapped his face and sighed. "I've had too much to drink for this shit." Pointing at Yuuri with a glare, the short blond said, "I might not like you and I might only tolerate Viktor, but I don't want to see him get hurt. He's not yours to fuck with." Pouting and looking away, Yuri added, "You haven't known him for your entire life."

 

"I know that, I know he's not mine," Yuuri tried to reassure the boy, unsure what else he was supposed to do. Yuri just ground his teeth together and instantly the brown-eyed boy backed up again, worried that he was only making things worse. "He was your friend first, I'm just... an interlude."

 

"You know," Yuri muttered, pinching the bridge of his nose. "You keep saying things like that and I know you believe them but you don't seem to get how this works. Viktor doesn't give a shit about what is rational or smart. He just does. And you're that thing. I've never seen him like this and I don't think I'll ever see him like this again. He's not going to just vanish pig so get it through your fucking skull."

 

Struggling not to gape at him, Yuuri just tried to process the man's words. He kept talking like Viktor loved him, which was stupid, even though his mind kept trying to disagree, cycling through a million things Viktor had said to him that made it sound like he was in love with Yuuri.  _But you know it's just a stupid thought, it's not love! He just... We're just..._

"What I'm trying to say," Yuri muttered, turning away again. "Is that Viktor is  _going_  to be yours and I don't want you to screw it up. He doesn't understand love, he just thinks he does. So you can look at me and tell me that Viktor doesn't love you all you want but at the end of the day, I see the evidence and that means it's my job to keep you from fucking him over just because you think you understand."

 

With that, he flipped Yuuri off and headed for the door. "Okay, I've said my piece. I'm sick of you and I feel like I'm going to throw up because I might have drunk a bit too much. Don't fuck anything up." The doors slid closed behind him.

 

Still feeling mildly shocked, Yuuri crept out from behind his counter and stared after the blond. He had already vanished into the night.  _That wasn't terrifying at all..._  

 

  
So that had been one of Viktor's friends. Yuuri could only hope the others weren't quite as intense. he wasn't even sure what had just happened. Had the man been angry, had he been drunk, had he just wanted to make Yuuri's life miserable, honestly he didn't know. Maybe it was a combination of the three... All he knew was Yuri had said an awful lot of stuff that made it sound like Yuuri was well and truly screwed.

 

Though he would have rather simply freaked out about the fact that Yuri had mentioned love so much, instead he couldn't help but pick out one specific thing the man had said.  _He's not going to just vanish so get it through your fucking skull._  On one hand, he thought that was utterly stupid because of course Viktor was going to leave, but on the other... Yuuri found himself wondering if Yuri had a point. Maybe all of his assumptions about Viktor just leaving were incorrect, maybe... 

 

Maybe a lot of things.

 

As another few people walked through the sliding doors, Yuuri forced the thoughts away.

 

Dealing with people made it better, the thoughts were able to clear from his head. Yuuri didn't want to think about love, not yet. Not until he had to and he  _didn't_ have to because Yuri had to be wrong. Viktor didn't love him, he was simply obsessed with him momentarily. It would pass, things like this always did.

 

Once everyone had again cleared out of the Speedway, Yuuri stared at the clock. 11:53 it said. That meant Viktor could show up at any time. Unable to pretend he wasn't anticipating this happening. Hell, it was all he thought about at this point. Smiling stupidly, Yuuri made an attempt of neatening up the store. Emptying out the register and putting the excess cash in the lock-box, restocking what he could, wiping down the dirty surfaces he could get to. It was all repetitive and meaningless, but it kept his mind occupied.

 

Glancing up, Yuuri was about to sigh, in boredom when the bell above the door rung. Spinning around, Yuuri could feel his heart stop for just a moment. Because there he was, just like he'd hoped. "Yuuri Love," he lilted, sounding more fluid than usual. "I've missed you." Viktor, with his eyes lowered and his mouth drawn up into a teasing smile, just like always, looked more than attractive, he looked positively alluring. In that moment, Yuuri couldn't help but wish that the blond Yuri was at least a little right.

 

Because who wouldn't want to fall in love with a god like this?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Haha, sorry, this was just way too much fun.
> 
> Hey hey, remember chapter eighteen? Hehe, so how would you feel about having a repeat of that for chapter 27? Think of the perspective, you do the math...
> 
> Yes? No? Fuck Off? All of these are viable answers people. I'm very accommodating.


	26. Tempting Fate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Viktor gets some relationship advice and thanks to all the alcohol, he listens a bit
> 
> _Up In The Air - 30 Seconds To Mars_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HAHAHAHAHA IT's fUckINg dOnE! This was really long but I told you it would be worth it. The next chapter, which will be even more wonderful, will be rated M. Again. because... I mean... Well... Listen, just enjoy this chapter and don't die before I post the next one, K?
> 
> ENJOY!

Viktor slouched over the bar, his eyes drooping pleasantly and his gaze fixed distantly on one of the shining bar lights. The sounds of Yuri yelling at JJ had faded into the background and everything was just sort of floating, carried by the laughing sounds of people around them. They had, inevitably, attracted a crowd, but it wasn't as bad as it could have been. Hell, it was almost manageable and no one seemed too upset about it.

Glancing at the unnameable glass of alcohol in his hand, Viktor smiled.  _Okay, perhaps I shouldn't have drunk so much..._  Ah well, they'd been there for hours, having found somewhere that not only sold a fair selection of drinks but also a rather decent spread of food. Looking to his left, where Christophe was ruffling JJ's hair, much to the Canadian's chagrin, Viktor chuckled. At least his friends were happy. And he certainly wasn't bored anymore.

Glancing up at the clock, Viktor straightened and stretched.  _Yuuri~_  He thought tiredly, a slow, pleased look creeping up over his lips. His mind kept straying to a very specific set of images, which really wasn't a good thing but  _ah,_  he was already too far gone to really care. It was the alcohol no doubt, making him lose his generally reasonable control of his own mind. Was this highly inappropriate, oh yes, did he give a damn? No, not really...

"Oi!" Yuri barked, smacking Viktor in the side of the head with a glare. "Stop making that stupid ass face! You haven't even had that much to drink." That wasn't strictly true, but Viktor had to appreciate the attempt. If he wasn't actively drunk, he was as close to drunk as he could get without being fully incapacitated.

"Yurio~" He sang, throwing his arms around the blond, who instantly struggled to get away. "You're so adorable when you're annoyed at me!" Using the distraction to snap his mind back into place, Viktor smiled when Yuri struggled to get away, squawking in protest the entire time.  _Such a cat, you never did like to be manhandled..._

"Get off of me you drunk sod!" Yuri exclaimed, entirely destroying his previous claim that Viktor wasn't  _that drunk._  "You're being disgusting! I can't believe I have to deal with you! It's not that late, get your act together."

From where he sat, basically in JJ's lap, Christophe argued, "Oh no, it is late Yurio, we've been here for hours, haven't we?" Glancing up at JJ, who was also drunk, the Canadian made another attempt at shoving him off before giving up and looking over at the other two.

"Yeah, we've been here for at least, like, six hours. I mean, it's no record but..." Shrugging, he turned back to the beer he'd been working on. "Hey, it's better than staying cooped up in the hotel for hours. I'm glad to be out." Looking down at Christophe, who pouted at him, JJ added, "But I would like this lug to get off of me."

"Lug?!" Christophe yelped, giving the man above him a hurt look. "JJ, your words are so horrible, you should not throw them around so carelessly, you'll leave me in pieces I say, pieces!" Dutifully sitting up till he was merely leaning against the man's shoulder, Christophe reached for his glass, which was still sitting on the table, and called to Viktor, "Are you going to go visit your beau again tonight?"

"I think I shall," Viktor hummed, smiling joyfully at the thought of Yuuri, flushed and pressed against the nearest surface.  _No wait, that's not what I'm supposed to be thinking about... Bother, what was I supposed to be thinking about?_  Shaking the thoughts from his head, Viktor laughed and exclaimed, "Why wouldn't I Chris? He is the highlight of my day."

"You're disgusting," Yuri announced, throwing his hands in the air in irritation. Pushing his hair out of his eyes, the man muttered, "I mean, do I go on and on about Beka until everyone else wishes I'd shut up?"

"Yes?" JJ answered, sounding confused.

"The answer was supposed to be no you idiot!" Yuri barked, getting in the guitar player's face. Looking slightly concerned, Christophe pushed the spitting blond away from JJ, who could do nothing but laugh. "I'm trying to say you're being ridiculous Nikiforov! Just because you're in love doesn't mean you can forget about the rest of the world."

"He has a fair point," Christophe admitted, looking dolefully at Viktor, who furrowed his brows at the attention. "Though I will not deny that you are clearly smitten, you can't just forget about the band. We were here first."

Viktor frowned. "He would never affect my abilities, if anything he makes them many times better." Scoffing, he added, "And we're  _not_  in love. I've known him for a total of eight days, it isn't love, that would be nothing short of ridiculous. Even you must admit that Chris."

"Are you fucking kidding me?" Yuri snapped, his grievance with JJ forgotten momentarily as he stormed back over to his original seat at the counter where Viktor sat. "Of course you're in love with him you feather-brained idiot! What part of  _I'm going to sneak out every night to visit him_  isn't love?"

Viktor tilted his head in confusion. "Yurio, you're overreacting, I'm not going to fall in love with someone just because I like to be around them."  _And talk to them, and touch them, and kiss them, and do quite a bit more with them..._  Nope, he wasn't going there! "I can't imagine why you'd all believe I loved him."

But even as he said it, the past week came back at him in flashes, all the moments that made him wonder if maybe, just maybe, they were seeing something he wasn't. Most recently, the conversation he'd had with Otabek flashed through his mind.  _How did you know you were in love?_  And he still wanted to know how to tell, though he wasn't sure he wanted to know  _why_  he wanted to know.

And though he'd never had to think about something as frightening as love before, now he was left to flounder as things with Yuuri just kept getting deeper.  _Maybe I am in love..._

No, it was madness, nothing was going on.

"What I'm worried about," Christophe said, getting to his feet so he could sway towards the bar, his body's movements loose and carefree. "Is something bad happening with the two of you and it leaving the rest of us to suffer." Leaning in between Yuri and Viktor, Christophe pouted, "I know how you are Nikiforov, if you're not feeling inspired, your work is  _pas si bon."_

"But nothing bad is going to happen between Yuuri and I," Viktor countered, not liking the insinuations Christophe was making. "We are fine, and Yuuri is not so shallow as to try and hurt me." And he believed it, but the way that Christophe was looking at him like he was an idiot did not help his confidence.

"Yuuri?" Someone asked curiously. "You mean Yuuri Katsuki?"

Glancing up, Viktor widened his eyes and though he knew he shouldn't be talking about his relationship with the boy outside of his friends, the man nodded. "Ah, yes, yes I am!" The bartender who was currently leaning over the counter had her head tilted slightly and a smile on her face. "Do you know him?"

"You could say that!" the woman said with a laugh, running her fingers through long, brown tresses to clear it from her eyes. Her smirk was evident and though she was the bartender herself, it was clear she'd been drinking herself. "I knew his family a few years back when his mother was deathly ill. We knew each other before that too. Of course," she gave a sad sigh. "We haven't talked this last year, but he shut almost everyone out so I'm not too upset."

Knowing what she was talking about, Viktor nodded, "I see! Well yes, we were talking about him."

Returning to her earlier task of wiping down the bar's surface, the woman asked, "So, how do you know him Mr. Nikiforov." Viktor wasn't at all surprised she knew him, but he was delighted that she didn't treat the matter like she was talking to a celebrity. It was... refreshing.

Viktor was about to open his mouth to respond when JJ thumped down into the seat beside him. "He's in love with Yuuri!" he announced, grinning when the woman granted him another beer to replace his empty one. When Viktor elbowed him, JJ just laughed. "Come on dude, you so want to-"

"Okay, that's it!" Yuri snapped, throwing his arms in the air. "I'm out! You idiots can deal with your own drunk asses tonight, I'm fucking done." Flouncing out of the bar, much to the collective disappointment of several fans that had gathered nearby, Yuri called, "Nikiforov, you had better stop being and idiot!"

"Get back safely Yurio," Viktor called, his eyes shining brightly. "Don't do anything Chris wouldn't do~"

The boy flipped him off as he left the bar.

Watching the man go with barely concealed laughter, the woman turned back to face them. "So, what was that you were saying about Nikiforov being in love with little Yuuri?" Planting an elbow on the counter, she added, "I'm Minako by the way. You know, in case you ever get the opportunity to tell Yuuri I was asking after him." She said it like she had a feeling Viktor would be spending his time doing other things...

Leaning forward, Christophe snatched JJ's beer away from him before smiling disarmingly at Minako, who just smirked back. "So here's how it is. Nikiforov decided, for some strange reason, that he needed to socialize with the locals. He ended up in the speedway below where we're staying."

"And that's where he met Yuuri," JJ continued, grabbing his drink back and giving Christophe a suspicious look. "Who was  _clearly_  perfect for some reason, I've never actually met him. None of us have actually except for Nikiforov."

Unexpectedly, Minako threw her head back and let out a laugh. "Oh isn't this just beautiful. Little Yuuri, who thought he never could get a date after Phichit left, has managed to catch the eye of the great Mr. Nikiforov. This is just  _too_  good. Tell me," she gave him a more serious look that was somewhat marred by the way her eyes seemed perpetually half-lidded. "How is he dealing with the fact that you're... Well,  _you?"_

Viktor scratched the back of his neck awkwardly. "Well, Yuuri doesn't exactly know about that..."

Giving him a  _fucking really?_  look, Minako groaned. "I'm guessing you shouldn't be telling me this?" When Viktor only shrugged, she rolled her eyes. "Yup, you're drunk. Otherwise, you might think twice for telling a random stranger about something this sensitive."

Viktor sighed. "Probably, but it wasn't precisely my idea to bring up my private life now was it?" He shot both of his friends meaningful looks. Christophe waved his hand lazily and JJ toasted him with his drink. Glancing back at Minako, Viktor said, "But regardless, that doesn't change the subject of what we were talking about which is-"

"Oh no, you totally are in love with him," Christophe countered, raising his eyebrows and staring Viktor dead in the eyes. "I would know, I know more about this stuff than you ever will. Heck, even JJ notices and he's an idiot~"

"Hey!"

Humming under her breath, Minako pulled up a stool that was on the other side of the counter and sat so she could look at Viktor pensively. "Look," she said at last, her expression hidden by her folded fingers. "Far be it from me to tell you who you do and don't like Nikiforov but you need to be careful." Shrugging, she let one eye close. "Your Yuuri's a little fragile, though, if you're this far in, you probably already know that."

"I do," he admitted, dropping his head and smiling ruefully. Viktor couldn't deny that the way she'd said  _your Yuuri_  made his stomach do happy flips.  _Butterflies again, I suppose._  He liked that, liked the idea that Yuuri was his and no one else's. Safe from the rest of the world who would want to do him harm.  _But it's not love, right?_

"What happened?" JJ asked, raising his eyebrows curiously. "To Yuuri, I mean?"

Minako pursed her lips. "Let's just leave it at you should be careful who finds out about you two getting together. Some people might not be particularly happy."

"We're not  _together,"_  Viktor insisted, stressing the word. He knew he sounded like a petulant child but- But... He couldn't' help it! He wasn't exactly known for his track record of good relationships. If he was being honest with himself, he was more the type to simply flit through places, leaving a trail of broken hearts behind him. Not that he meant to but Viktor wasn't good with commitment. He was committed to his band and that was about it. And Yuuri... Viktor didn't want to see him hurt.  _Ah, which means there's already something there..._

"Are they together?" Minako asked, looking between Viktor's two friend's skeptically.

"Oh absolutely," Christophe said, nodding.

"Yep," JJ confirmed, not caring when Christophe stole his drink again. "Totally a thing."

"Then stop saying that you aren't in love with him!" Minako snapped, palm slapping the table hard. "Yuuri isn't going to be able to handle prolonged exposure to something like that, you need to know how your feeling about this whole thing because he sure as hell won't for a while." Sitting back, she added, "And I'm tired of seeing him get hurt."

"I won't hurt him," Viktor insisted, thinking of the shining look in Yuuri's eyes and feeling his heart melt just a little before clenching painfully at the idea of that light going out because of him. "I would never hurt him. He knows what we are, we don't exactly let each other forget."  _Even though I feel like I forget on a daily basis._ "We're okay."

"You say that now but..." Minako shrugged. "Whatever you think Yuuri's been through, he's been through worse. His life has been nothing but a series of unfortunate events. You, showing up like this in all your-" she waved her hand vaguely. "Glory, like this? I'd say he'd be terrified of believing that it's real and if he does end up believing, when you leave, it's only going to break him."

"I don't want to leave," Viktor admitted under his breath, burying his fingers in his silver hair. At that Christophe's eyes widened and JJ whistled. Minako just nodded, as if she'd see that coming.

"My god, it's worse than I thought," Christophe muttered, blinking some of the happy drunken haze from his eyes. "Nikiforov, what are you doing to yourself?"

"Dude," JJ said, sounding almost impressed. "Oh boy you are so boned right now. I didn't realize you were  _that_  into this."

"I"m not!" Viktor protested, but his stomach churned like it knew he was lying. "I'm not in love with him, I'm just having some fun and he's enjoying himself too. If I can make him smile, then that's all the better."

Minako shook her head. "Nikiforov," she started, her eyebrows drawn together. "I've said it once and I'll say it again, it's not my place to tell you who you do and don't have feelings for but you really don't have much experience with this stuff, do you?" When he didn't answer, she chuckled. "Yeah, I can tell. Your type never really does know when they've found something special."

"My type?" Viktor asked, confused.

"Flighty," Christophe answered at once, passing JJ's beer back.

"Flirty," JJ added instantly.

"The type that's played the game enough times that they don't understand when they're looking at something different," Minako finished, tapping the bar with a finger. "You're struggling but you don't know what you're struggling with because you've never seen it before. I can't tell you how many guys I see in here that go through the same thing. They find something and they think they know what they're doing but they just," she grimaced. "Ruin it. I don't want you to do that and I don't want that thing to be Yuuri's heart."

"I'm feeling very reassured," Viktor commented, unimpressed. "Please, can we not be quite so critical, I am doing my best, honestly I am."

"Oh I know," Minako agreed, straightening suddenly and going about mixing a drink. "But sometimes, you need a reality check. Even if you're famous."

"Especially if you're famous," Christophe agreed, raising an imaginary glass to her.

"So if you can just admit that you love Yuuri, everything will be fine!" JJ encouraged, thumping Viktor on the back happily. "Oh, and you have to let us meet him."

"I'd rather not," Viktor commented, looking between the two of them and sighing. Glancing up at the clock, Viktor watched the hand tick past eleven thirty before suddenly swinging his body around and slipping to his feet. "Now if you'll excuse me, I have other things I wish to do."

"Like Yuuri," Minako quipped, making him turn quickly and give her a hurt look, even though internally Viktor completely agreed with her. Laughing at his response, the bartender waved Viktor away. "Go on Nikiforov, have fun. I'll keep these two from doing something stupid."

Feeling an odd sort of camaraderie with the girl, Viktor gave her a strange sort of salute. "I shall entrust them to you. Make sure they both stay mostly conscious." With a musical laugh, Viktor turned and left, enjoying Christophe's and JJ's sounds of protest.

The moment he was out on the street, Viktor felt a wash of emotions crash over him. Because the woman had been at least a little right, he wasn't good with commitment and what Yuuri needed most was something steady. He couldn't handle much of Viktor's flighty airs and he certainly wouldn't be able to handle it if Viktor let slip something he didn't mean.  _Like love, right?_  Because he didn't mean it, he couldn't possibly mean it after such a short time.

But he almost wished he did, because it was Yuuri. He almost wished that he could stay in Portland, because then it might become something. Viktor almost wished that Yuuri already knew who he was so he wouldn't have to keep putting walls in their relationship. Above all though, he wished he understood, so he didn't have to be so afraid of the knot of longing that formed in his gut every time he wasn't around Yuuri.

"I'm screwed," he said aloud. "Entirely over the bend because of Yuuri and the light he holds inside himself." It sounded stupid out loud, but Viktor smiled at the words regardless because they were true and he didn't know how else to say it. He was going crazy, and really, when he wasn't being forced to think about love or hurting people or any of that other seriousness, Viktor found that he was content in his insanity.

_As long as it's Yuuri, I don't care. I could fall in love and I guess it would be alright because if it's my little Flower, I can't seem to think of a downside._

With a contented sigh, Viktor directed his feet in the general direction of Speedway because all jokes aside, he really wanted to see Yuuri.

As the Portland nightlife passed him by, Viktor wondered what it would have been like to grow up somewhere like this, instead of in a cold city in Russia. He wondered if he would have turned out differently, stuck in a boring job because there was nothing to drive him to music. If he'd had a normal childhood, perhaps his own words would have never been a solace to him and he might have never met people like Yuri, JJ and Christophe who decided to stick by him even when it seemed ridiculous and suicidal.

He would have never met Yuuri...

_I'm definitely drunk right now..._

Well not so drunk anymore, just severely tipsy. The world just seemed to glow around the edges and his mind kept getting away from him but other than that, he was totally fine. Completely conscious of his surroundings and totally focused on getting to the Speedway in once piece.

Surprisingly, he did a relatively good job of it. Viktor didn't know where he was going but he'd been wandering around Portland enough in the last week to sort of know when he was getting close. It only took him twenty minutes to make a trip that should have taken ten at the most, which was pretty good considering he was usually too forgetful to remember where he was going.

The moment he saw the familiar red lights of the sign though, he relaxed, his mind wandering to the man who was inside.  _Yuuri..._ How would he be feeling today? Tired, emotionally drained or possibly happy to see him. Maybe he'd smile, maybe he'd blush, maybe Viktor would make him blush regardless.  _I kind of want to kiss him._ Actually, he wanted to do a whole lot more than that but he had self control, probably...

As he strode through the front door, his movements easy, his body loose, Viktor's eyes landed on the boy in question. He looked devastatingly attractive at that moment, cheeks flushed, eyes wide in surprise and joy, lips parted just a bit, just enough to make him look so  _so_  appealing. "Yuuri Love," he sang, lifting his crystal eyes to look the boy over once more. "I missed you~"

"Yeah, I missed you too." Then Yuuri turned redder and gave Viktor a stupid grin and Viktor couldn't even begin to help himself. Moving forward without even realizing what he was doing, Viktor's hands found their natural place on Yuuri's waist and the back of his neck before he was drawing the boy forward in a kiss that he all but melted into. Yuuri tasted so savory and perfect and Viktor couldn't help but chuckle darkly as he backed the man into the wall.

"I'm sorry," he murmured against Yuuri's skin as the boy's breath sped up and his face turned even redder. "You're just too much for me Yuuri, do you have any idea what I want to do to you?" Oh yes, he was probably drunk but considering he wanted to do this sober, he was going to take advantage of the lack of that little voice in the back of his head that might try and stop him. Lips roaming over Yuuri's flawless skin, Viktor breathed in that heady scent and committed to memory.

"V-Viktor~" Yuuri's voice came out as something between a gasp and a groan that was music to Viktor's ears. This time, he knew they were alone, this time, he could keep this perfect creature to himself without having to worry about prying eyes. Swallowing those breathy sounds off of Yuuri's lips, Viktor took the opportunity to slip his tongue into the man's mouth and explore every bit of him. Yuuri just surrendered to him, curled his fingers into Viktor's shirt and hung on for dear life.

 _God, he's so perfect._ As their mouths slid against each other, Viktor found his hands roaming, unable to get enough of this flawless being under him. Where Yuuri's shirt had come un-tucked, Viktor's fingers brushed over bare skin, causing the boy to shudder against him violently and make a soft whimpering sound. It was undeniably arousing and Viktor responded to it by pressing their bodies together, wishing there wasn't so much clothing in between them.

"Wh-what's this?" Yuuri panted, pulling away for a moment so he could stare at Viktor. His pupils were blown wide, enough so they almost entire eclipsed the familiar rusty irises.  _Does he have any idea what he's doing to me?_  Unable to hold back, Viktor attacked Yuuri's exposed neck, leaving open mouthed kisses in his wake that looked pink against Yuuri's skin.

"What do you think it is?" Viktor murmured, running his hands over Yuuri's torso hungrily, delighting in the way the man shuddered against him and let out a soft moan. "You just look at me with those beautiful eyes and I can hardly hold myself back." He found Yuuri's mouth again and he stole whatever breath the man had been able to muster. Pressing their lower bodies together, Viktor couldn't help but roll his hips ever so slightly, causing Yuuri to groan against him.

"God," he gasped out, fingers moving up to tangle in Viktor's hair in the best way possible. "Don't stop~"

Giving into Yuuri's words, Viktor chuckled darkly as he drove himself against Yuuri, kissing everything he could reach and touching everything he couldn't. His hands traveled lower and he let out a predatory growl as Yuuri gasped in pleasure, eyes rolling back in his head. "Vi _ktor!"_  Yuuri's voice carried so sweetly thought the empty store, every sound only adding to the heat pooling in Viktor's gut. "A-ah,  _god."_

Though he knew he was probably taking this too far, Viktor's hands looped under Yuuri's thighs as he lifted the boy, allowing him to wrap his legs around Viktor's waist. Yuuri didn't even complain, probably couldn't have formulated the words to do so and Viktor certainly didn't want to stop. He just wanted more. He wanted to see Yuuri spread out underneath him, needy and wanting. He wanted to listen to him call his name as he came undone at his touch. He wanted to see the look of pleasure in his eyes as he finally climaxed...

It was this that at last brought Viktor back to earth. Realizing just what he was doing and where they were, Viktor forced himself back into the present and drew back, taking a moment just to stare at the mess he'd made of Yuuri. The man was panting hard. His eyes were unfocused and his face and neck were flushed. Looking down, Viktor noted several red marks he'd left behind and he felt a tad guilty.  _I hope he doesn't mind._

Unable to help himself, Viktor drew Yuuri back in for a second more and simply pressed a light kiss to his lips, marveling in how perfect the man was before slowly letting him slip back down to the floor and allowing him to breathe. Finally focusing his eyes on Viktor, Yuuri breathlessly murmured, "That was..."

Leaning in, Viktor couldn't help but murmur teasingly against Yuuri's ear, "I would say I was sorry Love, but that would be a lie." He could feel the shiver that traveled down Yuuri's spine at those words. "Though perhaps I should not be continuing in here where people can just walk in."

As if the realization had just hit him that this was indeed a possibility, Yuuri yelped and exclaimed, "V-Viktor!" Squirming to get away, Yuuri complained, "I need this job!"

"That didn't seem to stop you a moment ago," Viktor said with a laugh, letting Yuuri escape regardless. Once he had an avenue of escape however, Yuuri didn't move, he just relaxed against the wall and gazed up at Viktor, a soft look in his eyes. Though his mouth was swollen with kisses and his breathing hadn't quite returned to normal, he looked content, happy.  _Beautiful._

_Perfect._

_Yuuri Love, what have you done to me..._

Reaching up an absent hand and smoothing out Viktor's rumpled hair, Yuuri muttered, "Yeah well you were pretty persuasive." He smiled at his own words, as if he recognized how ridiculous they were.

Loving that small smile, Viktor stole yet another kiss from Yuuri, hardly able to believe that  _this_ was real, that such a wonderful thing was his to hold and cherish.  _Don't break him, don't hurt him._  "I try to be," Viktor assured him, moving back so he could simply drink in the look on Yuuri's face.  _Far more intoxicating than any alcohol._  "Only for you Yuuri Love."

And okay yes, sometimes this whole thing terrified him, but really, Viktor wouldn't trade Yuuri for the world.

_Maybe they're right after all..._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah, we get a little Minako, a little drunk Viktor, a little bit of deliciousness and the promise that the next chapter will be out... SOON! First I've got to write some WmWmMms which is also rated M and I've got to work on The Users and The Used. To those of you who don't know what I'm talking about, that's okay. Just know that I've got to write it.
> 
> But the next chapter of this will be out soon so don't die. Really, I don't like it when you die.


	27. It Hurts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which karma is a bitch
> 
> _it's not Love - Lontalius_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Secret to writing smut is to litERALLY THINK ABOUT NOTHING THE ENTIRE TIME. The moment you start thinking, it gets awkward.
> 
> Another think I have learned is NPAYS. Never Psychoanalyze Your Smut. Just don't do it.
> 
> (mumbled rant) Like Viktor clearly sees Yuuri as being very submissive and Yuuri sees Viktor as being very teasing. Which they are, but still. If you look at the dialogue and realize it's all just imagined, it really fucks you up, you know? Because that means that Viktor wants to be needed and Yuuri wants to be wanted. UGH I'M GOING CRAZY Can I even write a normal sex scene? (/mumbled rant)
> 
> Enjoy!

_"You're just too beautiful Love~" Viktor's words slipped by Yuuri's ears as the man covered him, moving his lips over his jaw and neck. "So perfect." They were such familiar utterances and yet they held a different sort of reverence as the man moved against him, doing his best to drive Yuuri to distraction._

_It wasn't like he really had to try, Yuuri was already a panting mess, unable to think clearly, hardly even able to draw breath. Viktor's hips kept rolling slowly against his and the man kept brushing his hands over Yuuri's shirt, teasing him but never doing anything. It was infuriating and yet it felt so good that Yuuri couldn't even begin to complain._

_As he tugged at Viktor's own shirt, Yuuri was rewarded with another heady kiss, one that heated his body past the boiling point. Viktor just kept teasing him, trailing his fingers over the hem of Yuuri's jeans before dragging them up over the boy's sides. Yuuri could feel himself losing his mind and he didn't even care because it was_ Viktor _and the man's crystal eyes were full of adoration and devotion._

 _"Please, Viktor," he found himself babbling, reaching up to tangle his fingers in soft, silver hair. "Please I_ need  _you, please stop teasing me and just-" He was cut off by Viktor's lips, which swallowed his words entirely, leaving him gasping for breath_

_"Patience Love," he murmured, even as his eyes spoke of something very different. Though his kisses were hungry, he was infuriatingly gentle as he traced his hands over Yuuri's ribs and slowly rolled his hips against the boy's in the most torturous way possible. Yuuri's grasp on reality slipped as Viktor softly whispered in is ear, sweet nothings that drove him crazy. Viktor was nothing if not teasing and Yuuri loved it as much as he hated it._

_Whimpering against Viktor's mouth as that ball of need strengthened, leaving him to tremble uncontrollably, Yuuri canted his hips upwards to meet Viktor's advances and earned a musical chuckle from the man. Viktor's mouth trailed down over Yuuri's exposed collarbone and Yuuri's grip in the man's hair tightened. Biting down unexpectedly, Viktor sucked hard at the junction of Yuuri's neck and collar, irritating the skin before soothing it with that deft tongue. Letting out a moan, Yuuri arched his back needily, pressing his head against the cushions at his back._

_"I love looking at you spread out like this," Viktor lilted, his voice taking on an almost hungry tone. "Coming undone at my touch, it's beautiful Yuuri, do you know what it does to me?" The hands under Yuuri's shirt kept crawling supwards, mapping every inch of his torso out like Viktor was committing it to memory by touch alone. "It drives me crazy~"_

_Those words, practically purred into Yuuri's ear, made the boy shudder. He could feel himself growing harder by the second but Viktor kept refusing him relief. Instead he chose to brush his fingers over Yuuri's aching nipples before ducking his head down and dragging his tongue over their sensitive peeks through his shirt. Gasping helplessly, Yuuri could do no more than jerk against Viktor as the pleasure left him overwhelmed._

_Every touch was fire, every movement pure intoxication. Yuuri's entire body had been rendered over sensitive, allowing Viktor to drive him crazy with just the barest of touches. It was clear the man knew that and used it to his advantage, running his fingers over Yuuri's spine, ribs and waist while at the same time licking and nipping at the boy's nipples. Blowing over the damp fabric, sending chills racing through Yuuri's body, Viktor looked up at him with dark eyes before finally pushing his shirt out of the way._

_Taking a moment to marvel at the vulnerable position Yuuri was in, chest bared, neck arched, arms above his head and clutching at the pillows, Viktor eyes spiraled with intense appreciation. "You're mine," the Russian murmured, his tone heavy with desire. "Only I am allowed to see you like this Yuuri, no one else."_

_"Only you," Yuuri panted in agreement, his voice weak with need. "Only you Viktor, I'm yours~" Rumbling in approval at the boy's words, Viktor move in closer once more. Ever so gently, Viktor's lips met Yuuri's. He stayed like that for a moment, just moving their mouths together sweetly. Then he was devouring Yuuri's lips with a new sort of intensity, like he was trying to pour all of his emotions into one kiss._

_As Viktor's kisses trailed lower, lips brushing over skin already made sensitive by constant attention, Yuuri's gasping moans filled the room, echoing back on them. Usually he would have been embarrassed at the sounds coming out of his own mouth but like this, with Viktor covering him and coaxing each noise from him, Yuuri hardly had the room to even think. His pants felt too tight the air was too thick and the way Viktor's lips kept trailing lower was only making him desperate for_ more.

_"A-ah~P-please, Viktor-" What he was begging for was anyone's guess, Yuuri wouldn't have been able to articulate it if he tried. All he could do was fist his hands in the pillows above his head and shudder as Viktor's mouth inched down his torso, leaving marks as he went. Each stood out starkly against his pale skin, a lasting testament to these moments. "I need you~" he groaned, vision unfocused. "Please-"_

_"You have me Love," Viktor murmured, his own voice betraying just how much this was affecting him. As his fingers dragged over Yuuri's hips and thighs, he glanced up at the boy teasingly before brushing his lips against the prominent bulge in Yuuri's jeans. It was clear what he meant to do and the boy could do nothing but arch into Viktor's touch and cry out in need._

_With one hand the man palmed Yuuri, cupping his erection in his hand and dragging out a long low moan from his throat. Repeating this motion, still at that infuriatingly slow pace, Viktor worked at drawing him to a peek, all the while leaving Yuuri's hips decorated with numerous red marks, each made with his teeth and tongue. Any words Yuuri would have uttered were stolen by the sheer overwhelming presence of Viktor, his touch, his mouth, his eyes, always catching on his own brown ones and drawing him that much further into the maddening desire and scorching pleasure._

_Nimble fingers suddenly moving to Yuuri's waistband, Viktor was suddenly dragging the boy's jeans down. Teeth caught at his zipper and Yuuri almost wept with relief as his erection was freed from its tight prison. He wasn't given much time to think however as Viktor was already there, dragging his thumb over Yuuri's length and through the embarrassingly large stain growing over the front of the boy's boxers. "Your body is so honest," Viktor praised, his words only making Yuuri squirm more than he already was. "I just can't get enough."_

_"Viktor~" Yuuri breathed, the name coming out like a prayer. He needed relief and Viktor was the only one who could give it to him._

_A messy smirk curling over Viktor's lips, the man ducked his head down and pulled Yuuri's boxers off in the same moment. Yuuri didn't even have a chance to gasp at the cool air hitting his overheated flesh before he felt that talented tongue flick against his leaking head and his entire mind went blank. Letting out a soft curse mixed with the Russian man's name, Yuuri's hands abandoned their grip on the pillows so he could bury his fingers in silver hair once more and hold on. The sharp pressure on his hair made Viktor groan softly. Then his lips slipped around the head of Yuuri's erection and the boy almost sobbed with pleasure._

_It was too much for him to handle, the constant barrage of sensations as Viktor slowly swallowed more of Yuuri's length before dragging his lips back up so exquisitely left Yuuri trembling uncontrollably. He felt like something inside him was an inch from shattering and as Viktor started to slowly bob his head over his erection, Yuuri knew that thing was being pushed closer and closer to the breaking point. Picking up speed, Viktor's hands stroked the base of Yuuri's shaft as the tip of his dick hit the back of Viktor's throat. It felt so_ good _and it was made all the more intense by the look in Viktor's eyes. That heady passion mixed with total and complete adoration._

 _"V-_ Viktor!" _Yuuri cried out, his throat protesting his own cries. "Viktor, V-Viktor I'm- I'm gonna-" He couldn't hold on much longer, not with that hot, wet mouth surrounding him and those blue eyes locked on his brown ones. Yuuri's entire body was tensing up as his climax approached, faster than he would have thought possible. He tugged on Viktor's hair, urging the man to stop but Viktor just stared at him with those perfect eyes, commanding him to come._

_With a loud shout of Viktor's name, Yuuri tipped over the edge, his entire body seizing up as he came. Viktor relaxed his throat around him and swallowed, taking everything that Yuuri gave him like it was a precious gift. All Yuuri could do was shudder against the sheets as his mind went white..._

Letting out a surprised cry, Yuuri shot up out of bed and promptly fell off the edge of his mattress. Crashing to the floor in a tangle of sweaty limbs and soft curses, the boy spent a moment with his cheek pressed against the floor, just trying to catch his breath. His body was still shaking, caught in the threads of the wet dream he'd just had. With a sinking feeling, Yuuri became painfully aware of the sticky mess his bottoms had become.

 _Oh god, oh god, oh god-_ Yuuri's heart thumped in his ears, three times faster than normal. His mind kept scrambling, trying to think through what had just happened. No, it was obvious what had happened, he just couldn't believe it had.  _What the hell Yuuri?_  Struggling for purchase on the floor, Yuuri attempted to push himself upwards only for his arms to give out from under him.  _What the hell?_

He'd just had a dream. A very very  _very_  wet dream about Viktor.  _Oh god..._ Yuuri didn't even have to wonder what had sparked it because it was obvious.  _This is not okay, I'm not okay._  No, no he was fine. He was just...

Pawing the soiled sheets off of his shaking body, Yuuri dragged in lungfuls of cool air. It had been what had happened while he was at work that had triggered this, he was sure of it. The moment he thought it, Yuuri was hit with flashes of memory. The wall at his back, Viktor's hands skating over his skin. their mouths tangling together... With another soft groan, Yuuri slumped against the side of his bed.

He hadn't excepted it at all, usually Viktor had a little bin more self control than that, usually though, he hadn't been drinking... Yuuri had been able to taste the alcohol on the man's breath, heavy and persistent. It hadn't stopped either of them at the time but now, Yuuri had to hope that everything was still good between the two of them.

 _Did he mean to do that, or was it an accident?_ In the end, he supposed it didn't matter. Hadn't Viktor said as much, told him that he didn't regret it in the slightest? Though Yuuri wished the man hadn't been intoxicated, his body apparently didn't care. Not then, when he'd been pinned against the wall, helpless against Viktor's advances, not now when it had managed to trigger...

_Oh god, why?_

Nose wrinkling as his pajamas started getting stiff and even more disgusting than they already were, Yuuri forced himself to his feet.  _How am I supposed to face Viktor?_  Turning red, Yuuri groaned under his breath. He was already attracted to the man, already had a hard enough time keeping himself together as it was, this extra level of stress was not what he needed.

 _Now every time I look at him, I'm going to remember that dream._  Even thinking about it now sent chills down his spine. It had been  _painfully_  detailed. Forcing his mind away from the outcome of that dream, Yuuri just pushed on towards his tiny bathroom, shucking his clothes as he went. His ruined pajama bottoms he threw away, not really wanting to have to deal with that particular mess. Ever.

It wasn't that he was disgusted with  _who_  the dream had been about, no, Yuuri was pretty sure that he wanted that to happen in real life. He was just disappointing that he was  _that_  desperate.  _And if Viktor ever finds out I'll never hear the end of it._

Shaking his head, Yuuri stepped into the shower and forced himself to think about other things. His mind wandered rather aimlessly, to the day off he had in a couple days, to the short blond Yuri that had come in before Viktor had, to Viktor himself and how perfect the past days had been. He was still struggling to believe it was real.

But it  _was_  and though it made his chest hurt to think that it couldn't last, Yuuri was happy that it existed at all.

As the warm spray sluiced down over Yuuri, washing away the evidence of his dream, the boy closed his eyes and just relaxed. There were a million thoughts fighting in the back of his head for dominance but the only one that surfaced was a word.  _Love._

Even his dreams hadn't let it surface, his subconscious just as afraid of it as Yuuri was when he was conscious. It kept lurking, always there in the background. Yuuri trusted Viktor, but the man was leaving so love should have been entirely out of the picture, not even a thought. Except everywhere he turned, it seemed like people were trying to remind him of it. His sister, his friend, even Viktor's friends seemed to think there was something deeper between him and Viktor.

And it wasn't even that he didn't want something like that, Yuuri couldn't deny that if he was going to fall in love with someone, Viktor was a dream he could only  _hope_  for. It was just that no matter how he felt, it wouldn't be permanent. Plus, he wasn't quite sure if he was ready to open himself up again like that. There were still too many things he didn't want to remember. Too much pain.

Even if he were to let it go, would it make a difference?

But it didn't matter because Yuuri was convinced it  _wasn't_  love that he felt for Viktor. It had to be something different because he could still remember what love felt like and this felt so immeasurably different they couldn't be the same thing. Love was comfortable, secure, generally just a happy glow. This was something else, it was always changing, it made his heart hurt one moment and swell the next. It was like a roaring flame and he wasn't sure if he liked it.

It scared him, but it also made him excited. His entire life felt like it had been flipped on its head and all Yuuri could think was he didn't even mind because at the center of it all was Viktor. The man and his smile and his graceful presence and his musical laugh. The blunt way he talked when he was serious and the absent way he stared at Yuuri, like the boy was his world...

As his heart started thumping in his chest like a drum, Yuuri tilted forward and rested his forehead against the tile while the ground tried to fall out from beneath him. Clutching at his chest as if he could simply calm the offending organ, Yuuri let out a small, slightly broken laugh.  _The world is a cruel cruel place, isn't it?_  Swallowing hard, the boy just let himself sink to the floor of his bath as he stared at nothing.

He didn't cry, because that would be stupid.  _He_  was being stupid. But it was so  _fitting_  and Yuuri couldn't think past the ringing in his ears. _It hurts..._

_Why does it have to hurt?_

_Shouldn't this sort of thing feel good?_

The water ran cold eventually, his tiny water heater finally running out of hot water. Numbly, Yuuri reached up and pawed the water off. His head still felt like it was full of nothing but static. Probably a good thing, he didn't want to think about this.

_Why does it have to be now?_

Grabbing for a towel, Yuuri slowly padded from the bathroom. His chest felt like it was caving in, his eyes burned. And he hated himself for acting like this even though it was so damn  _predictable_  because when had he ever made good choices. All he'd wanted was a break and now he was left with pain. A tearing sensation worse than anything he'd ever experienced.

It made last year feel like a loving caress.

It made his head ache.

It made his entire _body_ ache.

And as he walked into the bedroom and saw the remains of his disheveled bed, Yuuri couldn't even begin to stop himself. With a shuddering breath, the boy let out a soft sob. Because just a moment ago he'd been fine, and now his world was falling apart. Stumbling forward on legs that didn't want to work right, Yuuri collapsed against his mattress and curled up there, unable to muster the energy to even get dressed.

_Why did it have to be him?_

_Why do I have to be me?_

_It hurts._

The worst part was, despite everything, all Yuuri really wanted was Viktor to pull him close and tell him that it would be okay. He wanted that warmth, that light, that horrible perfection that was tearing him apart. It was so  _stupid_  and he hadn't even seen it coming.

But that's what it was, wasn't it?

 _Love?_ No, just karma.

Yuuri bit his hand to stifle the sound of self-loathing that escaped him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not apologizing.


	28. Reach For You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Viktor really needs to get his shit together
> 
> _You Run - Submersed_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short because fuck your turtle, posted now because my darling Vitya needs some support. He's *cough cough* goING TO ASK OUT THAT BOY DON'T YOU ARGUE WITH ME VITYA *clears throat* Sorry, I get irritated when people don't think they're worth enough to just go for it and ask someone they like out.
> 
> I mean just look at me and my angel, I thought I was trash but mysteriously, she disagreed.
> 
> Whatever, for those uninterested in my drama, ENJOY!

Viktor woke up unsure of exactly where he was or what he was doing there. This unfortunately, was a rather common thing after a night of drinking. His first thought was that he wasn't wearing anything.

The next few moments were spent in a panic as he wondered, as far as his hungover brain could, if there was someone else in his bed. It wouldn't be the first time, that was for sure. Though he would have liked to say he remembered every person he'd ever spent a night with, honestly, he didn't. Probably, he should feel worse about that than he actually did.

But his second thought is of Yuuri and suddenly, Viktor felt a spike of fear. If he'd managed to hook up with someone last night, he wasn't sure how he'd explain it to the man. God, I need to not do this, I can't do this anymore. I can't risk doing something like that to Yuuri.

The fear woke him up further and as his consciousness returned, Viktor realized with a wash of relief that yes, he was in fact in his own hotel bed. As he opened his eyes and was met with the first warning throbs of his hangover, Viktor actually smiled. He was glad nothing had happened, though honestly, he wouldn't have minded waking up to Yuuri sleeping next to him.

Though I'd rather be fully conscious for that... Yuuri deserves that, he deserves everything. Shaking himself from that frankly dangerous train of thought, Viktor looked blearily around the room and found Yuri glaring at him. Smiling dopily at the angry blond, Viktor raised a hand in greeting. "Yurio! Good morning! Did you sleep well?"

"I would have slept better if you hadn't come crashing in here at one thirty in the morning!" he snapped, throwing a pillow at Viktor's head. Unable to react fast enough, Viktor just let it smack him in the face, laughing as it did so. "You always stay out too late, you're disgraceful," Yuri added, turning away from Viktor huffily.

Waving dismissively, even as he used his other hand to massage away the pounding headache attempting to incapacitate him, Viktor cooed, "And you've never ended up somewhere entirely different at night when you're completely drunk."

Yuri squawked sharply, making Viktor groan as his skull protested the sound. "That was different!! I was twenty and you do it too!"

"Not since coming here he hasn't!" called the boisterous voice of JJ from the other room. His declaration was followed by an irritable growl and the sound of something hitting the Canadian man. Christophe, apparently, was in much the same position as Viktor.

With a slight grumble, Yuri muttered, "Okay fine, but still," He tossed a pill bottle at Viktor, which smacked him in the side of the head. "He used to do it so he's not allowed to complain about me doing it once. Besides, that's not even what I was talking about!"

Taking several painkillers gratefully, Viktor looked about curiously for his clothes. So what did I do last night... "Not everyone has a perfect fairy-tale like you Kitten," Viktor chided lightly, reaching for his boxers which had been left forgotten on the carpet beside the bed. I should really not do this, Yurio has a point, it is quite embarrassing...

"I- It wasn't-!" Yuri turned bright red, a furious glare on his face. "Ugh! Go to hell Viktor, at least I had the good sense to pick someone a bit more intelligent!"

Pausing his task of pulling on a fresh pair of jeans, Viktor turned to Yuri and pouted. "That was very cruel Yurio, Yuuri is very intelligent. Most people don't end up with rich, revered businessmen, you can't compare the two."

"And how would you know that Viktor's Yuuri is an idiot??" JJ questioned loudly.

"Maybe he acts like you," Christophe quipped, voice thick and annoyed.

"At least I'm not hungover."

"Talk too loudly again and I'll give you a worse problem than just a headache."

Viktor, meanwhile, was still staring at Yuri in confusion. "JJ has a point, how do you know how Yuuri acts?" Once again, Viktor wished he remembered what had happened the night before. Did I go visit Yuuri? Probably, I usually do. Well, as long as he hadn't done anything he'd regret now that he was sober.

"I went to meet him idiot," Yuri said with a scoff. "He was absolutely intolerable!"

"You find everyone intolerable Yurio," Viktor retorted immediately, the words a knee jerk reaction. Then the rest of what the blond had said registered and Viktor's eyes widened. "Wait, you did what?" he asked weakly.

Yuri rolled his eyes. "After I left the bar, I went to the Speedway you're always going to. And he was there. So I talked to him." His face pinched. "I'm unimpressed Viktor, the least you could have done was find someone who wasn't so much like you."

"What?" Christophe slurred out as he stumbled through the door between the rooms. "How come Yurio gets to meet the famous Yuuri and I don't? That's not fair!"

"I had no idea he did!" Viktor yelped, his mind jumping to every possible worst case scenario. What did he say to him? What did he do to him? Yurio isn't exactly the most peaceable person and Yuuri can be so sensitive.

"I told you last night," Yuri grumbled, crossing his arms. "But you were too busy babbling on about Yuuri to hear me." Scrambling to remember this event, Viktor felt some of the night before trickle back to him.

Hot, flushed skin, hands, tangled in his hair, gasping, soft lips...

Blinking, Viktor covered his mouth as the tips of his ears went bright red. Oh yeah, that's what happened... Well, other than the fact that he might have just seriously screwed up, Viktor had to admit, it could have been worse. As long as Yuuri didn't take things the wrong way, i.e. He was just drunk and therefore it was an accident, then Viktor was fine.

Except, of course, for one small problem.

"Yurio," Viktor sing-songed, his voice slightly strained. "Since I'm having some trouble, ah, jogging my memory, perhaps you could remind me of what exactly you said to Yuuri."

Yuri tossed his hair out of his eyes and crossed his arms, a glare on his face. "You know, next time I say that we shouldn't go out drinking, maybe you'll fucking listen to me!" Huffing, he turned away. "Why the hell does it matter anyway? I'm pretty sure that if anything I said stuck, you would have been able to tell."

"Yes but for the sake of this argument-" Viktor insisted, feeling pathetic. He hated not knowing and he definitely didn't like the idea that Yuri had been talking to his Yuuri. The things that pop out of this man's mouth...

"I told him that he's not worth you!" Yuri snapped, causing Christophe's eyes to grow wide.

"Gasp~! Yurio, you do care about Viktor," he cooed, grinning even though the expression made him look like he was in pain. "See JJ, I told you he wasn't a heartless monster."

"Hey, I never said he was a heartless monster!" JJ protested, leaning on Christophe's shoulder, much to the Swissman's evident surprise. "I just might have said that he hated all of us and would probably throw us in front of a bus given the chance. I stand by what I said."

Viktor meanwhile, was looking at Yuri in something approaching horror and quite possibly irritation. He had no idea where the sudden flair of anger came from because it sounded exactly like something Yuri would normally say but he hated that he would tell Yuuri that he wasn't worthy of Viktor. Of course he is, he's perfect. If anything, I'm not worthy of him.

"Oh don't give me that look," Yuri muttered, waving his hand at the stricken look on Viktor's face. "He agreed with me. He also seemed to think you two weren't in love which is just depressing, really it is. I felt like I was talking to a child."

Feeling his stomach turn uncomfortably from all the conflicting emotions running through him, Viktor softly said, "We aren't in love and how dare you tell him that he's worthless. Yurio, I'm disappointed in you."

JJ whistled under his breath. "Oh shit, Yurio you done screwed up this time." He grinned like somehow this was the funniest thing he'd seen in a while.

"Calm down Viktor," Christophe insisted, leaning on the arm JJ had draped over his shoulder. "Yurio is always like this, you can hardly blame him. This has been rather sudden."

"What's been rather sudden?" Viktor snapped despite himself, hating that he was getting worked up over this but unsure how to stop himself. "There's nothing there! He's just... We're just-" Irritably, he grabbed for a shirt and forcefully pulled it over his head. "Yuuri and I aren't anything."

"Then why do you care so much that I told him he wasn't worth of you?" Yuri demanded, hands on his hips, a look of fire in his eyes. "You're being so stupid Viktor, you have to make up your mind. Either stop defending him so much or just admit that you're in love."

"NO!" Viktor growled. "I'm allowed to care about someone without falling in love with him Yurio, stop making this out to be something it isn't!"

Christophe and JJ both cringed backwards while Yuri only move around the bed so he could get in Viktor's face. "You need to sort your shit out Viktor! Not get fucking drunk to forget what's going on, not tell yourself that you don't have feelings for someone you clearly do, and definitely not take it out on us!"

Clenching his fists, Viktor took a deep breath before tilting his chin up and grinding out, "Fine then, I won't burden you with my problems. Never mind that the only reason this is a problem is because of you making it a problem-" Pushing past the short blond, Viktor headed for the door, hardly even paying attention to the way Christophe and JJ drew back at his approach.

Drawing some of that irrational anger back into himself, Viktor turned and attempted a light smile. Like the actor he'd always been, the smile came all too easily. "I'm going out," he lilted, forcing his fingers to relax. "I'll see you later for practice~" With a wave that didn't match the turning in his chest, Viktor waltzed from the room.

The moment he was out in the hallway, everything came crashing down over him and Viktor practically ran towards the back stairwell. I just went off on them, he realized, the thought lodging a block of ice in his chest. My closest friends, the people who've been with me since the beginning and I just went off on them without even thinking. And it was because of Yuuri. Viktor could hardly believe that it was true but gods it was.

Hell, it had felt natural. The moment Yuri had told him what he'd said to Yuuri, Viktor had lost it. He'd just felt such a swell of righteous anger, he hadn't been able to hold himself back. The idea that Yuuri might think, even for a second, that he was worthless made Viktor want to hurt something and apparently, it didn't matter that it was one of his friends that had said it, Viktor was still upset.

Sneaking past the crowd, Viktor squinted against the glare of the sun. He wasn't even sure where he was going, he just needed to get out before he said or did something he regretted. Not that I already haven't. Feeling sick, Viktor clenched his teeth. Whether he felt sick because of what he'd said to his friends or what had been said to Yuuri, he couldn't tell.

Thinking back to the other thing Yuri had mentioned, Viktor had to feel the barest breath of relief. At least Yuuri and I are on the same page when it comes to what we are... True, his heart did feel like it was being crushed but Viktor assumed that was related to everything else that was going on. It was a good thing that Yuuri wasn't in love with him. That would have made things difficult, right?

Biting his lip, Viktor agreed with himself that yes, he didn't want Yuuri to fall in love with him. It made everything simple, kept Viktor from having to ask too many hard questions. If only he could get his friends to drop the idea he was in love with the man, then everything would be fine.

So why does it have to hurt like this...

Shaking his head, Viktor just pressed on ahead. He didn't even know where he was going till he was wandering through a residential area, watching the house numbers pass by. Even once he did notice, Viktor didn't stop himself. I'm going to Yuuri's house, aren't I? Sighing softly, Viktor nodded to himself. Yes, he did need to talk to the man. To apologize for what Yuri had said definitely, and also to apologize for what had happened last night. Just because he'd meant it didn't mean he'd meant to do it drunk.

He's not as delicate as you're making him out to be... Something in the back of his mind grumbled, almost like Yuri's voice was stuck in his mind. But Viktor wanted to see the man regardless so it hardly mattered in the end. I need to put my mind at rest, otherwise I'll spend the rest of the day angry at Yurio when I have no right to be.

Besides, Yuri was just being overprotective. Usually, he would have been delighted by his adorable attempts at protecting Viktor. Not upset over the results. Yuuri really has changed everything. It was a terrifying realization. When, after all, had the last time been that someone had affected him so entirely. Never, Yuuri's the only one.

And he didn't regret it, not really. Even when he tried to, he couldn't make himself dislike Yuuri for turning his world upside-down. In fact, the thought only made him smile because god, his life was a mess and he didn't even care. Of all the stupid choices I've made over my life, this really takes the cake.

But he was staring at Yuuri's door and Viktor had to take a moment to run his hands through his hair before letting out a breath. He'd be fine. Actually, he'd probably be better than fine. It's Yuuri, why wouldn't I be fine? With a surprising steady hand, Viktor gently rapped on the door.

There followed a moment of silence, one that was imedeatly followed by a cacophonous scrambling as someone, he assumed Yuuri, crashed to the floor before getting up and presumably tearing his house apart. He smiled, despite all the conflicting emotions churning in his gut. Ah Yuuri, you're so easy to read, I love your honesty...

His heart sped up as the boy came running towards the door. Viktor hardly had time to school his expression before the door flew open. There, standing before him was Yuuri. His hair was everywhere, he was only half dressed, his shirt having been lost to goodness knew what, and his eyes had the worst dark circles under them that Viktor had ever seen. Despite this, despite the worry that rose up and the sound of his own heart pounding in his ears, Viktor smiled.

It was Yuuri, why wouldn't he be happy?

Swallowing hard, Yuuri stammered out, "V-Viktor!"

It didn't matter about everything else, in that single second, Viktor knew that everything would be alright.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SHHIIITT SOOONNNN, THINGS JUST GOT REAL!
> 
> Just look at our darling Viktor, arguing with his friends, all because of Yuuri. I agree with Yurio, Viktor needs to get his shit together.
> 
> But anyway, as I was going to say, whenever the characters think it's going to be alright YOU CAN PRETTY MUCH ASUME IT WON'T BE! MWAHAHAHAHAH- *breaks down into hacking coughs* you get the idea...
> 
> It's been a while since I've said this but... NExT CHAPTER TOMORROW~


	29. Fall To You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which somehow, Viktor ends up in Yuuri's bed
> 
> _Good Intentions - The Chainsmokers_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter twenty nine already? I know, there's still no smut. It's very disappointing. But deal with it. Viktor and Yuuri are so you can too.
> 
> Besides, there isn't going to be any smut until Vitya gets his crap together and asks out his dream guy. So if y'all want smut sooner, make sure to encourage him. XD
> 
> Pressure and responsibility Vitya, pRESSURe and ReSpOnSiBiLiTy
> 
> Enjoy!

Yuuri was already not okay before the knock at his door woke him up. Of course the sudden loud noise didn't help but it wasn't as if he was in perfect health before he heard it. In fact, he was shivering, naked and half asleep, no longer curled up in his towel, still on the edge of his bed. None of these things were making him very happy.

And then someone knocked on the door. For a moment, Yuuri blearily wondered if he'd dreamed it. Then his brain registered what he'd heard and he was suddenly sitting bolt upright. This didn't work out as well as he had hoped and suddenly, Yuuri was sent crashing to the floor as he lost his balance on the edge of the bed. Flailing about, wondering why he had such horrible luck when it came to staying in his bed, Yuuri realized suddenly that he didn't have a stitch of clothing on and  _crap there's someone at the door!_

Tearing about his room like a madman, Yuuri grabbed for anything he could find to wear, pretty much just a loose pair of sweatpants, sans, unfortunately a fresh pair of boxers.  _Crap crap crap_  was pretty much the only thing running through his head as Yuuri grabbed haphazardly for a shirt only to realize halfway through putting it on that it was in fact a shirt he'd been meaning to consing to the rag heap ages ago. Finally giving up, Yuuri tore down his hallway towards his front door.

 _It's probably just Yuuko or Mari, they'll understand. It's fine._  Without giving the situation a moment's more thought, Yuuri threw open his front door and was about to spew out an apology when the words were stolen right out of his mouth.  _W-what the hell?_  Standing in front of him was the slightly harried, if overall happy face of Viktor. The very person who had caused Yuuri to get next to no sleep the night before.

The reason his bed was currently a tangled mess of sheets scattered all over the floor.

The reason he'd fallen asleep crying...

Turning bright red, despite all the conflicting emotions rocketing around in his brain, Yuuri managed to yelp, "V-Viktor!"

For a moment Viktor smiled as if he'd completely lost his train of thought, then his eyes widened and he pushed his way into Yuuri's house without a word of warning. "Yuuri, Love," He sounded horribly worried and suddenly Yuuri found himself being crowded by a very concerned Viktor. "What is wrong, you look terrible. Did you sleep? Were you crying? Your eyes are red? Are you okay?"

Turning redder under the sudden attention, none of which was helping him in any way, Yuuri stammered, "I-I-I'm fine! I'm o-okay! Y-you can back up now! I'm okay..." He trailed off helplessly as Viktor ran a worried hand over the side of his face before looking at the rest of him.

"Yuuri your lips are blue and your skin is freezing, are you trying to catch a cold?" Viktor demanded, his blue eyes intense. Yuuri was simply trying to keep himself together without breaking down again. His heart was trying to do seventy in a twenty mile per hour zone and it was not helping him think straight.  _Wh-why is he so close?_  After last night, this was the last thing that Yuuri was able to handle.

Pushing him farther into his own house before closing the front door, Viktor insistently said, "You need to put more clothing on Dove, you're going to get sick if you don't. Why are you not wearing a shirt already?" As Viktor pushed Yuuri into his living room, the boy's mind suddenly snapped back into place and he remembered what exactly was in his room.  _My clothing scattered everywhere, not to mention my bed..._

"What are you even doing here?" Yuuri finally managed to push out, the words coming in more of a sharp tone than he would have liked.  _God, I'm screwing everything up. Why do I have to be like this? It's just Viktor, I'm fine!_  Except he wasn't fine and he really didn't want to have to think about it.  _The guy I'm not only hopelessly attracted to but also apparently in love with is currently standing in my apartment and I'm only wearing sweatpants. What did I do to deserve this?_

Ignoring Yuuri's words, Viktor crossed his arms and glared at him. "Are you really going to just stand there without a shirt on? Just because I find you attractive Yuuri does not mean I will stand for you getting a cold." Yelping, Yuuri wrapped his arms around his chest and turned even redder than before. "So tell me where your room is so I can-"

"NO!" Yuuri all but yelled, shaking his head adamantly, even as he felt himself shiver. Whether it was from Viktor's intense stare or the chill of the air, he didn't know. "L-listen, it doesn't matter, I'm fine, what I want to know is why-"

Once again, Viktor cut him off. "Yes it does matter Yuuri, I care about you."  _Don't say things like that, you don't know what that does to me._ Feeling that horrible ball of emotion swell within him, Yuuri couldn't help but cringe backwards at the intense feeling that coarse through him.  _God, it hurts. Why does he have to be here?_ Lunging forward to steady him, Viktor's eyes widened. "Did you even sleep last night?"

"I slept!" Yuuri protested, shrinking away from Viktor when he advanced on him once more. Viktor looked confused at his reaction for a millisecond before frowning as if he didn't believe Yuuri. "What? I did! I'm fine Viktor, stop freaking o-"

Getting close to him suddenly, Viktor sternly told Yuuri, "Flower, I know when you're lying. You're not very good at it. I can tell that you haven't slept. You have horrible dark circles under your eyes. Don't try and tell me you got a good night's sleep." Unsure how to even react, Yuuri just gaped at Viktor, shrinking under his overwhelming presence.  _God, that dream really threw me off, didn't it?_

"I got a few hours!" he tried to insist, pushing back against Viktor. "Really, I'm okay! I survive on less. And besides, you were the one who woke me up.

As if just reminded of this fact, Viktor's eyes widened and his hands flew up to cover his mouth. "Oh Yuuri, I-"

Before he could doubtless apologize profusely, Yuuri cut him off. "Just calm down, okay? Take a deep breath. I'm fine, you're fine-"

"You're clearly not fine," Viktor said softly, his tone much more measured than before. Taken aback by how quickly Viktor had been able to go from overbearing to reasonable, Yuuris' mouth snapped shut. "You haven't slept and your eyes are red." Taking a deep breath, the Russian's eyes fell to the floor. "This is my fault isn't it."

 _Yes..._  "No!" Yuuri hurried to say, hating the guilty look that overtook the man's perfect features.  _How am I managing to screw this up so quickly._ Digging his fingers into his hair, Yuuri looked at the ceiling as if the answers were written there. "Viktor, you're fine, you didn't-"

"Yes I did," he muttered, voice dripping with regret. "I was drunk last night and I wasn't thinking and I know I shouldn't have acted like that but I just couldn't help myself..." Viktor sounded so distressed, all Yuuri wanted to do was wrap his arms around the man until he stopped being such an idiot. How he could be so stubborn about something like this was beyond Yuuri.

"Do you honestly think I care about that?" Yuuri asked, biting his lip. "Viktor, you're not- I'm not... It's fine, okay?"  _It was better than fine. It was a little_ too _good actually._ "I was just worried you'd regret it after you sobered up."

Suddenly, Yuuri found a hand tilting his chin up and turquoise eyes boring into his. "Never Love," Viktor said vehemently, as if he wanted to hammer the thought into Yuuri's mind. Unsure why Viktor felt the need to be so forceful, Yuuri just allowed himself to be drawn closer into the man's blessed warmth. "Never think that I regret any moment spent with you. Please, you're too good to think like that."

"V-viktor?" Yuuri started in confusion, trying not to get lost in those intense blue eyes. "A-are you okay?"

As if realizing what he was doing, Viktor suddenly drew back and rubbed his temple with a hand. Letting out a sigh, Viktor admitted, "No, not really Yuuri. I'm very sorry, I'm simply very stressed." Taking a deep breath, he seemed to calm down somewhat before saying, "I found out that Yurio had paid you a visit last night before I did and... admittedly I lost my head." He looked if possible even more guilty about this. "I wanted to make sure you didn't believe any of what he said."

Suddenly feeling relieved, Yuuri actually managed a laugh. "Don't worry Viktor, I know it's all just a bunch of hot air. You don't actually-" Unexpectedly, his throat closed up and his eyes widened slightly as he realized what he was about to say. Heart thumping in his chest, he quickly stuttered, "Y-you know it doesn't m-matter. I know h-he's just full of hot air."

 _Just say it, he doesn't love you. Stop being such a baby about it._  Hating how much it had to hurt, Yuuri shook his head. "Come on Viktor, you don't have to worry about something like that."

"But you do know you're worth quite a lot to me Yuuri," Viktor insisted.  _Stop saying things like that..._  "If anything it's I who is unworthy of you. Don't listen to what Yurio says. Please Yuuri~"

Instead of breaking down into tears again like he sort of wanted to, Yuuri just chuckled softly. "You didn't sleep well last night either, did you?"

Deflating slightly, Viktor laughed as well. "No, I didn't. But I think you got less sleep than I did."

"Probably," Yuuri agreed, feeling better as the air around them lightened considerably.  _Even when he tears me apart, he makes me feel better. Why does it have to be him?_  "Which sucks because I have to get to college in four hours and I haven't slept at all."

Instantly that worried look returned to Viktor's eyes, but it was softer now, simply Viktor and not driven by fear. "Now I feel responsible, I'm going to make you tired for your classes Love." He frowned like he was trying to find a solution and Yuuri was about to insist that it was fine when Viktor brightened back up. "It's okay Yuuri, I can fix it."

Eyes widening, Yuuri let out a  _hah?_  of surprise as Viktor dragged him towards the door to his bedroom. Yuuri hardly had time to protest before his door was being flung open revealing the mess of his room. But of course this didn't stop Viktor. He had to drag the mortified boy through the door before he even noticed something was off at all.

Mouth slowly opening in a look of surprise, Viktor's purposeful movements stuttered to a stop as he took in the bed, the clothing scattered on the floor and finally Yuuri's bright red face. As the pieces fell into place, Viktor softly asked, "Yuuri, is there something you want to tell me~?" And dammit, already his confusion was turning into a small, mischievous grin.

"N-no!" Yuuri squeaked, remembering, unfortunately, just what state of dress he was in and just what had happened in this room just hours ago.  _Oh god oh god oh god._ Without warning, several vivid images of his dream flashed through his mind and Yuuri's eyes widened before he turned even redder.

All else forgotten, Viktor's expression turned into a full on smirk. "Yuuri~" he sing-songed. "Were you perhaps doing something last night that I should know about?" When Yuuri could do no more than shake his head, Viktor raised an eyebrow. "Are you sure Yuuri because it looks to me like you have something to tell me."

"Nothing happened!" Yuuri insisted, fighting back the traitorous thoughts of his dream as he tried to cover his face. "Y-you just scared me when you knocked on the door and I had to-to..." His protests died in his throat as Viktor's fingers somehow found their way into his hair.

"Come now Love~" His breath tickled Yuuri's neck, making shivers traipse down his spine. "You're bad at lying, remember?" Pulling the boy closer, Viktor softly continued, "So what was it Yuuri? Were you thinking about me? Were you perhaps  _dreaming of me?_  Did I leave you  _excited_  Yuuri?"

Whimpering, Yuuri almost melted as Viktor's tongue traced the shell of his ear before biting down gently. Unable to do more than melt against the man, Yuuri groaned as Viktor's lips brushed over his neck before drawing back. For a moment, Yuuri expected Viktor to attack his lips, but instead he simply sight softly and backed up.

"Believe me Yuuri, I want nothing more than to make your dreams a reality, but you need sleep right now." Pulling the confuddled boy over to the bed, Viktor yanked the sheet off the bed before grabbing for the light comforter back over the bed. Before Yuuri could do so much as ask what was going on, he found himself being pushed onto the clean side of the bed and tucked in.

Except instead Viktor was curled up around him as if he belonged there. Shocked, Yuuri yelped, "Wh-what are you doing!?" Viktor was pressed up against his back, the man's warmth soaking through Yuuri in more ways than one.  _Does he know that he's driving me crazy?_ "Why are you in my bed?"

"Because you're tired," Viktor stated like it made perfect sense. He sounded utterly contented, like a cat who had gotten the cream. "And I'm tired too. So why not sleep together. It'll keep you warm." It would have sounded reasonable except Viktor's legs were currently tangling with Yuuri's and it was definitely making it hard to think clearly.  _Is he insane? Is he still drunk?_

"I'm fine!" Yuuri tried to insist but Viktor simply pulled him closer. The boy felt dwarfed by the taller Russian, who easily turned him into a human teddy bear by cuddling him against his chest. "V-viktor!"

"Shh, Love, just sleep," Viktor insisted and wonder of all wonders, his voice already sounded heavy. Unsure if this was really his life, Yuuri couldn't even find the words to continue to protest. There passed a few moments of tense silence before Viktor made a soft, discontented sound under his breath. "Please Yuuri? If you really want me to leave I will, but it's just..."

He trailed off and Yuuri instantly softened. Sure, his heart was currently palpitating and well yes, he was freaking out and of course his chest ached because what this meant to Viktor versus what it meant to Yuuri were two different things but all that aside, Yuuri couldn't' help but deny he liked the feeling of Viktor encasing him and holding him close. Turning red, even though Viktor wasn't looking at his face, Yuuri mumbled, "No, stay." To emphasis his point, he grabbed one of Viktor's hands.

With a small chuckle, Viktor hugged Yuuri more tightly. "You're too perfect for me Love~" and then like the possibly alien creature he was, Viktor dropped off to sleep, leaving Yuuri to try and sort through the emotions rocketing through his head.  _What the hell just happened? What the hell?_

Yuuri had a horrible feeling that he wasn't going to get much more sleep before he had to leave for college...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honestly, Viktor just wanted an excuse to sleep with Yuuri.. Also, MAJOR COCK-TEASE I KNOW I'M A MONSTER!
> 
> Eh, I'll honestly probably post another chapter tomorrow. It should be good. Pretty fun.
> 
> Anywho, have a wonderful existence~


	30. He's Just Someone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Viktor wonders if maybe domesticity suits him
> 
> _Summer - OM_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What, you thought I'd give you smut this chapter? No, I'm not going to. But I'm certainly getting everything set up. If anyone could tell me how many nights, specifically nights, have passed, that would be great. Or don't, I'll do it myself if I have to. It's crucial to the plot to keep track of how many days and nights have passed. It's very important to this quest.
> 
> Or something.
> 
> Enjoy!

There was a soft glow about the room, Viktor reflected as he arched his spine slightly before settling back into the warm spot on the bed. It gave everything an almost fairy tale light that was practically dreamy. Usually, things weren't this peaceful when Viktor woke up. Of course, Usually he didn't wake up curled around a beautiful, softly sleeping Ravenette. Right about now though, Viktor was wishing he did.

Yuuri's face was calm in sleep, unworried. At some point in the last few hours, he'd turned in Viktor's hold. Now his face was pressed into the space between Viktor's neck and the pillow and his soft breaths kept drifting across Viktor's exposed skin. His hair fell gently over his face, obscuring it. With a soft sigh, Yuuri tightened his hands in Viktor's shirt and pulled himself closer to the Russian man.

 _Yuuri Love, do you know what you're doing to me?_  Lazily, Viktor dragged a finger up Yuuri's bare back and delighted in the soft moan of approval that escaped from the sleeping boy.  _Even asleep, his body is so honest._  Viktor couldn't deny that he'd been wanting this to happen for quite some time. Since before his dreams started even, Viktor had wanted an excuse to get Yuuri into bed with him.

Now that he had him there, Viktor was having an admittedly hard time keeping his hands to himself. It would be so easy after all to wake Yuuri up with a kiss and see where things went from there... Pushing his mind from the gutter with resolute strength, Viktor simply rested his hand back at Yuuri's waist and stayed there.

With another soft and honestly arousing groan, Yuuri sluggishly tangled his legs with Viktor's before falling still again. Chuckling in an almost rueful way, Viktor quietly reflected on all the terrible things he must have done to deserve this karma before simply getting lost in Yuuri again. The boy was beautiful after all, soft and warm and just so  _perfect._  The way he murmured softly when he slept and the way he instinctively seemed to want to be closer to Viktor...

Looking over Yuuri's head to the mess of blankets that was the other side of the boy's bed, Viktor couldn't help but murmur with laughter. Though he wasn't going to say it out loud, he liked that he could turn Yuuri on just like Yuuri could him. it made him feel a little better, a little more confident that this wasn't one-sided.  _Not that I ever thought it was..._ As if protesting the noises Viktor was making, Yuuri mumbled something before snuggling yet closer.

Of course this could only last so long.  _College did he say? How troublesome..._  Because as soon as Yuuri left, Viktor would have no reason to stay. Which, inevitably, meant that he would end up back at the hotel with his friends who, knowing Yuri, were probably still annoyed at him. He didn't want to deal with them right now, all he wanted to do was fall back to sleep with Yuuri in his arms.  _Why do things have to be complicated? Can't I just adore Yuuri and ignore the rest of it?_

But like it was a curse, the word love snuck back into Viktor's mind. He didn't want to think about this dammit! He just wanted to be calm and peaceful, he didn't want to think about things that scared him worse than almost anything. Love meant commitment, it meant forgetting his habit of flitting around, it meant thinking through things like emotion and closeness and  _trust_  that he'd never had to work through before. It meant changing and Viktor didn't like changing.

But was really unnerved him was that when it came to Yuuri, Viktor almost wanted to just do it.  _But we're not in love, I don't have to rethink my world view. You heard what Yurio said, he doesn't love me. It doesn't matter how I feel, I can't bear to see Yuuri hurt._ He knew what it looked like, remembered how much it had hurt him to see Yuuri break down into tears, and he didn't want to see it again. Not for any reason, least of all for him.

 _He was crying before I got here, wasn't he?_  Drawing in a sharp breath, Viktor tried to hold back the frustrated groan that was building in his chest.  _I'm being conceited, it probably wasn't because of me._  Then why had Yuuri seemed visibly upset when Viktor first showed up?  _I keep screwing up his life. Before I showed up he was fine._  Except hadn't Yuuri been the one to say that Viktor had helped make his life infinitely better? That had to count for something?

 _Really, I should just stop thinking._  With a soft groan, Viktor shoved all those unruly thoughts from his mind and simply buried his face in Yuuri's warm, bare shoulder. He didn't need this right now, what he really needed was some more sleep. Of course it was not to be.

Awakened by Viktor's sudden movements, Yuuri made a soft moaning sound before blinking big mahogany eyes open so he could stare at the man curled around him. There followed a moment where they did nothing but stare at each other. Viktor waited for Yuuri to yelp in shock and hurry to put distance between them but surprisingly, he did no such thing. Instead, Yuuri tangled his hand further in Viktor's shirt and went back to pressing his face into the Russian's collarbone.

"Good," he mumbled, his voice laden with the threads of sleep. "I thought it was just a dream." Unexpectedly, it was Viktor's face who went red. With a lazy chuckle, one that Viktor hadn't heard before, Yuuri pulled back for a moment before leaning forward and murmuring. "I thought I was going to wake up and find out that it was just another thing I'd imagined." Then, before Viktor could respond to the potentially loaded statement, Yuuri pulled Viktor down into a soft, warm kiss.

Hardly able to complain, Viktor rolled over till Yuuri was splayed out on top of him. The boy's hair fell in his eyes as he smiled down at Viktor, a happy flush on his cheeks. Like this, still half asleep as he was, Yuuri didn't even act embarrassed, he just smiled sleepily. Leaning down again, Yuuri's lips melded against Viktor's mouth once more. They tasted sweet, despite the morning breath they no doubt both had.

As if to confirm his suspicions, Yuuri sat back on Viktor's hips and pulled a face. "You taste like day old alcohol," he informed Viktor reproachfully. It made Viktor laugh lightly before pulling the boy back down with a hand in his hair.

Tracing light kisses over his jaw and neck, Viktor murmured, "And you taste like heaven Love but not all of us can be perfect." When Yuuri made a slightly flustered sound, Viktor chuckled again and drew him back down for a proper kiss. This time, Yuuri didn't complain, he just let Viktor press his tongue into his mouth and tangle it with his own sleepily.  _I could get used to this,_  Viktor realized as Yuuri's hands made indentations in the pillows beside his head and his bare chest pressed against Viktor's clothed one.  _I wish every morning was like this._

"Come on," Yuuri insisted, pulling back once more. The slight glistening of his lips made them look all the more tempting. "I'll make you coffee or something, we should probably get out of bed."  _It's so domestic._  It was only at that moment that Viktor realized it.  _I've never woken up in the morning and stuck around. It doesn't matter whether we had sex or not, simply put, this is the first time I haven't left right away._  And hell if he didn't like it.

"Coffee does sound wonderful," Viktor admitted, the words rumbling through his chest. Absently, his hands flattened over Yuuri's thighs, which were currently straddling his lap, and dragged down appreciatively. At the sensation, Yuuri turned pink and yelped, swatting at Viktor's hands with a laugh.

"Stop it," he told Viktor, though he didn't sound all that upset. "I have school and stuff. You can do that some other time." At those words, ones that definitely promised something, Viktor gave a half grin and Yuuri turned that much redder as he realized what he'd just suggested. Taking pity on the flustered boy, Viktor just pulled him back down for another kiss, one that Yuuri didn't bother trying to escape from. Once Yuuri was properly embarrassed and Viktor was wholly satisfied with himself, he let the boy escape.

"I do hope that wasn't just a slip of the tongue," Viktor commented as he sat up, displacing Yuuri from his lap despite the fact that he would have rather kept the boy there for several more hours. "Because if it was, you really shouldn't tease me like that love. I don't do well with being tempted."

Looking down at his lap, Yuuri softly muttered, "What do you want it to be?"

Smirking despite himself, Viktor hooked a finger under Yuuri's chin and pulled the boy's head up. "How about an invitation Love?" Like a charm, the Ravenette's face went red right up to the tips of his ears. Chuckling at the reaction his words had provoked, Viktor leaned down and left a kiss on each of Yuuri's heated cheeks. "You ought to be careful with those honest reactions Dove," Viktor warned Yuuri. "Otherwise I might make you miss your classes."

Eyes widening suddenly, Yuuri all but leapt off his bed. "Crap! Class, I completely forgot! What time is it?" Glancing at his bedside clock, Yuuri let out a breath. "Okay, okay, I have time, but I should probably start getting ready. " Looking over to Viktor apologetically, Yuuri shifted from foot to foot. "I'm sorry Viktor, I don't mean to be so rushed. Usually I don't sleep that well so I wake up sooner."

Enjoying the thought that he was responsible for Yuuri getting a good few hours of sleep, Viktor smiled serenely and pushed himself out of Yuuri's bed. "That's quite alright Love, I completely understand. Deadlines are deadlines after all." And goodness knows he knew all about them. Humming for a moment, Viktor waltzed to the door. "I'll see if I can't get the coffee ready for you."

"That would be wonderful actually," Yuuri admitted, blushing slightly in happiness. "You don't have to if you don't want to," he hurried to add, waving his hands quickly. "You're the guest here after all, if anything, I should be getting you something-"

"Nonsense Yuuri," Viktor announced, clapping his hands together joyfully. "It's nothing Love, I'm overjoyed to be able to do it for you." Sashaying from the room, Viktor headed for the kitchen, a skip in his step. He could hardly believe how  _domestic_  the whole scene was. Here he was, upon waking up with a beautiful man, going to the kitchen and making coffee? They weren't even in a hotel room, that's how utterly tame the whole thing was. Yet Viktor loved it, loved being around Yuuri, loved watching the man smile in such a way that his whole face lit up.

 _It's not love, but if this is what love feels like, I don't think I mind._  It was with dangerous thoughts such as these that Viktor danced around the kitchen, searching for something resembling a coffee pot. Finally finding a contraption that was reminiscent of a coffee maker, Viktor smiled and went about finding some actual coffee to put into it. Thankfully, Yuuri's kitchen was rather small so there were only so many cupboards he could go through before finding the coffee.

"So," Yuuri called from the other room. "Did you really just come here to apologize for being drunk the night before? Seems like a lot of trouble for something you could have just texted me about." Thinking over Yuuri's admittedly sensible suggestion, Viktor laughed airily.

"Ah, I suppose you've caught me out Love, it was more than just that." Thinking of Yuri's angry face and the nervous expressions on Christophe and JJ, Viktor sighed. "I... I had a small spat with my friends over something silly, I needed to get out of the hotel before I went crazy." Then, in a softer voice, he admitted, "I think all four of us are going a little crazy after being cooped up for so long."

"Are the fans just as bad as they were before?" Yuuri asked curiously as he walked into the room, pulling his black V-neck on as he did so. "I haven't been able to check."

Taking a moment to appreciate how nice Yuuri looked in those jeans, Viktor laughed ruefully. "They're worse I think. Some people are crazy Yuuri, I tend to not get too worked up over it." Grabbing the cup of coffee that had just finished, Viktor handed it to Yuuri.

"You're better than me then," Yuuri said with a laugh, sniffing the coffee before smiling gratefully. "If I were to mobbed by people like that ag- ah, I mean, if something like that were to happen, I'd be really freaked out. Especially if I were all alone." Sipping at the coffee, Yuuri pulled a face. "What, no sugar?"

Viktor held his hands up in defense. "I had a hard enough time finding the coffee Flower, far be it for me to find the cream and sugar as well." When Yuuri laughed, Viktor grinned. The way the two of them moved around each other in the small space, like they'd done it all their life, made Viktor feel inexplicably warm inside.  _It's hardly been a week and a half, what's going on?_  He didn't care.

He hadn't really cared in days.

"So how long do you have till you have to leave?" Viktor asked, sipping delightedly at the coffee he now had clutched in his hands, properly sweetened courtesy of Yuuri. "I wouldn't want to make you late after all~"

"I'll be fine," Yuuri reassured him, waving his hand dismissively. "So what were you and your friends fighting about?" Staring at Yuuri, who had settled in the chair across from him, Viktor took a moment to respond.

"It was something stupid," he said at last, his voice vague. "They think they know how I think and feel but sometimes, I wonder if they're completely off the mark." Sighing, he glanced off to the side and watched as the minutes of Yuuri's clock ticked... backwards? "We've been friends since we were rather young, sometimes that means we get on each other's nerves."

Yuuri's mouth turned down at the corners. "I hope it wasn't because of me." Despite the troubled look on his face, Viktor couldn't help but think about how adorable he looked like that, worried over Viktor. "I'd hate to think that I'm upsetting anything between you and the others. They have been around quite a lot longer than me after all, they're more important."

"Yuuri," The boy jolted in surprise as Viktor traced his foot up Yuuri's leg. "I'm offended you'd ever think that you weren't worth just as much as them. I don't like it Love, stop putting yourself down like that." Though perhaps he was just imagining things, he was pretty sure Yuuri relaxed slightly and his mouth turned up a bit. Just as he'd thought when they'd first met, Viktor knew for certain that a smile looked much better on Yuuri's face than a frown.

Scratching the back of his neck, Yuuri let out a soft laugh. "Force of habit I guess." His eyes dragged upward and carefully touched Viktor's face, tentatively as if he wanted to ask something more yet certain as if he knew now that Viktor would always answer him truthfully. "Whatever happened, I hope you can sort it out soon, I don't like seeing you upset," Yuuri admitted at last, whatever he'd wanted to ask being lost to the wind. The words alone made Viktor ridiculously happy.

"It will be fine, I promise," Viktor assured the boy, leaning forward over the table so he could drag an absent minded hand through Yuuri's messy bedhead. "They're just being silly and I took it the wrong way. Honestly, it all looks a lot better now that I've managed to get a decent few hours of sleep." Smiling, Yuuri ducked his head at Viktor's words, knowing exactly what he was trying to say.

"Thanks for that," Yuuri said softly, turning bright red again as he spoke. "I- I mean, after last night..." he trailed off awkwardly before quickly clearing his throat. "I had trouble sleeping. So thank you for breaking into my house at six in the morning to make sure I got some sleep myself. I needed that."

"Of course Love," Viktor said in a lightly teasing voice. "Anytime." Dragging Yuuri's chin up, Viktor got out of his chair slightly so he could draw the boy's mouth into a kiss that tasted like creamer and coffee and simple contentment. Instantly, Viktor wished that this could be the rest of his life. This quiet peace, Yuuri sitting across from him and those bright russet eyes fixed on his.

But then Yuuri was drawing back and Viktor was forced back into the real world once more. Letting out a musical laugh, Viktor got to his feet for real and sighed. "I'm sure you have places to be Yuuri, I feel like I'm delaying you. I'll feel horribly guilty if you are late on my account." Glancing up at his backwards clock, Yuuri stared for a while as if calculating the actual time before letting out a soft sigh. It was proof enough that Yuuri was taking his time for Viktor's sake. It was adorable and Viktor couldn't complain, but he could feel bad about it.

"You're probably right," Yuuri said at last, laughing lightly. "Usually I'd have already left by now. Oh well, my english teacher won't mind if I'm a few minutes late." Getting to his feet, Yuuri took another few sips of coffee before pouring the rest into a thermos. Viktor just watched him from the kitchen archway, lost in thought. He looked beautiful, even just existing, he was always perfect, far too good for Viktor that was for certain. That being said, Viktor wanted him, he wanted every piece of him and he didn't care if that made him greedy. It was Yuuri so it hardly mattered, right? He could be greedy, he could have what he wanted. So much more than all the money in the world could bring him, so much more than all the fame could conceivably give him, Yuuri was his and that meant everything.

 _I don't have his heart..._  Viktor didn't want his heart though, right? Just his mind and body for a time. It wasn't that substantial of a desire, he didn't need to be embarrassed about it. He didn't have to feel ashamed.

But every time he thought it, Viktor felt his heart tear a little bit. Because even with those things, he felt like he wanted something more. He wanted these early mornings, he wanted those lazy evenings. Sure, sex would be wonderful but he didn't  _just_  want sex and that confused him too. When had he ever wanted anything past a quick fling? Where had this tamed passion even come from? Shaking his head, Viktor took another sip of his coffee and sighed. It didn't matter, he had other things to be thinking about.

Like what he was going to say to his friends. Or what he was going to do about their stupid ideas about love. Nothing he supposed. Nothing but let them have those ideas and avoid their stupid musings about them like it was the plague. Before they ended up infecting his mind too.  _Because Yuuri doesn't feel that way so why should I?_  It meant a terrible and cold sense that left Viktor feeling sick to his stomach.

"You look like someone just died," Yuuri commented, pulling Viktor from his musings and from the doorway. "Come on, lighten up." Smiling, still with that tired calm in his expression, Yuuri tugged Viktor down the hallway before allowing himself to be pressed against the wall by a slightly absentminded Viktor. The Russian's mind snapped back into place when Yuuri pulled him down for a kiss that held quite a lot of promise in it. Deepening it almost instantly, Viktor took a moment to plunder the boy's mouth, generally leaving him unable to so much as think. Loving the way Yuuri's skin heated under his touch, Viktor rumbled in approval before leaving several harder kisses along the crook of the boy's neck.

Letting out a laugh mixed with a moan that heated Viktor's blood, Yuuri muttered, "I take it back, you're just like you always are, aren't you." His words were lost as Viktor covered his mouth once more in a slightly possessive kiss that stole his breath away.  _He's just too easy to do this to, it's addicting._  Tracing his fingers over Yuuri's warm waist, just barly brushing under his shirt, Viktor finally drew back.

"You make it very hard to be anything else Love," Viktor pointed out, darting back in for another kiss and lifting a hand as he did so. Dragging it through ruffled raven locks, he laughed breathlessly. "Sometimes I think you know exactly what you're doing to me and other times, I think you're just naturally teasing Yuuri. It's infuriating." He pulled the boy forward so he could whisper in Yuuri's ear, "I love it."

Pushing him back with another laugh, Yuuri muttered, "You're impossible."

"Only for you Love," Viktor chirped musically, grinning easily as he did so. As Yuuri pulled open the door, Viktor held it open for the boy before closing it behind him. Waiting for Yuuri to close the door, Viktor hummed and asked, "Will I see you tonight?" When Yuuri's ears went pink, Viktor smirked and casually added, "I promise I won't be drunk this time if that's what you're worried about." Scratching the back of his neck, he added, "Ah, I really didn't mean to do that Yuuri. I shouldn't drink so much, it's bad for everyone involved. I just had a lot on my mind. Maybe my friends are right," An awkward laugh. "I do drown my problems in alcohol."

Turning to face him, Yuuri gave a rueful smile. "I don't like that you were drunk, but it's okay. You should probably apologize to your friends though." He shrugged lightly before leaning against Viktor for a moment, doing so in such a way that made Viktor realize he just liked the closeness. "Making them deal with you when you're like that isn't fun, let me tell you."

"You had a good time," Viktor pointed out, straightening so he could follow Yuuri down the stairs from his doorstep. The cool air and peaceful street went a long way to putting him in a better state of mind.

"Yeah, well I'm betting you aren't making out with them," Yuuri muttered, going red. "I mean  _maybe."_  The adorable expression on his face made Viktor want to do nothing more than wrap his arms around the boy and never let go.  _He's so gorgeous, I can't even hope to be good enough for him._

"Nope," Viktor agreed happily, giving into his desires by jumping forward and sweeping Yuuri into a backwards hug. "You're the only one Love.

"Nope," Viktor agreed happily, giving into his desires by jumping forward and sweeping Yuuri into a backwards hug. "You're the only one Love. No one could ever compare~" Delighted by Yuuri's surprised squeak, Viktor buried his face in the boy's shoulder instinctively, hiding the way his cheeks went red. "Never forget it," he added in a murmur.

"I don't think you're going to let me," Yuuri said with a laugh, escaping from Viktor's hold. "Now come on, we're acting like idiots. I've got to get going." Tilting his head and laughing musically, Viktor waved as Yuuri walked off and disappeared around the corner.

The moment he was out of sight, Viktor spent a moment just staring after the boy, his hand still raised in farewell. And even as the euphoria faded, he was left with a contented feeling that left him feeling warm to the pit of his stomach.  _I want that feeling to last forever. I want to be around him forever._  But he couldn't think about that right now. Right now, Viktor lamented, he had some apologies to make.

As he walked back towards his hotel, Viktor found himself lost in thought once more. He wasn't sure how much longer he had in Portland, didn't know how long the thing with Yuuri would last, hell, he didn't even know where it was going, but mysteriously, he was still happy. Viktor would have expected himself to be sad about it, but he wasn't and that, as much as everything else, meant something.  _I'll see him tonight, won't I?_  Grinning, Viktor ducked his head.  _How much can I get away with?_

_How much can I get away with after he's off work?_

Quite a lot, Viktor decided, humming happily to himself. Not that he was complaining. No, he was quite happy with how it had all turned out.  _And to think I left in a horrible mood. Yuuri's like magic with how easily he puts a smile back on my face._  Too bad really that it wasn't forever, too bad that it was temporary. What a shame Yuuri didn't love him because then-

 _Then what?_ Clenching his fists, Viktor shook his head. No, he was in a good mood, he wasn't going to let that uncomfortable turning of his stomach ruin things for him. He needed to be in good spirits for what was to come. Dealing with a pissed of Yuri was never pleasant, least of all when he was in the right. But Viktor would grin and bear it. Everything would turn out fine. Sometimes people fought, most of the time they got over it. In the end, Yuri cared about Viktor and Viktor cared about him in return. They were basically brothers after all.

As he neared the hotel however, Viktor's stomach dropped. The back exit he had been using had several people milling about it casually. Not in the rabid way they would have been if they realized he was using that door but close enough that he couldn't sneak through it if he ever wanted to use that escape again. But at the front, the other doors, there were hoards of reporters, no doubt waiting for them to come out.  _Ah, this is troublesome._

Taking a breath, Viktor weighed his options. In the end, he knew there was only one right answer but that didn't mean he had to like it. Lifting his head and squaring his shoulders, Viktor resolutely headed for the front doors.  _This is going to cause a mess, Isabella will_ not _be happy with us._

The moment he stepped into the crowd, Viktor was being mobbed. Turning on his most winning smile, Viktor allowed people to reach for him, touch him and generally obsess over being even close to him. Reporters kept getting in his face, demanding comments, asking questions. Most he put down with simply a smile but some were more persistent, shoving microphones in his face and demanding answers.

Viktor felt his stomach churn as the people shouted at him. It wasn't even their presence that was upsetting him, no it was the vein of the questions that had his stomach tying itself in knots.

"THERE ARE RUMORS YOU'RE GOING OUT WITH A MAN, CARE TO COMMENT!?"

"IS IT TRUE YOU'RE SEEING A GUY?"

"Mr. Nikiforov! Some people have seen you at The Q with a raven-haired man! Are you willing to give us a name?"

"IS THE BAND OKAY WITH YOUR DECISIONS?"

Pushing past them, Viktor turned up his smile and politely denied comments. Even as his head pounded at the thought of these people mobbing Yuuri, he beseeched the reporters, "Please, let us not speak of my private life. It is my life after all." It was a reasonable enough comment, but no one seemed to want any of it. Though he usually would have loved the attention, right now, all he wanted to do was get back to his room.

With every comment, each getting closer to the truth, Viktor could feel himself losing his cool. It scared him because he had to keep his head around tabloid reporters. They wouldn't hesitate to publish anything if they thought it would grab them a few seconds of notoriety. That being said, he hated how they kept assuming things about Yuuri without even knowing who he was. It left him flustered and irritated and he hated it because it didn't even show, it just boiled under the surface.

But he could see the doors and Viktor knew that once he got inside, he'd be able to get away, the security inside doing their job in keeping the groupies out.  _I'm fine. Let this be a lesson to me not to do stupid impulsive things again._

And he would have made it, if a short tabloid reporter hadn't gotten directly in his face. The boy had a wild look in his eyes and blond hair with a shock of dyed red through it. Holding up his mic determinedly, the boy loudly asked, "People say the boy you're with is Yuuri Katsuki, what does your manager think of you spending time with someone so potentially image-damaging?"

Blood running cold, Viktor's smile froze. "What's your name?" he asked, his words almost lost to the noise of the crowd.

"Minami!" the boy called back, his eyes fiery. "Have you thought about what you're doing to your public image by going out with someone who has that bad a rep-"

"Minami, I would be most grateful if you didn't drag innocent civilians into this mess," Viktor told the boy icily, his smile losing whatever brightness it might have once had. "I understand that you wish to ask me questions but that's no reason to go drag people into a mess that does not concern them. Now if you please excuse me~" He moved around the boy. "I have practice to get to."

And as the guard inside pulled open the door for him and quickly shut it behind Viktor, the Russian man softly let out an indecent word. Because they'd  _known_  about Yuuri and they'd even had the nerve to say someone like him was bad for Viktor. How dare they, how  _dare_ they.

But worse than that, Viktor realized, he'd just potentially left Yuuri open to attacks from the tabloids. If that wasn't enough to make his stomach turn, then nothing was.

_This is not going to end well..._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Or, you know, it could... But it won't, trust me it won't. BUT YOU'LL LOVE IT ANYWAY!
> 
> Thank you to all the people still with me on this story. I know I went for a while without posting but I'm back on track and as you can see, things are going places. Not where you want them to go, but places. The most important thing will be to find out how many days I've got till things start to happen but eh, details. I'm off to go solve that problem.
> 
> Laters~


	31. To Make You Stay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Yuuri realizes that there's really only one thing he wants Viktor to do
> 
> _Blue - Troye Sivan_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter thirty one already? What is this madness XD This story is getting so long, I don't even know anymore. It's almost too long... I say as I plan another twenty three chapters in my head before we actually get to some solid plot. Oh boy, I need help.
> 
> Or maybe, I just need to write more. I'm pretty sure there's an equal probability of either or both being true.
> 
> Enjoy!

 

Yuuri's heart was thumping in his chest, his face was flushed from happiness and his mind was screaming  _what the hell_ repeatedly. Actually, it had been for the past hour. No, scratch that, it had been screaming since he tripped out of bed and found Viktor standing at the door.

 

_What the hell? What the_ hell? _WHAT THE-_

Needless to say, he was a little stressed. Maybe a little more than a little stressed. Mostly, this stress was due to the fact that he actually  _wasn't_ freaking out and that was what scared him. Before he'd managed to find himself in bed with Viktor cuddling him, Yuuri had been pretty good about trying to put some distance between himself and the overly excitable Russian who he was head over heels for. Then they'd fallen asleep together and when they'd woken up, it had been like everything had changed.

 

Pushing his feet in the direction of Yuuko's house, Yuuri took a moment to rub his temples. On one hand, he couldn't  _believe_  he'd been acting so damn  _comfortable_  around Viktor. On the other, it had felt good, happy even. Just that soft edged existence that Yuuri had always wanted. No flashing lights, no memories of past problems, no worrying, just Viktor and morning coffee and a smile on his face. 

 

_What the hell?!?_

It had been strange, Yuuri had to admit, waking up to a scene that seemed to be straight out of a dream. He hadn't even believed it was real for a moment, but then he'd kissed Viktor and well Yuuri was pretty certain at  _that_  point that it was all real.  _Ugh,_  Yuuri groaned mentally. _Did I really act like that? Good god, I must have looked like an idiot. No wonder why he kept laughing._  He'd acted like a love sick fool.

 

_Well aren't I?_  Yeah, in a very real way, Yuuri was absolutely a love sick fool. Emphasis on the word fool. And yet Viktor, for all he could see, had acted the same and that's what had Yuuri so entirely confused. After realizing that he was in love with Viktor the night before, a fact he still had yet to fully internalize, Yuuri had felt like the world was ending. Then the man had shown up on his doorstep looking miserable and worried and just like that, all Yuuri's worries had evaporated. Yeah it had hurt, but he hadn't cried.

 

And by the time he woke up after having apparently drifted off to sleep, Yuuri had felt infinitely better. It was hard not to really, waking up to find Viktor with his arms around him like he was precious, like he was important, Yuuri wasn't used to something like that. Not those early morning kisses, not that sleepy smile, none of it.

 

Phichit, Yuuri knew, had acted at least a little similarly, but he hadn't felt so damn  _high_  around the boy, not like he did when he was around Viktor.  _That's cause you're in love with him,_  his mind helpfully reminded him. He knew why it hurt to see Viktor, it was because he'd never have what his heart wanted. Yuuri would never have Viktor for real.

 

And yet he kept hanging around him, almost like he liked being hurt. It sucked because he knew it wasn't going to last but Yuuri could hardly make himself care when every time Viktor turned that perfect smile on him, he felt like he was flying.  _Falling in love, even when it hurts, it feels wonderful._  And Viktor was just that, painful yet wonderful, like touching the surface of a star.

 

Yuuri was blinded by his brilliance.

 

_I wish every morning could be like that,_  he lamented, shouldering his backpack more firmly.  _I wish he was always there to make things better._  Except that was stupid and he knew it was just his heart talking.  _Heh, I don't even know his last name and yet I'm in love with him. What the hell is wrong with me?_  

 

It would pass, Yuuri reasoned, even though it made his gut wrench to think so. It would pass and he'd be fine because at least then he wouldn't have that silver hair and musical voice stuck in his head like a catchy song you can't quite remember the lyrics to.  _Why is it that every time I fall in love, it's with someone I can never have?_

Twisting his fingers in the strap of his bag, Yuuri snorted ruefully and shook his head. In the end, it didn't matter. There were important things for him to do and day-dreaming about how crappy his life was definitely wouldn't help. That being said, Yuuri was  _very_ good at it. As Mari always said, Yuuri could make a mountain out of a molehill and still have energy to get his homework done.

 

Laughing under his breath, Yuuri pushed Viktor from his mind. He'd think about it later, right now, he had college to get to.

 

Yuuko answered on the first knock, a crazy look in her eyes. "My god!" she exclaimed, taking the time to crush Yuuri in a hug before glaring at him. "I've texted you about fifteen thousand times Yuuri, where have you been? Usually you're the one waiting for me, what took you so long?"

 

As vaguely as possible, Yuuri muttered, "Oh you know, just at my house. I slept really well last night."

 

From behind Yuuko, Loop popped up, her bright pink dress swirling around her knees. Looking him up and down, the little girl narrowed her eyes. "Hmm... Flushed cheeks..."

 

Axel appeared above her sister, squashing her downwards so she too could get a good look at Yuuri. Her tiny bun bobbed up and down, making the blue bow in it flutter about. "Slightly swollen lips..."

 

From around the other side of Yuuko, Lutz swung into the scene. Without a moment's hesitation, she jumped at Yuuri, forcing him to drop his bag carefully so he could catch her. Instantly she buried his fingers into his already messy hair. "And rumpled hair!"

 

As one, all three girls yelled, "You were with Viktor!"

 

Yuuko's eyes widened. "So that's V's name." Then what her daughters just said hit and the woman squealed loudly. "Oh my god! Yuuri, you were with Viktor? Today? This morning?" Her eyebrows wiggled like they were trying to escape her face. "Last night."

 

Turning redder than he apparently already was, Yuuri took a step back, not even caring when Lutz clambered around his head so she could sit on his shoulders. "I-It doesn't matter!" he squeaked, knowing that she wasn't going to ever let this rest.

 

"C'mon Yuuri," Axel whined, darting between her mother's legs so she could latch onto one of Yuuri's legs. "Tell us! You were with him last night weren't you?"

 

Loop, not one to be left out, grabbed onto Yuuri's left arm and hung there as he lifted her up. "Was he nice? Did he make you coffee? Did you go on a date first?"

 

"No!" Yuuri protested, looking more like a jungle-gym at this point than a person. "He showed up at six in the morning! You're all misunderstanding this!" He couldn't even begin to stop Axel from stealing his phone and passing it up to her sister. "Trust me!"

 

"But Yuuri," Yuuko started uncertainly, her brows furrowing as she grabbed for her backpack and shut the front door behind her. "You aren't even awake at six, you don't get out of bed till, like, nine, why were you... ooOOHHhhh~"

 

"Wait, are they coming with us?" Yuuri asked as Yuuko scooped up his bag as well and started towards her old Toyota. The girls all giggled as they, apparently, went through his most recent texts.

 

"Yeah," Yuuko told him, shrugging. "Takeshi couldn't watch them today at work and I couldn't get a babysitter. That leaves them with me. Come on girls, leave Yuuri alone." At once, all three of them peeled off of Yuuri and bounded towards their mother, taking Yuuri's phone with them.

 

With a sigh, Yuuri headed towards the car, a slight smile on his face.

 

As soon as they were on the road, Yuuri was assaulted by the triplets. "SO!" called Lutz, her eyes wide and full of mischief. "Are you going to tell us what happened last night?"

 

"Because we wouldn't want to assume," Loop insisted innocently, as if she were a perfectly normal six-year-old and not a little demon like her sisters.

 

"But we will assume," Axel assured Yuuri, looking over Lutz's shoulder so she could read the texts as well. "Because you and Viktor are  _clearly_  going to become a thing soon. Anyone with eyes in their head could see that."

 

"Wait really?" Yuuko demanded, hardly paying heed to the choking sound that escaped Yuuri. "They're becoming a thing? I thought he was only here for a little while. Yuuri, why didn't you t _ell me?"_

"Because we're not a thing!" Yuuri hurried to say, ignoring the twinge in his chest like a pro. "You guys are making stuff up. And give me back my phone!!"

 

"Yuuri, what did I ever do to deserve you, you're so perfect," Loop read aloud before her sisters' squeals cut her off. "You were saying Yuuri?" The absolute smugness in her words provoked the man into giving her a glare that would have cowed any normal child.

 

"That sounds to me like you two are a thing," Yuuko admitted, shooting Yuuri a sidelong look as the stopped at a stoplight. "I mean I don't want to put words in Viktor's mouth, or yours for that matter, but I mean he's at least in love with you."

 

"No he's not!" Yuuri insisted, hating that she was so quick to bring  _this_ dead horse up again. "And if you read the text in context then I'm sure it means nothing, besides, he's really flirtatious so-"

 

"I don't know if I've ever told you this but since I got here, since I met you, my days have been so much brighter," Axel read, talking over Yuuri's protests. "I dunno Yuuri, that sounds pretty conclusive to me."

 

"Nice word," Lutz complimented.

 

"Thanks," Axel said smugly.

 

"OOoh! Look at what Yuuri said in response!" Loop all but yelled. "It's so cute!"

 

"What?" Their mother, who apparently wasn't even bothering to try to side with Yuuri, exclaimed loudly. She looked like she was going as crazy as her children.

 

"It's the same for me Viktor, ever since you came to Portland, my life has been infi _nitely better~ oh mY GOSH THIS IS SO ADORABLE!!!"_  Axel Lutz and Loop all bounced in their seats. "They're so in love!"

 

"You have to admit Yuuri, you do sound like you're in love with him," Yuuko pointed out wisely, adopting her motherly voice. "I don't want to put any pressure on you but-"

 

"We're not in love!" Yuuri burst out, growing more and more frazzled by the second, all that peace Viktor had brought him quickly being destroyed. "He doesn't love me at all and I don't love him either so whatever you think you're seeing, you're just imagining th-"

 

"I promise Yuuri, I'll always be there for you when you're upset, please believe me when I say I will be," Axel called over his protests.

 

"OMG!!!" her sisters and mother chorused. "LITERALLY THIS IS SO PERFECT!!"

 

"Yuuri, you're clearly in love with him," Yuuko insisted. "And I'm pretty sure he loves you too, so why won't you just-"

 

"SO WHAT IF I AM!" Yuuri spat suddenly, startling the rest of the car into silence. "SO WHAT IF I'M IN LOVE WITH HIM?" Yuuko stared at the road, her eyes wide, her mouth hanging open. In the back, all three of the triplets were watching Yuuri with shell-shocked expressions. "SO WHAT IF I WAS STUPID AND MANAGED TO FALL IN LOVE WITH YET ANOTHER PERSON I CAN'T HAVE?"

 

Gently, all of her earlier exuberance gone from her tone, Yuuko softly started, "Oh Yuuri-"

 

He cut her off. "SO WHAT IF I WISH VIKTOR WAS GOING TO STICK AROUND? SO WHAT IF- If... So what if I'm in love with him..." As his breathing shallowed, Yuuri's words began to trip over each other. "So wh-what if he makes me ha-happy. So what if I wish he could stick around-d. So what if I- I just..."  _Shit, I'm going to start crying all over again._ Clenching his fists, Yuuri ground his teeth together. "So what if I wish he'd just leave me alone so that this wouldn't get any worse than it already is. It doesn't matter..."

 

"So you do love him," Lutz said in a small voice.

 

"But he's leaving..." Axel started morosely.

 

"And besides, he doesn't love you back." Loop finished soberly.

 

Yuuri flinched at the words but he didn't deny them, because honestly, they were right. "I wish he'd leave me alone, but it's like I can't breathe without him and it's so stupid because why am I in love after only knowing him for a week." His eyes burned so he simply squeezed them shut. "H-how do I even know it's love? I might just be going crazy."

 

"Yuuri, please," Yuuko sounded like her heart was breaking for him and Yuuri hated that he was making everyone else miserable too. "I- I didn't realize it was that bad, you seemed so happy around Viktor, I had no idea-"

 

"That's the problem," Yuuri muttered, wishing he could just shut his mouth so he didn't let all this out in front of the triplets. "I am happy around Viktor. More happy than I've been since  _ever,_  not just Phichit. And yeah, he has helped with that mess but it's not just that anymore, it's... It's everything."

 

The moment he opened his eyes, the weaving of his jeans blurred. "God, Yuuko, I- I wake up and he's there and he's so happy and full of life and it's like I can almost fool myself for a while that everything is wonderful and that I'm not alone but then I keep remembering that he's only here for a while longer and I've let him into my life completely and  _why am I doing this to myself?"_

 

"Don't you think there might be a chance he loves you back?" Axel questioned from where she sat to the right of Lutz. "I dunno Yuuri, he sounds like he really really likes you and cares about you."

 

"Yes," Yuuko agreed, seizing on her daughter's words. "He's not acting like someone who just wants to have some fun, he's acting like you mean something to him. Viktor clearly likes you and cares about your well-being. And whatever you were doing with him this morning, he cared enough to stick around, right?"

 

Yuuri laughed bitterly. "Honestly, I hope he doesn't love me. I don't want to see him break when he leaves. I want him to keep smiling, no matter how I feel about the situation." As the cool, wet tears slid down his cheeks, Yuuri's heart ached. "All I ever do is hurt people, I never make them smile."

 

"You make Viktor smile!" Loop protested from the backseat. 

 

"And I make him worried and upset when I don't," Yuuri pointed out, wiping at his face helplessly, wishing he could be the strong person Viktor had once said he was.  "I'm already infecting him."

 

"I wish you'd stop talking about yourself like that," Yuuko snapped suddenly, surprising Yuuri. "What happened happened Yuuri, it doesn't make you dirty and it definitely doesn't mean that the same thing is going to happen to everyone else you touch. You're just being a stubborn a- butt about it."

 

Staring at her, eyes wide and still brimming with tears, Yuuri softly mumbled, "You're wrong, it hurt everyone I knew." Shaking his head, he added, "I still haven't told Viktor, I don't want to see what he'd do. Either he'll throw me away or it'll happen all over again. I can't go through that stuff twice."

 

"He's not going to throw you away," Lutz muttered out of the corner of her mouth, rolling her eyes as she did so.

 

"And it's not going to happen again," Loop insisted, leaning over her sisters so she could stare reproachfully at Yuuri. 

  
"Yeah, you're just being stupid Yuuri," Axel agreed, her tone firm. "Viktor isn't Phichit."

 

"Axel is right," Yuuko said firmly. "You have to stop equating the two, every single time something comes up, you always seem to bring it back to-"

 

"It. Doesn't. Matter. Because. He's. Leaving." Yuuri bit out, cutting off Yuuko's words bitterly. "No matter what you say, he's not going to stick around. Whether I'm in love with him or not, whether he finds out about that month or not, Viktor's not going to just stay here. He's going to leave as soon as he's told to. That could be tomorrow, it could be in a week, but it's going to happen and I can't change that."

 

The girls all fell silent again. Very quietly, Axel took Yuuri's phone from Lutz and reached around the side of his chair so she could slip it back in his pocket. It sat there, a cold, dead weight.

 

"I'm sorry we brought it up," Yuuko said softly, her tone regretful. "We just- I want to see you smile Yuuri, I love it when you're happy. Of everyone, you most of all deserve someone who makes you happy." She said it with such sincerity, Yuuri almost believed it.

 

Moping up the rest of his face, the man softly muttered, "Honestly Yuuko, sometimes I wonder if the world hates me. It seems like it's got a habit of dangling wonderful things in front of me that I can never have. I'm sick of it. I'm sick of ending up in this position. I don't want to be heartbroken for another year. I just want to be able to live my life without things getting in the way."

 

As they pulled up next to the college, Yuuko looked at him with eyes that spoke of wisdom only a married woman could have. "You say that now, but have you ever thought that maybe this is the universe trying to tell you something? Crazier things have happened Yuuri, crazier than two strangers falling in love. So you think it's impossible, so what? Sometimes things don't work out how you think they will."

 

From behind him, Loop asked, "Hey Yuuri, what do you want to happen?"

 

"And not what is going to happen," Axel continued, her voice stubborn.

 

"What you wish would happen." Lutz finished, tone injected with concrete.

 

"Honestly?" Yuuri mumbled, a rueful look claiming his features. "I want him to stay forever. Or I want to go with him. I don't even know his last name but I want to stay around him forever. It's so greedy and stupid but I guess it doesn't matter does it? I've never been realistic when it comes to stuff like this after all." Staring sightlessly out of his window, Yuuri mumbled, "Why does it have to be him?"

 

"Because he's perfect for you Yuuri," Yuuko said with a soft, humorless laugh. "Your heart knows it, even if you don't seem to understand. I can see it and I've never even met him. It's not even just that you're happier with him around, it's like you've got emotions again. It's like you're alive."

 

"She's got a point," Axel said knowledgeably. "You laugh more than you used to, you never used to react to anything, it was like talking to a statue or something." She demonstrated, pulling a blank, dead face.

 

"And you actually react when he flirts with you!" Lutz piped up, her eyes wide. "You know that you get comments from people who don't know you but you never react to them like you do when it's Viktor. You used to just sort of sigh." Her sisters nodded emphatically. 

 

But it was what Loop said that really hit Yuuri the hardest. "He makes you cry." The way she said it, it was as if she understood all the things those four words really meant. That Viktor of all the people Yuuri knew had let him feel enough to allow things to hurt again. After a year of simply ignoring the stuff building up in his system, Viktor had just broken those walls down like it was nothing.

 

And though his chest ached like it was caving in and his throat felt like it was closing up, Yuuri had to marvel at the fact that he was feeling anything at all. Because they were right, it had been forever since he'd show emotion  _period,_  not just joy. More than all the superficial feelings that Viktor brought with him, this was something deeper, something that was, little by little, changing his life.

 

_I don't want to go back to that hollow shell I was before, I want to stay like this, even after Viktor leaves._  Taking a shuddering breath, Yuuri murmured, "Yeah, it is like I'm alive again, isn't it?" A soft chuckle escaped him. "I forgot how much feeling things sucked."

 

With a groan, Yuuko shoved him playfully. "Come on, get out of the car, we have class to get to. You're going to make us late." Opening her door, she called after her, "Have your emotional crisis later, we've got things to do!" Yuuri really did laugh at that, glad to see her return to her usual happy self.

 

As he got out after her and grabbed his backpack from under Axel's feet, Yuuri felt his phone vibrate. His heart twisted at that, a mix between the pain he'd felt from just a few moments ago and the warm joy he'd felt that morning. Waiting for the procession of triplets to march past him with Yuuko, Yuuri quietly reached into his pocket and pulled out his phone.

 

_**[You never exactly answered Yuuri, can I come and see you tonight?]**_  For a moment, he just stared, his fingers twitching, unable to decide. As his stomach turned slowly, making him feel sick, Yuuri thought about what he'd said earlier to Yuuko.  _I wish he'd just leave me alone so this doesn't get worse than it already is!_  Without even really thinking, his fingers twitched over the letters.

 

_No,_  they spelled out. His finger hovered over the send button, close enough that he could feel the minute warmth coming off the screen. Yuuri almost just wanted to press it and be done with it, that's what the smart thing to do was, right? If only to keep himself sane and alone the stupid feelings of love to die on their own. It would be easy too, he wouldn't even have to think about it. He'd always been good at driving people away, Viktor would be no different.

 

But then he thought about what Yuuko had said, about being happy and about things turning out in unexpected ways. Before he knew what was happening, he was deleting the word. Because in the end, Yuuri wasn't strong enough to pull himself away from Viktor, the light that kept getting brighter the longer he stared. It hardly mattered how much it would end up hurting, if he could be happy, even just for a little while, Yuuri wanted to take that chance.

 

With fingers that felt numb, Yuuri typed  _yes_  and he hit send.

 

In the end, he was in love with Viktor and love made people go crazy. Yuuri was no exception. In fact, he was case and point.  _Whether he stays or whether he goes, he's going to take something of me with him no matter what I try to do otherwise._  

 

Less than a second later, his phone buzzed again.  ** _[You know I can hardly wait~]_**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just realized something potentially mind blowing. I used to think four thousand words was a lot when I wrote chapters. Now if they're not over six thousand, I think it's a short form story *laughs awkwardly* the curse of high standards I suppose.
> 
> But yeah, things are getting crazy, ne? I hope at least some of you are picking up on the little hints I'm dropping when it comes to Yuuri. I did say that I wasn't done with him after all, you should have been listening~
> 
> Anyway my dears, your words bring me much joy and happiness when you deign to take the time to leave me them. Regardless, I'm off to write another chapter. I've got the song for it drafted up and everything...
> 
> Farewell for now~


	32. Are You Still Afraid

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Viktor realizes that he's in too deep
> 
> _We Might Fall - Matthew Koma_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, okay, but before you read this, y'all need to check out A Song Of Two Rivers. It's by ViktorNikiforovKearsley and holy mother fucking shit thAT CLIFFHANGER KILLED ME LAST CHAPTER AND THERE'S A NEW ONE OUT AND ONCE I POST THIS, IMMA GO READ IT. But seriously, you need to look it up. It's about Viktor and Yuuri as professional Violin and Cellists and it's really good. Very angsty but if you're here, you're okay with angst.
> 
> Anyway, this chapter is something else. Read it and weep. Actually don't this isn't even angst, this is just explanation.
> 
> Enjoy!

When Viktor crept back into the hotel room, he was slightly relieved to find no one there. He'd been gone for several hours, he honestly wasn't very surprised, but he was happy to be able to have a second's peace before being berated for his earlier stupidity. Taking a moment to just breathe, the Russian man wondered briefly where everyone had disappeared to when a voice answered the question for him.

"So he finally has deigned to grace us with his presence once more," commented Christophe lazily from the door between the two rooms. Cringing at the implications of that statement, Viktor slowly turned around to find the man watching him with a raised brow. "What, have you finally worked off all your latent frustration?"

Sighing, Viktor's shoulders drooped. "Look," he started awkwardly, wishing he could be anywhere but there. "Chris, I am very sorry about what happened, I didn't mean to-"

Unexpectedly, the Swissman waved off his words. "No no, it's fine Viktor, I'm over it. I never cared in the first place. You can do what you want and believe what you wish about those things. Honestly," he shrugged loosely. "I think everyone saw this coming but you." Striding into the room, he lounged across the empty spinning chair. "Then again, you probably took JJ by surprise. He's easily surprised..." Absently, Christophe trailed off.

A little taken aback by how calm he was acting about the whole thing, Viktor slowly sat down on his bed. "You saw this coming?" he asked in confusion, bringing Christophe out of his own contemplations. "But I never go off on anyone."

Barking out a laugh, the man tilted his head back. "Oh Viktor, you have no idea. Don't think we don't see how you bottle up all your stress until it kills you from the inside. We're not blind after all, we just don't say anything about it." Giving him a meaningful look, Christophe continued, "We've watched while this whole thing with Yuuri turned you into a mess, I suppose Yurio just thought it was time to take things into his own hands."

"He's right though, I am a mess," Viktor muttered, groaning softly before flopping back onto his bed. After dealing with the press, all the energy he'd gotten from being around Yuuri had been drained. Now, he just kind of wanted to sleep. "I only wish he hadn't brought it up like that, I didn't do too well, did I?"

Christophe barked with laughter. "No, you didn't! In fact, you acted like a fool. But none of us are blaming you for that." Tone going sober, the Swissman said, "But I'll say again what I said last night. I don't care about you and Yuuri being together or sleeping together or whatever you two have as long as it doesn't affect the band. If you get in one of your little snits again before a show or something, it'll throw everything off."

Bristling at how offhandedly Christophe had categorized Yuuri as just another fling of Viktor's, the Russian man took a moment to recognize his own ridiculousness before pulling himself back together. "Honestly Chris," Viktor mumbled tiredly, his voice sounding almost flat instead of musical like it usually did. "I don't even know how I'm supposed to feel. I don't want this to affect the rest of you but it's affecting me. I'm not used to things like this affecting me."

"Believe me, I get it," Christophe said, his tone rueful. "Trust me when I say I understand how hard it can be to figure out how you feel about someone. Hell, it can take  _years_  to finally be certain you know what the hell your own heart is telling you." At the melancholy notes in the man's voice, Viktor glanced at him. The downcast expression on Christophe's face discouraged further prying.

"Yurio wasn't exactly trying to soften the blow," Viktor pointed out, frustrated with his own inability to accept the fact rather than the man who had told him. "Apparently Yuuri was quite clear when he said it wasn't love. So why should I fall in love with him?" It was the first time he'd said the words out loud and hearing them only made them hurt him worse. "I don't love him, it's only been a week Chris. I'm just confused is all."

"Hell of a thing to be confused about, ne?" Christophe asked with a laugh. "Doesn't love just  _suck."_  His eyes rolled towards the ceiling and he let out another soft sigh and his short blond hair flopped out of his face as he tilted his head back. "You know Viktor, I bet everyone out there thinks you've got love figured out. Sometimes I think that we forget you don't have it all figured out as well. But in the end, you don't understand what you're singing about, do you?"

Numbly, Viktor shook his head. "Except for Yurio, do any of us?" Glancing out the window, below which he knew the Speedway was, the silver-haired man's stomach rolled. "I thought I was starting to get it you know? My music's been sounding better and I  _know_  it's because of Yuuri but why? I don't even know? Doesn't my music always get better when I'm singing for someone?"

"You know as well as I do that love has never even been a thought in your head until Yuuri," Christophe pointed out, his tone calm. "While it's true that the quality of your singing does tend to go from simply good to amazing depending on whether you're going out with someone, it's never been like this. Heck, you almost had me fooled that you finally understood your own music. That's saying something."

"How pathetic," Viktor commented lightly, his words dripping past his own ears like dissonant chords. "A world renowned singer and I don't even understand what the hell I'm singing about. I'm like a parrot, calling out the words without understanding what they mean."

"Maybe you should really start thinking about it then," Christophe said with a shrug. "You've got one more day until we leave for a few days to travel down the Californian coast. You can think about it then. Maybe even find an answer." Sitting up a little straighter, the man helpfully pointed out, "Look at Yurio and Otabek, they make a long distance relationship work just fine."

"I'm not sure if I'm ready for something that serious," Viktor admitted, looking at the ceiling as he pictured what Yuuri's response would be to those words. Would he simply shrug and say  _good, me neither,_ or would his face crumble as he attempted to hold back heartbroken tears. Viktor wasn't sure which one would be worse and that scared him. "Chris, I'm used to not having responsibilities. Getting involved with something like that means responsibilities."

Rising to his feet heavily like the conversation had physically exhausted him, Christophe snorted. "If that's how you feel Viktor, then maybe it's not really love. After all," he walked over and stood over Viktor, his green eyes sparkling in the soft light. "When it's love, you won't care that you're not ready. You'll just dive in head first anyway."

Viktor's chest tightened because all he could think was that those words described his relationship with Yuuri perfectly. When had he  _ever_  cared that he wasn't ready? When had there ever been any real thought about anything? Neither of them had asked if what they were doing made sense, because it didn't. Viktor didn't stop to think that maybe he was getting too deep, that maybe he was getting too close. it was Yuuri, there was no safe distance, the man was a presence that seeped into the very fabric of Viktor's interactions with the rest of the world.

But it wasn't love, so what was it?

"But..." Christophe said lightly, his full lips twitching up into a smile. "I think you're starting to understand that you're there already." With that cryptic message, he let out a full laugh. "Come on Viktor, you've had your moment to pout. Yurio and JJ are down in the parking garage having to fend for themselves. Do you really want to leave those two alone for any length of time?"

Laughing despite the confusion still plaguing him, Viktor allowed Christophe to help pull him off the bed. "Well we wouldn't want that. Our little Kitten would tear JJ apart. Without a guitar player, what would become of the band?"

"He's such a  _delicate flower_  after all," Christophe murmured, his tone jocular. Both of them shared a laugh at the Canadian's expense as they walked down towards the back stairwell, the only way to get around the hotel at that point. As the walked down the stairs, the Swissman commented, "You know, I've been thinking. We should leave soon. I mean, at least change hotels. This is making things unnecessarily messy, don't you think?"

With a sigh, Viktor agreed, "Yes, it is. I'm getting tired of sneaking around. It's quite inconvenient, especially for me." He knew that sounded selfish, but it was true. With Yuuri in his life, he was doing the most creeping by the press. "They caught me today actually," he admitted sheepishly. "I might have said some things to them."

Giving Viktor a disappointed look, Christophe shook his head in surrender. "Fine, I suppose it was inevitable. Are they going to be going after Yuuri?"

"Probably," Viktor muttered, feeling sick to the pit of his stomach. "And I don't know what to do about it. He even said that he'd hate it if the press went after him." Hanging his head in shame, he added, "But if we're looking for somewhere else to stay, Yuuri's family actually owns a small motel. That might be an option."

Hiking his eyebrows up, Christophe thought it over, dragging his thumb across his chin as he did so. "That might work actually, though..." He fixed Viktor with a knowing look. "You haven't exactly told Yuuri about the band, have you? If we stayed there, you'd have to tell him so he knew what was coming." Christophe's words didn't exactly set Viktor's mind to rest. If anything, it made his inner angst worse.

"You're right," he mumbled, feeling very much like whatever he did, he kept hitting firewalls.  _I shouldn't have kept this from him. At this point, seeing how deep we've fallen into this, the result isn't going to look pretty._  "But what if he runs away Chris?"

"Then you ask yourself, is it worth it to me to chase after him?" Christophe said easily. "And if the answer is yes, then you go after him and you don't stop till you get him back. Sure, he's not going to be happy, but believe me, it's better he finds out from you than from a member of the press or someone else. Just think of what that would do to him, finding out on accident after everything."

Viktor winced at the idea. "Point taken."

As the strode out into the parking garage, Viktor was instantly greeted by screaming fans and a red faced Yuri, who was shouting obscenities at JJ, who seemed to be trying to take selfies with the people. With a sigh and a light smile, Viktor called out to them, his voice carrying easily over the cacophony. "JJ, Kitten, please, let's not be so antagonistic. You complain so much when it's me and then you turn right around and do it yourself? Quite sad, wouldn't you say?" When they turned from the crowd to see him, instantly Yuri's face screwed up with irritation.

Walking over to Viktor, who's face was serene and innocent, Yuri jabbed a finger at his chest and demanded, "Are you done moping over that idiot? Because if you aren't, I swear Nikiforov, I will hurt you."

With his usual grace, Viktor looped his arm around Yuri's shoulders before swinging him around so they could walk deeper into the parking garage. "I'm very sorry about that Yuri," he said, his voice dipping with seriousness. Though he would have preferred to keep his light attitude intact, he knew that anything he said wouldn't be taken seriously unless he took it the same way. "I regret yelling at you and I regret allowing myself to get worked into such a state. I've been rather stressed, no? What I did was wrong and I-"

"Oh god, no, go back to being a bastard," Yuri told him in disgust, shoving the man off of him. "I shouldn't have gone and visited that pig without telling you about it first, I just knew you'd say no so... Also I was fucking drunk so there is that." Shrugging, Yuri tossed his blond hair out of his eyes so he could glare up at Viktor. "But I'm serious Nikiforov, get your shit together. I don't give a fuck what you think about Yuuri, just don't get it all over the rest of us. We're fine without dealing with your melodrama."

"Of course Yurio, I should have known you'd forgive me!" Dropping all his earlier somberness, Viktor threw his arms around Yuri, much to the shorter Russian's anger. After he was unceremoniously shoved off, Viktor announced, "Now~ Are we going to practice or not?"

From the other side of the garage, JJ cheered and went from being dragged by the back of his coat by Christophe to doing the dragging himself. "FINALLY! Dude, I thought you were going to pout all day! Where even were you?" As J ran down the parking garage, the unfortunate Swissman being dragged behind let out a string of curses as he was nearly pulled over.

"You know you could just let go idiot," Yuri muttered, crossing his arms and huffing in irritation.

"Ah yes, you have my most sincere apologies for earlier," Viktor told him, bowing slightly as the four of them rounded the corner to take them into the very bottom of the garage. This was of course not where they had been practicing before but it at least put them out of sight of the crazy fans. "What I said could have been said better."

"A lot of things you say could be said better," Yuri quipped glaring at Viktor. "But whatever, I'm sick of rehashing it." Stopping in front of the other three, the blond man muttered, "Look, Nikiforov, we won't be dicks about this if you'll keep a lid on it when you're around us. That means we won't go visit him but in return  _you_ need to be focused when you're around us. Got that?"

With a light smile, Viktor nodded brightly. "That seems fair." Never mind that he couldn't get Yuuri off his mind, Yuri made a good point. Viktor couldn't keep doing this to his friends, not when they were being so understanding and patient with him. "I really didn't mean for this to cause so much trouble."

Playfully, JJ bumped into him. "Honestly, I'm surprised this stuff isn't already headline news. Aren't you supposed to be a drama queen Nikiforov?" His words were met with a rumble of amused laughter from the other two. Viktor pouted playfully in return and rolled his eyes.

"I do believe we had something to do," he reminded them, though not forcefully. "I hope everything's already set up."

"Hey~!" protested JJ indignantly. "Yurio and I aren't entirely useless. We managed to do something right!"

"Asshole, don't lump me in with you," Yuri complained, narrowing his eyes. "For the record, I did all of it. He just fucked around the whole time."

"At least I wasn't sitting in the hotel room like Chris," JJ pointed out mischievously.

Christophe choked. "Don't you drag me into this! I was working very hard." He pouted, which only made JJ laugh.

"Yes Chris, because standing around waiting for me to get back was so very labor intensive," Viktor mocked lightly as they reached the end of the parking garage. While JJ continued to poke fun at Christophe and Yuri yelled at them to stop being such lazy shits, Viktor pulled his mind back into place.

It was surprisingly easy, bringing himself back around to his music. He'd had a song stuck in his head for the past hour now and working on it would be as good a place to start as anything. Recalling the words and visualizing the music for the barest fraction of a second, Viktor clapped his hands once, bringing the others back to him. Instantly, Yuri stopped shouting and JJ reached for his guitar. As soon as Christophe was settled behind his drums, Viktor announced, "I think we're going to change the lineup for the next gig, no?"

"What song are you thinking about?" Christophe asked curiously, leaning forward. Even though he was no longer facing his friends, Viktor could just see his grin. "You don't usually mess with the programs, it must be something good."

Viktor waved a hand airily. "Oh, it's nothing, you know, just a song I've got stuck in my head." He smirked, much to the excitement of JJ and the irritation of Yuri. "As the leader, I'm allowed to do things like this." Recalling the beginning of the song, Viktor asked, "How about pulling What We're Not back out of the box?"

Grumbling, Yuri muttered, "That's not exactly a crowd favorite. Why pick something so obscure?" He made a fair point, but Viktor deflected said point with ease.

"It's from our third album, it's hardly obscure. And besides," Viktor tilted his chin upward and raised his eyebrows and the blond man. "Everything I've touched lately has been gold, so let's give it a try. Unless of course you've forgotten it..." As hoped, those words spurred Yuri on.

"Hell no! I can never forget a single one of your shitty songs," Yuri snapped at once, his fingers dancing over his instrument as he prepared to play.

"Now you've got me excited," JJ said, teeth showing in a wide grin. "You'd better deliver Nikiforov." The challenge was clear in his voice and it excited Viktor.

He didn't even have to think before an image of Yuuri was appearing in the forefront of his mind. The words just fall from his lips then, his fellow band mates knowing instinctively when to come in. Viktor's been thinking of this song all morning, the words just flow like he's simply the mouthpiece of something bigger, the thing inside his chest that wants to both crush him and tear him apart.

**_Don't you remember_ **

**_When we sat on your roof_ **

**_And there was nowhere else to be_ **

**_Don't you remember it_ **

**_What you said to me?_ **

Unbidden, Viktor thought of what Yuri had said earlier that morning.  _He says he doesn't love you._  It hurt, but Viktor just pored that pain into his voice, adding depth and breathing life into the lyrics he knew so well. H _e's right of course, Yuuri doesn't love me. That makes it cleaner right?_

_**Am I the only one who thinks back** _

_**With this pang in my chest** _

_**Like you're making it hard to breathe** _

_**Am I the only one who's remembers** _

**_Why it's easy for you to leave?_ **

But it didn't feel cleaner, if felt messy and awful and Viktor's chest hurt like it had been kicked in. It didn't make any sense because he meant it when he said he hoped Yuuri never fell in love with him. Viktor knew what love could cause, even if he didn't know what it felt like. He remembered the tears that had come pouring down Yuuri's face when he recalled the last person he'd been in love with.

Unfortunately, Viktor could also remember the horrible feelings of resentment that had rose up when he'd listened to Yuuri talk about Phichit. He knew what it was now, he wasn't an idiot. It had been jealousy and it had come from that thing that kept making Viktor do things he would never do otherwise. That thing that Yuuri stirred up just by breathing.

But it wasn't love. It  _wasn't._

" ** _You said 'boy you're just my summer fling'_**." Viktor sang, the image of Yuuri so clear in his mind as the words poured out of him. " _ **I told you 'love, t**_ ** _his don't mean anything'_**." But what if, he thought as his chest started to feel tight again. What if he was wrong.

Except he knew he wasn't. Viktor refused to fall in love with Yuuri, he wasn't going to let himself go down that path. Everyone was wrong, he knew himself better than they ever could. Yuuri was just a little fun, Yuuri knew it and Viktor wasn't going to let himself forget.

**_You're my fast paced heart attack_ **

**_Cause you're going till you're gone_ **

**_You're my lover on the weekends_ **

**_But we got this whole thing wrong_ **

**_You're my never stay till morning_ **

**_You're my no answer when I call_ **

**_But if it's a question of what we're not_ **

**_Then we're not in love at all_ **

It was like the words drew out some of that pent up stress. Viktor just let them go with all the conflict raging around in his heart. And yet he'd never sounded better. It was just a song but suddenly, he thought he understood. Maybe he didn't, maybe he was just deluding himself, but Viktor could feel the music thrumming through his veins and in the distance, the sound of their screaming fans filled him with something.

_It's okay, this is all going to turn out okay. Even though I feel like the world is falling apart and I'm pretty sure I'm crazy because I don't give a damn that my life has been turned around, I'm fine._

**_Is it just me who's going crazy_ **

**_Cause I feel like I'm alone here_ **

**_So maybe tell me you're feeling it too_ **

**_Do you think it's all that crazy_ **

**_To be losing my mind over you?_ **

Was Yuuri in class right now, staring at his phone, wondering if he'd lost his mind. Was he still on the way to college, wondering why everything was so crazy. Or, more likely, was he smiling, not a care in the world. Why, after all, would he worry about the whole thing. He knew, he understood how he felt. Heck, even Yuri understood how the man felt. And no matter what people said about it being love, Viktor wasn't about to fall for someone who didn't love him back.

_**I said "love** _

_**Do you even care at all"** _

_**You told me "boy** _

_**You can wish but I'll never fall"** _

Unexpectedly, it was at this moment the music ground to a halt. It started with Yuri, just stopping in his playing. Christophe followed, his perfect tempo fading along with JJ, who was staring at Viktor like something was horribly wrong. Looking between his friends in confusion, Viktor finally let his own words sputter and die away.

Looking between them in confusion, Viktor irritably asked, "What?" They weren't exactly known for stopping mid song.  _And we sounded so good too..._

"Nikiforov," Yuri said slowly, his voice caught between mutinous and worried. "That's the second fucking time you've done it."

"What did I do?" Viktor asked in confusion, trying to remember if he'd screwed up any of his pitches. No, he'd sounded perfect, beyond perfect. So why were they looking at him like he was in deep crap. "Don't look at me like that, I'm singing just fine."

"Do you..." Christophe trailed off, his eyes speaking volumes of worry. "Do you remember the lyrics?"

"Yes," Viktor muttered, annoyed. "Of course I do. I've been singing perfectly. What's your p-"

"Dude, that's the second time you've replaced the word 'girl' with 'love'," JJ pointed out, grimacing.

As soon as he'd said it, Viktor's eyes widened as he realized what they were saying. Without even thinking about it, Viktor had replaced the word with his pet name for Yuuri. It hadn't even been a conscious thing, he'd just done it. And as that fact settled into his brain, Viktor realized just how  _much_ he'd been singing to Yuuri.

 _They're right, I'm screwed..._  Because if this was where he was now, Viktor didn't want to see how much worse this was going to get.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another original song of mine... Yes it's shit, shut up, I was tired.
> 
> Whatever ARE YOU EXCITED BECAUSE THE NEXT CHAPTER IS GOING TO KILL YOU
> 
> laters~


	33. Seasons Change, People Don't

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Yuuri ends up talking about Viktor anyway
> 
> _The Take Over, The Break's Over - Fall Out Boy_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this chapter is being posted slightly early because I promised a certain person I would~ I don't know their username (or even if they have one) but I got talking to them earlier and well... I couldn't resist.
> 
> YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE!
> 
> As for this chapter, oh boy, y'all are going to love this. Or bite your nails. Or laugh. OR ALL OF THEM!
> 
> Or none of them...
> 
> Enjoy!

Yuuri glanced at the clock listlessly for the second time in the last five minutes. His mind was currently stewing in a veritable soup of his own questionable decisions and the longer it went on, the more he realized he he was going to keep making these decisions because if there was one thing Yuuri was good at, it was apparently loosing his goddamn mind. It was only eleven for god's sake, he shouldn't already be turning into mush. Who cared though at this point, not him, that was for sure!

Groaning, his head smacked against the counter. No, he cared very much. Because at some point, Viktor would show up. Yuuri had already come to terms with the fact that he was going to continue with this pattern of madness but it was only now just starting to hit him about how unbelievably  _screwed_  he was.

 _Why did I have to fall in love with him?_  Every time he asked himself this question, Yuuri had to admit the answer was easy. Viktor was perfect, everything he could have ever wanted. It wasn't just how he looked, it was the way his words sounded like music, it was the way he knew how to be serious and yet could make Yuuri smile in seconds. It was the way he made Yuuri feel like maybe his life didn't have to suck anymore.

Then he'd remember how many problems there were attached to falling in love with someone like Viktor. The man wasn't in love with Yuuri, he was only in it for a bit of fun. Yuuri knew this and didn't fault the Russian for it at all. That had been what they were originally after all. It wasn't like they'd sat down and talking about being something else. And though Yuuri wished he could just be satisfied with that much, he couldn't be, even though Viktor very clearly could.

 _But then he kisses me and I forget why I'm already trying to forget him._  Viktor wasn't in love, people like him didn't fall in love with people like Yuuri. They found someone beautiful and settled down into the perfect life. Or they just flitted through the lives of others forever, always like some tune on the breeze you couldn't quite hear but followed you all day regardless.

As if that wasn't reason enough for Yuuri to give up, Viktor was leaving. In several days time, Yuuri could only assume he'd be gone. And maybe it would be longer, Viktor never seemed willing to give a definitive answer. If the guy he liked was going to leave anyway, what reason was there for Yuuri to put any more meaning into the whole thing than Viktor?

He wasn't even sure why he'd let himself be drawn into this mess in the first place. Viktor had been a mystery from day one, hadn't answered any of the basic questions you usually asked about a person. Yuuri didn't even know what his job was or his last  _name_  but he'd been sucked into a roller-coaster of madness regardless. It wasn't like he'd ever really tried to resist it. His only objections had been stupid things, like he wasn't good enough, or that Viktor wouldn't want to be seen with him.

And while he no longer thought that Viktor would vanish  _because_  of those things that he still hadn't told the man, Yuuri knew that he wasn't going to tell him. Because really, he didn't need to air his dirty laundry to someone who didn't need to know, someone who was just going to leave anyway. Viktor of course would pry if he thought it was hurting him, but Yuuri was over it. So really, there was no need.

Clenching his fists on the counter, Yuuri pushed himself upright and glared at the clock.  _I wish he'd just show up already so my brain doesn't have more time decompose._  At least Viktor let him forget it all sucked. Even if Yuuri's heart hurt every time the man so much as smiled at him, at least he didn't have all these questions running around in his head.

 _I wish I could be like Viktor,_  Yuuri thought tiredly, eyes rolling towards the door.  _Happy and carefree. Never getting tied down but stupid things like the inability to keep momentary attraction and love separate._  Unexpectedly, his mind took him back to the first time he'd laid eyes on Viktor. That silver hair brushing above his eye and falling perfectly around his face, those bright turquoise eyes that had taken his breath away, that teasing smile that never seemed to leave him... He'd looked like a god.

But he'd treated Yuuri like he was just as perfect as he was. Even though Yuuri had been rendered speechless by Viktor's sheer presence, it hadn't mattered. The man hadn't been off put, he hadn't lost interest, he'd come back.

And when Yuuri had talked to him, Viktor had come back again.

Yuuri smiled despite himself, letting his head hang limply on his neck as he laughed softly.  _I guess I'm just crazy. Falling for the first person who didn't try to avoid me._  But that wasn't true, was it? Things had gotten better over the past year and the triplets were right, Viktor wasn't the first person to, for want of a better term, hit on him. Yuuri's first defense was that he just hadn't felt any sort of pull towards those people but didn't that prove his own self-admonishment inaccurate? He hadn't fallen for the first person who smiled at him.

He'd fallen for Viktor. A man to which no one could compare. Maybe Yuuri was wearing rose-tinted glasses but to him, the Russian was perfect in every way. Far too good for someone like him, a broken, broke and boring twenty-something.  _It's not like he loves me, I shouldn't get ahead of myself. Just because he's here now means next to nothing._

So really, in the end, Yuuri should just try and enjoy the man while he was around. That, or he should stop saying yes to Viktor and just forget him already.  _Well, since option number two is impossible, do I really have another choice?_ He'd cry later. He'd mourn once it was over. Yuuri wasn't going to waste the time he had worrying about the future.

Besides, he'd been going through this thing pretty consistently  _ignoring_  the future. Why stop now? Not now when he most wanted to forget what was coming. Making a sound somewhere between a groan and a sob of distress, Yuuri turned around so he could smack his head against the glass guarding the cigarettes. Hardly caring that there was likely going to be a bruise that formed due to his constant abuse of his head, Yuuri sighed softly and leaned back against the counter. What he needed was a customer. That or something entirely unexpected to take his mind off of things.

The bell above the door rang.

Spinning around quickly, half hoping to see Viktor but already knowing that it wouldn't be the man, Yuuri was a little disappointed to find a bright eyed boy grinning at him. Noticing Yuuri's attention, the boy practically bounced up to the counter. He couldn't have been over eighteen, but Yuuri found himself contradicted by the camera slung around the boy's neck.

Instantly, Yuuri felt himself go on edge.  _A member of the press? A tabloid reporter? But what would they want with me?_  Forcing himself to be calm, Yuuri pushed a smile onto his face and nodded graciously at the boy. "Um, hi! Is there anything I can do for you?" He really  _really_  didn't like the mischievous glint that entered the boy's eyes at that.

"Maybe~" the boy drawled, before leaning on the counter and looking up at Yuuri with all the mischief of a child in his eyes. Up close, Yuuri took in the blond hair with a bright red streak through it, the wild and happy look about the boy and way his cheeks flushed with excitement. though in reality the boy was less than a head shorter than Yuuri, he appeared to be quite a bit smaller as he bent down so he could look at Yuuri from different angles. "You're Yuuri Katsuki, right?" When Yuuri's eyes just widened, the boy rolled his eyes. "Stupid question, of course you are."

Slowly, unsure of what to do or even who he was talking to, Yuuri asked, "And you are...?" It seemed like the best course of action at this point.

Whipping out his camera, the boy took a picture of Yuuri's confused expression before the man could even react. Letting it fall back to hanging around his neck, the boy brightly answered, "Kenjirou! Minami Kenjirou. It's wonderful to finally meet you in person." Bouncing on the balls of his feet, hardly seeming to care that Yuuri was panicking because  _why on earth had this boy taken his picture, he was definitely a member of the press,_  Minami continued, "Wow! I mean, it's like I felt like I knew you already but now I'm  _actually_  talking to you, this is amazing!"

Already terrified of the answer, Yuuri tentatively asked, "How do you already know who I am?"  _Oh god, why now? Just because there's a famous band over in the building next door doesn't mean that I have something do do with them!_

"Because I was one of the first people to do an article on you back then!" Minami exclaimed, making Yuuri's heart skip a beat in fear. "Come on silly, don't you remember?" Letting out another excited laugh, the boy sobered suddenly and said, "You know, I'm really sorry about all of that. We were  _brutal_  but well, money is money and a job is a job."

Swallowing back any number of accusations he wanted to level at the boy, simply for bringing it up, Yuuri managed, "No, it's over. I'm over it. I'd rather just forget about it."  _It's not his fault, don't try to pin the actions of many people on one individual._

"You might want to," Minami said, holding up a finger and giving Yuuri a crazy smile. "But the tabloids  _never_  forget. Even when you wish they would! Oh well, that's life, right? Anyway, I'm really glad to be meeting you in person. You are  _nothing_ like I would have imagined. You know, I kind of expected a demon or something but you're pretty cool!"

Struggling to just keep up with the boy, Yuuri nodded weakly. "I... Um... Minami?" The boy stood at attention, his face still split with a grin. "You know... I don't want to be rude but... Why are you here? I mean... I'm not really comfortable around the press and..." He trailed off again, not wanting to say  _I really hate that you took my picture just then,_  out loud.

Of course it didn't end up mattering because Minami was off like a shot once again. "Oh yeah! I'm here for work. Doing a bit of investigating. I mean, can you imagine the commotion back at the office when they found out that  _the_  Yuuri Katsuki was working in the speedway  _right_  next to where the great Mr. Nikiforov is staying? Yuuri, I can call you that, right? Yuuri, you have no idea!"

 _So it's about the band then. And my reputation of course..._  Taking a deep breath, pushing all those latent grudges and emotions back down, Yuuri muttered, "I can guess. It's probably the only thing you guys care about." He hadn't meant to sound quite so exhausted and resigned but that's how he felt.

"Well if that's  _all_  we cared about there would already be an article about it!" Minami exclaimed, rolling his eyes. "But I'm in here for a specific reason." Looking about surreptitiously, always with that mischievous grin, Minami planted a forearm on the the counter to lean on before looking at Yuuri. "Rumor is, Mr. Nikiforov has a lover." He said it like he was expecting it to elicit a response from Yuuri.

Tiredly, Yuuri just sighed. "And I'm supposed to know about this how?" Looking back at his register, Yuuri pushed a few random buttons absently to clear the last order from the screen. "Look, just because I work near where they are doesn't mean I have anything to do with them."

Minami frowned for a moment, but then his eyes lit up once more. "Come on Yuuri, haven't you seen him? The man himself?" He kept watching Yuuri's face like somehow his words were going to make him nervous or something. "Maybe he wandered in because he was bored and couldn't think of what else to do."

Thinking about how much like Viktor this supposed scenario between him and a world famous singer sounded, Yuuri snorted and rolled his eyes. "Yeah, I'm sure someone like Nikiforov has all the time in the world to go wandering into random stores like this. What would he even want to buy here?"  _Heh, sounds_ exactly _like Viktor... He really has taken over my thoughts hasn't he?_

"Well duh, of course he wouldn't be interested in something like that!" Minami burst out, waving his free hand around wildly. "What if he was instead interested in something else?" He looked triumphant as he announced, "What if he was interested in the cashier instead!"

Yuuri stared at Minami in disbelief for a moment before openly laughing. Surprising himself with how sincere the laughter was, Yuuri had to take a moment to get his breath back. By the time he had finished, Minami was looking at him like he'd gone crazy.  _Well, he's not wrong._  "Are you trying to suggest that a singer like that would be interested in someone like me?" Yuuri shook his head. "You're crazy, there's no way."

"So... he hasn't come here?" Minami asked, looking genuinely perplexed, as if Yuuri's words had shattered whatever idea he'd had in his head.

Chuckling, Yuuri said, "No, he hasn't. Come on Minami, I know the tabloids are crazy but really, this theory is just ridiculous. Just to clear up any confusion, no, I'm not aware of any relations between me and Mr. Nikiforov. I'm pretty sure I'd know if I were involved with a famous singer." Shaking his head, suddenly relieved that this conversation had taken a turn for the lighter, Yuuri leaned back against the cabinets so he could watch Minami in amusement.

Seemingly struggling with the information, Minami muttered, "I could have sworn..." Trailing off, he shook his head again and stared at the counter as if trying to wrap his mind around the fact that for once, Yuuri  _wasn't_ the cause of an unnecessary amount of drama. Still snickering softly, Yuuri waited patiently for the boy to get his thoughts in order.

After a moment of thought, Minami seemed to deflate, as if he'd lost some of his initial spark. "Oh. Okay. Well..." Looking lost, he turned around and leaned against the counter, staring at the clock instead. "Now I have nothing to do."

"What were you doing before?" Yuuri asked curiously. "I mean, you could probably go home or something, right?" Though he was inclined to keep laughing, he was actually starting to like the boy. Even if he had been part of the mess from before.

Minami blew out a breath. "Honestly, it gets a little exhausting just standing out there waiting for someone to come out of the hotel." He shrugged. "Besides, it's not like anyone's gotten anything useful. I'm ready go give up. I was going to talk to you but..." He shrugged. "I guess that didn't pan out."

"We can still talk," Yuuri said, not really thinking about it. "I mean," he hurried to say, realizing how stupid he'd sounded. "If you want. I have nothing better to do. I'm really sorry your article didn't work out." And he meant it, even though he knew if there  _had_  been something, he would have been furious if it ended up everywhere.

Minami turned and looked at Yuuri, his mouth wide and his eyes shining. "Wow, you're really amazing Yuuri, you know that? Really nice. I thought you'd throw me out." He grinned as if Yuuri had made his day. "You're nothing like what the tabloids said."

"Well, they're usually pretty inaccurate," Yuuri said wisely, smiling serenely.

"Yeah..." Minami trailed off before his eyes lit up again with a sudden though. Grinning again, he asked, "Okay, but let's say someone like Mr. Nikiforov was interested in you or he did walk through the doors, would you be interested?" Accepting that the boy was probably fixated on the topic, Yuuri humored him.

"No, probably not." Mind wandering to Viktor, Yuuri couldn't help but blush.  _I've got someone else after all..._  It was a stupid thing, but it made him ridiculously happy. It had been a long time since he'd been able to even think something like that.  _Even if it is only for a short while..._

Minami scoffed. "Come on! Have you  _seen_  Nikiforov?" Then, noticing Yuuri's blush, he teased, "Oooh, or is there someone else there that you like instead~?" He looked so genuinely happy about the thought, Yuuri couldn't be mad at him for prying.

"No, I actually haven't ever seen a picture of him," Yuuri admitted, shrugging. "I guess I don't care about celebrities all that much and as for if I've got someone else, mind your own business!" Laughing, Yuuri made a flicking motion in the direction of Minami's forehead. In return, the boy grinned and bounced up and down.

"You totally do!" he exclaimed, his entire body vibrating like there was too much excitement for his body to contain. "OOoh, Yuuri come on, are they nice?" Then, with a sly smirk, he corrected, "Is  _he_  nice? What's his name? Come on, tell me! I promise it won't end up in the tabloids, I'm just curious~"

Yuuri raised his eyebrows. "There is  _no_  way I'm going to give you his name. You of all people should know I trust the press about as far as I can throw the lot of you." Only after he'd said it did Yuuri realize he'd pretty much inadvertently confirmed Minami's suspicions anyway.  _Oh well... I'm sure nothing bad will happen._

Minami pumped his fist. "I knew it! Someone like you is too amazing to not have someone. So, tell me what he's like!" Smiling brightly, Minami added, "I mean, this is probably the first person since Chulanont, right? Though it has been a year so I don't want to assume..."

Rolling his eyes, Yuuri decided to humor the boy. It had been a while after all since he'd been able to have a normal conversation with someone. What was the worst that could happen? It wasn't like he was going to give Minami any names. "Yeah, he is the first person."

Before he could continue, Minami was already interrupting. "Was that because of the tabloids? Goodness, it probably was. That would have created a disaster if you'd started dating someone else right away. You are dating this guy, right?"

With a rueful laugh, Yuuri said, "No, I'm not. It's just... something."

"But you wish you were dating," Minami said at once, his eyes gleaming. "Admit it Yuuri, I can see it in your eyes. You're really honest by the way, has anyone ever told you that?" Laughing, he said, "I can pretty much see everything you're thinking on your face, you don't hide  _anything."_

"So I've been told," Yuuri said, unable to help but remember how much those words mirrored Viktor's.  _I guess I really am an open book. No wonder why the tabloids ate me up and spat me out like they did._  "And yeah, I guess I do wish we were together. I really like him." He blushed as he spoke. Like magic, the floor drew his eyes downwards.

Minami gasped, his eyes wide and full of excitement. "You're in love with him!" he squealed, dancing around in a circle as if this were the best thing he'd heard ever. "Oh my god, you are! This is amazing! Does he love you back? Is he just in it for the sex? IS HE ACTUALLY MARRIED AND THIS IS JUST A-"

"HE'S NOt in love with me," Yuuri said, raising his voice to be heard over Minami's ridiculous theories. "We're just sort of seeing each other. It's nothing special." Biting his lip, Yuuri found himself admitting, "But yeah, I am in love with him. It'd be hard not to fall for him, he's perfect."

Dreamily, like he was picturing Yuuri and whatever stand in for Viktor he had constructed together, Minami asked, "What's he like Yuuri? He must be pretty amazing if you fell in love with him. I bet he's wonderful."

"He is," Yuuri agreed fervently, daydreaming a bit himself as he spoke. "He's pretty flighty, like he's just floating above everyone else, and when he walks into a room, his presence just fills it with light. He's like a god." Laughing at himself, Yuuri continued, "But he makes me feel really happy whenever I'm around him. He's so cheerful, it sort of just rubs off I guess."

Blinking suddenly, as if jolted back from his trance, Minami started bouncing again. Yuuri could practically see the gears in the boy's head turning. Though he probably should have been worrying, Yuuri was too relaxed to care. "Wait, Yuuri, what does he look like?"

Furrowing his brow, trying to think of a way to describe Viktor that would do him justice, Yuuri slowly said, "Well, he's got the brightest blue eyes ever, like ice. I would almost say they're turquoise. And he's tall." Yuuri held his hand loosely above his head, about were Viktor would come to if he was standing beside the man.

Minami was nodding, his eyes growing wider by the second. "What color is his hair?" he asked. "Is he from another country or is he from America? What does his voice sound like?"

Feeling slightly overwhelmed by the questions, Yuuri chuckled. "Ah, his hair is silver I think. Maybe you could describe it as platinum. Definitely not grey though. It kind of comes down over his left eye, sort of like this." He demonstrated, tracing the outline of where Viktor's side bangs came to. "His voice is really flowing, almost musical, and I don't think he's from America. He's from Russia I'm fairly sure. That's what his accent is, definitely, and he said he was originally from there."

Noticing that Minami was practically vibrating and waving his hands up and down really fast, Yuuri tilted his head in confusion. "What?"

Though the boy looked like he wanted to explode or something, he suddenly took a deep breath and went stock still. "He sounds amazing Yuuri. I hope you make him fall in love with you."

Yuuri raised a brow in confusion. "Why were you so excited?"

"No reason!" Minami said definitively. "Now, I have to go!" Looking back at the clock, the boy put his hands on his hips and stood proud. "I have work to do probably, but I'll see you again soon Yuuri! I want to hear all about your crush." Still looking very much like he wanted to say something more, Minami bobbed a random bow before sticking his hand out for Yuuri to shake. "So I'll see you another time, okay?"

Shaking Minami's hand tentatively, Yuuri nodded slowly, not sure what else to do. "Yeah, totally." Giving him a condolatory smile, Yuuri added, "I'm really sorry things didn't work out for your article. I hope you find something soon."

"Oh, I'm going to be changing topics." Grinning from ear to ear, the boy darted towards the door. "By Yuuri!"

"Bye Minami~" Yuuri called, but the boy was already gone. Spending a moment simply staring at the door and thinking about how weird that had been, Yuuri eventually gave up. Honestly, despite his strangeness, he liked the boy, and definitely wouldn't mind seeing him again. He seemed to be fun to talk to.

Glancing at the clock, Yuuri found himself sighing again.

_Only twelve, I've still got another hour at least..._

Oh well, back to being bored again...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YOU THOUGHT HE WAS GOING TO FIND OUT BUT NAH, I DIDN'T FEEL LIKE IT!
> 
> But seriously, I laughed all the way through writing this chapter. Minami knows the truth but he's not about to ruin it. Which is good because I have so much angst planned~
> 
> So quick poll, would you guys prefer smut sooner for more fluffy cuddles and tastefully done angst later or smut later for no fluffy cuddles but lots and lots of angst? Vitya thinks the first one but I figured I'd give everyone a choice!
> 
> Whatever you chose, next chapter tomorrow~
> 
> Ta-ta for now!


	34. Never Promise Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Viktor really needs a shoulder to cry on
> 
> _Lies - Jane XØ_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eh, I mean it's okay.
> 
> still not angsty enough tho
> 
> Enjoy~

The sky looked dark, not gloomy really, no, it was strangely clear out. Despite Portland's habit of being perpetually drippy and rainy, tonight had decided to defy everything else. Like a lantern, the Moon hung above everything, the illumination that bathed everything in a soft glow. It was beautiful, the dusky blue and pale gold, but it did nothing to improve Viktor's mood.

 

Needless to say, the man was miserable. Currently, he was sitting in the small lounge at the top of the hotel. He'd been there for what was probably hours. There had been a constant stream of people who tried to engage him in conversation, some tentative, some boisterous, all wanting a chance to speak to Mr. Nikiforov, but Viktor, oddly enough, remained reserved.

 

He wasn't in the mood for talking, heck, he wasn't in the mood for  _anything._  After the disastrous attempt at practicing, at acting  _normal,_  Viktor hadn't been able to stand being around his friends. They, in turn of course, didn't really want to deal with him. Yuri had been furious, spitting with rage and untamable indignation. JJ had been unbearably awkward, like he wanted to be upset but was too busy feeling bad. Christophe had just been a well of disappointment.

 

And yes, it made sense. Viktor had screwed up majorly. After promising them, swearing to his friends that he would keep his thing with Yuuri separate from the band, he'd thought about the boy while singing and had ended up changing the damn  _lyrics._  Viktor knew every one of his songs by heart, even the ones he hadn't written in their entirety, he'd spent hours agonizing over them till they were perfect. Each word  _meant_  something, each one was chosen for a reason.

 

Then Yuuri had taken over his mind and he'd changed the song so instinctively, he hadn't even noticed. That terrified Viktor, and it had pissed off his friends. After pouting in his hotel room for a while, he'd eventually given up trying to exist close to his other band mates. If they were upset with him, then Viktor wasn't going to force his presence on them. Logistically speaking, it was a stupid move. From a mental-wellbeing standpoint, Viktor couldn't agree with himself more.

 

So in the end he'd dragged his sorry self up here where he'd ended up sitting in silence for  _hours._  Just staring out of the window in pensive thought. With one arm crossed over his chest and the other hand resting its delicate fingers on his temple, he'd quickly become mired in all manner of distressing and terrifying thoughts.

 

Because Viktor  _never_  changed his songs so doing so had to mean something. He knew what it was though, he knew because he'd felt it coursing through him as he'd sung. He'd  _meant_  every single one of those words, believed them in that moment with every ounce of vehemence he possessed. All those questions that the song posed, he'd been asking them, honestly asking Yuuri. And the worst part was Viktor didn't know why he'd be asking them in the first place. 

 

The whole message of the song was a fling that one party ended up finding more meaning in than they'd originally intended. But that didn't describe the situation because Yuuri knew exactly where they stood and Viktor needed to pull himself together and be sure of it again as well. There wasn't anything there and besides, he didn't even want there to be! He didn't need to lose his mind over it.

 

But as Viktor turned his head and watched clock tick past two in the morning, he couldn't help but clench his jaw in fear. He'd really screwed up today, he  _knew_ that. He'd screwed up with his friends definitely, but as they'd pointed out to him furiously later, he'd also screwed up in front of the press. That coupled with Viktor's stupid out burst earlier was going to result in a bunch of stupidity he didn't want to deal with.

 

_And they're going to go after Yuuri._  Again, his eyes went to the clock. He still hadn't left yet. Viktor felt guilty, after all, he'd said he'd be there, but he couldn't will himself to move. Every cell in his body seemed to be screaming at him but he couldn't even begin to understand what they meant. What Viktor did know was that he was terrified of seeing Yuuri at that moment.

 

It had taken him the afternoon to understand why, but at this point, he'd finally got it. Viktor was scared because for the first time in his life, he had no idea what he was doing. He'd never done this before. Not the pysical parts, those he knew like the back of his hand. In his time, Viktor had flirted with and had fun with numerous people, men and women alike. That was nothing new, but everything else Viktor realized was completely skewed from how this sort of thing was supposed to go.

 

He'd been purposely burying his head in the sand when it came to the situation but now that he'd been left to stew, Viktor had ended up confronting the facts he'd been ignoring and he was  _scared._  The one constant between his other past relationships had been that there were no emotions anywhere. This, whatever he had with Yuuri, it was completely out in left field. From the beginning, at the very moment he'd given the boy his name, he'd opened himself up. That had just been the first domino.

 

The rest had just kept tumbling. Yuuri and him talked about things, stuff Viktor would have never brought up with anyone else. Of course he had to stray from his music career but he'd told Yuuri much of the rest of his life. In turn the man had shared things with Viktor and the Russian had  _cared,_ he'd payed attention dammit, he'd hung off every word that came out of Yuuri's mouth. It was so  _stupid_  because Viktor had never been one for talking about himself and yet he'd opened up to someone who was, on all accounts, a complete stranger.

 

_Except he's not a stranger anymore, is he?_ Through the week he'd spent with Yuuri, Viktor had found himself desperate to please the man, to make him smile. He'd never been like that before, not being the type of person to go out of his way for someone else unnecessarily. But every time he'd thought that Yuuri was pulling back, Viktor's heart had constricted and he'd fought twice as hard to make whatever was wrong okay. What the hell had possessed him to act like that?

 

But it wasn't just that, Viktor was being forced to face the fact that it went so much deeper. It hadn't been simply about wanting to make Yuuri smile. At some point, Viktor had wanted to make the man  _happy_  and suddenly it had become emotional. Viktor had started to care, and not just in some superficial way that could be written off as just being a decent human being, no, it had been so much more than that.

 

When Yuuri was in pain, Viktor had hurt right along with him. Each time he'd cried, Viktor had wanted so desperately to make that pain go away, he'd been willing to do anything. Every bit of uncertainty and fear that Yuuri showed affected Viktor so deeply, he almost couldn't describe it. And it didn't make any sense because he'd never cared about someone like this. Viktor didn't want his mood to be so reliant on someone, he didn't want to  _think_  about what that reliance meant. He just wanted to be satisfied with situation Yuuri and he had without going crazy.

 

He just wanted Yuuri to smile, because when he was happy, it was like the world stopped for a moment and just took it in. Viktor knew he did. In the end, that's why he was sitting up here instead of going to find Yuuri like he'd promised. Because he was getting the horrible feeling that he should back out now while he could, before things got out of hand. Before  _Viktor's_  emotions got out of hand.

 

And it fucking hurt because Viktor knew that at the end of the day, Yuuri wasn't even affected by this. He knew what they were, he was fine with it so why couldn't Viktor be too? Why was he up here sitting in silence when all he wanted to do was go to Yuuri and just get lost in the man's presence?

Viktor's chest hurt as his mind told him to run but his body told him that he wanted to sink into Yuuri's arms and never let go. It wasn't just physical attraction anymore, it wasn't just a fling, it was something terrifying and Viktor didn't get it at all.

 

The clock ticked by two fifteen and Viktor ground his teeth together before letting out a long string of words in Russian that he would have never said in English, if he'd been able to figure out how to say them in the first place. No one in the room understood him save a willowy girl who turned bright red and looked at Viktor in abject horror. 

 

Why wouldn't his chest stop  _hurting?_  Why did it have to feel like he was being torn to pieces? Why did the rest of his life keep getting twisted up in Yuuri's light? Why couldn't Viktor be normal and be okay with what he'd initiated in the first place. All of it, the flirting, the date, that kiss on Yuuri's porch, most of the ones that followed afterwards, it had been him. The mistakes, the poking and prodding at Yuuri's walls till they came crashing down, the showing up at his front door that morning because he hadn't known where else to go, he'd done this to himself. He'd pushed the emotional boundaries until they weren't there.

 

Now all he could wonder was, if he couldn't possibly love Yuuri, then what was he feeling?

 

With a helpless look at the clock that kept telling him how stupid he was being, Viktor dragged his hands over his eyes, digging the fingers into his hair and hiding behind them. It was all so  _stupid_  and now he was making Yuuri wait on him simply because he couldn't decide whether he wanted to simply expire where he sat or get up and  _move._  

 

_Is he staring at the clock, wondering where I am?_  Viktor wondered helplessly, almost able to picture the lost look that would be on Yuuri's face.  _Is he scared or worried, thinking that I've finally grown tired of him?_ Oh what a twist of irony that would be if it were true. Here Viktor was fearing that he'd gotten too close and Yuuri could be there wondering if Viktor was done with him.

 

_Or is he more likely than not smiling, not a care in the world, entirely unaffected by the fact that I'm late?_  Viktor wanted to scream because he knew that  _this_  was the right answer. It had always been a distraction, right? Just something fun to pass the time. Yuuri would perk up to see him walk through the doors and Viktor would say something needlessly flirtatious but there was never anything more. And all the times it had been something more, hadn't Viktor initiated it.  _Yuuri doesn't care as much, I just need to stop falling so deep into this. He's fine, why can't I be as well?_

Then he watched the clock tick past two thirty and suddenly, Viktor felt an unnameable exhaustion wash over him. He couldn't deal with this, didn't want to. All he was doing was being an idiot and wasting time.  _Yuuri's waiting for me, right?_  It didn't matter that Viktor was late, Yuuri was probably still there staring at the clock.  _He's only got half an hour of his shift left, he probably thinks I'm not coming._

And yet, it didn't matter. Viktor didn't care that it was late, didn't care that all his common sense told him to stop this while he could. He just wanted to find some measure of comfort in Yuuri. Even if his chest ached, even if he didn't understand, he just wanted to be near the man. Close enough to touch and be touched, close enough to feel comforted by Yuuri's warm eyes and beautiful smile.

 

With a growl that hardly made it past his lips, Viktor shot to his feet suddenly, startling the sleepy people who were congregated around the lounge. Even though his bones felt like lead, he walked towards the door, silent and tired for all his initial force.  _My friends are right, I've lost it._  Except he didn't care. He couldn't make himself care. His heart hurt too much already and his head ached almost as much.

 

Only Yuuri made it better so that's where he would go.

 

He didn't bother to tell his friends where he was going. Why would they care anyway? They were so sick of him, Viktor doubted they'd care if he decided to leave the country.  _How are we supposed to play like this?_

_I'm being a drama queen, it'll be fine._  It didn't feel fine, but he'd live.

 

It was easy enough to slip out the back door. Viktor had gotten good at it, and the press wasn't out in as much force at the moment, some of them eventually giving up the ghost. For this he was glad, he didn't need any more hassle. The cool night made him bow his head and hunch his shoulders, but he hardly cared about that. Not when he'd finally made up his mind about where he was going.

 

And even though he knew he was probably making yet another bad choice, Viktor smiled. It was Yuuri. Once again, he found that when it came to the consequences of his relationship with the man, Viktor didn't care. He just wanted it to never end.

 

The moment the doors slid open, Viktor's eyes sought out Yuuri. The boy wasn't even facing the entrance, he was sitting on the counter, facing the wall. From his posture Viktor could tell he was listless, defeated almost. As something guilty curled in his chest, Viktor took another step forward, towards Yuuri. The boy didn't really move, almost like he didn't care enough to do so. Viktor wanted to say something, to apologize maybe, to ask why Yuuri was making him feel like he did while he was at it, but he couldn't make a sound.

 

As if finally noticing the presence of another human in the store, Yuuri slowly turned around just as Viktor reached the counter. For a second, Viktor caught the miserable look on Yuuri's face, the disappointment and exhaustion and just raw emotion the boy never hid. Then he registered who he was looking at and Viktor heard the boy's cellphone clatter against the floor.

 

Yuuri wasn't crying, but he looked like he wanted to. "I though-" the man started, his voice nothing but a faint murmur. "I thought I'd screwed something up." Before Viktor could ask, before he could so much as think through the implications of that statement and realize that it didn't line up even slightly, Yuuri was falling over the counter so he could wrap his arms around the Russian. "I thought you weren't coming."

 

_I wasn't._  "Of course I came." It didn't come out like Viktor's usual light and airy lilt, instead, it sounded exhausted and just so so  _done._  Like he'd had enough of the world. Like all he wanted was Yuuri. "Why wouldn't I Love?" Without even really thinking about it, Viktor gave up even pretending he didn't want this and just buried his face in Yuuri's soft raven hair.

 

He was tired of fighting with himself. In the end, all he wanted was Yuuri. Couldn't he be satisfied with that simple answer for now?

 

Pulling back slightly, Yuuri attempted to answer the question, his mouth forming around words he never said aloud. There was so much in his eyes, Viktor couldn't take it anymore. He didn't bother trying to coax the words out of Yuuri because whatever they were, he knew his heart wouldn't be able to handle it. So instead, Viktor just slid one arm around Yuuri's waist and the other over his neck and just pulled him forward in a kiss.

 

Slow, tender, careful. Caring, too caring for Viktor to be able to even pretend it was otherwise. Not that he would because in that moment, he could feel his tension draining away. Yuuri gave into the kiss almost instantly, moving one of his hands back to the counter so he could prop himself up. Normally, Viktor would have taken advantage of Yuuri's willingness but now, all he did was draw back so he could litter Yuuri's face with kisses. One at the corner of his mouth, several more over his jaw, one over each eye, another at the peak of his hairline... Eventually, he lost count and just found his way back to Yuuri's mouth.

 

He wasn't even sure what he was doing to the boy, but Yuuri kept shifting closer till his legs were dangling over Viktor's side of the counter and his hands were decidedly woven in the Russian man's silver hair. There was so much emotion building up inside of Viktor and all he wanted to do was let it out. It had been there for days now but he'd only just accepted its presence. Now that he'd found it, the thing consumed him and attempted to take Yuuri while it was at it.

 

And the stupid pressure behind his eyes didn't make sense but Viktor almost wanted to cry. Drawing back, as if sensing this, Yuuri looked at Viktor, his eyes soft. One of his warm hands slipped from its grip in Viktor's hair and then the boy was carefully caressing the man's face. This was new, Viktor wanted to be scared and bolt, but he wasn't so he didn't. It was Yuuri and the look on the man's face was tragically beautiful.

 

"Something's wrong," he said softly, not a question, just a statement. Nodding, Viktor wished he could hide but he couldn't so instead he settled with burying his face in the crook of Yuuri's neck and breathing that unique sent that reminded him of a sleepy morning that now seemed so distant. "Viktor," That name, Viktor couldn't help but think it sounded like pure warmth and light when it came out of Yuuri's mouth. It meant something that he couldn't even explain. "What happened?"

 

"Ah, Yuuri," he said softly, murmuring the words against the skin of Yuuri's neck. "I think I really screwed up this time."  _I screwed up what was supposed to be a perfectly normal fling with you, I screwed up the bond I have with my best friends because I simply can't get myself together. I even screwed up forgetting about all of this._  The words were hovering on the tip of his tongue but he didn't let them escape. Yuuri didn't need all of that, didn't need Viktor's problems.

 

Especially not when he was still free of it.

 

"Did things not go well with your friends?" Yuuri asked softly, his hand stroking through Viktor's hair absently. It felt good, making Viktor wish like he had that morning that this could be forever. He was tired of being so alone, even when surrounded constantly by people. He wanted this closeness, he needed the security it brought.  _Why does he make me feel so happy? Why does he make me feel safe while at the same time making me want to keep him safe from everyone else?_

"You could say that," Viktor muttered, managing a soft, bitter laugh. "You know, sometimes I wonder how I've made it this far without screwing up..."

 

Slowly, Yuuri pulled back from Viktor so he could look the man in the eyes. "Hey, Viktor," There was so much determination in those eyes, Viktor's heart skipped a beat. "It's going to be fine. You're going to figure it out. Life isn't always easy."

 

_Don't you think I already know that?_  Viktor thought distantly as he lifted a hand and raked it through Yuuri's short hair.  _Don't you think I know it's not easy when I'm watching my life fall apart while remembering all the while that I'm going to leave in the end and I'll never get to see you again?_  But he didn't say that, instead a tired yet earnest smile crawled back onto his face. "I know Dove, it just feels horrible right now."

 

Giving a soft laugh, allowing his own smile to come back, Yuuri said, "Hah, yeah, I get that entirely." Sobering, he added, "Really though Viktor, I've heard you talk about your friends, I've even met one of them. They really care about you. Whatever happened, I know it'll blow over."

 

Somehow, when he said it, Viktor believed it was true. Even though he'd been stressing for hours, even though Viktor could hardly tell up from down anymore, one smile from Yuuri drained all of it away. "You're right," he said, his tone lifting somewhat. "I should stop stressing. It's not good for me." Then, with a warm chuckle, he made use of the hand in Yuuri's hair and pulled him in for another kiss.

 

It was tired, but they were both drained. Viktor didn't know exactly why Yuuri was so exhausted as well, only that he could relate to it. He'd been through a lot in the past few hours. Hell, by morning Viktor knew he was going to have to deal with a million more problems because once everything with the press came out, he was screwed. But right now, he just wanted to stay here.

 

As their mouths moved together, Viktor's heart finally stopped hurting with such a powerful intensity. The soft sighs that escaped Yuuri were music to the man's ears and the way his hands shifted from where they'd been resting to fisted in Viktor's shirt made him want to press further. But he knew that now wasn't the time. And honestly, he was satisfied with this. Because when they were like this, Viktor knew that he truly had Yuuri.

 

"My shift's almost over," Yuuri murmured, his words almost lost on Viktor's lips. "The person who takes me off is going to show up soon." Ignoring Yuuri's words, Viktor stole yet another kiss, drew yet another soft sound from Yuuri like it was a gift to a god. "C'mon Viktor, I have to at least pretend I'm working."

 

"Mmm," Viktor hummed, letting his nose rub up against the side of Yuuri's face. "Do you really though? Can't we just stay like this?" It was a futile plea because Yuuri was already drawing back, slipping down off the counter so he stood between it and Viktor. Leaning down, Viktor's lips brushed over Yuuri's forehead. "Please?"

 

"You have to go back to the hotel, otherwise you'll worry your friends," Yuuri reminded him, flicking the side of his head lightly. At those words, Viktor just sighed, feeling some of that fear from earlier enter his system.

 

"I don't want to be around them right now Yuuri, I don't think I can handle it." Viktor knew he was being a child about it but the thought of seeking past the fans at the doors, plus his friends wasn't too pleasant. Really, he didn't want to watch Yuuri go, he just wanted to stay around him.  _Because our time is fleeting, no?_

"Then come stay at my place," Yuuri said suddenly. At those words, Viktor's eyes widened and so did Yuuri's as soon as he realized what he'd said. "N-not to do anything!" he stammered quickly, turning red for what Viktor realized was the first time that night. "Just to sleep. You look like you could use it."

 

The thought sounded so good, Viktor could already feel his eyelids drooping. "Yes, I could. I will." With a soft smile, Viktor muttered, "You're perfect Yuuri, you're too good for someone like me."

 

Not bothering to contradict his second part of his sentence, Yuuri just bowed his head and leaned against Viktor. "Good," he muttered. 

  
And it was. Viktor knew that despite everything, it really was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I think it's safe to assume that everyone wants smut sooner rather than later. I have to agree, you are making a wise decision.
> 
> More cuddles the next chapter. I just... I don't even know anymore.


	35. Over My Head

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Yuuri realizes that Viktor is at his most honest when he doesn't speak at all.
> 
>  
> 
> _Quicksand - Tom Legend_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So little feedback last chapter... I mean I knew it was shit but I didn't think it was that shit.
> 
> But oh well, for those of you who remain, here's another chapter. It's short, I admit, but it's also done so there's that.
> 
> Enjoy~

_What,_  Yuuri reflected as he waked out of the Speedway, Viktor in tow.  _Do I think I'm doing?_  The soft night air blew around them, carrying with it the happy sounds of chattering people who were gathered around the base of the hotel. The Russian gazed at them softly, almost as if he didn't understand what he was looking at. His eyes shone in the darkness, his blue irises reflecting back the golds and reds of the city lights. There was such a tiredness in his expression, it was almost incomprehensible.

It was the reason they were doing this at all. The reason that those words had come out of Yuuri's mouth in the first place, an extended hand when both of them were drained, physically and mentally. Yuuri didn't know what was weighing on Viktor's mind, he doubted the man would tell him even if he asked. Part of him wished that Viktor would open up but the rest of him knew that this was as open as Viktor was going to get.

That helplessness in his eyes, Yuuri hadn't seen it before. Yet here it was in the way he turned his head to gaze at Yuuri with softly parted lips like he wanted to speak but he couldn't find the words.  _You're hurting yourself, getting closer like this,_  the voice in his head reminded him.  _He's going to leave and you're just opening yet another door to him, letting him get deeper._  But when Viktor so clearly needed this, needed to escape from life for a while, Yuuri would give him that in a heartbeat.

 _Come stay at my place._  Like he'd lost his mind. Yuuri hadn't even registered his own words at first but after realizing he'd said them, he'd realized just how much he meant it. And even though his heart seemed to always ache because of the Russian, it was when Viktor was closest that Yuuri could forget.  _Besides,_  he kept telling himself.  _He looks like he wants to forget some things himself._

He definitely did now as he paused again to stare at the happy fans chatting in the shadows of the hotel. Almost like he was afraid. Yuuri felt something twist within him at that. Sometimes, he had to wonder if Viktor was even human. Right now though, he looked so painfully human that it hurt. Those glassy eyes, that soft silver hair that blew around that classic face, they reflected a facet of Viktor Yuuri doubted he'd ever see again.

"Do you ever tire of people?" Viktor asked softly, the words not quite rolling off his tongue like they usually did. There was too much fatigue in his posture for his musical voice to flow. "Do you ever wish you could just get away?" It sounded like such an offhanded comment but coming from Viktor, it was loaded.

"Yeah, everyone gets tired eventually Viktor," Yuuri murmured. Turning at the sound of his voice, Viktor stared at Yuuri like the sun revolved around him. It was terrifying and wonderful and Yuuri almost wanted to shrink under the gaze, but he stood strong.

And to think that just a few hours ago, Yuuri hadn't thought Viktor was coming ever again. After Minami had left, Yuuri had started to stew. As the clock had ticked closer to when Viktor was supposed to show up, Yuuri had found himself getting unnecessarily panicked. That morning, had he said anything that would give away that he was in love? What if Viktor had figured it out and now wanted nothing more to do with him?

It had only gotten worse when Viktor had then proceeded to  _not_  show up. As the minutes slipped past, Yuuri had just sunk further into depression because he  _know_  that this was for the best but he hadn't wanted it to end like this.  _He knows and he's leaving now. He's never coming back._  And it had hurt, it had hurt a lot.

Eventually, as the clock ticked past two, Yuuri had given up.  _You never should have fallen in love,_  his mind had told him repeatedly.  _You shouldn't have been that stupid._

But then Viktor had show up with those tired eyes and defeated posture and Yuuri had understood in that moment that he wouldn't be able to just forget. It didn't matter if Viktor left tomorrow or in a month, It would still kill him regardless.  _And if he finds out I love him,_ Yuuri had thought bitterly.  _Then it'll just be worse for him._  So he'd simply melted into Viktor and pushed his uncertainty down. He'd been left exhausted by his own pointless worrying, but it didn't matter in the end because Viktor had been worn down too.  _So maybe, maybe we can just exist like this together._

Now, as Viktor gazed at him almost like he wanted to cry but was simply too tired to do so, Yuuri didn't even care that it would hurt. He loved this man and he didn't have the strength to push him away.

"Ah," Viktor muttered, his voice bringing Yuuri out of his trance. "I suppose I'm just not used to it getting to me." Like it was an obsession, the man turned back towards the crowd. There was something else in his eyes that Yuuri recognized as bitterness. "Who knew they could be like this..."

Even though he doubted he'd get an answer, Yuuri asked, "What happened?" The look that came over Viktor's face was strained, like he wanted to avoid the topic but still felt the need to answer. Turning to Yuuri, there came a brief moment where his expression was downright regretful, but then it faded back into listlessness.

"Ah, I got... Caught up in the crowd earlier," Viktor explained, though Yuuri had a feeling he was leaving something out. Despite this, Yuuri didn't poke at it, he just let Viktor keep talking. "One of the people from the History Makers, he... was trying to get through but they kept yelling at him." Again, Yuuri knew Viktor wasn't telling him the whole story but by the look on Viktor's face, he didn't need to know.  _Because I know what it's like, right?_  "It was quite jarring."

"I can imagine." As he spoke, Yuuri reached out, grabbing for Viktor's hand. He was hardly surprised when the man tangled their fingers together and it made him smile, however subdued the smile was.  _It's just like him to want to be even closer._ "People can be like that Viktor, vicious. You learn to live with it."

Viktor ducked his head and let out a soft chuckle, one that made Yuuri's heart lift. "You sound so jaded, Dove." Though his tone was weary, his grip on Yuuri's hand tightened. The unspoken,  _you shouldn't sound like that_  hung between them but neither of them acknowledged it aloud.

"Come on Viktor," Yuuri said at last, softly tugging on their linked hands. "Let's go." Without argument, Viktor followed along behind him.

The walk back to Yuuri's apartment was spent in silence. Viktor was calmer now, Yuuri could tell, more peaceful than he'd been before. Whatever he had been worrying about seemed to fade away as they walked hand in hand down the city streets.  _It's so ordinary,_  Yuuri reflected, glancing at Viktor out of the corner of his eye.  _As if he's not some mysterious stranger._ If someone were to watch them, they would have seen an ordinary couple, walking home after a long night of work.

Then Viktor caught his eyes and Yuuri realized he'd been staring. Turning red, he glanced back at the sidewalk in front of them but not before catching Viktor's small smile.  _So much for being too tired to be embarrassed._

As they reached Yuuri's apartment, Viktor took up his post beside the door as he waited for the man to unlock the door. The soft lights of the street lights illuminated Viktor's face as he stood there, looking almost worried, but not quite. Pushing open the door, Yuuri stepped inside and took a breath. Though Viktor's presence definitely made him more aware, Yuuri was still ready to drop.

Tentatively, Viktor stood in the doorway, just staring in, that same lost expression on his face as before. Frozen like that, Yuuri couldn't tell what was going through the man's mind. He just watched Yuuri like there was something he wanted to say, but he couldn't quite remember what it was. Sighing, the boy stepped forward and pulled Viktor inside, finally shaking him from his trance.

Blinking in the way one does when their mind they've only just remembered there's still a real world to pay attention to, Viktor reached up and combed his fingers through Yuuri's hair, pulling it out of his face. Yuuri half expected the man to kiss him, but he didn't, he just stood there quietly.  _Why are you worried Viktor, why do you keep looking at me like that?_  It made his chest ache, so Yuuri stifled it behind words.

"Hey Viktor," he muttered, half of his mouth turning up in a tired smile. "Stop thinking about it." Viktor started suddenly, his eyes lighting with nervousness.

"How do you-"

"I don't," Yuuri answered easily, pulling out of Viktor's grasp so he could close and lock the door. "But you're worried about something so just... stop." Rotating back to face Viktor, Yuuri neared him before choosing to just catch the edge of the man's shirt and tug him down the hall. He didn't know what Viktor was thinking about, but he knew what things entered his mind the moment he let them.

_He's not going to stay..._

But he would for the night.

As he walked into the main room, Yuuri let go of Viktor so he could make sure everything was good for the night. He considered eating something but he wasn't particularly hungry. All he wanted right now was sleep. Hearing Viktor's footsteps behind him, Yuuri heart did an uncomfortable thing. Because he hadn't thought of how intimate even this was. Like he was putting everything he was out for display.

Watching Viktor's eyes lightly touch on the various bits and pieces that were scattered around Yuuri's apartment, all the things that made the space feel lived in, it felt like another line had simply dissolved. Viktor had invaded his heart and his mind, but now he'd somehow managed to insert himself right into Yuuri's everyday existence like he belonged there. Despite Yuuri  _knowing_  that he'd never be a permanent fixture in his life, he couldn't help but wish for it because Viktor looked natural there.

_Why did I have to fall in love with him?_

The man paused then, staring at the few pictures Yuuri had hanging on his rather unadorned walls.

"Your sister?" Viktor asked softly, curiously. Looking over at the frame instead of the man examining them, Yuuri nodded without speaking.

"Yeah, that's Mari," Yuuri confirmed.  _You're just letting this get more tangled..._  "And that's Yuuko," he continued, ignoring the voice in the back of his mind. "She's a close friend. Those are her three daughters." Yuuri chuckled. "You've... met them."

A faint grin appeared on Viktor's face. "They are certainly something," he told Yuuri, chuckling as he did so. "Very helpful."

"Oh I dunno," Yuuri commented, thinking of the antics the girls had pulled that morning and curling his lip ruefully. "They're more trouble than they're worth sometimes. Besides, you were doing great without their help."

"Was I now?" Viktor asked, his presence suddenly becoming closer as he leaned over the man. As an absent finger brushed the hair back from Yuuri's forehead, Viktor murmured, "Is that supposed to be a subtle hint?"

"N-no!" Yuuri stammered, tensing up suddenly before relaxing with a huff.

"Let me rephrase the question," Viktor offered, a rumble of warm, lethargic laughter making its way out of his chest. "You mentioned yesterday that you'd have tomorrow off." Looking up at Viktor, Yuuri was instantly captivated by his promising eyes. "Would you care to spend the evening with me?"

Sensing Viktor's intentions, Yuuri's breath caught for a moment before he let out a soft, "Yes."

Leaning down, the Russian stole a kiss from Yuuri before drawing back. "Wonderful~" And there it was, like he was slowly being brought back from the dead, the musical note to Viktor's voice returned. Yes, they were both still exhausted, but Viktor didn't look as worried anymore, and Yuuri didn't feel quite so dead. It was better and it somehow made the night feel warmer.

Spending a moment in comfortable silence, Yuuri at last caught Viktor's eyelids drooping heavily and remembered what they were supposed to be doing in the first place. Breathing out a laugh, Yuuri tugged at the front of Viktor's shirt lightly. "We should probably get some sleep," he said, the suggestion sounding wonderful to even his own ears. "I've got a few classes in the morning and you probably have things to do."

Letting out a puff of air that stirred his bangs, Viktor let his forehead rest against Yuuri's tiredly. "Yes, I do believe I do. Namely apologizing again." He pulled a face at that but Yuuri could sense how much the whole affair troubled him. Whatever had happened, it was big enough that it couldn't just roll off of Viktor like everything else seemed to. Gently, Yuuri lifted a hand and traced his fingers down the side of Viktor's cheek in a feathery caress. The feeling of Viktor simply leaning into his touch took the boy's breath away and made his heart thud painfully in his chest. "Maybe I could just stay here forever," Viktor mused, his words sending small vibrations through Yuuri's skin. "It would be so much simpler and happier~"

The words  _I wish_ caught in Yuuri's throat and he almost choked on them, but he managed to hold it back. "You're exhausted Viktor," Yuuri said to the man, his eyes attempting and finally succeeding in catching the Russian's eyes. He wanted to add  _you're not thinking clearly_  but he knew that he hadn't been supposed to take the careless words that fell out of Viktor's mouth in that way so he just bit his lip. Noticing this, Viktor frowned slightly in concentration before tilting his head to the side and coaxing Yuuri into a kiss, this one deeper and ever so slow. Bringing his free hand up, Viktor's warm fingers stroked Yuuri's neck and jaw as if he was trying to commit the boy to memory by touch alone. Sighing into the kiss, Yuuri didn't bother fighting it, he melded his own body with Viktor's and let his eyelids droop closed.

 _I could stay like this forever,_  he realized as his chest ached acutely and his breath caught in his throat.  _I wish Viktor_ could _stay forever._

But the thought of a warm bed and sleep finally enticed Yuuri into breaking the kiss and pulling back an inch from Viktor. "If it were up to you, we'd stay here forever," he said with a laugh, licking his glistening lips, catching the taste of Viktor on them.

Viktor raised an eyebrow. "If you keep looking at me like that Yuuri, I can guarantee you won't be going anywhere any time soon." Letting out a ripple or mirth at the wide eyed look Yuuri gave him, Viktor pushed away from the wall and allowed the blushing Yuuri to lead him towards the bedroom.

Not bothering to turn on the lights, having no need for them at this point, Yuuri started to disentangle himself from his work uniform. He could feel Viktor's eyes watching him carefully as he pulled the blue shirt of his uniform up over his head and tossed it aside carelessly. Even though it made him feel self-conscious, Yuuri liked that he was commanding Viktor's full attention. Grabbing for a old t-shirt, Yuuri slipped into it quickly, his movements more rote than thought through. When he realized Viktor still hadn't moved from the doorway, Yuuri turned to face him.

As their eyes met, Viktor slowly moved into the room, pulling the door closed behind them. Plunged into near total darkness as they were, Yuuri made quick work of shucking his work pants before digging up a pair of shorts. Knowing that Viktor still hadn't moved, Yuuri slowly walked towards the man, having no need for light when he'd already memorized his tiny bedroom in its entirety. Making out the faintest silhouette of Viktor, Yuuri found his collar easily and had no trouble pulling him down so he could leave a kiss on parted lips.

"You probably need something to wear," Yuuri muttered, feeling silly for not having thought of it before. At his words, Viktor let out a soft murmur, something between a chuckle and a sigh. Hands brushed under his shirt and against Yuuri's bare skin, provoking a slight shudder that worked its way up his spine lazily.

"That would be nice," Viktor admitted, though he didn't seem particularly interested in acting on those words. Instead, his hands kept trailing upwards, flatting out over Yuuri's skin like he wanted to do more but was restraining himself.  _Or maybe we're both just too tired..._  Humming deep in his chest, Viktor murmured, "So beautiful..." as if he merely voicing his train of thought.

Glad the dark was hiding the flush in his cheeks, Yuuri drew back. "I can find something. They might be a little small but..." He shrugged, even though Viktor couldn't see him. Before he forgot what he was doing again, Yuuri found an old pair of sweat pants and a shirt that he'd picked up somewhere that was too big for him. "The bathroom's over there," he informed Viktor, carefully placing the clothes in the man's hands. Not that he didn't believe that Viktor would mind changing in front of him, Yuuri merely assumed he wasn't quite as good at doing everything without any light as he was.

Without commenting one way or another, Viktor nodded before muttering a thank you and walking towards the sliver of light that escaped from under the door. Turning away so as not to be blinded by the harsh light, Yuuri waited until the room was dark again before padding towards his bed and gratefully collapsing onto the old mattress. It was funny, Yuuri thought vaguely as the sheets settled around him. Viktor had been uncharacteristically silent that night, and yet that quiet was the most honest he'd ever seen the man.  _All those flowery words, they're just a shield in the end, they're his way of not having to think._

And once they dropped, he was left to face the world.

Yuuri's musings were cut short by Viktor, who was nudging him over so he could curl up under the sheets as well. Almost at once, he looped an arm around Yuuri's waist and pulled him in. Twisting in Viktor's grasp, Yuuri pressed his face against Viktor's collar bone.  _I can hear his heartbeat,_  Yuuri realized.

Burying his face in Yuuri's hair, Viktor softly said, "I'm sorry I'm so out of it tonight Love, life's just been... confusing lately." The words were accompanied by Viktor shifting even closer to Yuuri, tangling their legs together and letting his hands creep up the back of the boy's shirt.

 _I know, hell, I'm confused right now._  But he didn't say those words aloud, instead he tilted his chin up so he could press a kiss to the underside of Viktor's jaw. "It's okay," were the tired utterances that finally crept their way out of his throat. "No one expects you to be perfect all the time Viktor." Yuuri almost wanted to say more, but he couldn't keep his eyes open and why bother trying when Viktor was wrapped around him, almost like they were something instead of just strangers.

A temporary relief from life, one Yuuri couldn't get out of his head and probably wouldn't be able to get out of his heart either.

"Sometimes," Viktor sluggishly mumbled back. "I feel like the whole  _world_  expects me to be." A slow, almost shuddering breath. "I never thought there'd come a day when I'd tire of it." Though Yuuri didn't quite understand what Viktor meant by that, he nodded anyway.

"Just go to sleep Viktor," he muttered, giving up on trying to stay awake. And Viktor didn't argue, he simply pressed his lips against Yuuri's hair before tucking his chin in and stilling. Protected like he was in the man's arms, Yuuri was struck with the sudden urge to cry.

He could still hear Viktor's heartbeat. Slow and rhythmic. Calming.

_He's not even really mine, he's just having fun._

It made his chest ache.

 _You asked what I wanted Yuuko,_ Yuuri thought distantly as he drifted off.  _This is it, this is what I want._

The one thing he could never really have.

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ha ha why do all my cuddles turn to angst oh god...
> 
> Alternately titled: An essay on how the author can't find any more synonyms for the word 'tired'


	36. Don't Know What I'm Doing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Viktor thinks he's got his shit together and manages to get it all wrong
> 
> _So Bad (Spirix Remix) - Brandon Skiei_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, but seriously, they just need to fuck already. This is getting out of hand.
> 
> Enjoy!

When Viktor awoke, he took a moment to reorient himself. It didn't take long, seeing as he'd woken up in the same place twice now, but it took him a moment to accept it was true. Because it was too good to be true, he thought softly as the first sensation he became aware of was the feeling of fluffy hair pressing under his jaw. Who could possibly be good enough to deserve waking up to something this perfect. Shifting slightly, Viktor spent a second hyper aware of every point of contact between him and the man in his arms.

Yuuri's back was pressed up against Viktor's chest, tight enough that the Russian could feel each breath he took as clearly as if it were his own. There was something so utterly settling and calming about that feeling, someone else's breathing, Viktor felt his own chest seize up. Until he'd met Yuuri, until he'd shared his bed for the past two days, Viktor wouldn't have been able to tell you want was so special to waking up with another person in your arms. Now, he  _knew,_  and sure, they weren't lovers, but it still was unbelievably comforting.

Because of the difference in hight between them, Yuuri had managed to tuck his head under Viktor's chin. Viktor couldn't see the man's face, but he could imagine it, eyes closed softly, lashes brushing cheeks that turned red so easily, perfect lips pursed slightly, caught in a dream... Sleeping, Yuuri was almost more beautiful than he was when he smiled. At least, Viktor thought so.

Twitching minutely, Yuuri's bare legs slid against Viktor's. It was adorable, how naturally Yuuri reacted to someone else in his bed. Though he could have been jealous over the fact that he wasn't the first person to sleep with Yuuri like this, Viktor instead chose to treasure these seconds he'd been granted. After knowing him for a while, Viktor knew just how reserved the man was with most people. He didn't open up easily, in fact, he seemed to be the type to shut down if people persistently tried to get closer. For all accounts and purposes, Viktor was the exception to this.

Of course, the point of contact that Viktor was becoming increasingly more aware of was how  _wonderful_  Yuuri's ass felt pressed against his hips like it was.  _Yuuri,_  Viktor thought, tying to shift backwards ever so slightly only to have Yuuri follow him, making a complaining noise at the momentary absence of warmth.  _Flower, you're going to be the death of me. Do you have any idea how much I want you?_  Yuuri, unfortunately perhaps, did not actually have the power to read minds and simply wiggled against Viktor as if he were trying to get jumped.  _Tonight,_  he thought, breathing deeply in an attempt to keep certain parts of his anatomy under control.  _That's the plan right?_ Because while he hadn't had an  _exact_  repeat of that particularly vivid dream, Viktor had since then had several other ones that were definitely leaving him more than a little frustrated.

_Then again, I'd stay like this forever if it meant having Yuuri here with me._  Laughing at his own ridiculous thoughts, Viktor felt a small wash of relief seep through him as he reflected on his panicked thoughts from the night before. Because of course he was getting closer to Yuuri, Viktor rationalized. This was the longest he'd ever been around one of his flings. Most of the time, he spent no more than a night with any one person, only a few had lasted past three days. Yuuri had lasted the longest and he was the only one who had kept Viktor interested. Not that other people were boring, but there was just something different about Yuuri.

Did that mean he had to panic or let his chest hurt every time he thought about the fact that Yuuri had no feelings for him past what had already been established? No, not at all. In fact, Viktor was happy that Yuuri didn't have any feelings for him because while he'd broken many hearts, he'd never  _liked_  doing it and he definitely didn't want to hurt Yuuri. A necessary evil it might have been but Viktor had never known what to do with other people's tears. Things like that were nerve-wracking and guilt inducing and messy. Viktor didn't like messy.

So, he decided, inhaling Yuuri's by now familiar scent of coffee, contentment and something almost savory, he wasn't going to let this thing with Yuuri get messy. Sure his heart fluttered when Yuuri made a soft sound and turned a bit in Viktor's hold, just enough so he could see the man's face, but really, it would calm down eventually. He needed to stop stressing about it.

But it didn't seem like as big a deal now, so he was pretty sure he'd be fine. Even the issues he'd been having with his friends didn't seem so big.  _Well, since I've honestly come to a sort of conclusion, I guess it will be better._  They couldn't fault him for being confused once in a while. So he'd messed up in practice, that was what practice was for. Music had always been his release and just because he'd, in a moment of artistic license, changed one word, that was no cause for so much anger and drama.

Curled around a soundly sleeping Yuuri, Viktor had to admit that things really didn't look all that bad. Moving the arm that wasn't trapped under Yuuri, Viktor brushed the hair from the man's face and left a feathery kiss on his forehead. Crinkling his eyebrows in, Yuuri gave another one of those groans that left the Russian hot under the collar before blinking big russet eyes open.  _God, he's beautiful._

As his eyes met Viktor's, Yuuri's lips parted and let out a soft breath.  _Does he know what he does to me when he makes faces like that?_  Probably not, Viktor thought as he rose slightly up off the bed so he could steal a kiss from the man before him.  _I wish every morning could be like this._ Yuuri sighed into Viktor's mouth and pulled him closer, seeming entirely content to exist like this.

Viktor, of course, had other ideas, tracing his lips over each feature of Yuuri's face, marveling as he did so how exquisite he was.  _I can't believe I'm allowed to do this, I can't believe I've being given a taste of something so pure._  Squirming under the attention, Yuuri let out another soft sound that prompted Viktor to return to his lips, melding his own mouth to them languidly. Even if Yuuri had been awake enough to protest, he wouldn't have had the breath to do so.

But he didn't seem to be about to. No, not when his fingers were crawling upwards so they could tangle in Viktor's hair and pull on the silver strands. Taking this as an invitation to do more, Viktor loomed over Yuuri so he could nip at the flawless skin of the man's throat. Under his touch, Yuuri whimpered softly and tugged on Viktor's hair, making the Russian growl in the back of his throat.  _God I want him._

Digging one of his own hands into Yuuri's hair, Viktor swooped back down for another deep kiss. As their mouths moved together and he tangled his tongue with Yuuri's in a one-sided battle that ended with the Russian exploring every inch of the boy's mouth, Viktor trailed his other hand over Yuuri's chest. His fingers caught in the ratty t-shirt and he had to restrain himself from simply ripping it off of the man. But it was so damn hard when Yuuri kept letting soft moans escape from his throat, sounds that made the blood in Viktor's body all rush south.

Finally pulling back slightly, Viktor's mouth quirked up in a teasing smirk at the overwhelmed expression on Yuuri's face. Taking in the boy's dilated pupils and swollen lips, Viktor felt a certain smugness.  _I did this to him. He just reacts to me so easily._  Instead of voicing these thoughts, he murmured, "Good morning Love~" softly.

Blushing slightly, Yuuri attempted to catch his breath. "Morning Viktor." Loving how heavenly that name sounded on Yuuri's lips, Viktor ducked down once again and caught the man's lower lip between his teeth playfully, sucking on it till Yuuri was squirming under him, gasping softly. At last giving him a break, Viktor simply propped himself up on his elbow and watched Yuuri attempt to regain control.

"I take it you're feeling better," Yuuri at last managed, his face still furiously red. Letting his grip in the man's hair relax, Viktor trailed his fingers through ruffled locks until he was caressing the side of Yuuri's face. His heart fluttered at the thought that the Ravenette had been worried about him. So sweetly, the man leaned into Viktor's touch and blinked up at him.

"I am," Viktor confirmed lightly, wanting to kiss Yuuri again but knowing if he did so he'd be unlikely to ever get out of bed. "I'm grateful for your patience with me. I realize I'm difficult when I'm upset over something." It might have been his imagination, but Yuuri's face softened at that.  _Why does he look at me like that, with such tenderness? Why do I look at him the same?_  Well, considering Viktor had one of his knees between Yuuri's legs and they were pretty much tangled together in bed, the Russian supposed the affection made sense.

"You're actually not all that bad," Yuuri admitted, looking to the side as a small, sheepish smile crawled over his lips. "You're just more open than usual. I guess if someone isn't used to it, they might be a little off-put by it." As he spoke, the fingers he had tangled in Viktor's hair shifted down his neck till they were resting comfortably between his shoulder blades. Each touch, Viktor reflected, was so natural, it was like they'd been doing this for years, not just a week.

"Are you an expert on my emotions now Yuuri~" Viktor teased, nuzzling the side of the boy's neck, provoking a laugh and a shiver he could feel. "I didn't realize I was such an open book for you."

"Nah, I'm not an expert," Yuuri chuckled, turning his head back so Viktor's lips caught on his. "You're just honest when you're around me." Those words, murmured against Viktor's lips, made his heart catch with guilt. Because while he might have been entirely honest with the man about how he felt, Viktor was still far from honest with everything else.  _Those things aren't as important though, right? He doesn't need to know I'm Viktor Nikiforov, he doesn't need to know I'm famous. I'll be gone before either of us know it and he'll find out years later or he'll never know at all._ Suddenly, Viktor was struck with just how huge this thing was, the fact that he was getting so deep into something without basic honesty being a part of it. It made his throat feel tight.

So he smothered the emotions by pressing his lips to Yuuri's once more despite having previously told himself not to. This time, with Yuuri more aware of what was going on, Viktor quickly found himself going insane at the hands of the man beneath him. He couldn't  _possibly_  know how much those feather light touches over Viktor's sides and spine affected the Russian but god, he definitely abused that power to no end. As the kiss became harder, almost more desperate, like they were both suffering from the need to suppress unsavory thoughts, Yuuri arched up into Viktor, wanting more contact. Unable to even formulate any reasons why he should deny the man, Viktor pressed down, earning an actual moan from Yuuri, a sound that was far better than any imagined idea of it could have been.

Though he wanted nothing more than to pull off Yuuri's clothing and say to hell with the rest of the world, Viktor regretfully pulled back, leaving Yuuri to whine unconsciously at the loss of contact. As if the realization of what sound he'd just made had only just hit him, Yuuri's breathing suddenly stuttered and he turned bright red, instantly pulling his hands back from Viktor's neck so he could hide his face. "It's t-to early for this," he stammered, squirming beneath the Russian in embarrassment. In doing so, Yuuri unconsciously sent a jolt of pleasure through Viktor that forced him to stifle a sound of his own.  _Ah, that'll teach me not to cuddle with a sexy Yuuri this early in the morning._

Sitting back, letting the remaining blankets tumble off his back, Viktor chuckled musically as he regarded the state he'd left Yuuri in. Shirt riding up, shorts riding low, hair a mess... Viktor really needed to stop staring before he did something he regretted.  _Not that I'm going to regret it tonight if things go my way..._ "I'm sorry Flower, but you should really watch that honesty of yours, it's going to get you jumped someday." He could hardly help the promising smirk that crawled over his lips at those words.

Upon seeing it, Yuuri's eyes went wide and his cheeks went, if possible, even redder. Gaping like a fish out of water as he tried to find his voice, Yuuri at last whimpered, "I'll keep that in mind." That squeak made Viktor grin in earnest before shifting his legs back over to his side of the bed and letting his feet slide to the floor.

"Do you have class today?" Viktor asked curiously, getting his feet under him and looking down at the clothes Yuuri had lent him. He loved how they smelled like the man, liked that he was wearing them.  _I wonder if Yuuri likes seeing me in them as well,_  Viktor wondered, face flushing giddily at the thought. Stretching languidly, Viktor turned to find Yuuri looking at him, face bright red yet an almost guilty smile on his face.  _Yes, I think he does like it..._

"So," Yuuri said quickly, realizing that Viktor had caught him staring. "What are you going to do about your friends?" Such an innocent question, spoken by the very person who had so unwittingly caused the mess in the first place made Viktor chuckle. Clearly not understanding what the punch line was, Yuuri tilted his head in confusion.  _He's adorable..._

"I'm going to stop pretending like I have a solution and let them take it as they will," Viktor answered honestly, purposefully being vague so he wouldn't have to actually lie outright. "These things happen Yuuri." He glanced down at his feet for a moment before drawing his eyes back up and catching Yuuri's in an intense stare. "They think I'm perfect when in reality, I'm only human."

At that, Yuuri's head tilted to the side and he smiled up at Viktor with satisfaction, as if proud he'd figured it out. "Yeah, you are. Though you do a pretty good job of acting otherwise." The way he said it, like he didn't care that Viktor wasn't all that, like he didn't mind dealing with the mistakes and imperfections, it made Viktor's heart swell. He wanted nothing more than to just say to hell with it all and push the man back onto that mattress but Viktor just took a deep breath and did his best to exercise control.  _He's too good at making me lose my mind._

"It's easier to be perfect," Viktor admitted, humming under his breath as he tried to remember where he'd left his clothes the night before.  _Probably still in the bathroom..._  "Or at least appear to be. It's gotten me a good distance Flower, I don't particularly wish to stop now. Of course..." he pulled a rueful face. "I thought my friends were able to see past it to who I really was."

"Ah, friends can be like that," Yuuri agreed, running a hand through his already messy hair and laughing genuinely, eyes crinkling at the corners as he did so. "If feels like they know you and they do, but..." He sighed and looked down, his smile dropping somewhat. "Sometimes your shields are so thick, even they can't see through them."

Realizing he was speaking from experience, Viktor walked over to the bed and did something neither of them were really expecting. He wrapped his arms tightly around Yuuri's shoulders and pulled the boy against him suddenly. Letting out a squeak, Yuuri stiffened at first before relaxing, confused but allowing it to happen. "I'm glad you're here Yuuri," Viktor said, his voice full of brutal honesty. "I need someone to see through me sometimes." The unspoken words,  _I'm glad I can see through you as well_  hung in the air between them.

Tentatively, Yuuri patted Viktor's lower back and chuckled softly. "Y-yeah Viktor, anytime." Abruptly aware that this was probably crossing some sort of line, Viktor drew back and smiled at Yuuri. A blossoming warmth exploded in his chest when the man smiled back, his eyes happier than before.  _I might be here for only a short while, but I never want to see him upset again. I'll do anything to keep that from happening._

"Now," Viktor announced, his tone changing entirely. "I do believe I have to get dressed. You no doubt have class and I have other things to take care of." His smile curled brightly, full of promises for what he had in store for later. "After class, let's say... six, I'll pick you up?"

Yuuri's eyes shone as he nodded happily.

After that, they made quick work of getting dressed. Viktor didn't pretend not to stare at the man stripping down at the other end of the room. Even though he didn't strip completely, Viktor's mind inevitably ended up in the gutter anyway. Though really, could you blame him? Yuuri's body was gorgeous after all, rendered thin from many years of the almost nonexistent diet of a college student and toned from what must have been at least a moderate amount of working out, Viktor was having trouble focusing enough to get dressed himself.

He managed though, much more easily of course after Yuuri had finished getting dressed. Sighing at the pathetic state of the rest of his appearance, Viktor simply closed his eyes and smiled. Honestly, he didn't care, as long as he could spend time around Yuuri, not much else mattered. With those thoughts in his head, Viktor followed the smell of fresh coffee into the kitchen

Yuuri was already sitting at the table, his eyes fixed on the distance. The moment Viktor walked in, his eyes snapped up and his cheeks flushed red. Whatever he'd been thinking about, the Russian might never know, but he loved how flustered Yuuri acted as he babbled, "I, ah, I have your c-coffee here!" Pouring it, as if this would calm him down, Yuuri continued, "I mean, unless you want to sweeten it. That stuff is right here if you want it, I mean-"

Deciding not to watch the man panic, Viktor ducked down to brush a kiss past Yuuri's cheek before accepting the cup of coffee from his hands before he could drop it. As he sweetened the cup to his tastes, Viktor casually said, "I'm leaving after today for a few days." When Yuuri flinched, Viktor hurried to repeat, "It's only for a few days Love, I've got some business in California."

"But you'll come back," Yuuri blurted before drawing back and biting his lip nervously. Viktor paused at this, confused by the boy's visceral reaction to the news, before writing it off as nothing and giving Yuuri an indulgent smile.

"Of course I will Love," Viktor promised, blue eyes bright. "But you know how it is, work can be quite irritating at times."  _I wish I could take him with me..._  Of course Viktor knew this was patently ridiculous and also not something he should be thinking but he couldn't help himself, not when Yuuri kept looking at him nervously as if worried he'd be upset or something. Quite the opposite was true in fact, Viktor was genuinely flattered to think that Yuuri would miss him.

That joy quickly turned sour when Viktor reflected that this meant Yuuri would probably miss him worse when he left for good.

They drank the rest of their coffee in silence, the mood lightening at last and turning into a more amicable moment of simply being content to be in each other's presence. Viktor wanted it to last forever, but then, he wanted a lot of things and he'd already accepted this one wasn't going to come true. He couldn't stay and he couldn't get too caught up in this. Though he was thoroughly convinced that he was absolutely find with how things stood, he kept catching himself daydreaming about what it would be like to have more.

Checking his watch, Viktor finally muttered, "Ah, I really must be going." Getting to his feet lazily, Viktor was unsurprising when Yuuri got up as well and walked him to the door.  _You're going to be the death of me,_ he thought distantly as Yuuri closed the distance in a soft kiss that tasted like coffee and cream. Yuuri's mouth moving with his was certainly enough to almost make him forget what it was he had to do.

But then Yuuri was laughing and pushing him towards the door. "I'd keep you here all day if it were up to me," he admitted, his mahogany eyes bright. As Viktor's lips softened into a smile, Yuuri chuckled. "I'll see you at six."

"Of course Dove," Viktor lilted easily. "I wouldn't miss it for the world."

Right now, Viktor had music to think about. That and an actual solution to his current fixation on Yuuri that would keep him from making stupid mistakes while singing. Besides, that's where he belonged, in front of a mic, not getting caught up in silly emotional problems that weren't even half as big a deal as he seemed to be constantly making them out to be. Right now, he needed to focus on the band.

_Except..._  he thought as he left Yuuri's apartment at last, the taste of Yuuri's last kiss still on his lips.  _I wouldn't mind if that was the rest of my life._

How stupid...


	37. Believe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Yuuri realizes he's still stuck in the past
> 
>  
> 
> _If You're Hearing This - Hook N' Sling_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now, I'm not going to pretend I know what the hell I just wrote, but I will confidently say that I posted it at the behest of the most excellent Joeneauxvieve. She is a gem.
> 
> IF you do not understand what the hell this is supposed to be, then you are not alone. I too am lost. The next chapter will be better and should technically come chronologically before this one but fuck it!
> 
> Enjoy!

"-so then he asked if I was going out with Nikiforov and I mean, come on, I might have caused a lot of drama in the past but that's just ridiculous." Yuuko broke into another fit of giggles, one that Yuuri regarded with a grin of his own.

"He-" Yuuko gasped, trying to catch her breath. "He sounds like such- Such a cute little muffin." Wiping tears from her eyes, the woman managed, "Are you sure he's even a member of the press? He sounds like he's seventeen."

"He  _looked_  like he was seventeen!" Yuuri insisted, smiling from ear to ear as he recounted his meeting with Minami the night before. "I can't believe he's even legal, let alone a tabloid reporter." Shaking his head, Yuuri continued, "Anyway, after I got that idea out of his head he started quizzing me on my love life, which lead to Viktor."

Yuuko picked her head up from the table quickly to give him a wide-eyed look. "You talked about him? Please don't tell me you gave Minami his name, you-"

"I'm not stupid," Yuuri reassured her. "I wouldn't do something like that. But yeah, I did talk about him." Quirking his mouth up in remembered confusion, the Ravenette added, "He got really really excited about it actually, it was sort of weird."

At that, Axel Loop and Lutz looked up from where they sat against the wall opposite the cheap armchairs Yuuko and Yuuri were sitting in. They'd once again had to come with Yuuko and Yuuri to the community college and were making use of the wifi to surf the internet together. Of course, now that they'd been distracted, Yuuri had a feeling they weren't about to go back to ignoring his and their mother's conversation.

"Minami was excited about Viktor?" Axel clarified, a serious expression on her face.

"Did he seem like he knew who Viktor was?" Loop asked quickly, her eyebrows raised and her head tilted to the side.

"Did you describe him?" Lutz demanded, looking up from the phone her sisters and her shared. "If you did, how much detail?"

Laughing at how worried they seemed, Yuuri put his hands out in a placating manner. "It's not that big a deal. He didn't say that he knew Viktor and even if he thinks he does, I didn't give him a name, now did I? It's nothing."

"Did you tell Minami you were in love?" Yuuko asked curiously before clapping her hands over her mouth. "Oh! I'm sorry, I shouldn't have-"

Waving off her concerns at mentioning the dreaded L-word, Yuuri ducked his head and admitted, "Well... Yeah, I guess I did. He sort of guessed on his own though. I actually told him very little, most of what he found out was just stuff he guessed correctly." Shrugging, he said, "I dunno, I mean, I'm not going to tell Viktor because he just doesn't feel the same way and I don't want to make things awkward but," his mouth lifted in a smile but his eyes were sad. "I guess talking to other people about it makes it seem a little less scary."

"That makes sense," Yuuko agreed at once, bobbing her head up and down. "I mean, sometimes getting things like that out in the open makes them more real and you know, tangible. Like you're able to deal with them when you know what you're dealing with." From across the room, the triplets nodded.

"Besides," Loop piped up without even looking up from the phone Lutz was holding up between them. "It's totally normal to fall in love with someone like Viktor." The way she said it, it made Yuuri chuckle.  _She doesn't even know him and yet it's like she understands._

"Honestly, with how he acts around you, it's more surprising that he isn't in love as well," Axel added, her words sounding unbelievably casual for the subject matter they contained. Yuuri instantly opened his mouth to protest before he was cut off by her. "I mean, I know that you're pretty sure you know how he feels but still..."

_Well, I mean, she's sort of got a point, but Viktor's not normal. Just because this isn't a normal fling doesn't mean it isn't one. He's leaving, doesn't that make its end inevitable regardless?_

"Especially considering you spent last night with him..." Lutz muttered before sticking her tongue between her teeth and typing something into the smartphone at lighting speeds.

At those words, Yuuko turned to gape at him. All Yuuri could do was almost choke before letting out a strangled, "How-"

"Your shirts on backwards," Lutz told him, looking up from the phone to move her eyes over Yuuri. "You only do that when something big distracts you in the morning." Opening his mouth in wonder more than anything, Yuuri was about to ask what that was supposed to prove when Loop butted in.

"You had a dopey look on your face when we came to pick you up." She sounded confident in her observations, a proud grin on her face. "You only ever get that look after talking to Viktor. Seeing as you hadn't texted him since the day before-"

"And we checked," Lutz agreed.

"You had to have been talking to him face to face!" Loop concluded, nodding smartly.

"Oh, and there were two coffee mugs out on the kitchen table," Axel added, sounding all too smug.

"So Yuuri," Yuuko cooed, clearly impressed with her daughters' reasoning skills. "Anything to add?"

"I would have told you eventually!" Yuuri insisted, glaring at the triplets for ratting him out so effectively. They all just flashed him peace signs before going back to their shared cell phone.

"Mhm, sure, just like you would have eventually told me about everything else." Yuuko cranked her eyebrows up. "So what were you and Viktor doing?" Coloring deeply at what she was implying, only getting more embarrassed as he thought of the meaningful looks Viktor had given him earlier, Yuuri spluttered.

"Nothing!" he insisted when she laughed darkly at his response. "He and his friends had a disagreement about something. He just needed to get away for a while, that's it." When Yuuko's expression didn't change, Yuuri gave her a pathetic face. "What now?"

"Let me get this straight," Yuuko said, waving her hands, still grinning. "Viktor has a fight with his friends, friends he's had for years before he even met you and yet, when they have a fight, he goes to you for comfort after only knowing you for a week." She raised an eyebrow. "Am I missing something?"

Yuuri's mouth hung open for a moment as he realized that she actually had a point before snapping it shut. "Look," he started, trying to work his mind around her words.  _Why am I even arguing with her about this, she doesn't actually know anything about this._  "I'll admit, it's a little strange, but Viktor's a little strange. He doesn't always act like you'd expect someone to act. Flirting is like his idea of acting normal and being perfect is just something he is naturally. Viktor doesn't make sense, why should this be any different."

Sighing tiredly, Yuuko groaned, "But Yuuuuuurrrriii~" When he just shook his head, she deflated further. "Fine, whatever. I'm just trying to point out the things that you're too stubborn to see. I know how you get and this is no different. Just... Open your eyes or something, Viktor can't be that different, he's a human after all."

"Sometimes I wonder..." Yuuri muttered, effectively ending the conversation.

After that, they sat in awkward silence as Yuuri tried to focus on his English homework and Yuuko pretended to do her History work. Honestly, he'd been purposefully trying to ignore what had happened the night before because Yuuko had a point, it was strange. Yuuri  _knew_  that Viktor didn't have any substantial feelings for him past a desire to see him happy but on the other hand, why did they keep getting closer. When had it stopped being something physical and become something so  _emotional._

Because it  _wasn't_  just him, Yuuri couldn't pretend it was. He'd heard Viktor clearly when he'd said he was glad Yuuri could see through him, he could still feel how the man had embraced him, like all he wanted to do was comfort and be close to him. It made Yuuri's heart do stupid things, made him think things that were even stupider. If it really was just a fling, shouldn't they be treating it like it was?

Looking back on it, Yuuri tried to remember if it had  _ever_  conformed to any normal ideas about something like this. It hadn't, he didn't even have to think hard about that one. Viktor had  _always_  cared, before he'd even kissed Yuuri for the first time, he'd wanted him to be happy first. And then afterward, everything had become a tangled mess of bad memories that Viktor had just accepted, even though Yuuri had been reluctant to bring them up. He'd been  _happy_  that Yuuri trusted him, why should he care about something like that? It didn't make sense.

And then just last night, when he'd run right to Yuuri after something bad had happened, why had Viktor thought  _that_  was a good idea? Of course Yuuri hadn't cared, he'd been too relieved that Viktor hadn't run away, but at the same time, it had been so  _domestic._  This wasn't supposed to be domestic, it was supposed to burn hot and bright and then go out like all one time things did. How had it even managed to become so natural in the first place?

It all just gave him a headache when he thought about it.  _He doesn't love you, he's leaving, why should he?_  It had all the makings of a quick distraction on Viktor's part, but it felt like so much more.  _No wonder why his friend thinks we're in love..._  No wonder why they'd mistake Viktor's actions for deeper affection, if Yuuri hadn't known so firmly that it was only temporary, he might have gotten it wrong as well.

_I've got to stop this madness..._

Or he'd keep waiting, let things play out naturally. No need to make it hurt before he had to. Though, if the pang in his chest was anything to go by, Yuuri knew it already hurt plenty.

"Oh. My. Gosh." Shaking himself from his reverie, Yuuri turned to look at the triplets, all of which had wide eyes and crazy expressions on their faces. "MOM!" They all chorused. "GUESS WHAT WE FOUND!"

"What?" Yuuko asked, looking at them in confusion. "What did you find sweethearts?"

Loop cleared her throat before reading out loud, "Tripped and Fell in Portland: Has the great Mr. Nikiforov found love at last?" She grinned up at them. "The tabloids are going  _crazy_  right now, everyone's talking about it!"

"Oh yeah," Yuuri nodded vaguely. "Viktor mentioned seeing the lead singer get accosted or something."

"Really?" Yuuko's head popped up in curiosity. "Well," she directed at her girls. "Are you going to read any more?"

Grinning from ear to ear as well, Lutz read, "Since being unexpectedly delayed in Portland Oregon due to unforeseen complications, there have been rumors flying around the lead singer of the most popular band of this decade, The History Makers."

Axel grabbed the phone from her sister so she could keep reading it. "Mr. Nikiforov seems to have found something a little bit more interesting than scheduling conflicts while stuck in the city. In fact, many speculate that he's found  _someone_  more interesting." She looked up at the two of them. "Can you believe this!?"

"Why are we supposed to care?" Yuuri asked slowly, confused. Celebrities had never interested him and gossiping caught his attention even less so. People like Nikiforov didn't need people obsessing over their ever movement and any sane person would pity them instead of joining in.

"Come on Yuuri, I love this band and it's  _interesting!"_ Yuuko turned back to her daughters. "Go on! What are the other tabloids saying?"

Loop swiped at the screen. "Nikiforov: Has the Infamous Player Finally Met His Match? The web has been abuzz for days now, pictures are circulating and rumors are flying but the one real question is, has Mr. Nikiforov finally fallen in love?"

"Pictures!?" Yuuko squealed. "Well come on, let me see! Do they have a picture of the person?"

Axel shook her head. "Apparently, whoever it is has managed to stay hidden. That or Nikiforov's keeping them from being seen." Scrolling down, she continued to read. "After numerous reports of the famous singer being seen with an attractive man on his arm, the evidence seems conclusive, someone's managed to tame the untamable."

Yuuri shook his head. "They're being ridiculous, if he wants to fall in love then don't give him crap for it."

"Not everyone is as pragmatic as you," Yuuko informed Yuuri rolling her eyes. "Don't you get it? Mr. Nikiforov  _never_  falls in love, he's like... I dunno, he's really flirty and stuff and he always has girls and guys hanging off of him but it's never serious." Turning back to her daughters, she said, in a hushed tone, "Are they  _sure_  he's in love?"

"He's been with the same person since he got here," Lutz told her mother knowledgeably. Turning back to the article, she read, "Of course, these speculations were unconfirmed until reporters managed to corner Nikiforov outside of the hotel the band has been staying at."

Yuuri's hands clenched. He didn't even know the guy and yet he  _knew_  what it was like. No one deserved something like that and to see his friend and her triplets all eagerly talking about whatever bit of gossip the press had managed to harass out of Nikiforov irked him.  _And the way Viktor talked about it, he hated it as well..._  "Does this really matter?" he managed, his face deceivingly calm. "He's just a celebrity, you're probably never going to meet him..."

Loop cut him off. "When asked about it, many of his answers were pleas to not put so much emphasis on his personal life, as expected. Not much rattles this personality giant after all. But finally, he cracked."

Pushing back memories of his own, Yuuri closed his eyes. Oh yeah, he knew that moment, knew the point at which one stupid question hit too close to home and something slipped. There was only so much one person could bear after all. The press was a vicious monster at times and it knew instinctively where those chinks in the armor were. Once they found an in, it was all over.  _I can't believe they'd talk about something like this, why do they think I want to hear this?_

"Tell us! What did they find out?" Yuuko was practically bouncing in her seat. "Who is he? With all this stuff, they know, don't they?"

Axel's grin was almost audible. "Though the exact name wasn't heard," Yuuko huffed in annoyance and one of her daughters made a commiserating sound. "-someone got it right. Nikiforov snapped, telling the press to leave private citizens out of the matter and to not hound after innocents in an attempt to cover up the truth."

Yuuri's heart twisted, even though there was no reason for it to.  _I wish I'd had someone like that around to protect me..._  Which was stupid. He really needed to stop equating this perfect random occurrence with his own life but he couldn't help it.  _I'm glad Nikiforov had the good sense to not let the mob go after whoever he's been seeing._  And yet he had a feeling that in the end, it wouldn't matter. This wouldn't stop the tabloids, look how much of a storm they were creating anyway.  _Another reason I never want to get involved with someone famous, no matter what, there's always a fallout._

Lutz took over. "Though the band's manager has already released an official statement reassuring the public that this won't affect the band over all while also beseeching the press to not target anyone who isn't already a public figure, one fact still remains. Someone out there knows who this mystery lover of Nikiforov's is and is keeping quiet about it."

"This is so crazy!" Yuuko exclaimed, clapping her hands together. "I want to know who it is! It's probably another celebrity, I mean, who else would have gotten his attention like that?"

"It's also super adorable that he's being so protective of him." Loop giggled. "C'mon Yuuri~ isn't this adorable? You're not the only one in this city who's in love."

"I wonder if whoever he's in love with likes him back?" Axel squealed. "I wonder if they know they're in love?"

"Whoever it is," Yuuri ground out, his voice strained. "I hope they're ready for the crap that's about to come their way." He hadn't meant it to come out so harshly, but the moment he spoke, Yuuko let out a breath.

"Oh... Yuuri, I- We never meant to-" Seeming to finally realize how insensitive the four of them had been acting, Yuuko threw her daughters a look before putting a hand on Yuuri's knee. "Yuuri, it's different here, whoever they are, they've got Nikiforov on their side, as well as the rest of the band probably. It's not like what happened to you." When he still wouldn't look at her, she let out a puff of air as if she didn't know what else to say.

"Okay, but let's look at it differently. What if _Viktor_ was famous and the press came after you again," Lutz said suddenly, her tone taking a curious tone to it.

"Yeah," said Loop, seizing onto her sister's analogy. "Think about it like that Yuuri, don't think about it like that stuff last year. Those things don't mean anything in this circumstance."

"Don't you think Viktor would stick up for you?" Axel asked plaintively, her eyes going wide and earnest as Yuuri turned to look at her.

"I don't know," Yuuri muttered bitterly, gaze falling to the ground.

"Yes you do!" Yuuko snapped, her hand abandoning his knee so she could smack the table beside them. Though he shouldn't have, Yuuri jumped at the sound. "You and I both know that whatever else you do or don't believe about how that man feels about you, Viktor would protect you in an instant!" When Yuuri raised his eyes to her face, she huffed. "You know, some days I think you're fine and others I can tell you haven't moved on from the past at all."

Ruffling, Yuuri protested, "I have moved on! Can't you see what this whole thing with Viktor has been since the beginning? This has been me moving on." He'd never put it into as many words before but the moment he said them, he knew they were true. Opening up to Viktor, that had been a choice, however unconscious, to let the past go. Sure, he was dealing with the fact that he'd managed to fall in love with the man but for all intents and purposes, Yuuri was over Phichit.

"Then stop acting like you're terrified of an entity that has nothing to do with you right now," Yuuko told him stubbornly. "Because news flash Yuuri, that's not moving on. That's lying to yourself and pretending like you're over it just so you don't have to face the sh-stuff you've been through."

"Yeah Yuuri," Lutz intoned. "Stop avoiding your problems."

Yuuko shot her daughter a disapproving look. "Not helping~"

"No," Yuuri said, raising his hand, not wanting to cause a fight because of his own issues. "You're right, I shouldn't have gotten so offended over it. It-" he bit his lip for a moment as he wondered why he even felt so defensive about the whole thing. "It's just another celebrity that I don't even know in the first place. Whatever happens to Nikiforov and whoever he's seeing isn't my problem." Now that he was thinking it through, Yuuri felt unbelievably silly for having gotten worked up over something like that.

"We're still sorry for bringing it up," Loop said uncertainly, almost as if waiting for her mother to get upset with her.

"It's fine," Yuuri muttered, dragging his hand through his hair. Clenching at the raven strands, he added, "Y-you're right Yuuko, I do know." His eyes were full of pain as he looked up her. "Viktor  _would_  protect me if it were me in that position because he does care. That's what makes this whole thing so  _complicated."_

"How is that complicated?" Axel asked in confusion. "Viktor cares about you, end of story."

"But that's just it, that  _is_  the end of the story." He couldn't help but sound miserable. "For him, that's all that this is, for me..." Yuuri trailed off, he didn't need to finish that sentence. Sighing, he admitted, "We're going on a date tonight, then he's leaving for a few days. Maybe I'll be able to get myself together then."

"It's not that simple," Yuuko started, her eyebrows furrowing together. "You can't just get over him."

"Yeah well maybe I can. Maybe I'm not as in love as I thought I was." Yuuri's expression was pained. "I'm just sick of it  _hurting_  every time I'm around him."  _And yet by the same token it doesn't hurt when I'm around him, it feels better, warmer, happier. I can forget._ "And I'm tired of it feeling worse when he's not there."

Yuuko looked at him sadly. "You know that we just want you to be happy, right?"

Yuuri offered her a weak smile before looking back down at his homework. He knew, but that didn't mean he was.

In his pocket, his phone buzzed, but he ignored it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> But it's all a fucking fever dream so who cares?


	38. Show Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Viktor comes clean to someone
> 
> _Too Close VIP - Wilkinson_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, I'm back.
> 
> Enjoy Vitya~

Viktor honestly wasn't nervous when he walked in through the back way of the hotel. In fact, he could have been described as serene. Sure his mind was full of thoughts that he really shouldn't be having, but that was Yuuri and Yuuri was okay. He'd decided this was so, he didn't need to worry about it anymore. So instead he was calm because he had bigger problems to deal with.

Namely, his friends. But he wasn't worried about that either because either they'd understand or they wouldn't. Worrying wouldn't change minds, only actions and words would do that.

As he walked up the back stairs, sparing slight smiles for all the people who passed him. Heads turned, but Viktor didn't attempt to avoid the attention. Sure, he knew that there was likely to be a media circus waiting for him and his friends, but he'd deal with that as it came. It was his fault for opening his mouth, it was his fault for flubbing the song, he couldn't push the blame anywhere so he'd accept it when it caved in on him.

 _If Yuuri is okay, I'll be okay._  Laughing under his breath, Viktor shook his head and dragged long fingers through his hair. The boy wasn't really a problem, he was the one good thing Viktor had found in the whole situation. They'd been stuck in Portland for forever, they were all getting stir crazy, things kept going wrong but at least Viktor knew that no matter what, Yuuri would still be there for him with a smile and a kiss. It made him flush happily, even though he should have been focusing on the present. Even better, he was going on another date with the man tonight and he was determined to have this one be excellent. Besides, they'd cleared the air already. They knew where they stood, nothing except for Viktor's own untruths would get them into trouble now.

That made him frown, but the expression quickly vanished as he thought of Yuuri's lips on his own and that bright and trusting smile.  _I still have to plan something, don't I..._ and he could have stayed on that happier train of thought all day without any trouble, but he forced his mind back on track.  _I can think about that later._

As he reached the hotel room he shared with Yuri, Viktor patted his pockets for the room key only to curse softly in Russian under his breath. With a sigh, he resorted to knocking softly on the door. For a moment, he thought there would be no answer and he resigned himself to having to go back down to the front desk, just so he could get into his own room, but then there were footsteps from inside the room. A moment later, the lock clicked and the door swung open.

Before he could even register who had come to let him in, Viktor felt all the air leave his lungs in a rush. Falling backward, hacking, Viktor tried to breathe while his chest adamantly told him that he didn't  _really_ need to.  _What the hell?_

"You fucking  _moron!"_  the voice of Yuri yelled from above him, rage and venom on the blond man's tongue. "All  _fucking_  night and not a single  _word!_  Do you have ANY idea what kind of shit you've caused us?!" Struggling to draw breath, Viktor looked up through his messy hair and watering eyes at the Russian. "Would it have been so hard to remember your goddamn  _phone_ insteAD OF FUCKING LEAVING IT BEHIND!?"

The man looked furious, his usually neat hair was a mess and his gray-green eyes were wild. "FUCKING ANSWER ME NIKIFOROV!"  _He looks like he might actually kill me? What happened to my sweet Kitten?_

From behind him, there were the sounds of hurried footsteps before JJ and Christophe joined him. Looking between the two of them, Christophe groaned before pulling Yuri away. "Stop yelling, alright Yurio, he's fine, okay?" Through the haze of pain his midsection and lungs were generating, Viktor dimly thought,  _Wait, he was worried about me?_  "See, he's in one piece. We can call Isabella and the police and say that everything's fine."  _The police?_  Viktor would have squeaked if he weren't busy trying to cough up his diaphragm.

Stooping quickly, JJ dragged the unfortunate Russian upright, pulling him towards the door. "See, what did I tell you? Everything's fine! It's Nikiforov, he does stupid things like this all the time." As Viktor started to catch his breath, he forced his legs to move so the Canadian wasn't forced to drag him. "You were worried about nothing, as usual."  _What did I cause?_

Pushing Viktor onto Yuri's bed so he could catch his breath, JJ elbowed Christophe playfully. "Do you think Yurio finally managed to crack one of his ribs?"

"This isn't a fucking joke!" Yuri spat, finally breaking free of Christophe's hold so he could get in Viktor's face. "WE HAVE BEEN LOOKING FOR YOU SINCE THREE WHEN CHRIS WENT TO SEE IF YOU WERE STILL UPSTAIRS!" His face was bright red as he screamed in the poor singer's face. "YOU FUCKING VANISHED!"

Leaning away, Viktor finally managed to croak, "I was fine-"

"WE DIDN'T KNOW THAT!"Breathing heavily, Yuri turned around abruptly, storming away from Viktor. "You left your room key and your phone and no one up in the lounge knew where the fuck you'd gone because you decided to leave suddenly without warning and do you know where that left us?" He was positively shaking. "IT LEFT US WITH JACK SHIT, ASSHOLE!"

"Someone needs to call the authorities and make sure they know he's fine," Christophe commented, watching the proceedings with a surprising amount of calm, considering how furious Yuri was. "We don't need an unnecessary manhunt going on when he's alright." Glancing over at JJ, the Swissman furrowed his brows as if to ask why nothing was being done yet. "Now, please."

"I'll fucking do it," Yuri snapped, stomping towards the door that joined the two rooms. "I can't look at this idiot anymore without wanting to put my foot through his goddamned skull." The door slammed shut behind him, leaving only silence and the sound of Viktor struggling to even out his breathing.

Softly, JJ let out a laugh. "You know, I don't think we have to tell you how badly you fucked this one up."

"But we're going to anyway," Christophe interjected with a stern look. "Viktor, really? Where did you even go?"

Unable to meet the eyes of his friends, Viktor softly said, "I was at Yuuri's apartment, alright? I was fine. You didn't need to freak out like this, please, it wasn't worth it."

Unexpectedly, Christophe snickered. "You owe me twenty JJ, I  _totally_  called that one, hmmm?" At this, Viktor's head snapped up, his blue eyes wide. What he found was JJ rolling his eyes and handing the laughing drummer a twenty dollar bill. All seriousness had evaporated from the air as if it had never been there.

"I- I thought-" Viktor actually stammered, unable to formulate words to describe what he was trying to say. "What?"

Elbowing Christophe into silence, JJ elaborated, "Dude, we were just worried. I mean, someone like you vanishing when we're surrounded by crazy fans and the press? We'd have been stupid not to get worried!"

"It was still a piss poor decision," Christophe hurried to remind him, hiking his eyebrows up as he did so, pursing his lips. "But we're not angry." Cocking his head towards the other room, where Yuri's tight voice could be heard, the man added, "I don't think Yurio's actually angry either, he was just terrified that you'd been kidnapped or something. I knew that you hadn't been, but it was good to cover our bases."

"You could have checked the Speedway!" Viktor insisted stubbornly, hating that he'd caused this much trouble and feeling even worse because he honestly couldn't make himself regret what he'd done. "You know how I am, where else would I have been if not there?" How they'd managed to lose him was honestly a mystery, that being said, panicked people tended to have a harder time getting things done.

"You think we didn't?" JJ snorted, giving Viktor a skeptical look. "Of course we looked, but by the time we got there, there was someone else on the clock." Which made sense enough Viktor realized, considering they'd only started looking after Yuuri had gotten off work. "We figured it was best  _not_  to go asking random people if they'd seen a famous singer walking around with a certain Yuuri."

Christophe gave Viktor a dolesome expression. "Because we do in fact care about you not wanting Yuuri to find out who you are. It made locating you a hell of a lot harder, but we wanted to respect your feelings." For which Viktor would be forever grateful to Christophe and the others for doing. But that didn't change the fact that they'd ended up in this situation in the first place. "Still Viktor, we sort of expect you to come back at some point, not stay out all night."

"I didn't think you'd want me back..." Viktor admitted, his voice small and sheepish.

"I don't." Looking up, Viktor found Yuri leaning against the shared door, his hair pulled down over one eye as always. "I'm fucking sick and tired of you playing this stupid game with us. You tell us one thing and then you do another, you promise that you've pulled your shit together then go out and prove the exact opposite. It's disgusting that you're making us deal with this. I for one am fucking done."

"I'm sorry," Viktor said instantly, the words sounding empty even to his own ears.

"Bull. Shit." Stalking over to the taller Russian, Yuri glared into his eyes. "Do you have any idea how worried we've been? It doesn't matter that you were with that pig, it doesn't matter that you were fine,  _we_  were not. You, for some unfathomable reason, are our friend and that means that we fucking care what happens to you, alright?" Though his voice was level, there was even more vehemence in his tone than before. "We called the police and they searched the streets to see if you'd wandered off. We called Isabella to tell her that not only had we lost you, but to beg her to make sure there was nothing coming out in the press about this. We were going  _crazy."_

Viktor's mouth hung open at the admission, he couldn't think of what to say.  _I'm sorry,_  hovered once again at the tip of his tongue but he swallowed the words back. What was he even apologizing for anyway? The inconvenience he'd caused them? The worry? Except he wasn't sorry for what he'd done so where was the point in making them think that he was? All he could do was screw his face up in penance and stare back at Yuri.

"We're not trying to upset you Viktor," Christophe reminded him, his words a clear attempt to sooth the Russian. "But Yuri's right. We have caused a lot of trouble, and it hasn't even been just this."

"Have you seen the tabloids?" JJ whistled. "Viktor, honestly, you fucked up, big time. Everyone is talking about you and Yuuri."

"Do they have his name?" Viktor hurried to ask, his heart finally choosing to move by leaping up into his throat.  _God, I screwed it all up, it's over. Yuuri's going to hate me._  The thought was terrifying and horrible and it shouldn't have hurt that much but it did.

"No, but only because Isabella kept them from publishing about thirteen different variations of what people thought they heard," Christophe told him. Instantly, Viktor felt the fear flee him, only to be replaced by a bubbling unease. "But they're not shutting up about it, are they?" He hardly even needed to ask the question, but he did anyway. It was more a knee-jerk reaction at this point.

"No, and they probably won't for a while," Yuri interjected, his eyes dark. "Which, might I add, is your fucking fault. If you'd been able to keep your mouth shut, this wouldn't have happened. If the pig finds out who you are then we aren't responsible Viktor, only  _you_  are." The words were undeniable, but they tasted bitter all the same. Viktor's mouth pursed at the insinuations and looked at the ground, wishing there was an easy way out of this.

"But really, that isn't as important as the overarching issue is." Glancing up at Christophe, Viktor furrowed his brows. What, he wondered, could possibly be more important than Yuuri's safety and continued happiness? "This has gone on long enough Viktor, I wasn't going to raise an issue with it and we  _haven't,_ not really, but that ends today. We can't deal with this anymore."

"Yeah..." JJ said awkwardly, scratching the back of his neck. "Usually, I wouldn't care about someone else's personal life but we kinda are a band and... Well... You know, that makes it sort of different."

Yuri groaned, clearly tired of the other two skirting the issue in their own irritating ways. "Nikiforov, you're fucking things up because you're not telling us everything. So start talking." Crossing his arms over his chest, the blond man tossed his hair out of his eyes before glaring at Viktor angrily. "I want to know everything. Whatever shit you've been hiding, what your intentions are. I don't give a shit what you think or how you think the two of you stand, we need to know so we can function accordingly."

At his statement, Viktor felt the starch go out of his spine. "I was meaning to talk to you all about that anyway." Shifting uncomfortably, he continued, "I realize my actions have been rather... odd of late. I haven't been entirely truthful either, though I promise you I never meant it to cause you harm."

"I'm still not hearing any explanation Viktor," Yuri pointed out, leaning against the dresser. "We know you didn't mean to hurt anything, but you did because you're a fucking idiot."

Sitting down in the empty chair, Christophe sighed. "Just be honest about the whole thing Viktor. Please."

Taking a second to order his thoughts, Viktor finally said, "It was supposed to be a simple thing, but I've ended up rather tangled." When no one said anything, he forced himself to keep talking. "This thing with Yuuri has been... Admittedly different than my usual flings. It's been more emotional, deeper. A lot has happened, I suspect because I've been here longer than we usually stay in a city." Dismissing the thing with Yuuri in such a way, it didn't sit right, but Viktor couldn't find anything to argue with in his own words so he didn't attempt to correct himself.

"And you're confused about this whole thing why?" Yuri pressed the singer, his gaze level. It was odd, the way he seemed to be analyzing Viktor's every word, but the older man didn't raise an issue with it.

"Because everyone keeps mentioning  _love,"_  Viktor said bluntly, staring at each of his three friends purposefully. "This thing between Yuuri and I, for all its oddities and abnormalities, it's not love." Dragging a hand through his messy hair, the man muttered, "But you keep bringing it up and I see it everywhere and I'll admit, I was a little confused for a while about how I felt. I still am."  _Go on, say it._  "But Yuuri's made it clear how he feels about me, so in the end, it doesn't matter."

It hurt to say it, to think it, but Viktor pushed that stupid feeling away because he would never understand them anyway. The looks on his friend's faces made him feel even more uncomfortable than he already was. They were all looking at him with such pity that it burned. Christophe was the first to speak, his words tentative. "And yet you still ran to him last night, even after everything?"

"Yes," Viktor said with absolute certainty.  _Might as well tell them now..._  "And I'm going to likely spend the night with him again tonight. I'm planning on taking him out on a date."

JJ snorted. "Well, we told you to be honest." He looked like he wanted to say something else, but for perhaps the first time in his life, he held his tongue.

Yuri, however, was not so silent. "You're a fucking idiot Viktor." Holding out his hand to stave off Viktor's inevitable protests, the short blond all but growled, "You and that pig both have your heads shoved so far up your asses that you don't know when to just take a fucking hint. That being said..." he took a deep breath. "I'm sorry for not being more patient with you. Figuring this shit out is hard and I've been rough with you because I just assumed you'd get it."

Needing to lighten the mood, Viktor gasped playfully. "Is Yurio actually sorry for something! The sheer impossibility of it all~" When his words earned him a furious glare, Viktor laughed, though the sound felt forced. "There's nothing to get Kitten, I was simply confused. That's why I changed the lyrics of the song. Everyone makes mistakes. I'm sure we can all agree to that." Christophe nodded slowly at and JJ shrugged.

"Will it mess up the concert?" the guitar player asked like that was his only worry. Maybe, Viktor thought, it was. He'd done his best to help Viktor out, but in the end, none of his friends had been able to make his world suddenly fall back into place. Yuuri still threw him for a loop, his mind was still a jumbled mess, and he was still unable to get over the fact that Yuuri didn't love him but in the end, Viktor would have to deal with those things on his own.

"No," he said confidently, straightening. "I'll sing just fine, I swear to it to all of you. I might be a mess emotionally for a while, but I promise that it will not affect the rest of you in any way that I haven't been entirely upfront with you about."

With a loud sound of exasperation, Yuri pushed off the dresser. "Well, that's all I asked for in the first place." Walking towards the door, the blond only turned around when he realized that no one else had moved. "Well?" he asked, throwing his hands in the air. "Are we going to make up for Nikiforov's fuck up yesterday or what?" Though Viktor hadn't thought it possible, the words dragged a small smile onto his face, which quickly turned into a true laugh.

"Ah, but our Kitten is right, we should practice," he agreed, getting to his feet and stretching languidly, suddenly no longer caring that he was wearing yesterday's clothes. "After all, we have a concert tomorrow night~"

"Finally!" Christophe announced, getting to his feet as well. "I thought we'd be moping here all day. Let us practice and let's do it right. After all," the Swissman paused to wiggle his eyebrows. "The fans deserve nothing less."

And though he could have argued with the minutia and felt resentment towards the fiasco the day before, on principle, Viktor had to agree.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, things do not go as planned. But at least this will let me put some stuff off and bring some stuff forward and listen, it's going to be amazing.
> 
> Also, this story recently hit 100,000 words. That's a lot of words tbh.
> 
> Let's see if I can't post a chapter tomorrow...


	39. Perfect Disaster

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which several rather unexpected things happen to Yuuri
> 
> _Ever After - Marianas Trench_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I said I would so for once, I did.
> 
> And I'm not going to pout about how little feedback I got on the last chapter because this story is doing far better than it deserves already, so thank you, every single one of you~
> 
> Vitya darling and my angel alike, enjoy!

"Alright, I'll see you all next class." Those words, finally signaling the end of the lecture, were blessed relief. Yuuri was pretty sure he actually sighed when he heard them. Sometimes, he didn't mind college, other times, it drained him. This was one of those times. Tiredly, Yuuri grabbed his bags and slid out of his chair. His math teacher was at the front of the room, explaining something to a group of his classmates, but Yuuri wasn't interested in sticking around. No, he was too busy feeling miserable.

Perhaps miserable wasn't the right word, more like resigned, to be honest. After escaping from Yuuko (and he hated to think of it like that) he'd managed to perk up slightly. Classes took up his attention and he was able to forget about his problems with Viktor for a short time. He couldn't however, get away from the incessant conversations about the apparent scandal surrounding the History Makers and Mr. Nikiforov. It was stupid, how many people seemed to be unable to control their curiosity and inner rabid animals when it came to celebrity gossip.

Thankfully, no one tried to drag him into a conversation. No, they were too busy avoiding him to actually speak to him.

Still, the topic got under his skin. It had made most of his morning rather miserable, to be honest. Now, at one in the afternoon, he was starving, tired, and ready for the day to be over, even though he still had a two-hour history lecture to sit through after lunch. If he heard another word about Nikiforov however, he was probably going to give up on the whole thing entirely. He didn't need this, the whole mess surrounding Viktor was enough stress to deal with without adding in random celebrities.  _If Yuuko and my sister didn't care so much about this band, then I wouldn't either. If Viktor hadn't brought them up, then I would care less. I_ do _care less!_

Whatever, he had food to find and then eat. Since starting college again, his diet had gone from frequent meals to I'm-lucky-if-I-can-remember-that-food-is-a-thing. Which was disappointing in the utmost, considering how much he liked eating food, but those were the breaks. He was a college student now, whatever that was worth. Shaking his head, Yuuri forced himself to brighten up. Just because the guy he loved was leaving sometime in the near future didn't mean the rest of his life had to end up down the tubes as well.

Finding a spot in the mess hall to leave his things, Yuuri walked through the cafeteria, hoping to find something that was at least a little appetizing. Unexpectedly, his thoughts wandered to his first date with Viktor and he couldn't help the smile that crawled over his face.  _God, it feels like a lifetime ago. It's hard to believe it was just last week._  He flushed lightly as the ridiculous memory of that first kiss overtook him.  _I was so nervous, I could hardly breathe. Oh, how things have changed._

And yet, for all the angst the situation had been causing him, he couldn't regret a moment of it. Not the kisses, not the tears, not the secrets told and pain revealed. Even falling in love with Viktor felt natural, no matter how stupid it was. Given the chance, Yuuri would have done it all again. Because for all his talk about how Viktor was perfect, it wasn't the man's perfection that had drawn the Ravenette to him. It had been the imperfections and the moments that made the man human that Yuuri had loved most. That and the irreplaceable feeling of being treasured that Viktor left him with without fail.

 _All from that chance meeting in Speedway, all because Viktor wasn't able to sleep and I was on the clock._  Amazing how things like this happened.

"O _ooo_ h, just look at that blush! Thinking about someone in particular Yuuri?" Almost leaping out of his own skin, Yuuri spun to face the salad bar, where he found the grinning face of Minami watching him expectantly. The boy was leaning on his folded fingers and his head was cocked to the side mischievously. Laughing delightedly at the stunned look on the poor man's face, Minami clapped his hands together twice before planting one on the lip of the romaine lettuce tub and the other near the assorted olives. Lifting himself up on his hands, a movement made all the more noticeable due to his hight, the boy cooed, "Come on Yuuri, don't be shy, I saw that smile, you only smile like that when you're thinking about your special  _someone~"_

 _How the hell can everyone tell when I'm thinking about Viktor?_ "What- How- Why are you here?" Yuuri spluttered, finally finding his voice once more. Minami only wriggled about in delight and cackled before falling back to the floor. "Why are you in the cafeteria? WHY ARE YOU BEHIND THE COUNTER!?" They seemed like perfectly viable questions to him but Minami didn't seem to be in a rush to answer them.

"Relax Yuuri," Minami insisted, waving his hand dismissively as he tossed his blond and dyed red hair out of his eyes. "These things just happen, you know?" He said it as if it were all perfectly normal. "Sometimes people pop up from behind the salad bar."

"W-What is that supposed to mean?" Yuuri asked weakly as Minami bounced out of the enclosed serving area before almost crashing into the unfortunate student. "Minami, why are you even here in the first place?" Now that he'd overcome his initial shock, Yuuri had to admit that he was actually relieved to see a friendly face. Sure he would never have called the boy anything close to a friend a year ago, but now, Yuuri found that he didn't mind the young reporter, despite his past. Besides, when Minami danced around him with shining eyes like he was doing at that moment, it was hard not to like him.

"Some things are better left unsaid," Minami answered cryptically before bouncing joyfully and grabbing a bag of chips. "Besides, it's not like anyone's going to notice me, I look more like a student than you do!" Nudging him over towards the flatbread sandwiches so he could grab one, Minami continued, "And I  _had_ to see you Yuuri. I mean, have you  _seen_  the mess that was made just this morning? My goodness, it's all anyone is talking about."

Instantly knowing what he was talking about, Yuuri was about to say something negative about the situation when Minami beat him to it. "I bet you hate it, right? I mean, that hits a little close to home, doesn't it? I bet you can really relate to Nikiforov." Glancing over at the boy, Yuuri found himself relaxing slightly, unable to stay guarded around such an innocently joyful presence.

"Well, I mean yeah," Yuuri muttered. "I hate it when I see anyone getting dogpiled over something stupid like this. But I mean, I don't know Nikiforov personally, I have no reason to be upset over it. I just feel like I should be." Shaking his head, Yuuri realized they'd gotten to the cashier and he hadn't even grabbed anything to eat. Sighing, he resigned himself waiting till after class.  _Besides, Viktor's taking me out for dinner tonight..._  The thought made him feel equal parts giddy and nervous. _God, just because I'm in college doesn't mean I have to still act like a teenager about it._

"Any sensible person would dislike it," Minami agreed, sipping at the soda he'd picked up god knew where. Yuuri had to wonder if the boy was magical or something. "But as I've discovered, the general population is a cruel, cruel bunch. They really like to see the downfall of public figures. It's that constant rise and fall that makes money Yuuri, it always has, it always will." Passing the woman at the register a credit card, the boy continued, "It's the cycle, you see? We all love to see someone rise to power then fall from grace. Everything, no matter how small and insignificant that thing might seem, can be turned against a public figure. In the same way, even small things can be turned in their favor."

"It's stupid," Yuuri told him, unsure why they were having the conversation at all but not really ready to shut it down. "People shouldn't care so much. He's just a singer."

"Ah, but you don't even know him," Minami crooned, his eyebrows raised. "Nikiforov is one of the most influential singers of this decade, I promise you. The History Makers will, if you'll pardon my pun, go down in history as one of the best bands of this century." Guiding Yuuri towards the table he'd left his stuff at, the reporter sat him down before grinning at him. "Do you know what that sounds like to us tabloids? That sounds like profit. If we can turn up even the slightest bit of gossip on someone like that, we get our clicks and shares and likes. That's what it's all about."

"Why are you telling me all this?" Yuuri asked, trying to shrug off how unsettled the conversation made him. He already knew this stuff, knew the ins and outs of the whole mess he'd once been caught up in. Minami giving him a rundown on the current climate meant very little to him. "You must have had a reason apart from that to bring you here." Deciding that he had nothing better to do, Yuuri pulled out his math homework and started to attempt to work on it.

Not that Minami had any intention of letting Yuuri get anything done. "Naw, I'm supposed to be here chasing a story," the boy revealed, waving a chip around as he spoke. "One of your school board members was revealed to have had some less than innocent interactions with some students." He looked at the table with a meaningful expression on his face. "If you catch my drift. But that's neither here nor there."

Yuuri furrowed his brows in surprise. "Oh, I... I had no idea."

Minami gave him a look. "Mmm, that's what my job is. I'm here to make sure that  _everyone_  knows." Taking a bite out of his flatbread sandwich, the reporter shrugged. "But I thought that it was much more fun to come and see you!"

"I still don't know what that has to do with you being behind the salad bar..." Yuuri said tentatively, only to get a blank look from Minami, a clear indication that he was probably never going to get an answer to that particular question. Tossing it aside, Yuuri asked, "So how did you know I was going here. I wasn't technically in attendance a year ago."

"Everyone's got their sources," Minami answered, grinning. "Mine just happens to be better than most." Cutting his sandwich in half, the boy offered the untouched piece to Yuuri. "Want some? You look like you're starving." Sheepishly, Yuuri reached for the proffered food and took a bite gratefully. "Remember Yuuri, tabloids may move on but they sure as heck never forget. Especially when it's something as big as-"

"Anyway," Yuuri interrupted quickly, wanting to drop that particular conversation. "Did you really just come to visit me, or is there something else?"

Perking up, as if only just remembering something, Minami cast about quickly to make sure no one was listening in before excitedly saying, "Actually, yes. Tell me Yuuri, did you end up seeing your mystery boyfriend last night?" When Yuuri squeaked and turned bright red at the mention of Viktor, Minami's eyes lit up and he crooned, "I  _knew_  it! You totally spent the night with him!"

"He's not my boyfriend!" Yuuri protested, only turning redder. "We're not together, I thought I already told you that." Not that the thought of Viktor as his boyfriend wasn't pleasing. Heavens knew that Yuuri would have given anything for such a thing to be true, but he wasn't about to lie to himself about the matter.  _Heh, I can't even say that he's mine, why would I so much as entertain the idea of dating him?_  Unwilling to get mopey again, Yuuri pushed those thoughts from his head. "Come on Minami, it's not-"

"Oh shut up, don't tell me what it's not, I can see it all over your face," Minami lectured, taking on a superior air that would have been funny if it hadn't been in connection to Viktor. Leaning over the table, he insisted, "You can tell me all you want it's not serious but admit it, you want it to be. You'd give anything for it to be official and if you try and say you don't, you're lying to yourself. Plus, you spent last night with him, didn't you?"

"How does everyone know about that?" Yuuri burst out, huffing in irritation and flopping back in his seat. "Seriously, first my friend's daughters and now you? Is it that obvious?"

Eyes wide and shining, Minami squealed, "I KNEW IT!" Shaking his fists back and forth very fast, the boy bounced up and down in his chair. "You two are so adorable, I can hardly stand it. It's so perfect!" His apparent fanboying stopped when someone at the table nearby coughed meaningfully. Suddenly becoming self-conscious, Minami cleared his throat and settled down. "I mean, how wonderful! Did you two-" his eyebrows wiggled meaningfully. "Have a good time?"

"We didn't-" Groaning, Yuuri put his head down on the table, where he could stare sideways at his half sandwich. "Why does everyone want to know about my love life?" he muttered, feeling only more exhausted when Minami cackled.

"Oh Yuuri, you have no idea!" Tapping the table excitedly, Minami insisted, "That stuff sells Yuuri. Everyone wants to know about it! But let's get down to brass tacks, did he stay in your apartment all night?" Picking his head up blearily, Yuuri blinked at the boy's oddly specific question.

"Um... yes?" he finally answered tentatively, unsure what that information was good for.

Pumping his fist rapidly, Minami hissed, "Yesssss!" Looking up at Yuuri's confused expression, the boy helpfully chirped, "Nothing!" Laughing delightedly, he continued, "I mean, you two are just perfect from what you've told me. Are you guys gonna go on a date soon? You totally should! I mean, what else would you do? Besides sleep together apparently. " Another fit of giggles. "Just kidding, just kidding."

"He actually asked me on a date tonight," Yuuri mumbled, turning red and rubbing the back of his head in embarrassment. "I'm not sure where we're going to go, but if he's planning it, I'm sure it'll be wonderful. He's really good at coming up with things like that." Remembering the disaster that had been the Tai restaurant, Yuuri amended, "Well, at least he usually is."

Making an odd sound that was akin to a dying animal, Minami whispered, "It's so wonderful, I can't even. You are too precious for this world." Changing mood like a switch had been flipped, Minami took a bite of his flatbread and said, "Just remember, it's probably going to rain tonight so plan for that. Though you two can probably just run back to your apartment or something."

"I'll keep that in mind," Yuuri assured the man, privately thinking that of course, it _would_  rain, it was Portland. It was always raining in Portland.

"But anyway, I've got something else interesting to tell you," Minami said, grinning brightly. "So I know you're not into gossip but I've got to tell someone because technically I'm not supposed to know at all but it's too good to keep to myself." Drinking his soda enthusiastically, the boy continued, "It's about Nikiforov."

When Yuuri's eyebrows hiked up skeptically, Minami's eyes widened. "No, this is important Yuuri, why would I lie? I swear this is interesting. Especially because their manager was really careful to keep it all under wraps. And if that woman's working to keep something secret, you know it has to be good."

Sighing, realizing that the boy wasn't going to shut up until he let him get whatever he knew off his chest, Yuuri finally said, "Okay, what is it?" When Minami looked around once more to make sure no one was listening in, Yuuri had to laugh. "Come on Minami, no one's going to care."

"You can never be too sure," the reporter told him wisely. "Anyway, word is that Nikiforov went missing last night." Giving Yuuri a meaningful look, Minami said, "Apparently they couldn't find him all police were called and the band was up all night looking for him. Can you believe it? Then, the next morning, boom, he just showed up, fine and in one piece." Conspiratorially, he hissed, "I mean it seems normal but if it was, would their manager be trying to cover it up? I think not!"

"Maybe he was just out with the guy he's seeing," Yuuri suggested, finishing his half sandwich absently. "I mean, isn't that what literally everyone is freaking out about? That's probably what he was doing, which makes it stupid that his band-mates would freak out but whatever..." Shaking himself from his odd train of thought, he looked at the strange look Minami had on his face. "What?"

"Nothing!" the boy singsonged, his eyes delighted. "You're probably right though. Nikiforov is known for being a hopeless romantic. It would make sense that he'd be out with his lover." Yuuri would never understand why Minami stared at him with such an intensity while he spoke, but he wasn't sure he wanted to anyway.

"I hope everything is okay though," Yuuri added, picking up his forgotten math homework and putting it away. "I mean, you said the police were called, that sounds like an awful lot of trouble for something so small."

"You know how celebrities can be, everything is a production," Minami exclaimed. "I mean, just think about-" Unexpectedly, the sound of something buzzing cut the boy off. "Oh boy," he muttered, rolling his eyes. "I'm late. This is going to be fun." Before Yuuri could so much as ask what the reporter was late to, he was up on his feet. "Well Yuuri, you have fun on that date. I mean, why wouldn't you?" With that, he all but vanished into the scenery.

Tossing his head around, trying for the life of him to find where Minami had gone, Yuuri, at last, gave up and sighed. Collecting his things, the Ravenette glanced up at the wall clock. He still had an hour before his next class and no attention to give to his homework.  _Might as well sit outside. It's warm, and it's not raining either._  With footfalls made heavy by the cumbersome bags weighing him down, Yuuri shuffled out of the cafeteria and into the courtyard that sat between the main cluster of buildings. Eyes darting over to the archway where Viktor had once kidnaped him from, the man chuckled.

 _He brightens my entire world, doesn't he?_  Grinning stupidly, Yuuri settled down on the edge of a fountain and finally relaxed. The smell of the outdoors was wonderful, and he could hardly complain about everything else. Besides, out here, he didn't have to listen to anyone talking about things he didn't want to know about. Here, he could just sit back and let the fall air calm him down.

Unexpectedly, his pocket started ringing.

Confused, Yuuri pulled out his phone. He never got calls, considering the fact that he could count on one hand the number of people who contacted him regularly and that all of them used text. When he looked down at the number, however, Yuuri almost dropped it into the fountain.  _Viktor? Why is_ he _calling me?_  Scrambling to answer it, Yuuri held the phone to his ear and stammered, "V-Viktor? What's this about? Is something wrong?"

 _"I don't know, I was going to ask you the same question,"_ Viktor sounded worried, but under the worry was a current of relief that was almost tangible, even over the speakers.  _"You never answered my texts."_

Remembering how he'd ignored the last few times his phone had gone off, Yuuir bit his lip sheepishly. "I'm sorry about that, I, um-" Shaking his head, he realized how ridiculous this still was and insisted, "But that doesn't explain why you're calling me! You usually just text and you knew I'd get it eventually." He felt like there was something more there, but he was nervous about asking.  _I can hear it in his voice, something's wrong._

 _"Ah, you're right Dove, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have called..."_  Hating that guilty sound to Viktor's musical tone, Yuuri felt bad for being so harsh on the man.  _"I'll just go now. I'm glad you're okay Yu-"_

"No, I'm sorry, you just surprised me," Yuuri said, leveling his voice significantly. "I didn't mean to worry you. If I'd have known, I would have answered them at once. I was just dealing with some stuff, you know?" He almost felt like he was dealing with a skittish horse, like Viktor would flee if he was too quick.  _Which is funny because usually, it would be the other way around._  "Is everything alright?"

Softly, Viktor admitted,  _"I thought maybe I'd upset you, Love."_  Hearing those words made Yuuri's heart break all over again.  _Goddamnit, he shouldn't be allowed to say things like that, he shouldn't be allowed to do this to my heart._  Viktor didn't love him and yet he talked like he did, which only made it worse.  _"I'm sorry Yuuri,"_  he hurried to say.  _"I'm being ridiculous, you shouldn't have to deal with this."_

"Viktor," Yuuri said gently. "What's wrong?"

There was a sigh from the other end of the line.  _"I suppose I'm just a little stressed right now,"_ Viktor said quietly, his tone unexpectedly open. Yuuri wished that he could be there to wrap his arms around the man, but he wasn't so he just listened with rapt attention to the man's words.  _"It's not you Love, you would never cause me distress. It's... It's everything else."_  Sensing the exhaustion in his voice, Yuuri tried to exude sympathy through the cell connection.

"Did things with your friends go alright?" he asked worriedly, half expecting Viktor to say no. That was the first thing that popped into his head after all.

 _"They were... understandably worried about me,"_  Viktor told him, his tone light, if not airy.  _"I left my phone at the hotel so they couldn't reach me, and I never told them where I was going. Apparently, they got over their annoyance at me before I got over my fear of them hating me."_  He chuckled unexpectedly.  _"So apart from Yurio almost breaking my ribs when I got back, everything went alright."_

Relieved on Viktor's behalf, Yuuri said, "That's good to hear. I was nervous things wouldn't turn out well." Thinking of the short, blond Yuri, the Ravenette had to admit that deep down, he'd known full well that Viktor's friends would understand. There hadn't really been anything to get upset over anyway. "They seem really good about things like that from what I've seen. I doubt they'd hold a grudge."

 _"It's funny,"_ Viktor said with an almost bitter laugh.  _"They were perfectly understanding about everything, but I think I'm the confused one now."_  There was so much there that Yuuri wanted to ask about, but when he couldn't see Viktor face to face, he couldn't get the words out.  _"I don't know Yuuri, sometimes I feel like my entire life has been turned upside down."_  Yuuri almost laughed at that.  _Yeah, like you're one to talk._

"You sound like you're dealing with a lot right now." Shuffling where he sat on the fountain's edge, the man looked at the ground at his feet. "I-if you don't have time tonight, I completely understand," Yuuri attempted to say, his words sounding strained to his own ears. "Please Viktor, do what makes you feel better, I don't want you to suffer because of me."

 _"Yuuri, you're the only one who makes it all worth it,"_ Viktor said sincerely. Voice dying in his throat as he was hit with the unexpected urge to cry, Yuuri nodded, even though he knew that Viktor couldn't see him.  _"I'm still taking you out tonight, no matter what I have to do to escape from here."_

Gripping his phone tighter, Yuuri suddenly realized that for all the comforting he was supposedly doing for Viktor, it was he that had needed the support the most. "I'm glad," he said softly, biting his lip. "I already miss you."

 _"Don't say that Love,"_  Viktor lilted lightly.  _"Just smile for me. That's all I'll ever need."_

Even though his heart ached, Yuuri nodded. "For you Viktor, anything."

And damnit if he didn't mean it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Think I can keep it up and post another chapter tomorrow? It would be a really cute one probably. That or another funny one ( I say as I literally plan all the different ways to turn it to angst)
> 
> Anyways, whatever Y'all decide, I'm here to please you.


	40. When You Get The Joke The Next Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Viktor realizes he's treading on eggshells
> 
> _Freaking Me Out - The Ready Set_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can you believe this shit? Chapter forty already!
> 
> Enjoy~

"Viktor I swear to god," Yuri complained loudly as he watched the man comb his hair out for the thirteenth time (no he hadn't been counting, why do you ask?). "If you take any fucking longer, I'm going to throw you out of the damn window." His wor\ds were accompanied by a matching glare, one that Viktor witnessed from the mirror hanging on the wall. It would have been scary if he'd found Yuri scary in the first place.

 

"Relax Kitten," he hummed, finally abandoning his impeccable hair so he could check to see if his clothing looked alright. Turning to the side so he could appraise how his jeans clung to his best features, he absently reassured the man, "Everything is perfectly alright, there's no need for throwing anyone out of a window."

 

"Relax? Oh ho! How hypocritical of you Viktor," Christophe observed, his tone teasing. "You're the one who's spent the last hour preening in front of a mirror. It's only a date, who knew that you'd get so ruffled over it." Leaning back on Viktor's bed, the drummer reproachfully said, "You shouldn't spend so much time getting ready."

 

"This coming from the man who takes at least an hour and a half on average every morning getting ready," JJ called from the other room, his voice smug, as it usually was. Christophe's lips drew down into a pout.

 

"Beauty takes time JJ," the man informed the guitar player, running fingers through his short hair. "Not that you'd know."

 

Popping his head around the shared doorway, JJ guffawed, "Oh get over yourself Chris, you know you just want a piece of this ass." His comment earned him a pillow to the face and a cry of protestation. JJ only laughed.

 

"You are disgusting!" Christophe huffed, crossing his arms and looking away from the Canadian man pointedly.

 

"And you love it."

 

From behind Viktor, Yuri mimed puking.

 

"As if you don't act like this and more when Otabek is around," Viktor purred, distracted from his nervous preening by his pursuit of prodding the blond playfully. "At least they pretend to be platonic when they flirt with each other." At that, JJ choked and Christophe spluttered, his eyes wide and horrified. Ignoring them, Viktor teased, "Admit it Yurio, you have no room to complain."

 

"SHUT UP!" Yuri snapped, his hair floofing out in his irritation. "I do  _not_  act like that when Beka is around, you take that back!" Despite his protestations, his face turned a delightful shade of red that made Christophe chuckle, finally distracted from his argument with JJ and from Viktor's comments.

 

"Look at our little Kitten, he's so adorable when he gets embarrassed," he murmured playfully, leaning over the bed so he could bat big green eyes at the ruffled Russian. "If you don't like it so much then don't get so worked up over us mentioning your boyfriend," the Swissman pointed out, shrugging lazily. "You make it so easy after all."

 

"You're horrible Chris," Yuri told the man, glaring at him, his precise face pinched. "Besides, this fucking conversation wasn't even about me in the first place! It was about Viktor and his stupid ass date." At once, the attention in the room shifted back to the silver-haired Russian who simply blinked innocently. "Oh don't give me that look," Yuri muttered in disgust, rolling his eyes. "You've been talking about it all afternoon. I think I want to kill you."

 

And that was true enough. Viktor could hardly deny that he'd been acting ridiculous all afternoon. After a rather productive practice, during which they'd collectively managed to iron out any kinks in their lineup, and then an unexpectedly emotional conversation over the phone with Yuuri, the man had been nothing but a puddle of excitement and nerves of the good variety. Nothing, not even Yuri's disparaging comments had been able to bring him down. He was simply too excited.

 

It hadn't taken him long to settle on a location for their date, seeing as he'd had a very specific idea of what he wanted.  _Homey, happy, subdued and comfortable._ Because strangely enough, for all his nervous poking and prodding at his clothing and hair, Viktor didn't feel like he needed to impress Yuuri. It was strange that the feeling of constantly being on stage had vanished so quickly around the man and with it, all those habits he'd picked up from the constant spotlight. This was simply an extension of that feeling, the realization that he didn't have to choose the most expensive place with the finest food.

 

He could just have fun because that was all Yuuri really seemed to want. As long as the man smiled, Viktor knew that it would be worth it.

 

Despite all of this, he'd managed to spend an excessive and obsessive amount of time getting ready. Of course, his friends had mocked him incessantly, but Yuri didn't really seem all that bothered and Christophe kept watching him with that slight and knowing smile on his lips. Viktor got the distinct impression that, now that the air had been cleared, the rest of the band really was happy for him. And why shouldn't they be? They were nothing if not supportive people.

 

"Come on Yurio, it's not that bad," JJ pointed out, nudging him with his shoulder. "I mean, it could have been worse, right?"

 

"I fail to see how this is bad in the first place," Christophe informed the other two with a high smile. "Just look at how cheerful he's being." Mood sobering somewhat, the Swissman said, "That being said, I can see a number of ways this entire thing could go horribly wrong."

 

"Don't be silly Chris," Viktor dismissed, waving his hand at the words. "You make it sound like it's all going to go sideways. Yuuri is perfect, how could this go wrong?" Well, actually, he could think of a number of rather distressing things that could happen, but Viktor chose not to contemplate any of them. Unfortunately, Yuri seemed perfectly willing to voice these possible outcomes.

 

"He could find out who you are." Yuri's deadpan was perfect. "Or you could end up getting chased by the paparazzi, or maybe it'll be a combination of the two. And I'm sure there are a million other things that could happen." How he could say all that so dispassionately was beyond Viktor. "Try not to jinx it Nikiforov, I hate having to deal with your messes, even if I never have to clean them up."

 

"Cruel," Viktor pouted, not liking how viable the points he was making were. Grabbing for his jacket, he shrugged into it as he complained, "I'm not as helpless as you make me out to be Yurio, I'm not going to do either of those things. The worst that could happen would be us getting rained on." The idea of Yuuri, dripping wet with his clothing clinging to him made Viktor flush slightly. Covering his highly inappropriate thoughts, he quickly said, "We'll be absolutely fine!"

 

As if he could read the man's mind, Christophe snickered. "Oh yes Viktor, I'm sure you'll have a  _wonderful_  time." Shooting the man a sad puppy dog expression, Viktor pouted at the man's insinuations. Just because he hoped they'd end up true didn't mean that he needed his friends to give him grief for it. If he wanted to have fun then he was perfectly within his rights to do so. "Don't look at me like that!" Christophe said, giving him an innocent grin. "This is the first time you've made a big deal out of something like this, it's only logical to assume that we were going to give you a hard time. It's what we did to Yurio."

 

"Two different situations," Viktor reminded the man, humming as he gave himself one more look over before grabbing for his wallet and room key. "This is an entirely different thing Chris, Yurio was very clearly in love with Otabek." Christophe looked like he wanted to say something in response to that, but, wisely perhaps, he held his tongue.

 

"Why on earth do you people feel the need to bring up my relationship every few minutes?" Yuri complained, flopping backward on his bed and staring at the ceiling. "Can't Viktor just leave already, his oppressive happiness is getting to me. I don't think I can handle much more of it."

 

JJ guffawed. "Yeah, I'm sure that's what it is. It's  _totally_  not because you're jealous that Otabek isn't here."

 

"Hey!" Yuri yelped, glaring at the man. "I'm going to see him soon. I'm  _not_  jealous. Viktor can go on a date with that stupid pig, I don't care! He can be as idiotic as he chooses to be." While Christophe and JJ both laughed at the unfortunate male, Viktor unplugged his phone and headed for the door, determined to get out of there before anything started to take a turn towards conversation topics he'd rather not discuss. He'd known exactly what Christophe had been about to say after all and he didn't like it, didn't like that every time his friends brought it up, he doubted himself.

 

No, he'd rather just have fun if it was all the same to everyone.

 

"I'm off," he sing-songed cheerfully, his typically light smile already high on his face. "Don't destroy anything while I'm gone Yurio, no matter how much JJ annoys you~" His words were met with a loud  _fuck off!_  from Yuri.

 

"Don't worry Viktor, I've got them under control," Christophe reassured the man, getting to his feet so he could stand before Viktor, his arms crossed loosely. 

 

"That's what I was afraid of," Viktor joked, laughing at Christophe's offended expression.

 

"Go have fun Nikiforov," Yurio grumbled from around the corner. "Stop bothering us."

 

"Yeah," JJ agreed. "Shoo!" Needing no further encouragement, Viktor grinned, bowed, and sashayed out the door. 

 

Checking his watch, Viktor hummed softly before making quick steps towards the stairwell. He was glad his friends had forgiven him so quickly, especially after all the trouble he'd put them through the night before. They were, he knew, naturally forgiving people, but that didn't mean they didn't have an end to their patience. Thankfully, just as Yuuri had assured him before, they cared about him. Really, he needed to remember that.

 

Now, of course, he was vanishing on them to go on a date but they didn't seem to mind much. Which was good because he wasn't about to stop.

 

With a delighted smile, Viktor turned his attention to escaping the hotel unnoticed. After catching him the other day, the reporters were out in full force, despite Isabella's attempts to get them to stop. That was the problem with fame though, people went crazy when they caught a whiff of it. Viktor didn't like it, but that didn't mean he could do anything. At least, he figured, they hadn't seen him. He had a date to go on, he didn't have time for the paparazzi.

 

To be perfectly honest, he was a little apprehensive about the whole affair. The chances that someone would recognize him were high, and if someone did, both him and Yuuri would be in a world of trouble. That being said, he was willing to risk it.  _I'll be leaving for a while tomorrow anyway, that'll give the mobs time to cool off._  At least, he hoped it would. 

 

Checking his phone, Viktor was delighted to see a message from Yuuri waiting for him.  _I must have missed it while I was getting ready._  Looking at it, he couldn't help but grin slightly.  _[I'm so excited Viktor, I'm really glad that we're still able to do this.]_  The several emojis following made him smile widely. Because how could someone not be happy when it came to a wonderful person such as Yuuri.

 

That's all the happy butterflies in his stomach were. Really.

 

_[I'm almost there Love, I do hope you're ready to go.]_  he texted back, humming a song as he did so.  _Wow, it's been a long time since I sang Heart in the Clouds..._ Hardly paying attention to what he was doing, Viktor twirled his fingers at a couple of gaping girls who had stopped to stare at him from across the road. No, today, this evening, he was determined not to have a care in the world. All he wanted was to make Yuuri happy today, not take him somewhere that would bring up bad memories, not get caught in any of his compounding lies, no, he wanted the man to smile.

 

Because when Yuuri smiled, the whole world stopped to stare.

 

His phone chimed and he glanced down at the message, only to laugh softly.  _[Ah! I only just got home! I'm not ready yet!!]_  He could just picture Yuuri, racing around his room, frantically trying to get ready.  _God, he's adorable, I wish I could stay here forev-_  Okay, whoa there Viktor. Stopping his own thoughts reproachfully, the silver-haired man shook his head. No, he couldn't think like that. Those were dangerous thoughts, ones that could get him into trouble. He'd very resolutely shut down that particular avenue of thought this morning. He wasn't about to regress.

 

Yuuri was just a fling. That was all. He'd been doing so well remembering that, why was it falling apart now? He'd made his intentions very clear, so had Yuuri, that was that.

 

Mouth tightening, Viktor shoved back the feelings that threatened to overwhelm him. Instead, he texted Yuuri back, hoping to take his mind off of the problem that shouldn't exist in the first place.  _[Don't worry about it Yuuri~ I'm early.]_  Of course, texting the man only made it worse. When he didn't think about it, he was fine. He could just enjoy Yuuri's presence without worrying _what_ they were. The moment his mind wandered, however, he found himself feeling sick to his stomach.

 

And he still didn't know why, which possibly made the whole thing worse.

 

His phone buzzed again as he reached Yuuri's door, but he didn't bother to check it, choosing instead to rap softly on the door. Unlike the other time he'd been here, there was no mad scramble from inside. There were just hurried footsteps before Yuuri flung his door open. Eyes bright, the man stuttered to a stop on his own threshold, just barely keeping himself from crashing into Viktor. Decidedly shoving all those unfortunate thoughts into the back of his mind, Viktor hummed, "Well hello Love~" before hooking a hand around the back of the Ravenette's neck and pulling him down into a quick kiss.

 

Face flushing, Yuuri opened his mouth, closed it, then squeaked, "H-hey Viktor." Chuckling, Viktor lightly pushed the flustered and sheepishly smiling boy back into his apartment before closing the door behind him. Though Yuuri's shirt was half unbuttoned and his jeans were the same ones he'd thrown on that morning, Viktor thought he couldn't have looked more stunning. There was a strong temptation to say  _to hell with it_  and finish what Yuuri had started in undressing the younger man but Viktor had more control than that. Probably.

 

"Flower, what have I told you about tempting me like this," Viktor murmured, backing the blushing boy up against the wall. Pushing his forearm against the plaster above Yuuri's head, the Russian man leaned down, his blue eyes dancing. The way Yuuri looked up at him like he was torn between fisting a hand in Viktor's shirt to take over and hiding his face in his hands, it was intoxicating. "You stand there looking so  _delectable,_ I can hardly keep my hands off of you."

 

For a moment, Viktor could have sworn that Yuuri was going to say,  _Then don't._  But the moment passes and Yuuri simply laughed breathlessly before tipping his head up and kissing Viktor again. It was a soft, comfortable, promising action that the silver-haired man simply drowned in, sighing as Yuuri's lips move against his own. Everything the man did was perfect, this was no different.

 

"Come on Viktor, we're going for dinner, right?" Yuuri teased, chuckling as he ducked out from under Viktor's arm before walking into the main room of his apartment. "Just give me a moment to get changed and I'll be ready to go." Turning to face the man, he spent another moment just staring at Viktor before apparently realizing himself and jerking awake from his own contemplations. "Anyways," he said hurriedly, spinning back to his own door, but not before Viktor caught the dark red staining the man's face. "If you want something to drink, there's probably coffee or tea in the cupboards." 

 

Pushing away from the wall, Viktor simply leaned against the side of the doorway. "Of course Love, don't worry about me, take your time." The words helped distract him from the fact that his heart was thumping way faster than it should have been.

 

As he walked into his bedroom, Yuuri resumed talking, effectively pulling Viktor out of his own dreadful musings. "So you'll never guess what happened today!" From his tone, Viktor had a feeling that Yuuri couldn't believe what had happened either. "Someone visited me at college."

 

Walking slowly into the main room of the apartment, Viktor looked around aimlessly, eyes lighting on all those little things that screamed Yuuri, the forgotten coffee mugs, the pictures, the glasses on the side table. "Who was it Love?" he asked curiously, smiling slightly when he picked up one of Yuuri's frames to examine the picture inside. it was of a younger Yuuri, still every bit as adorable as he was now. He was grinning at the camera, the pair of glasses Viktor had spotted earlier perched haphazardly on his face, not a care in the world.

 

"It's this reporter named Minami," Yuuri answered instantly, his tone bright. "I mean, usually I wouldn't talk to people like this but he's so adorable Viktor, you'd love him."

 

Viktor, meanwhile, had frozen in shock and fear.  _Minami._  As in that reporter who had cornered him and made him snap earlier. As in the one who'd know exactly who Viktor had been seeing. As in the one who had deliberately insinuated that Yuuri was bad for his reputation.  _Oh god, he knows._  But how could he know? Wouldn't he be panicking if he did? Viktor could feel his heart speeding up, even as he stared at the door in horror. That little  _child_  had gone straight to where Viktor had specifically begged him not to go and now he was talking to Yuuri? It was quite possibly a worst-case scenario.

 

"Oh?" he managed, in a strangled and strained voice. "Would I now?"

 

"Yeah, I think you would!" Yuuri affirmed, not a care in the world. "Anyway, this is the second time he's visited me. It's so funny, he just sort of pops up out of nowhere." Viktor kept waiting for the other proverbial shoe to drop, but Yuuri kept chattering on like nothing whatsoever was wrong. "Today he said he was working on a story, but honestly, what are you going to learn from behind a salad bar." If Viktor hadn't been so scared, he would have asked about that.

 

"What did you talk about with him?" Viktor all but squeaked. Popping his head out of his bedroom door, Yuuri spent a moment giving him a weird look before going back to changing clothes.

 

"You know, this and that. Actually, we were talking about the History Makers for most of it." Viktor felt light-headed. Unknowing of the Russian man's condition, Yuuri kept talking. "Apparently, according to Minami, the band leader went missing last night, but it's being covered up." He laughed. "Not that I care, though I do hope everything is fine for him. Considering the crowd of reporters and then what you saw yesterday, he seems to be dealing with a lot."

 

"Mr. Nikiforov is?" Viktor asked, trying to keep his voice level. Damnit, why was this happening to him? Why was Minami deciding to make his life hard? What if the reporter told Yuuri who Viktor really was? What then?

 

"Haven't you seen the news?" Yuuri sounded incredulous. "Everyone is saying that the lead singer has fallen in love." At those words, Viktor's heart not only sped up but also did a sickening flop. "Personally," Yuuri continued, walking out of his room, now freshly dressed and as beautiful as a star. "I think they should leave him alone, it's not as if him falling in love hurts anything."  _Except us, because I am that famous man and I'm not falling in love!_  "I think they're being complete busybodies."

 

"Is that all you talked about?" Viktor questioned, sounding more insistent that he'd meant to.

 

Walking over to where the man was still standing, still frozen, Yuuri smiled slightly. "Yes Viktor, that's all. What," he said mischievously, getting that much closer to the already nervous Russian. "Jealous of him?"

 

Finally recalling how to breathe properly, Viktor forced his fears away so he could simply say, "Of course not Yuuri, don't be ridiculous." Dragging a smile back over his face, Viktor leaned down and pressed his lips against Yuuri's. Instantly, all his fears and doubts about the whole problem faded away into nothingness. All there was in his mind was Yuuri and the way those jean-clad hips felt wonderful under his fingers. "Unless of course," he murmured, breathing along the side of the man's jaw. "You do this to him."

 

"Only you Viktor," Yuuri managed, his burnt eyes bright.  That simple expression coupled with that sentiment simply stole his breath away.

 

_All he had to do was focus on Yuuri, and everything would be fine._  Because if not, Viktor was going to be in a world of hurt.

**Author's Note:**

> *in a singsong voice* It's shiiiittttt!
> 
> And yet, I hope you liked it.
> 
> You may now proceed to tell me exactly how badly I'm fucking up ~*
> 
> Ta ta for now!


End file.
